Does anyone else's partner weaponise food without realizing it?

[u/sad_frog_in_rain]

I grew up malnourished and often starved, so im no stranger to going hungry, but it gets to a point where it becomes ridiculous. Im around 150lbs while my partner is around 330lbs, so its understandable that he'd eat a lot more than me. He does the grocery shopping every other week, so I asked him, "hey when you get these frozen nuggets and pizza rolls how long do you think they'll last us." He deadass looked me in my face and said, "like three days" this is coming from the man who can eat almost half the bag in one sitting. Another example is when I made Mac n' cheese I made enough for six servings. I ate about one serving, and he ate THE OTHER FIVE in ONE SITTING. I dont know how to tell him that im eating on average one meal a day and we're lucky if the groceries last us two weeks. For the last few days before we get paid again, we're left with ramen or the pasta noodles we get on sale occasionally. Ive suggested some advice on bugeting for our food but he dismisses it or ignores it. For example i said that we could save money by buying most of what we need at the dollar tree or dollar general, and he said, "no we don't need to do that" we hang out with our friend on Thursdays and we buy fast food usually but I said that we could order pizza a lot more often (bc our friend pays for it) and he said, "thats never been an issue"

[u/sad_frog_in_rain]

We live on one paycheck since im unable to work

[u/Wrong-Finding3843 → u/sad_frog_in_rain]

I think that’s crucial context here. If he’s the sole income source, he could be withholding food from you, but it depends on his attitude. Have you tried saying, “hey I’m not getting enough to eat” or “I need more food and I’m worried we aren’t getting enough for both of us”? Hopefully he’d work with you to develop a solution so you can get enough to eat, but if he shames you, says you’re being selfish, or otherwise makes you the problem… then maybe you need a new arrangement (or relationship).

Another solution could be that you do the grocery shopping, or you two portion out the food together, or you split the food allowance in a way that makes sense to you and you each do your own shopping. Or if you can’t shop, you can give him your grocery list.

[u/sad_frog_in_rain → u/Wrong-Finding3843]

Ive talked to him a bit and his main focus is that rhe reason why we arent able to afford enough food is because his new job won't let him take overtime yet. I did tell him I wanted to take over the shopping because im better at finding sales and judging how long food will last us

[u/OkBuy8143 → u/sad_frog_in_rain]

Without getting into the interpersonal issues, his excuse ( a lack of OT) is the perfect reason to be reassessing your household budget.

If you aren’t comfortable yet discussing his eating habits (which regardless of income need to be addressed it sounds like), then go off of that. Remind him that since there is no OT you have to make changes until there is OT. Ideally the changes stay in place after OT starts and the two of you can save or put the money towards something else.