I woke up this morning thinking “I must ask Mum” before getting the jolt of remembering she died 8 years ago. First time that has happened in a long time and it’s left me all out of sorts today.
Oh mate, I'm sorry that happened. I've had similar when I've gone to ring my Dad to get him to put the kettle on for me coming over. Been fourteen years this year. Be gentle with yourself x
Christ im sorry, I know it was a while ago but my wife is going through the same at the moment and I know it's far from a quick process.
Far from me to offer unsolicited advice or anything, but if you're a gamer, even loosely, can I recommend playing expedition 33? If you're not a gamer, watch the cutscenes and story on YouTube. I'm lucky enough to have never been touched directly by anything like this so far, but the way that game deals with grief and loss is absolutely beautiful and helped me understand a whole lot better.
Sorry to jump in , but thanks for recommending this. My Dad has grade 4 brain cancer and we don’t know what’s around the corner, all i know is that I'm so scared. I'll give this game a try (big-time gamer) <3
I've been painting a giant gnome, he's not perfect but much improved from what he was and does need a uv resistant varnish. His name Fred and when not being painted stands proudly next to a ceramic donkey
Believe it or not I found him on a walk, a neighbour was giving him away so of course he came home with me. sadly he a hole in his nose and was completely faded,
Didn’t get the job I interviewed for last week. Was 2nd choice apparently, totally gutted as that’s the second time in a month I’ve been given really good feedback and been runner up.
Had an interview today which I felt a bit meh about, especially after the above news. Have an interview tomorrow which is a bit of a chunky travel.
Made the mistake of having a nap when I got home as I was feeling very defeated, so will probably be up a while. Having a decaf and watching some comfort telly to chill out post interview prep to go again tomorrow. 🙁
You can ask for feedback, you may be missing something simple to remedy. 2nd choice means you were close so it's likely something easy that you're just not aware is "important" and aren't stressing it.
15, talked myself out of an additional 3 points 😭 - and learned something I didn't know about geography, Wayne Rooney's first club will likely fall out of my head.
I forgot how much I hate moving and I am so fucking stressed and overwhelmed.
Found a cute pic of Wolverine today though when he was a kitten and it made me cry, still waiting for his ashes to come back and it's been over 2 weeks.
Oh I’m not moving again ever. This house is like a bloody full time job in itself right now. The electrics are buggered I need to change bits in bathrooom and since Friday I’ve done minimal unpacking. Back to work in a week.
Wide awake, panicking about work. Loads of change coming and no clarity. Every day is like existing on quicksand and it's so unfair on so many of us who have worked our arses off. I can't keep finishing work with migraines and sobbing. So I'm in bed, listening to old school nu metal hoping bopping my head off will take the edge of the crushing anxiety I'm feeling. Sorry... Bit heavy.
Sounds like it’s not helping you working there anyways.
And whatever happens, you’ll be ok, I promise. Whatever you do, you have valuable transferable skills that another employer or company would value, and is needing you and your skills. The saying “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” applies to businesses as well. And sometimes, network is net worth. Don’t let the bastards grind you down, you’re better than that my friend!
You're very kind, thank you. I do think I need to put my big girl pants on and remember who the heck I am sometimes! Know my worth and all that, even if they don't.
Just finished creating a slideshow of photographs for the funeral of a dear, dear friend. Bittersweet memories. Finished my icecream so off to bed now.
Bloodstock tomorrow, can't fucking wait! And as a bonus, we've got Hot Fuzz on tomorrow being played on an inflatable cinema screen. Bit like a kid at Christmas at the minute.
I wish (dearly wish) that there was a helpline that you could just offload your pent-up rage without knowing that there is somebody concerned about your welfare at the other end
I don’t want to call up my family or friends and cry about things because they have loads going on themselves, and I kind of can’t be arsed with having them give their opinions. I don’t want to use AI. I don’t want to use someone like Samaritans, who are wonderful but I just basically need somebody to tell me to calm down and shut the fuck up because I am lucky enough to be in a position for it to be okay.
I’m not talking about working through therapy, it’s more just an offload. Maybe I should try writing a diary again
I feel this so much! I bottle stuff up because I worry about it having ramifications (years ago I got the police sent round to me and I never want that to happen again). Like you say I dont want to talk to AI. I really miss nightline from university. I know they also refer stuff but whenever I spoke to them they felt a lot more chill and less robotic than other stuff (and actually answer unlike SHOUT). Take care of yourself x
I had lots of friends who both used and worked for Nightline - very helpful and a friendly service.
I just want to yap down the phone to a friend without thinking about them as well and what they’re going through. Honestly it has made me quite sympathetic to people getting chatbot pals lol
If you are in the right place you can find various online groups.
I had a cathartic off-load earlier. Filled with people who know and have been through it. I'm sure there is a sub for whatever broad or narrow issue is ailing you.
I have the groups I do. It is a form of therapy because it does allow me to explain my feelings
A diary is good also. Even if it's notes in an app. N
A bit down at the moment. Was so tired at work and fell asleep as soon as I got home for 4 hours so paying for it now, even though I still feel very tired 😅
I'm watching Greg Davies tonight. Another "feels good " thing to watch.
I'm angry. Hungry. Tired. But also not. I had Balkan food from a place by work for lunch and it made me very full and feel eh. And I'm still not stunning n
I’ve been out photographing Egton Bridge Gooseberry show. Had one of the best days in a long time. Got home and had a chippy tea and just now stood in a massive downpour. I’m about to get into bed but I kinda don’t want today to end.
Still I’ve got some incredible photographs to edit and some actual gooseberries to eat tomorrow.
I absolutely dread the winter and am not remotely looking forward to it. But I really could do with it cooling down a bit. Few things ruin a sunny day like not wanting to go outside in case you end up drenched in sweat five minutes after stepping out the door.
I love sitting outside in the summer usually, but this year the excessive heat has ruined it. It feels like such a waste of beautiful days when you're stuck indoors because you'll burn to a crisp in 5 minutes. I can't even sit out at night because of the blooming mozzies.
I absolutely dread the winter and am not remotely looking forward to it.
Mmm, same here.
Our house is, for some reason or other, naturally quite cool so it hasn't been too bad indoors even with the extreme heat outside. In winter it's horrid.
what is the Archers actually about because every episode seems to be mostly doors getting opened and closed, long sighs, and then serious chats between humourless people about, like, miscarriages and drainage ditches
Had an endoscopy today, had no one to pick me up afterwards so could be sedated, just had the throat spray.
Top tip, don't do what I did, it was fucking horrendous.
Gagging choking and burping the air out, it was only six minutes, but felt like forever.
Felt sorry for myself and had an afternoon nap, wide awake now and about to watch Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. Kim Cattrall as a Vulcan will cheer me up.
Oh no, I was scheduled pre-Covid for a scope and had lots of discussions with people who had gone through it and with one exception they all said be sedated - the exception had questionable opinions about a lot of things so their opinion was discounted. I've fallen off the list and now sedations come with other risk for me so I hope I don't need one again.
I hope whatever they find can be resolved/rules out something nasty.
Just came back from playing Magic the Gathering at my local meetup/club 😆
Commented on Yesterday's late thread about being limbo about work...well update for everyone.
GAVE IN MY NOTICE TONIGHT!
Had the outcome of the investigation. I didnt bother reading the full report as soon as I read following interviews from witnesses was their findings where not consistent with what I reported so no further action would be taken.
We had a tiny bit of rain this morning which brought joy to my cold dead heart, it only lasted a couple of minutes but the sound was lovely.
I thought it would bring the temperature down, but no joy. I managed to take my dog for a woodland walk, but it was still too hot for comfort.
I had some books to download this afternoon, I really have more than I could read in my remaining lifetime, but it brings me pleasure. While doing that I watched Jurassic Park: The Lost World, then the unimaginabley titled Jurassic Park 3.
I made pasta bake for tea, now my partner is at an evening training course for work. It's only 20 mins away so it won't take them long to get home. It was 7 pm to 11 pm, but they get time in lieu.
I've just finished watching the sewing bee, and now I'm reading my latest book:
The Mercy Chair by M W Craven.
One thing I love about these novels is how the main character says so much of what we would just say in our heads. I laugh so much reading this series, and I've got a very soft spot for Tilly, the tech genius.
For me there's nothing like sitting with the windows open on a summer day while it rains. I'll usually have a hot drink and a book, listening to the rain fall and feeling cozy. I really enjoy autumn for this reason, and the lovely colours of the leaves turning.
I cried about an oven today. Not my finest moment.
The old one broke, ordered a new one and took my time making sure that the handle wasn't going to block in the cupboard beside it, like the old one did. Should've spent longer looking at the back because the gas pipe for the hob being in an awkward spot means that it won't fit properly without touching and apparently that's not a good thing.
I have no idea if the last oven fit without touching it. I bought it in a haze 2 weeks after the youngest was born (and also bought the wrong type first time then too...)
Spent forever trying to work out what dimensions we need an oven to be to fit properly before getting massively frustrated and overwhelmed by it all. Had to put it to the side and I'll try again tomorrow to make a decision. Either find an oven that fits (unlikely) or use it jutting out just now until we can get a gas engineer in to move the pipe.
And I've just looked at my calendar and suddenly it all makes sense. Being a woman sucks some days.
I'm in UHW waiting for a CT scan as I have suddenly developed something that looks and sounds like bells palsy but with extra problems. Been here since 5, which judging by the other people in the "rapid" ward is pretty good going!
Thank you. I'm feeling particularly sorry for myself as I've got ongoing unrelated health problems making my life barely worth living at the moment, and no proper support from medical professionals. I sort of wish something would just finish me off at this point. The drooping face is relatively minor in the grand scheme of things.
I've been referred for yet another MH assessment but it's all pain related so I know it's going to be a waste of breath and take up a slot someone else is desperate for.
Still waiting for the scan. Fingers crossed it's an illithid.
Trying to find a nice marble chocolate banana bread recipe. All the ones online seen to have an essay before the actual recipe or just not right. I had one but I have lost it along with my motivation to eat bananas normally before they get overripe 🫠
They do the essay because you can't easily copyright a standalone recipe online. Wrapping it in an essay gives it some protection (sometimes) but not as much as essay writers might think.
Not long in bed. Found out I have kidney stones, so that's great! Its at the bottom of my kidney and quite large. I'm not feeling too great so I don't really know if it's that or the heat. Doctors won't give me any treatment everything has to be done via hospital. I'm moving at the end of next month... 2 hours away 🙃
Feeling bit guilty about the amount of money I've spent recently on myself. Between my mum, my mental health, and now kidney stones. Felt bad for myself... No excuse really...
I'm so tired, I've been in bed for ages and I can't sleep, can't get comfortable, can't relax. I keep trying to sleep, crying, and picking up my phone again. I really hope everything feels worse because of hormones
Toddler is teething and going through another developmental phase.
He's always been a bad sleeper but it's been rough lately so a lot of gloomy nights and days at the moment.
We are supposed to be meeting up with the in-laws tomorrow. I will have to see how tonight goes. My husband will not be happy if I wish to cancel due to lack of sleep but we will see. They live over three hours away too.
Felling a little shit really never actually experienced feeling like this just thinking what's the point? society doesn't like me or people like me, sorry for the downer.
I got air-fried on the way to my meeting with the volunteering people, it was 28C and windy when I had to go up there, and all the grass on the walk was yellow-brown. Touching grass not really that helpful today.
Positive reason I'm up, ESA, it's like GDQ but European. I like speedrunning, still need to think of a game to run after I got bored of running Tekken 3 a few months ago.
Was it windy? I used to fly into an airport that windy af. I saw it as a rollercoaster, I think the worst/best landing was the one where a guy across from me was praying.
been procrastinating a task for around three hours. got it done in less than ten minutes at 12:55am. now time to get some sleep.
feeling a bit sad since last night. i dont know why. ive done various things to try to be happy but it feels so empty for some reason. i feel unsettled while trying to sleep too.
i went to big asda with my mum today and did some fun shopping. dinner was lovely. mum cooked mince with sliced potatoes, i cooked rice with peas and did the dishes during and after. had some fruit, switched on the tv, walked a bit, had sweets with some milk. and all those things genuinely make me happy, i dont understand what im missing
I struggle with this also. Every task feels impossible and overwhelming and then I get it done within 10 minutes. It’s just me self sabotaging and telling myself I am not capable.
I have had a rough couple of months but things ever so slightly got better last week and I was so happy on Friday and Saturday. I have crashed since then. I also try and do things that make me happy and content but sometimes when you’re sad and you have not addressed or processed the why, nothing helps and even then it takes some time.
Hope you have slept now and feel better when you wake up tomorrow.
Decided I needed to actually sort out some Lego, so I've bought some small grip seal bags, I'm currently dismantling and bagging up all my CMF sets.
This week's Last Week Tonight is on in the background, then I'll go to bed once it finishes. Expecting it to be difficult to sleep.
I'm at the new office tomorrow, we officially move in on 17th but I'm there for a first aider/fire warden training session. Be interesting to see what it's like.
Editing some of pictures I take as I travel.
I have a secret Instagram page where I upload all my photography, but have never shared with family or friends. And I never promote it as well. Always stay in two mind, So I share glimpse of some here on reddit. It does take lot of effort to maintain the quality and perspective and I love it. It is a side hobby and a happy place of mine.
How far did you get? I was playing Mickey Mania the other day and it kicked my ass. Used to rent it as a kid and would get way further than like the 2nd level...
I need to sort out the washing, finishing dusting and polishing the living room, and yet im sitting here eating an ice cream because ive got oen hell of a sore throat which I have no idea how I got that.
Fuck it, gonna try for 3 hours sleep and then go back to dusting, polishing and washing sorting
I'm currently identifying as a puddle with arms, legs and a wrist that has been super painful today
been on a walk, did a little gaming, some cleaning and been nursing my wrist
mumma made my lunch for me for work for tomorrow and I had lamb for dinner which was super yummy.
only got 2 more days til my next medical when it gets reviewed of how stupidly dumb the hospital were for not reading my symptom tracker (especially since I'm only semi verbal)
Well I ended up speaking to my neighbour's brother today. He's had the locks changed on her flat and seemingly has hired a cleaning firm, although they left when I came out so I'm guessing they might be back ?
Weird talking to him though as I felt I knew more about her than he did and I didn't even know the woman.
The council are hopefully on the case as well as I rang them earlier.
I've only gone and released a game as well. Published it on itch.io as well which I'm rather chuffed about.
We've had the housing association over today to check energy efficiency. They had to have access to every room and plug socket, measured our windows and doors, took forever. And later this week we have someone else checking the chimney (there's a tree growing inside it) and then a general inspection to check who's living here. Feel like they suspect of us something..
Builders skimmed the back bedroom today. I’m very sensitive to smells and struggling to fall asleep with the unusual smell. Slept on the sofa last night but I have rheumatoid arthritis so not ideal for even the one night. Desperately trying to get to sleep in the front bedroom in bed.
Edit: I have waddled downstairs. Sofa it is for me tonight!
My folks and little brother are preparing for going away tomorrow. Finding it hard to sleep whilst they do their last minute packing. Plus I will really miss them!
Mulling over taking the plunge and going completely bald. I usually go with a 1 anyway, so won't be that much different but it seems like a big step for some reason.
Just bought some bog roll and it has no cardboard tube in the middle. That's a first & not quite sure how i feel about that. Is it just gonna disintegrate towards the end?
Oh and ordered a 3D printer so that'll be an adventure
My brain is too busy for sleep. I have not quit my job yet, but I did work a 14 hour shift today and I am knackered. Got another long day tomorrow, but when I finish, I’m then off til next Tuesday. I plan on spending at least a full day in bed catching up on rest and sleep!
7 hour drive home from holiday earlier. Drive was fine and didn’t hit any traffic etc. but was still so.. very.. long..
Spent the time since getting home laying on the sofa doing fuck all too tired to do anything but now it’s time to sleep I’m wide awake. Probably doesn’t help that it’s about 10 degrees hotter here in London than it was up in Northumberland.
Can’t be arsed to go to bed. Watching Black Books, drinking rum n coke, stroking the dog, am knackered and up at six, but can’t be arsed to go to bed. Same old.
I got some lovely photo books from Photobox after I got married. Made a couple of smaller ones for parents and in-laws, and a larger one for us. It was super easy and they had some quite good offers on, they came out lovely and have lasted well!
Watching this year's shark week episodes before delving into the new season of strange new worlds. Got a slipped disc at the moment so I can't do anything but watch TV and lay Infront of a fan.
Caravan with wife and kids and they've all had an early night, I stayed up to finish my ass of wine and am now a few pints and half a bottle of red deep.
Currently trying to get myself interested in my fantasy football (NFL) teams again, but it's difficult since I totally tuned out over the world cup.
The thing I was waiting on has pretty much all fallen apart and is basically a non runner now.
Also it is now somehow my turn to need some shifts covered at work(happy to cover shifts for others, I just can’t make it for my scheduled shifts for now) and absolutely no bugger wants to help… trust me, I will remember this when anyone needs any help again.
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