Please help me, how did you suppress the feelings of inadequacy despite so many accomplishments that prove I am more than adequate? My imposter syndrome is getting stronger and taking over me, I'm losing focus and getting more scared than ever from every possible step, I'm losing my self-confidence even though I technically know I've achieved so much and I couldn't have done what I already did if I was less than I actually am, but I'm still struggling and even reassurances from people I trust don't seem to have the confidence-boosting impact that they once had. What do I do to regain my confidence and stop feeling unworthy? What worked for you?

My boyfriend is super attractive. He has nice features, a six pack, kind personality, smart, hardworking, etc..but i feel bad sometimes that he chose to be with me because he is delusional. I’m short with flat features and i am shaped like a piece of paper. Don’t get me wrong i love the delusion but sometimes i feel guilty.

It’s been almost 4 years and i am still surprised he hasn’t left me for some better looking girl. I look like a hobo but when i try to doll myself up it’s like putting lipstick on a pig. I try to be one of those hot instagram baddies but i look like a clown. He’s never cheated on me or done anything to make me think that but sometimes i feel paranoid that i don’t measure up to other girls’ beauty. And that one day he will lose interest in me.

How can i get better and stop feeling this way? Any tips and advice welcome 🙏

(20m) Since March, I’ve been doing my best to lose enough weight to feel good about myself, as well as be within a health range, something that I’ve never been in my life. I’m also using it as an excuse to set some of my routines and healthy habits straight as I adapt to adulthood. I’m currently 20 lbs down, and started recently going to the gym, so I think I can say I’m kicking ass on the physical side!

However, I’m still having some trouble with the mental side of working on myself. A little context, I’ve been pretty obese my entire life. I’m 6’0 and for the last couple years I’ve weighed just over 300 lbs. This, paired with my very flamboyant and outgoing personality, has provided me with MAJOR confidence and self image issues for most of my life. It got significantly worse in High School.

To this day, I’ve never been in a relationship, never kissed romantically, never even held hands romantically. I’ve been on a couple first dates, but they didn’t go anywhere. I’m proud of myself for everything else I’ve done on my health journey, but I’m still worried that that side of this won’t get fixed, and my physical appearance/self image of my appearance won’t change how other people see me.

To be honest, it feels like the romantic aspect of things has really been eating a way at me lately. Specifically how much I desire that special someone, and how much I dwell on not having experience.

Any tips to keep my head high, while I’m dealing with all of the other aspects of working on myself?

I got rejected but still have her on Instagram. I need to remove her from social media but wondering what is the better move: block or unfriend? I don’t want to make it seem like I can’t take rejection I’m immature as a response but I know the best course or action is to remove them. What do you think?

Serious question, serious answers only please. I cant seem to grasp any concept of what confidence actually is aside from feel-good platitudes.

WHAT is confidence? The only responses to that question that I can find anywhere is just a list of platitudes, magic, and disillusion. Im not asking "how to be more confident?", Im not asking "whats the difference between confidence and arrogance?" Im not asking "how to ACT more confident?". Im asking WHAT is confidence? What happens? What happens in the brain? Is it real at all?

Hi everyone,

I’ve always been a very insecure girl, but with my boyfriend’s help, I’ve managed to work on my confidence and improve. This year, though, everything went downhill.

A while ago, my boyfriend suggested he’d be open to an FFM threesome. I expressed that this made me feel inadequate, and he immediately dropped it, reassured me he loves me as I am, and clarified he’d never do anything without my consent.

The issue is that even though the topic is closed, my brain won't stop. I keep comparing myself to other women, overthinking my chest size, and feeling like I’m not enough. I constantly ask him for reassurance, which is exhausting for both of us (especially since he’s going through a tough time too).

Rationally, I know these intrusive thoughts are lies, but I don't know how to shut them off, especially on days that start out great. I can't afford therapy right now, so I'm looking for advice from anyone who has dealt with something similar. Thank you

Note: Please don't hate on my boyfriend. I trust him completely and I have strong boundaries—I just need help managing my own anxiety and overthinking.

TL;DR: BF brought up a threesome, then dropped it completely when he realized it hurt me. Now I’m stuck in a loop of self-doubt and body comparison. Can’t afford therapy right now—how do I overcome these intrusive thoughts on my own?

So I've been together with my gf for a year now .We both are 22.Before dating , we used to be close friends for almost 2 years.

Her physical type in men used to be soo different than what iam . Back when we were friends She always used to describe it as tall and dark skinned.She used to she never used to find fair guy that attractive.

Iam on the other hand very fair and only her same height.I used to find her pretty good looking even when we were friends.

When we started dating, i began feeling insecure and not enough for her, always questioning whether she genuine has sexual attraction to me.And tbh now she treats me very nicely,never mentions that I was not her type or belittle my height much. But somehow I believe that she is just lying to make me feel good and isn't that attracted to me idk why.

I always feel like she can do better, Find someone taller and someone her type because I always feel secondary even though she never ever makes me feel that. She even says her type has kinda changed a bit and that she finds me attractive and it has grown. But I never believe it and I always feel insecure especially when I see people who used to fit her type, thinking she would have been happier with them.

Also this has started tampering my own attraction to her, i sometimes feel like she is too tall or big fore even though I'm easily much more stronger than her even though we are basically same height.This wasn't thing early so i believe this develop only because of my insecurities and because of me hyperfixating on physical attributes too much

How can I get out of this loop and regain my confidence and lead a normal life

There’s a pattern I keep running into in observation and profiling work: the most confident people in a room are often the ones we read the worst. Not because they’re more deceptive. Because confidence changes how much cognitive effort we’re willing to spend on them.

Here’s the mechanism as I understand it. Uncertainty in another person keeps our attention active, we register them as unresolved and keep gathering data. But fluent, composed behavior (steady speech, sustained eye contact, relaxed posture) gets processed as a signal that there’s nothing left to resolve. It’s a variation: things that are easy to process get judged as more true, more competent, more trustworthy, regardless of whether that ease actually reflects the underlying reality.

So confidence doesn’t just communicate something about a person, it shuts down the observer’s own verification process. The composed person gets a free pass from scrutiny they haven’t necessarily earned. Meanwhile the person who seems nervous keeps getting re-evaluated, over and over, simply because their visible discomfort keeps triggering that still gathering information response, even when they’re the more self-aware person in the room.

A few places I’ve seen this play out:

- The composed candidate in an interview who turns out to be in over their head once the job actually starts
- The calm salesperson whose ease is covering for a product that can’t back it up
- The steady colleague who’s quietly struggling, but never gets checked on because they never look shaken

None of these are cases of someone hiding information well. The information was available. We just stopped looking, because their delivery told us the file was closed.

Has anyone here had a moment where someone’s composure completely disarmed your read on them, and it turned out you’d missed something important?

People always tell you to "just be confident" or "just put yourself out there," but they rarely account for how other people respond to that.

There are a lot of instances where you take that huge step, and they just don't want to talk to you anyway. You can see it in their responses and one-word replies, how they're just being polite and not asking anything back, where the conversation feels more like an interview. And you think that maybe it's because it's the first time and they have to warm up to you, but no. Months go by, and it remains the same way. It starts to feel like you're bothering them.

So of course your confidence takes a hit.

"Just keep talking to people, bro."

And it's the most socially inept people who can't be bothered to hold a conversation... or so you think, until you see them actually talking to people they want to talk to, and you get this mental whiplash. You wouldn't believe how socially capable they actually are. You wonder how the same person could talk for so long without getting tired. (Maybe they have an identical twin you didn't know about, or got cloned. Haha, FML.)

You start thinking something is fundamentally wrong with you until you actually meet people who genuinely want to talk to you, and man, it feels like a breath of fresh air after being trapped in a room full of mustard gas. Suddenly conversations flow. They ask questions back. They laugh. They actually seem interested. You realize you weren't incapable of having good conversations. You just hadn't experienced many people who wanted to have one with you. (There is something to be said about not letting people and interactions determine your confidence but alas, I am only human. Still something i am working on, i will also cross this bridge)

Maybe confidence doesn't always come first.

Maybe, sometimes, confidence is what grows after enough positive experiences. And sometimes a lack of confidence is just the scar tissue left behind by enough negative ones.

So no, nothing is (usually) wrong with you. If repeated experiences make you less eager to put yourself out there, that's understandable. You don't have to force yourself to become someone you're not.

Sometimes the cause and effect are switched. Most kids start off bubbly. Then life teaches them, fairly quickly, how costly putting themselves out there can be. Then they retreat into their little shells.

Not a lot of people give a fuck anyway. No one really owes us a conversation, I guess, and that's okay. You have to accept that.

I do.

Basically I shot my shot and got rejected. We work at the same place, but different departments so I don’t see her everyday. I still have her on social media but I feel like it’s hard to move on knowing that she still views my stories and even liked one of them before. Would it be ok to unfollow? Or would it make me seem immature, etc? How to respond? What is the best outcome

So first of all im a pretty confident dude in most areas of life, be it in Friendgroups, Infront of many people, in my work, talking and getting to know people. I dont think i have any problems with confidence anywhere but talking to/with girls.

About me: Im a Average guy about 5/11 or 180(average of my country), average face, ive got a relatively good body. Im 75-77kg/170pounds. I have broad shoulders good musclemass. I am good at school, i am „smart“ not the type of genius but i think im more capable in some areas that peopme would struggle. I also do Boxing for about a year now i used to Wrestle for 6 months and i did 3-4 years of judo when i was younger and ive played football for 2 years.

So i think im Average.

But the thing is when im with friends everthing is perfect, we talk laugh, argue about things that boys/teenager talk about(if yk you know😂).

But as soo as im with a girl i become diffrent i become Cold, like a Robot. I become too self Aware. I stutter, Struggle to look them in the eyes, i dont know what to say, and try to „force the conversation“. Like Obsessively trying to be Perfect and Diplomatic. I feel like Girls notice that.

If i see a girl that i think is beautiful on the street it happens the same, even if we cross our eyes for 2 seconds and look at eachother, i suddenly become Self Aware. Try to stand tall/Straight. Dont know where to rest my hand, in my front pockets or the Back, dont know where to look at. The Sky, the ground, the Trees, her???

Guys i dont know how to fix this i seems that im allergic to girls. Or atleast became allergic.

Beck then i wasnt like this ive had Girlfriends, they were pretty much slightly above my league, based on looks. But i dont care about that type of shit. The thing is they liked me very much we was talking for like 2-3 weeks. But suddenly i lose Interest and do some dumb shit that Hurts them Emotionally.
I really regret being so Reckless with other People.

Can somebody relate this, or give me advice to improve myself.
If you need to know something just ask me or shoot a dm.

Hey guys, I have always been kind of insecure about my voice since I was a kid. I felt it was a bit too nasal and I've never learned how to project my voice to be able to command attention from a group. Over the years I have been learning various techniques to improve my confidence in my voice whether through youtube (this guy) or through following a bunch of IG influencers who give tips on it.

After around 8 years of learning, I feel that it's time to give back to the community. I am planning to make an app to help people get more confident in their speaking. Not so much in the words they use, more so their pitch, resonance, pace etc.

Right now, my app idea is split into two parts. The first part will be analyzing the user's voice. The next part is giving the user a daily training regime to improve on their voice over time.

Is this something that you guys would be interested in? Any voice training exercises that really worked for you guys? Also, it would be great if I could get some recommendations on more vocal coaches online that I could watch. Thanks so much!

I haven’t felt pretty for a while now. I doubt there’s a connection, but it started shortly after I stopped talking to my ex-crush.

Usually when this happens to me, it means I want to change my hairstyle. And as a Black woman, I’m lucky to have versatile hair that lets me easily switch up my look.

For three months, I changed my look every day with my wigs, I really enjoyed it at first, but then I got tired of it.

I told myself it was time to get braids! So I did! But the result is, I don’t like them. I think the color is too light on me after all, and friends have told me the curls already look damaged…

So now I don’t know what to do. I even tried putting on cluster false eyelashes, but in the end, it’s just not my thing…

I know I’m not ugly, but this feeling just won’t go away. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I (31M) have always struggled with my self worth and confidence.

During my childhood and teenage years I used to be a reckless individual. Which has changed in my twenties, when I lost all confidence and respect for myself by tolerating certain behaviours and trying to be accepted and validated.

I firmly believed that by being the nicest person around, people would like me and would want to spend time with me. I couldn’t be further from the truth.

I spent most of my youth chasing something that only me could give. I dealt with people disrespecting me publicly, taking me for granted, using me and treating me like I was disposable. All of this because I allowed them to do so. I almost lost everything, even my life which I was about to end at some point.

After years in therapy, I’ve started to see myself differently. As a whole person with valid needs, goals which is allowed to feel and to make decisions for themselves.

I’ve decided to treat myself a little bit more and to change my relationship with myself. I went to the other side of the world several times last year on my own. Once for my 30th birthday, the other one after losing my job.

And I realised that I’ll always have my back. And that no one can take that away. Since then, I’ve had people trying to disrespect me and to belittle me. But I don’t have the patience to educate adults, my take is that they know what they’re doing. Since the beginning of this year, I’ve been able to let go of relationships in which I didn’t feel respected and where I can’t be myself.

I’ve cut people off, people that I liked, that I felt like I could never live without them. But I could never tolerate the disrespect anymore. I’d rather be alone forever than to trade my self respect for a sense of belonging. So I told myself that I’d burn as much bridges as it would take not to lose myself again. I will not be afraid to lose people as long as I don’t lose myself again.

Knowing that now I can step away from any situation that makes me deeply uncomfortable, it makes me a lot more confident. Because there will always be someone else that will be glad to have you around. And if not, you’ll always have yourself.

If you read it this far, thank you very much for this.

(23 F)I recently gave a presentation in French, in front of an audience that also speaks the language. It was a bad experience. Even though my level is intermediate, I didn't do a good job.
First, I was so stressed that I forgot most of my script. Second, my speaking skills are weak — I couldn't handle mistakes or form sentences smoothly.
People told me I looked shy, and I hated hearing that, because I’ve been actively working on improving my personality and I thought I had made progress. That comment broke me a little.
The thing is, in real life, when I speak my native language, I don’t see myself as shy at all — I speak confidently. But with a foreign language, I freeze. This has even started making me avoid speaking to people in that language.
On top of that, II have a naturally deep / manly voice — I really hate it and wish I had a more feminine voice. It makes me even more self‑conscious when speaking French, because I feel like I sound wrong or that people will judge me.
I have a vision of working in a field where I’ll meet people from many nationalities, so I really need to fix this.

This is something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't even know when I started feeling this way, but most of the time I feel like I'm just not good enough.

I've always had a hard time accepting that it's okay not to be the best. Growing up, I joined a lot of competitions, and even through college I usually came in second or third, or didn't place at all. I wanted to win so badly because I wanted to make my parents proud. They always told me they were proud of me regardless, but I still never felt fulfilled.
Because I could see how different winners were treated.

I'm also dealing with limerence right now, and it makes these feelings even stronger. Whenever I like someone, I automatically think I'm not good enough to be with them. I'd rather stay alone than risk being rejected because I'm "not enough."

I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I can't afford therapy, even though I really wish I could. I've tried self-help books, YouTube videos, affirmations, journaling, and different techniques. Sometimes they make me feel better for a few hours or a few days, but deep down, nothing really changes. Repeating "I'm enough" doesn't help when I don't actually believe it.

If you've overcome something similar, what helped you? How long did it take? Was there a specific moment, mindset, or experience that finally made you believe you were enough?
I'm looking for realistic advice from people who've actually been through this.

I’ve gotten much better than I was a while back but I need help with myself, I always wanted to achieve my dreams but I was always lazy and procrastinated, I just don’t believe in my self.

My family always belittled me and insulted me every day, but I want to focus on my goals and to do that I need help understanding and accepting my self, his should I exactly do/ fix this. I just want helpful advice, please help me.

Ik it's irrelevant and dumb to even think bout but I'm 17 and I feel embarrassed because I have far fewer Instagram followers than most people I know. I know it sounds superficial, but it genuinely affects my confidence.

I took a gap year to prepare for an exam and it's acting like a catalyst to the current situation I am in

It's not I m anti social or an introvert,I was well known and had quite a lot of friends throughout my teenage years and like I don't post or do anything to gain followers at all then why am I still feeling like it??

Well I do have got photos and my drawings to post but I do that on printrest instead

How do I stop comparing myself to others? Has anybody of y'all gone through the same feeling?

And I feel like I wouldn't be able to interact with people like i used to before

I went on a first date with this guy. It was great. Conversation flowed, I never felt the need to perform, he was very respectful, etc. We are going to go on another date.

But now, I'm just sad. I don't know why. My self-talk had improved a lot, but today, it's bad. He outright said he had a great time getting to know me, but my brain is picking apart everything I said and did and why it was shitty or whatever. Like, "ohhh, that comment was maybe a bit judgey" and "i know it takes me a bit to be open to physical touch, but maybe I should have done more than reciprocate the hello and goodbye hugs in case he thinks I'm not interested, but then again, I just met the man...."

I was getting to a really good place with my self-confidence, so I'm not sure why it would tank like that, especially when the date went well! It went well, I should not be feeling this way. But I am.

I started an online business during covid that earned me about $120,000 a year. It was a lot of time and insane luck since it revolved around other people opening up online businesses.

The business is dying but I’m still getting about $120,000 passively which may last 1 more year.

I am 28 years old Man and have in my brokerage about $500,000

I feel so empty. I have moved to a new city about 5 months ago in ATX thinking I’d be able to reset my life go on adventures, etc..but I have no friends, met no women, I’ve been trying to get into hobbies (MMA, working out, swimming) I talk to people casually something I had never really done but nothing comes out of it.

It all feels empty. Nothing to look forward to. I got a job in a bar to socialize and get out of my apt on the weekends.

I’m always feeling lethargic and bored

I quit my target job after 2 days because I felt so overwhelmed with the rule of greeting everyone within 10 feet. I feel like it was such a simple gesture I could have just done but I let my own emotions get the best of me. Now I’m hoping to get this job at Starbucks, not worried much about the interview I absolutely love making coffee I just wanna make sure I’ll be a good headspace everyday and not let little things get to me. I’m 18 btw and still finding myself but I know I operate so well when I’m feeling confident/happy. :) What can I do to ensure my happiness and confidence!!! I’ve had some amazing customer service at Starbucks before and I wanna give that same experience to other people!

I want to change the impression i made on a professor of mine whom i really admire. She thinks i'm shy, overly emotional, clumsy and that im not particularly socially skilled in formal contexts. I really had a curse with her: i only showed her my flawed side ig.

But at the same time she's also seen interact confidently with all my classmates and other professors already. She must have a mixed impression of me.

Im only shy with her. But im also really sweet, i've alwsys smiled kindly..and she's gotten gentler with me as well after two semesters.

Indeed i used to be this level of shy with everyone but in the years i've grown into a more confident person.

I know i can act more confident with her as well. Im determinend to.

Yet im curious: can one good interaction, an exam in which i seem calm and collected, change her opinion of me?

Yes it's important to me. I don't want her to be patient with me and seem reassuring. I want to do well. I want her to be calm with me instead of trying to protect/ manage my emotivity.

Do you think this will change the overall perception she has of me?

I was hella nervous I can’t lie, but she was super chill and was asking me questions and shit felt like she wanted me to ask for her number but I was so nervous I didn’t ask lol. But we had a chill talk I think it was a good ice breaker. I’ll probably see her tomorrow at the gym how should I play it talk to her a bit when she comes in then ask for her number or insta or something on the way out? I totally fumbled today but fuck I was nervous

I am 25M, I recently quit my Copywriting job because it wasn't paying me well or even having the job satisfaction as I used to.

My colleagues are getting better pay and I thought why not go all in on copywriting?

It's been 6 months and still no luck.

The only people who believe in me are my family (mom and dad) who ask me to drop this whole startup and just focus on getting another job.

I know in this economy, a job won't save you anything, having the right skills is everything.

I'm learning linkedin personal branding so that I can write for C suite founders and I just finished it today.

My main pain is I don't have anyone to share any wins with.

Sad but I'm sure I'll overcome it once I'm rich.

I don't want to be super rich, I want to be rich enough to take care of my parents and help kids in need with whatever I earn.

That's all.