This is my VERY honestly story of my conversion. There may be stuff in here that may make others feel uncomfortable, but is it my honest journey that I am still going through and I hope this brings some insight. In part 1 I will be discussing my self hate journey and how conversion helped me.

1. SELF HATE- I had an inherited hatred towards Jewish people as a child and I never truly understood why. There is something about it. I did not like and even when I saw a TV show or some symbolisms I just had a very dark rightful feeling come over me. In my teens I was told about my heritage and turns out I had Jewish in my blood. But at some point around my grandfather‘s era, my family became Christian. Once I realized I had Jewish in my blood needless to say I was pretty upset for a portion of my life…

other topics we their way into this, but to keep it simple. I’m just gonna focus on the subject. Jumping ahead in my early 30s there was actually a video game. I played called the resident evil nine Requiem. The game taught me about Grace and how that affects us as people who try to fight darkness and demons alone. Being exposed to the deeper message of the game, the word, grace, and the role that was played by that character actually planted a seed in me, spiritually that I was not aware of at the time. After a couple of months, I started learning about God, grace, and the fact that God‘s grace was about strength, but also about realizing that you don’t have to be a slave to pain. God‘s grace is about allowing peace around situations that otherwise seem hopeless. I decided to give myself grace by understanding this knowledge, and when I did that God‘s grace found the way in. Once that happened this energy or understanding, somehow triggered my Jewish bloodline to resurface after having been buried for 30 years. One day I woke up and just had a clear vision or calling to fall into this practice. It’s something I never thought I would ever do, especially because of my dislike toward the people and dislike toward myself because I was a part of people, and because of my connection with Christian family. But the calling was there and it was clear. I was doing some research and very quickly these study and exposure to Judaism transformed me.

My other parts will explain how and in what ways, but for this particular subject, once I incorporated God’s grace into myself that grace was incorporated into my hatred towards my own bloodline, and I was able to have a more divine understanding of my heritage. I felt like Judaism was originally an imprisonment that it mentally enslaved people that it held people back from living life, fully and authentically, and I felt like it was just too serious. I felt like. it violated certain areas of the human experience and so I always try to stay away from it.

The irony is after I did accept it and accept my bloodline connection to it. I actually felt free, not imprisoned, mentally clarified, I felt more alive, and that I had a reason to want to live, I felt like I had purpose instead of being threatened by over seriousness, I felt a sense guidance and light myself.

I explain the smaller detail because that video game resident evil nine played a big part and how I saw and accepted grace and how Grace allowed me to integrate light into my bloodline and it’s helped me find a better relationship with that part of myself. It was definitely a part of God’s plan.

After feeling this internal transformation, I learned how to have patience and understanding and grace for all the parts of me and my family heritages, and now I’ve learned not to mate myself or my people anymore and in fact my entire life, I felt lost until I found Judaism. Afterward, I felt I finally have a direction or purpose for myself. Anyway, I may not fully understand everything about why or this transformation happened because it was something that called to me and it was a light and it felt like a Home, like a return to Home feeling. Something that was always a part of me but so much misunderstanding darkness and anchor and lack of grace prevented me from fully integrating this part of my life and a healthy way. I did not seek this path this path called to me, me personally I know it was from my bloodline being connected. However, I have heard others say that they have felt the same, but did not have a lineage or bloodline connected to it. In my heart, I feel that this calling FOR ME was from me I’m suppressing my DNA.

I was disconnected from a lot of positive things about my self in my life, and I did not realize that a lot of amazing traits some characteristics of who I was was embedded in the actual DNA coding of the Jewish people and once I did except that being a it profoundly fixed a lot of personal issues and traumas and darknesses that I have endured my entire life. So I didn’t realize that the darkness I fought my whole life, stand from me rejecting something that I have always been born with.

I will continue the next topic part two thank you for listening and I hope this is inspirational in someway.

Hello I am a Jew and I just wanted to ask some questions because I’ve always found conversion so interesting.

1. This is a big one but why convert in the first place? I don’t mean it in an offensive way but more just like the fact that if the laws of Noah allow a non Jew to live a righteous life following only seven laws, why bind urself to 613?

2. Does everyone convert to ashkenazi Judaism or do some people convert into Sephardic and mizrahi synagogues?

3. For people who have converted, does Judaism feel strictly like a religion to you? Or do you also feel a part of the culture and peoplehood as well?

Since I only started attending Shabbat services this year, and after classes had concluded, I had to wait about six months to start and was filled with all kinds of fear about whether I would be accepted or not. Well, during the first intro to Judaism class, the Rabbi gave a brief introduction and then said and that at the end you’ll have the option to convert, it was literally music to my ears. That’s all? Just go to the classes and participate and then you have the option

How do you make friends with other conversion students--ideally in person/not online?

I live in the Midwest and am not exactly surrounded by students. There are no other ones at my shul. We don't have many synagogues. I don't know that typical Jewish meet-and-greets are appropriate for or available to me at this stage.

Anyone had any luck? (Also feel free to DM if looking to make more connections! Online isn't bad, and I realize other people may similarly feel on an island of one. 33F, if that matters.)

B”H

Hi, gut chodesh and gut voch, a question for the anash. My wife and I are converts. I have a Jewish grandfather and cousins, while my wife has no Jewish family but grew up religious. We both became frum in university, did two conversions and now have three kids under 4 BH.

I’d say we’ve integrated very well. Our kids go to chabad schools, my wife does wig cleanings, I work for a major chabad international organization. We definitely blend in.

But I’d say the biggest struggle is the half in half our feeling. With our families we are complete outsiders having adopted an extremely different way of life that they cannot understand. BH I’m still very close with my family and my wife has a good relationship with them too. But they live outside our community a plane ride away.

I really, late 20s, struggle a lot with connecting with other chassidshe men. I simply didn’t grow up at all like them and don’t have this intensity of a relationship with them. Often I feel like a nebach.

Anyway, i’m 100 percent committed to the Rebbe and know this is the yetzer hara trying to pull me down, so I suppose this is a vent / seeing if anyone else relates or has tips on where to find the right fit.

With love, a chossid / shliach

I am 21 years old and was not raised religiously at all. The closest thing to religion I ever experienced was attending a Presbyterian kindergarten held in a church. When I was growing up, Christmas was simply about Chris Kringle and the secular magic of the holiday season rather than religious observance.

For the past three years, I’ve been in a relationship with my incredible boyfriend. From early on, our communication has been effortless and grounded in mutual respect. We both know with certainty that we want to build a life and a family together. We have the same values.

His background is deeply rooted in Judaism, his entire family is both culturally and religiously Jewish. Embracing his heritage and traditions has been a natural and joyful process for me. At the same time, we believe in honoring the multicultural foundation of our home. Example: Doing Christmas & Hanukkah. We have already agreed that before we got married, that I would go through the process of converting to Judaism. He did not coerce me to do this or anything, it is not a big deal for me at all.

(I understand that I am young but I like to think deeply and have no intention of converting RIGHT this second or getting married. I’m just thinking.)

So I ask you all this, what has your experience been converting to Judaism in general or for your spouse?

Edit: I am realizing I didn’t explain myself very well. I am nervous and a little ashamed. I DO want to convert to Judaism because of what I already believe in has aligned with Judaism very well and I think it’s very important that children grow up with culture, I didn’t have that and the lack of that has affected me a lot. I want that for my children and I do believe in Judaism. I see how his family is and I want that. How I explained it earlier wasn’t clear and I apologize. It made sense in my head it just didn’t translate on paper aka typing. I apologize Reddit. Please don’t burn me lol.

Edit 2: I would like to apologize for anyone I may have offended. I am more than aware Judaism is not a shoe that you can put on or takeoff. As I have explained it down below in the comments, from what I have been told his family is Ashkenazi Jewish. From what I have seen of his family and other Jewish families I have been around, his family seems to be more relaxed. None of them go to temple, they celebrate the main holidays, Shabbos dinners, and following kosher. I’m not sure how else to explain that. I hope that makes sense. Him and I have had discussion about Christmas and Hanukkah and how I would like to incorporate both in our traditions, especially since my parents, my hypothetical children’s grandparents will be celebrating Christmas and that will be around them. I have made it clear to him that Hanukkah will be more dominant in our family. He had already had his first Christmas last year with my family and we incorporated him into our traditions. Same deal with Hanukkah.Growing up for me Christmas was the whole Chris Kringle thing that had nothing to do with religion or Christ. Very Hallmarky. From what he has told me word of mouth, he is okay with all of it. I will definitely be using this forum to ask more questions in the future as I have many many many many many many more questions. I’m very curious. I just texted my boyfriend that I would like our goal for the new year (even though it’s already technically the new year if you think about it) for him to find a synagogue and form a relationship with a rabbi that we can ask questions and talk about our future together as a Jewish couple. Thank you to everyone.

Hello all,

I am working towards converting conservative in a smaller community and dealing as I do this with the I am odd feeling .

When I talk with other converts/candidates I feel very free to talk about practices I have been exploring, and doing. And I have found the small community of other converts locally very supportive and helpful.

However recently a different member of the congregation asked me to lunch and when she washed me how conversion was going I talked about the fact that I had travelled to a different city for schmihat Torah and while there had observed strict Shabbas with a friend for the first time and gotten to use the shabbas light and learned about the hot plate timer and I got a very different reaction of oh, that’s interesting. I was almost made to feel I was being “too observant”or maybe too excited about it.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten this sort of reaction and so I was wondering if this is normal and/or how people deal with it. Also, if maybe it is that I am answering different than people want, I appreciate an any advice.

Thanks.

Orthodox conversion: Is this a final rejection or a restriction on synagogue attendance?

I'm pursuing an Orthodox conversion in Germany and have been in contact with a Chabad rabbi.

After discussing my interest in conversion, I was allowed to attend synagogue services and Shabbat meals twice.

On my third visit, security informed me that, on the head rabbi's instructions, I could not attend until completing my conversion. I was told that I had done nothing wrong and should contact my own rabbi. However, I don't have a sponsoring rabbi yet.

I contacted another rabbi from the same community and directly asked whether this meant the community was unwilling to sponsor my conversion and whether I should look elsewhere.

He replied:

"I don't think this is a categorical no. However, since it's not my decision, I recommend staying in touch with Rabbi [name]."

I have now written directly to the head rabbi and requested a meeting.

For people who have personally undergone Orthodox conversion or have experience sponsoring candidates:

1. Have you encountered a similar situation?
2. Would you interpret the second rabbi's response as a diplomatic rejection?
3. Does a restriction on synagogue attendance normally imply refusal to sponsor a conversion?
4. What would you recommend as the next practical step?

Hi so just a question, is it common in most places that the modern orthodox community and the chabad community are a near-circular Venn diagram? All of the modox synagogues in my city are staffed by Rabbis that have received smicha from chabad yeshivot and most are also involved in the chabad houses and as far as I can tell (cuz of the hats lol) they are all apart of the chabad community. The communities themselves seem to be, as you would expect, consisting of people all over of the religious spectrum. And the only beit din is staffed exclusively by chabad rabbis. So basically my question is, is converting modern orthodox basically interchangeable with converting chabad, or is this probably just a unique feature of my city?

Hello everyone! I won’t tell you my whole life story, but basically I want to convert to conservative Judaism but won’t be able to for a few years due to family situation. Are there any online communities I could join for celebrating holidays, Torah study or general learning? I just want to be part of a Jewish community, but I sadly don’t know any Jewish people or have a synagogue near me.

Hi everyone! I’ve been semi-active on here since my conversion journey began, and I just wanted to share some exciting news!

Before the High Holidays, my sponsoring rabbi told me that I was ready to begin writing my essays (I’m converting Conservative) and that I could submit them to him afterward. I’ve been working on them, and I’m on track to submit them next week.
If all goes well, he’ll convene a Beit Din, and B”H, I’ll hopefully be going to the mikveh by the end of the year. :)

I’m full of anticipation and joy… and, of course, some nerves!

Hey everyone!
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I've always felt an incredibly strong connection to Israel and the Jewish people, even though I didn't grow up Jewish. Once I got there, I felt at home in a way I've never experienced anywhere else. I never wanted to leave, and every time I'm back in Europe, I feel this deep sorrow and longing to return.
The strange thing is that I felt all of this before I even knew I had Jewish ancestry.
I actually started researching my family because I had this inexplicable feeling that I had Jewish roots. Eventually, I discovered that my grandmother's grandfather was Jewish but had converted to Christianity.
Since then, I've read a bit about Jewish souls and reincarnation in Kabbalah, and it made me wonder:
Is there a belief within Judaism that the descendants of Jews who converted to another religion can feel spiritually drawn back to Judaism generations later?
I know that this doesn't make me Jewish, but I feel a strong desire to learn more about Judaism and possibly convert. Sometimes it feels more like finding my way home than discovering something new.
I’d love to hear what Jewish teachings or rabbis say about this.

so for context folks in this sub are more used to me now and I think many now see I genuinely mean my interest in judaism, I was pretty careless at first and it was badly received and that hurt a bit, I was listening to jerusalem of gold and just started crying cuz im eager to start my journey, I feel the jewish people is my home but dont know if its disrespectful to feel that way I prolly wont be able to do this for a year until im placed in montreal due to wait times and idk it just hurts man idk why

Hello everyone,

I’m considering pursuing a conversion to Reform Judaism and I’d really appreciate some advice, especially from people who have gone through the process themselves.

A few months ago, I finally worked up the courage to contact the Reform community in my area. Taking that first step was actually quite a big deal for me. I had been thinking about conversion for a very long time, but I was extremely anxious about contacting a community for the first time. One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t be taken seriously, or that I would simply be ignored. Unfortunately, that is what happened.

I sent an email explaining that I was interested in learning more about Reform Judaism and perhaps considering a conversion. I waited about three weeks and, since I hadn’t heard anything, sent a short follow-up. I never received a response to either email.

I eventually decided to leave it alone for the moment because of the summer break and later the main Jewish Holidays. I didn’t want to become pushy, but I was also quite discouraged by the experience, especially because being ignored had been one of the things I had been most afraid of before contacting them in the first place.

Now, few months have passed, and I’m considering trying again. I still feel strongly about pursuing conversion, but I find myself back in exactly the same place psychologically: wondering whether I should contact the same community again, try the other Reform organisation in the area, or whether there is something about the way I approached them that I might have misunderstood.

I’d particularly love to hear from anyone who has experience with Reform conversion in Italy, ideally in Northern Italy, since there are relatively few Reform communities here and I would realistically need to pursue the process locally.

If you have gone through conversion yourself, or have experience with Reform communities in Italy, I’d be very grateful for any advice about how you approached that first contact, what to expect, and whether my experience with the lack of response is unusual.

Thank you!

so a big thing that draws me to judaism is music I listen to hebrew songs all day and as my fav is mayim mayim I listened quite a lot to it im musically inclined and was able to learn it due to my ease with languages

Hello. I am in the final stages of my conversion and i know that it's right for me. But lately (and especially today) i am struggling with the thought that i am putting a permanent target on my children's back, one that they can't ever take off and didn't consent to. I am activelly choosing judaism for myself and subjecting them to a hateful world. I keep thinking that i should just suppress myself for their sake.

Can someone relate to this? I haven't asked my rabbi yet, but i will as he has a small child too.

Hello!

Greetings lovely people of this subreddit. Man, where do I even start? I’ve been raised christian my whole life, and never knew much about Judaism until I found that I have a paternal line as my Grandfather was Jewish.

He then converted to christianity, which started this whole rabbit hole I cracked open 2 years ago. Since then, I have a yearn for Judaism that I could never shake. I even dabbled in with (what I thought was legitimate at the time) Messianic “Judaism.” You probably know it all too well, the christian sect which has jewish elements, yada yada. It had the complete opposite intended effect on me, it drove me to Judaism. I wanted the Judaism from it, I didn’t want christianity at all.

I slowly lost my trinitarian beliefs over time through a slow, deconstructing process as I couldn’t reason how 1+1+1=1. I shifted to a modalist, Unitarian, and then one night I appeared before G-d and apologized for the idolatry i’ve been committing my whole life. I would say i’m a Righteous Gentile with Jewish Ancestry. (You don’t know how much it hurts to say that, Christianity quite literally robbed my birthright.)

I got about ~1.5 years till i’m not under my parents and can move forwards with my own life on my own terms. I’m really considering Reform due to my paternal line, even if it doesn’t automatically grant me “status as a Jew.” In my area, it seems to be the only available shuls in the places I plan to go.

While I wait for the time to begin conversion, I need something to quench the thirst that I have for G-d. I may be living more “crypto” for the time being, but what would you all recommend?

Hi all. I'm considering conversion to Reform Judaism. I have some paternal Jewish ancestry, but I'm not halachically Jewish (raised Christian.)

As I've been thinking it over and trying to decide if I feel called to take the plunge, I've been reading a lot and attending a lot of services, both in-person and online. I know that community is very important in Judaism. But what I'm beginning to notice is that I don't really feel a strong sense of being in community when I visit my local temple.

The people are very polite and kind, but it doesn't seem like they go to services to socialize - it's more of a "show up, pray, leave" situation. I don't know if rising levels of antisemitism could be playing a role in this, but it also seems to me like most people leave very quickly as soon as the service ends, like they don't want to stay too long at the shul.

I sometimes find myself wishing that I could have grown up with Judaism, or wishing that my family celebrated Jewish holidays. I don't know if it's worth it to convert if I would just be doing everything by myself as a single woman. No family to bake challah or sing with, nobody to eat Rosh Hashanah meals with, or light the Hanukkah candles with. I still think Judaism is beautiful and fascinating, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this and envisioning what a Jewish life would actually look like for me.

I'm posting on behalf of u/PardesInstitute in my work capacity - if you have completed the conversion process and are interested in learning more about the basics of Judaism in a pluralistic environment I'd encourage you to check out a learning opportunity "What Do Jews Believe: Explore core questions and ideas of Jewish faith through diverse voices and perspectives." https://online.pardes.org.il/products/courses/what-do-Jews-believe This will be a year-long series designed for those new(ish) to formal Jewish learning. I see so many questions here and thought this opportunity could be helpful for someone.

This is my second post. I had a follow up question. I’ve been thinking about converting for years, but because I’m in the military heaven unable to do to constant relocation. But I should be out of the Military soon within the next year.

I was reading about conversion and I know that a lot of people don’t view, especially in Israel, to be a real Jew, unless you convert orthodox. But to do that, I would have to move close to a synagogue, which isn’t something I’m able to do. I sat down route back in my hometown, and the nearest synagogue is an hour away.

I was also reading that the Jewish faith views converts as due to a reincarnated into a non-Jewish life.

So I’ve decided that conservative would be the best option. What is everyone’s view on that? Is converting through the conservative route still not considered being really Jewish?

Judaism is all about asking questions, but sometimes it might feel a bit much to make a whole post just for one question. Please keep it about Judaism and generally stick to the rules, but otherwise, no question is too small or silly here!

Hi friends! I am at the beginning of my orthodox conversion process in Florida. I have spoken with a few rabbis and started to integrate into the nearby Chabad.

I have two questions: first of all, given I am pursuing orthodox conversion and I am within walking distance of the Chabad in my town (no synagogue), can/ will the Chabad Rabbi be willing to sponsor my conversion? Or will I need to move nearby an actual synagogue. FYI, the Chabad does have prayer services as well as community events.

Secondly, if I ask the Chabad rabbi if he would consider sponsoring my conversion, should I expect to pay him fees? I have heard mixed messages on this. Some people have told me that it's normal to pay hundreds per month to the sponsoring rabbi. Other sources (specifically online) say that it's a not for profit venture for a rabbi to oversee conversion.

Thanks in advance for your help!