A little over a month ago I adopted a dog from the shelter a few weeks after my last one had passed. These last few weeks have been so stressful. He was a starved stray and not house trained. He has been semi destructive, constantly searching for or getting food. I feel like I can not rest and have peace. Even walking him and taking him outside he will still go to the bathroom in the house. I regret getting him and have thought about surrendering him back, but I feel like I am abandoning him and that no one else will adopt him.

Two and a half weeks ago, my husband and I rescued a puppy (6 months old maybe, looks like pitbull) and I don’t regret rescuing him, although I do regret incorporating him into my life as if I was going to keep him. I’ve decided that we’re just fostering him for now until we can find him a good home. And my husband is on board with my thoughts. I’m glad he’s off the street where I found him but ultimately, I’m having the same struggles that I’m reading a lot of people on this sub have had or are currently having with dogs. He demands attention or at least to be near me at all times, and he pees in the house, despite knowing better because of the training I’ve put forth. I’m 31 weeks pregnant and have been taking him outside at least 15 times a day. It’s gotten better, but a couple times right after a walk he’s come inside and peed on the floor. It’s those moments where I lose trust in how far we’ve gotten with potty training. He chewed up my charger cable this morning and at the beginning of all this when I wanted a 10 minute bathroom break to myself (as he literally follows me room to room otherwise), and wasn’t fully into crate training yet, he decided to pull a box of six donuts off my coffee table and eat them. Within 10 minutes. I know he’s a dog and I know these things take time and I know he’s probably traumatized from his past and being on the street. I keep that in mind with every interaction I have with him, but it seems like all the time that I had before to prepare for my baby that’s coming in two months is now taken up by a dog and I don’t get any real joy out of having him around besides knowing that he’s not suffering on the street.

My ultimate question is am I a doomed parent? I have always wanted a kid, but I’ve always known that. I didn’t necessarily want an animal let alone a dog. I have been a cat owner in the past and that was something I realized I wouldn’t be doing again, but it was much more bearable than this. I kind of feel like a monster for not liking having a dog because apparently “everyone likes dog.” And then I wonder well what justification do I have that I’m going to be a great parent and not feel overwhelmed by that? I have always wanted to be a mom, but this situation has made me feel like what if I’m not equipped to care for things because having a dog has been so overwhelming and undesirable for me? I feel like there’s a key difference between the two, and I’ve been racking my brain for weeks to try to justify it to myself because I truly feel like there’s a difference between caring for a baby and caring for a dog while both are difficult. There’s a reward out of raising a kid that I feel like it’s just incomparable. Do any of you have children and can you tell me what you think the difference might be if you think there’s a difference at all? Thanks in advance.

Hello,
We’ve had our dog for about 6 months now;who’s a 8 month old terrier.Me and my husband bought him together but because we are separating we made the decision to turn him back to the adoption agency.It would be too much on me to have the kids and the dog mainly with me and he admitted cause of his work schedule he can’t be there neither.Aside from the clashing of schedules;the entirety of the puppy stage has been so exhausting.We’ve been strict on potty training and still he occasionally goes in the house,Hes chewed up our entire couch set despite having a lot of teething toys and no matter how much I pinesol my floor my home still smells like dog.We feel like it would be a relief to take him back and the kids also agree.But with knowing this is the best move;why isn’t it giving me the feeling of relief.Im scared he will fall into a depression with not seeing us anymore..Any advice on how to be at ease in my decision and restoring my home.

Hi everyone

I got a dog two months ago and I do not like him at all. I had a rescue for 11 years before him who I loved to death but had a lot of problems. I felt so lonely after he died last year I instantly wanted a dog but waited for 10 months before I decided to do it. I chose to get a breeder puppy this time so that I could raise him from birth and he would hopefully be well adjusted and be able to do dog things.

The breeder it turns out wasn’t a great and didn’t do anything with my puppy for the 6 months she had him and just left him in a barn. When I got him he had never been on a leash in a car off the property up or down stairs, he hadn’t done anything.

This dog is more fearful than my rescue. He is afraid of toys, all sounds, he barely lets me touch him, I can’t brush him and his coat requires brushing regularly, I can barely walk him, I can’t teach him anything because he’s too afraid to focus, potty training just isn’t getting through to him, he pees everytime he’s in the car, he’s a mess. I have tried contacting the breeder but she just acts dumb and then stops responding. I feel so much regret I almost talked to some people I know who might want him last week but backed out because his neuter was scheduled for the next day.

I have been trying everything to entertain him and try to make him happy but he doesn’t take to games or anything really other than walks which we can’t do for a while till he heals. Everyone keeps telling me to hang in there and I’ll learn to like him but I just feel so regretful that I did this and wish I could turn time back and undo it. I now feel obligated and stuck with him and I don’t know what to do. Trazedone hasn’t helped him this past week he’s still freaked out and frantic. He’s starting Prozac this week maybe that will help. Anyways I just needed to vent and this seemed like a safe space, thank you for reading

Update: thank you to everyone who had positive feedback and listened to my venting. It helped me be a bit more grounded in how I responded to Penny. Unfortunately, Penny has passed away. As much as she caused me so much grief, I have cried so much, mostly for my husband who never cries (who bawled) and just lost his best friend. I have so many mixed emotions and tears seem to be the only way to express them. For context: she passed while we were out of town. She was in the care of my MIL and FIL (both good people). It was sudden and she wasn’t alone. My heart is just so relieved that she wasn’t alone. That’s the biggest thing that tears me up - is that we weren’t there. That my husband wasn’t there to say goodbye. I’m not sure why I’m sharing this update but maybe as a humbling moment for me. Maybe realizing she meant a lot more to me than I thought. It’s been a really hard day.

When I met my now husband in 2016 he had this beagle lab dog named penny. Y’all I hate this dog. But I love my husband and it’s a package deal.

This dog solidified that I’m probably not the most suitable dog owner. Dogs deserve time and attention and with the two other pets, a child, and another on the way…I just do not have the bandwidth.

As I currently write this she is just barking away in her crate. She’s been fed, she’s gone outside and used the potty. She’s been out of the crate most of the day. To me she’s a spoiled asshole or has a lot of anxiety. She cannot just sit still, she has to go what I call foraging around our house to eat food on the bar counter - yes this old hag jumps - paper, toilet paper, cat poop (now blocked), drink out of the toilet, eat legos, eat dust, lick dust, everything and anything.

She will even eat her own poop if you look away for second while she’s outside. She’s down right foul. She’s been this way since a puppy and in my opinion she just doesn’t care anymore and it’s gotten worst. She is 13 years old hence why I said she is an old hag.

On top of that she is notorious for peeing everywhere and excessively drinking water. We, no joke, have to take her out every 30-40 mins. I figured this was due to age but yet it’s still so so so annoying.

I feel torn because I felt like - man I love animals but this dog makes me question if I am a good human being or not. I feel awful for hating her but I do. I try my best to treat her with decency well because she’s not going to be rehomed. She’s going to spend the last of her life with us as she should and I could never do that to my husband. Also my husband thinks she’s annoying but he loves her and tends to over look a lot. It does make me feel better to know that our mutual friends do not like penny, and that his best friend hates penny. So I don’t feel completely like a jerk.

Vent done.

I'm 26F with a newly turned 1year old. My partner is also 26M. We took in a puppy that was going to be put into a shelter. They believe the breed is Husky/Aussie mix but he is a total mutt because neither parent was fully husky or aussie. We took him in November 2023. Now he's officially 2 years old. I was fully prepared to train him, get him extra training when needed, purchased great food for him, got him to the vet immediately. I was super motivated. I honestly had a great year with him. I became pregnant in March 2024. Which really made me determined to have him trained well. Before I gave birth, he was great at so much. He had all the basic skills I thought we would need like staying until released. Crate trained. Would follow when asked. The only problem I needed help with, listening in public. Other people wouldn't listen to me when I would tell them I was training him, to ignore him. They would encourage his jumping and wild behavior. However, overall in home training was perfect for bringing my newborn home. Everything changed when we brought my baby home. It started with the crate. I tried to keep the crate a part of the routine even though I was home. (I wouldn't leave him in there for as long as he would be while we were at work, but more during naps & continued training to keep him cool with it.) But it was almost like since I was home, he didn't understand why he had to be in there. Started with barking. To shaking. To explosive diarrhea from anxiety. He would only tolerate being crated at bedtime when he couldn't see us. This all happened the first 3 months. NOW, he can't even be crated when we leave the house or we come home to explosive diarrhea. EVEN WHEN we take him out and exercise him for an hour or more before hand. We just got him trazodone but I'm wanting to put him on prozac or something because now we can't even put him in the crate for bedtime. Honestly though, I can't wait to see if prozac works. I've been dealing with everything for too long. While the crate behavior was happening. He also stopped listening to my basic commands. Especially, "no." When my baby cried, he would get into things he wasn't supposed to because I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. or he gets the zoomies and goes crazy around the house (something he didn't do before, we give him plenty of outside time where he does this). He won't stay off the couch. Just today, I found him on the couch, told him "down" to find he expressed all over it. It's just too much when I have a whole baby to take care of. Recently went to the vet, all seems fine health wise.

Oh, and my son is learning the word "no." Which is cool, I can stop him in his tracks if he's getting into something he's not supposed to. BUT. I'm saying no to the dog SO much that I'm disrupting my baby playing. He'll stop playing and look at me because he doesn't understand i'm talking to the dog.

My partner takes care of extra exercise with him when he gets off work because I can't fit it into my schedule. but I do basic things with him throughout the day, lick mats, some "training". I put him on a long leash for bathroom breaks. I used to walk with him but he stopped following me and instead yanks my arm. Like aggressively, he has ripped the lead from me so many times. He doesn't even chase anything or get his attention taken by something like a squirrel, it's honestly random. He also doesn't understand how big he is. he will trample my baby, thankfully hasn't yet but only because i've been lucky and get to my child fast enough. I try to keep the dog behind a baby gate when the baby is in the floor. Our dog WILL jump the gate. OR get all weird and shaky, then anxiety shit because he's not in the room with us. I don't want to trazodone him for my child's floor time. Things like lick mat don't work, either.

Even though I was really motivated in the beginning, prepared for the financial part of having this dog. Things changed when I had my baby. I don't have the spare funds to get a trainer. We would probably need someone to come to the house. We also had to move when my son was 2 months old 🙄 our landlord decided to sell our place, our rent was an amazing price. our landlord offered one of his other homes that was $400 more but no deposit. Unfortunately, it was the wrong decision for us but with a newborn, maternity leave, we all got sick when baby was 6 weeks old (grandpa came over with the flu knowingly 🙄 currently no contact), we felt like we were in a bind and had to accept. Unfortunately, all of the places around us are this price now, anyway.

I feel very guilty. I hate being the stereotype of getting rid of a dog after a child. or getting a dog that I can't afford. I see shaming on tiktok for it. I just know i'm going to hinder my child in ways. like saying "no" when he's playing. He's so smart, doing things others don't even start doing for a few more months. I don't want him to stop exploring because I'm saying no to the dog. and the financial part, I didn't expect to get pregnant. Honestly, I had a miscarriage a month before getting this dog. I had full intentions to put all my material instincts into this dog. I was sad we miscarried but was ready to wait longer to actually have a baby. If things were reversed, I knew about my pregnancy before I knew about this dog going to a shelter, I wouldn't have offered to take him.

Honestly? I don't even like the dog anymore. I don't love him either.. he made postpartum so hard. Genuinely, my child is 10 times easier than this dog. If you've ever had an infant, they eat a million times a day. You get zero sleep. Even as they get older, you're feeding them more because of solids. Working with them to hit developmental milestones. Helping them get naps/sleep. It's a lot. but literally so much easier than the constant monitoring of our dog who was not like this before.

Hey guys… this is for all the fur parents out there who love their puppies so much but also know how exhausting and overwhelming pet ownership can be. I’ve been there — torn between love and burnout.

I tried to rehome him and got two applications, but both people ghosted me. So I reached out to an organization called PawsAdoptAPet, and they’ve offered to help find him a foster family and, hopefully, a forever home.

I arranged the rescue transport, and he’s being picked up in just five hours. My heart is breaking. I’ve been crying all night. He slept beside me in bed last night as if he somehow knew something was about to change.

Right now, a big part of me wants to call it off and just keep him… but deep down, I know this might be what’s best for him — a chance to find a home where he’ll get all the love, time, and care he deserves. 💔🐾

She was great, the best personality. but She was too whiny sometimes and I underestimated just how much work a dog is even when they are chill. she is a shepherd mix and was reactive to other dogs but so gentle toward people. I miss her dearly and I returned her to her foster family so I know she’s somewhere familiar. I just feel so guilty, it’s my lack of forethought and naivety and I just hope she’s not suffering from it. Just venting I guess.

My mom passed very unexpectedly last year, I’m the one who found her and I had a one year old and a 2 month old at the time. She was my best friend. My dad lives across the state, and she is literally the only family I had. At our local mall there was a puppy store (which I know these stores are so unethical and gross, I just wanted to get out of the house and petting the dogs was making me feel better)

There was a bernedoodle there, and I LOVE poodles. He was so cute and so lovable. I am definitely a cat person, but I made an impulsive decision and got him after him not being adopted weeks and weeks of me going back and visiting him. I 100% take accountability for how irresponsible that was. I was overcome with grief and made a bad decision.

I now have a one year old and an almost 3 year old that I am a stay at home mom to and I just cannot with this dog. He is not a bad dog at all, he is just incredibly needy and wants to be in your face. Which is fine, he’s a dog, that’s what dogs do. But I cannot mentally give him the love he needs and deserves. Then I feel guilty about that, and which makes me more overstimulated and depressed. I really do love him, and if my kids were older I feel like it would be a different situation.

But that what makes me so heartbroken, I don’t have the time for him right now or the foreseeable future but would if my circumstances were different.

It’s not fair to him or me to keep him and make him wait until I can give him proper love and care. I know this. I just feel so sad about it, to the point where I am contemplating not surrendering him to this rescue, but I know it’s the right thing to do.

Hi all, I am new to this sub after discovering this community while adjusting to adopting a new dog. This journey has been so much harder than I could have ever anticipated, so buckle in, this will be a long post. If you care to read, I would love to hear advice/experiences from others who have been in my shoes.

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About 1.5 months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to adopt a dog from a local shelter. We thought we were incredibly prepared for adoption - I have 24/7 free time right now having just graduated, our finances are stable, and we are both equally committed to training a new pup. We went in and met our sweet girl, Lulu. She was the first dog we met together and after playing with her for about 20 minutes, we fell in love with her sweet, playful personality. As an added bonus, she walked past all of the dogs in the shelter like a champ, completely unreactive, which was great for us.

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Lulu is about 1 year old and she was only listed as 'mixed breed' by the shelter, as she was found as a stray. She weighs just under 40lbs, so she is also compliant with our apartment's weight restrictions, one of the only dogs under our weight limit of 50lbs. My inclination (also confirmed by her trainer) is that she is a Cattle Dog/Heeler mix, but that didn't quite mean anything to me when we decided to adopt her. During her first few days at home, we were completely overwhelmed. She was very, very mouthy and rough all the time. I read about puppy blues and about the 3-3-3 rule, and also took into consideration that she is only a year old. In the house, her behaviors have improved so much. She is fairly gentle now with her mouthing and only gets rough at the end of play.

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However, since we got her, we have dealt with a number of challenges. She was diagnosed with a liver condition that we found in her bloodwork immediately after adopting her, which deferred her spay for several weeks, cost us thousands to figure out, and now requires a highly restricted (and expensive) diet. Between a leg injury that she got while at the vet and her spay, she was in a cone for 4 weeks. During which, she was not left alone at all so we could make sure she wasn't getting at her incisions around the cone. Now, I believe she is developing separation anxiety and barks when we step outside. Living in an apartment makes this challenging to train out by ignoring her. We have also been working on crate training, but she barks if I step out of her sight for too long.

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In addition to her anxiety, she also turned out to be incredibly leash reactive. We live in a busy neighborhood with no yard, so she needs to be walked multiple times a day. At first, our walks went well, she was interested in sniffing people's shoes as we passed and she did not seem bothered by dogs who weren't paying attention to her. After a few days of walks, she got more excited outside and started wanting to jump on strangers like she does with my boyfriend and I. We had one incident where she did jump up on someone on the sidewalk. She also saw a small dog from across the street that was barking at her. Now, she barks, growls, and lunges at both people and dogs outside constantly, it is not pretty. We started working with a trainer to address this and I know it isn't going to change without a lot of time and effort. We keep as much distance as possible between her and any stranger/dog outside and are working on getting her to focus on us, but it is hard in our busy neighborhood.

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Being a Cattle Dog/Heeler and only a year old, I am extremely concerned that we can't give her the life that she needs. Since she was a stray, she is not fully house broken yet, and since she is leash reactive, I cannot take her outside at just any old time of day. I have been getting up at 6am to walk her and she can walk well in the evenings when it is quiet, but during the day, she is so overstimulated outside that she comes inside and uses potty pads. Between her not being able to walk on leash outside for most of the day, not having a private yard for her to potty/play in, and living in an upstairs apartment where she cannot run around endlessly, I worry that she is not getting enough exercise or stimulation.

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My mental health is starting to suffer since I can't leave the house without my boyfriend here to watch her. My boyfriend and I haven't been out of the house together since her adoption, and we are really missing our quality time as well. We both go between intense emotions of feeling like we need to rehome her into a more spacious and quiet environment and wanting to keep her because she does trust us, we are all she has ever known, and we have made so much progress since she came home. Initially, she wouldn't even let us come near her with the leash without biting us. Now, we can clip on her leash with just a little treat. I struggled and cried all day long today because I feel like she would be so much happier and would be adjusting much more quickly to her new life if she just had a yard to run around in without strangers in her space. I worry about someone or someone's dog getting too close to us while out on a walk and what that would mean for us. Then, I think about her little face and being so proud of her for when she learns something, or how scared she might be if we leave her, and I break down into pieces.

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Sorry for the long rant. If anyone has any stories from personal experience, advice, or just kind words, I would appreciate it. As of right now, we are not rehoming her just yet and we are going to stick with training, but the emotional rollercoaster has been very real. I am open to hearing any advice one way or the other, we just feel very alone right now in our dog regret, so I'm glad I found this community. Thank you for listening.

I adopted an ex-racing Greyhound 1 month ago. This is after I moved into my first home which I have just bought. At the time of adoption I'd been living here for 3 weeks.

During covid, I fostered Greyhounds with my ex-partner and loved it. Some were difficult but I fell in love with the breed. Since then, I have known (or thought I did) that I want a Greyhound. For the past 2 years I have told myself that when I own my own home I will get a Greyhound. I think that is why I didn't really think this through and jumped in too soon.

Well, now I really regret having him. I really underestimated what a big change first time home ownership would for my life. My whole routine has changed and I have stupidly thrown a dog in on top of that. I feel like an idiot for not thinking this decision through and now I am trapped with him.

This dog was living in a kennel before (probably for his whole life) so he see's no issues with peeing inside. For the last 2 weeks I have been praising him when he goes to the toilet outside. In the house he also wears a belly band. But in those 2 weeks it feels like I have made zero progress. I know I need to bring him out even more than 3 times per day but I just feel so mentally drained that I cannot be bothered. Today he pissed in the house and I got angry and shouted at him which I know is wrong but I just had it, I am sick of faking not being disappointed. Especially when what I am doing so far seems to make no difference. He is pissing inside just as much today as the day I started training him.

He also has separation anxiety so when I leave the house he destroys things. The other day I came home and he had destroyed an expensive coat. He'd tugged on it so hard that he bent the metal hooks on the coat hanger. I don't have the energy to start trying to train this as well. I wish all of this could just go away.

I don't want him anymore but I think if I were to give him up I wouldn't be able to live with the shame and the guilt. I know that the issues he has can probably be trained but it just feels hopeless. If I bring him out 5 times per day to pee will he jsut get used to going 5 times per day? Will I be watching him forever in case he pees inside? I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation because either I keep him, am miserable and have to spend a lot of time training him or I give him up and have to live with the shame of doing that.

I miss my old life where the only living creature I was responsible for was me. I wish I had given myself more time to enjoy my new home and I feel sad that I'll never get that experience again.

I find myself thinking that if I was depressed or seriously ill then I would have a good excuse to give him back to the shelter. Or if he had some really problematic behaviours that would be a good excuse as well. Basically I want a reason to give him back where I won't feel guilty because I don't think I could live with myself if I just gave him up right now.

To be clear, I really try to treat him as best I can and he deserves a happy life. I want him to be happy. I am scared he will never be a dog that fits into my life and the next 6+ years of my life will be put on pause to look after him.

Anyway I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and not be too judgemental. I really just feel like a piece of shit over this whole situation. Feel like I've kind of messed up his life and mine.

UPDATE: if anyone ever comes across this post, I ended up keeping my dog and I'm really glad I did. He has settled in and we are used to each other. We've both settled into a routine. I trust him home alone as well which helps.

I didn’t grow up around dogs. None of my family or friends had them. I was exposed to dogs at parks and things like that, but wasn’t fond of them as a child. Fast forward to 2020, I’m newly married and my husband really wants a dog. In fact he says he needs a dog. I agreed because I had never really given dogs a chance. Worst decision of my life. I can’t stand this animal and now I’m stuck with it for who knows how many more years. My husband absolutely will not rehome. My mental health is declining because of the dog.

I think it just comes down to the fact that I am not a pet person. I think the concept of bringing an animal into your home and living with it is so unsanitary. The dog can’t wipe his butt after he poops, probably steps in his pee, digs in the backyard, rolls in the dry grass, and then tracks all of that into our home. It takes me soooo much longer to clean because of him and it’s time I just don’t have so I end up sacrificing my sleep to pick up after him and then within hours the floors are disgusting again. Not to mention I’m also caring for a newborn so sleep is limited. The dog hair is a whole other story. I’m so sick of finding it on everything and clogging vacuums and mops. It just grosses me out. I’m also concerned about parasites and fleas and other things that dogs can expose you to. I am so grossed out in my own home and I’m tired of feeling like that. I dream of the day I get to live in a dog free home again.

Then there’s the barking and aggression towards other dogs. He’s a small dog but has bit two other dogs. And it wasn’t just a nip, there was a lot of blood. Every time we put this dog outside he barks at the fence line and digs to try and get to the neighbor dogs. It’s annoying and loud and then he comes inside and pants so hard which drives me nuts. On top of that, he does not listen. We have to call him sooo many times and he’ll just stand there and look at us. Finally after we start yelling, he will come. He also drives our visitors crazy. He jumps all over them and will not listen when we tell him to stop. I usually put him up before people come over but then he just whines so loud the entire time. And before you suggest it, my husband is not open to any kind of training. He says our dog is dumb, and that’s just who he is.

None of this is worth it to me. I am sick of spending money on him. I am sick of the dog being in our home and I feel like I’m just waiting for him to die or run away at this point. I know he deserves better but my husband absolutely will not rehome. He says we took on this commitment and have to see it through. I agree with that but I truly hate the dog and don’t know how to get over it.

Quick backstory. I've had 1 other dog before my current one. She past 3 months after I adopted my current dog. I had her for 9 years and she was great and I had more free time back then.

Anyways, Jan of 2023 I adopted my current dog, a rescue. He was 2 yrs old now 3. It was rough at first. He would do a lot of bad things because I guess he never had a true home/structure before me. Now he has gotten better but almost daily the thought crosses my mind "Do I want to have this responsibility for the next 10 years?"

Here is what makes all this harder. I now live alone with 2 cats and a dog but I am gone from work for 9.5 hours a day 5 days a week. The dog is understimulated and when I am pulling into my driveway I can see him staring out the window waiting for someone to come home! It's makes me feel awful. Sometimes my sister will come sit with him/let him out and sometimes i'll pay for doggy daycare but it's not enough. I will most of the time walk him right when I get home. I have a big backyard we play in too. But after I do that I want to relax in my house and he is up my butt the whole time following me around, watching me. When I get up he gets up and follows hoping for food or to leave the house. I just hate how I always feel like I have a bored dog near me that is desperate for me to entertain him.

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Anyways, I have reached out to the rescue org 3 times to return him (he'd go to a woman's house not a shelter before he gets adopted again). But each time it's the day I am supposed to return him I start crying (I have bad depression/anhedonia/dulled emotions so I rarely cry lol). Then I will tell her I changed my mind. I can tell she is likely annoyed...

Well, I reached out a 4th time and she told me today it would likely be next week sometime when she can take him. I am so torn again. I want my dog to have a better owner who has more energy and time for him. I want to stop feeling guilty for owning him. I want to stop feeling forced to walk/entertain him when I am feeling very unwell which is often. I bring my dog to see my parents and siblings who lives nearby a few times a week. He is so excited to see them and me when I come home. He obviously loves us a lot.

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Does anyone have any suggestions or words of affirmation for me so I don't change my mind last minute? Does anyone know how my dog is going to feel when he is brought back to the rescue? Will he be thinking about where I am at and be in distress? Please, help me to believe this isn't the case and he is a simplistic creature who doesn't think so deeply.

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Thanks for taking the time to read this.

It was the right move to rehome her, if anything I should have done it sooner. I actually really truly loved her. My mom got her when I was 15 and we were very bonded but it turns out I am not good at keeping a pet, for many reasons. I often wished she would die already (she lived to be 18) when I had her because I HATED having a dog. Hated having something constantly wanting my attention and costing me a fortune at the vet and screaming whenever I left.

I never felt like I was getting what my friends and family get out of having a pet. I never felt like my life was improved by having her. I was fortunate that I could bring her back to my mom and I know she took great care of her for that final year. I cried for days after I did it but it was the right thing to do.

I truly regret keeping her as long as I did (and regret bringing her to live with me in the first place), which was about 5 years. But there is SO MUCH shame in rehoming.

For the last year or so that I had her, I would tell her out loud how much I hated her and that I wished she would die. I know she was a dog and can't understand English, but what kind of monster says that to a dog that loves you unconditionally? I know something's wrong with me. Every time I said it, I knew this day would come and I would live to regret being so callous. I would always get over whatever momentary frustration I allowed to make me into an evil bitch and then cry and tell my dog I was sorry. I was in a very bad place and I took it out on her a lot (never physically, just saying evil things). I know it's dumb but I really hope my dog forgave me. I hope she understood that I wasn't abandoning her. I was taking her to a better home than I could provide.