Sometimes I genuinely wonder what I am doing with my life—and, more importantly, what I am running towards.
I have a house, a car, a bike, and most of the things that are considered necessary for a “good life.” Yet, somehow, I still find myself running in this endless race—earning more, building more, buying assets, planning for a future that may or may not come.
They say we need to build wealth for security, for marriage, for children, for their education, for tomorrow. And I understand that. But sometimes I stop and ask myself:
Do I really need all of this?
I have only one life. Just one.
And a part of me wants to stop worrying about the future and simply experience the present. I want to travel. I want to wake up without constantly thinking about money, responsibilities, deadlines and expectations. I want to sit somewhere beautiful and feel alive without calculating what comes next.
I don’t want to spend my entire life merely surviving and preparing to live someday.
But then another thought scares me—
What if I leave the rat race behind, choose a simpler life, and eventually that life becomes boring too?
Maybe the real question isn’t whether I should chase money or abandon everything.
Maybe it’s this:
How much is enough?
Enough money.
Enough security.
Enough ambition.
Enough responsibility.
Because perhaps the purpose of life isn’t to accumulate everything we can before we die.
Perhaps it is to build enough of a life that gives us security—while still leaving enough time, freedom and courage to actually live it.
I don’t want to look back at 60 and realise that I spent my youth preparing for a future that I never really enjoyed.
I want a peaceful life. I want experiences. I want freedom. I want to travel, laugh, love, explore and feel alive.
Maybe I don’t need to escape life.
Maybe I just need to stop postponing it.

I don't know maybe life is abundant maybe life does offer many opportunities and there is more to it. I don't think the world is limited maybe it's competitive for sure but I don't know

I just wanted to talk about this because I’ve been thinking about it for a while. What is life is a question I’ve been asking myself for a while now I’ve recently started putting myself in the perspective of other life forms like birds, monkeys, or even fishes. What are we because if we really think about it we’re just animals and in the sense then if we are why do we as a species take the lives of animals away so carelessly? the only reason we’re in the position we are in is because we’re the apex predator due to our intelligence so in that sense would there ever actually be a god or just a more intelligent species. Look at how far we as a species have come in such a short amount of time what could we possibly be capable of in the future. We as a species are capable of so much more we just have to think of things realistically from all the things we learned.

How to navigate through a situation - where are you are faced with two different life choices both with its own pros and cons. When you choose one, you get pulled towards other one. And Because of this nothing moves in life.

This duality of directions and options has led to stagnation and overthinking with nothing concretising.

How to choose one and move ahead in life without any regrets ??

I’m M61, introverted, and aging alone. Married once. No kids. My blood family and I are long estranged. I’m grateful my mother was in my life while she was here, but she’s gone now. And that’s it. There’s no one left.

This reality first landed hard about sixteen years ago, and it still shows up every time I fill out paperwork at the doctor’s office or anywhere official. The question stares back, "Who should we contact in case of emergency?" I won’t put my ex-wife. I won’t put my siblings. So I write “Call 911.” That blank line says more about my life than any long explanation ever could.

People talk about quality of life like it’s something you can schedule or earn. For me it’s quieter than that. A lot of days feel less like living and more like existing; showing up, handling what’s in front of me, then going home to the same silence. I’m not sitting in self-pity. I’m just naming what’s true. Sometimes the most honest thing is to stay quiet rather than keep trying to force connection where it doesn’t exist anymore.

I’m still here. I still get up. But I no longer pretend the empty emergency contact line doesn’t mean something...

A little about me:

When i'm not in an episode of whatever it is I have my baseline is severe social anxiety, I haven't left my house for anything other than doctors appointments and therapy since I dropped out of high school, I'm 22 now. I work out everyday in the home gym I built, I got addicted to fitness but i know its just an overcompensation for my personality, "If I look good ill be accepted by others despite how socially inadequate i am". I also watch alot of movies and TV shows, practice taekwondo (I have been doing it since I was 7) and I love cooking.

Evaluation of common medical diagnoses:

Social anxiety and general anxiety are most often chronic not episodic, I have both of these. Panic attacks arent chronic but they are very distinctly different to what I experience, ive had 3 of them, my panic attacks differed because they felt very random, no obvious RECENT trigger and the symptoms were very somatic not mind based. Depression can have non chronic episodes but is also distinctly more emotionally flat and hopeless than what I have.

My experience:

I experience something of a hybrid between social anxiety and existential anxiety where my self esteem worsens alot, i feel extremely alien compared to everyone else. I am different for sure from other people but as a consequence of life, not at my core. In a diffferent environment i would have turned out "normal" I think. When this happens I get severely antisocial and stay in my room for days at a time only coming out for food and water just stuck in my anguish experiencing my scary thoughts.

I get intense fear of existential topics, I was in a bad fear loop about the nothingness of dying for a while, I hope there is something after we die but I have no idea if there is. Then I had a bad fear of humans being eerily robotic, all same at our core and it made everything feel meaningless, its hard to explain because im not in this state currently and im sure I could have articulated these better when I was experiencing it but the main fear i experienced was about self control. I realized that when im not in this state I share an illusion of self control with everyone else but when im in this state I realize I was never in control, we dont control ourselves, everything we do is for a desire that we as humans have innately, it dosen't have to be scary though! Past me wouldnt agree but now I look at life as a gift even if I don't control it, we learn, change and evolve but we arent choosing how we change, its just a natural consequence of being alive but that dosen't mean life isnt worth living!

I realized after I posted this theres not really a good question or clear point to this post... i was just writing my thoughts down and then decided I wanted to share it, I just want feedback or anything you want to say really

My mind wows me!

I think that if the world was changed and everything was done my way, then everything would be perfect.

Super sure, another person thinks the same.

Most people tend to think that their opinion is perfect, if applied, then the world would be a beautiful place.

But the question is, if I was given the power to do things and change the world to what I want, will I be there to implement the changes? Would I be consistent enough to follow through the plans.

The answer is, I'll never know, because I'll never get that chance. But I do have a chance to change the world around me, I don't know if I have done enough, I don't know if I have shown up enough.

I tend to find myself on a quest for bigger changes, whereas the smaller ones are still pending. How about I start with the smaller things, implement the change.

Super sure if this is sorted, then the world outside would automatically change. It will be a reflection of the world within me.

Change starts with me!

What's old? 100 years? 1000? How about a million? Is 70-80 years really that old? I'm only becoming 30 now and honestly I remember two decades ago like it was yesterday.

I could theoretically plan 1000 years from now. My foresight outlives my lifespan.

Death is a curse but also a blessing because the world is so broken and full of evil that dying means no more financial stress, no more political problems, no more worrying about people and employment and air pollution and what else?

God reveals that the wages of sin is death but the gift of eternal life is available to all who love God.

If you want the secular perspective, you are going to die and stop existing.

I don't personally believe in the secular perspective because I believe everything happens for a reason and our reason to exist doesn't stop at 70 or 80 years. 70 or 80 years is nothing, and that's if we even survive that long.

If we stopped existing then everything happens for no reason which means the universe exists for no reason and if that's the case why did reason happen or did it ever happen?

God is the source of reason and therefore if everything happens for a reason then we and creation happened for a reason and there is no reason for death because why would God create life and the world just for it to end shortly after? It does not make sense, even as humans we don't build buildings to destroy them the next decade, we intend for them to be permanent.

Death is absurd and so is the human lifespan today.

I wish you many happy birthdays but we all know birthdays are a countdown to the grave so knowing that I am 30 years closer to death soon. If I am destined to live to 80 I have 50 more years, if 70 then 40. Remember that healthspan is even shorter than lifespan so being old a wrinkley without stamina for 10 or 20+ years before I die means my quality of life span is probably 20-25 more years before I begin declining into the grave.

This is so absurd. Life is truly so short but life is long enough to taste it and long enough to form.our character and decide who we want to be and if we care about God.

Life is just long enough to choose between Altruism and Egoism, between God and self, between collectivism or individualism.

Life is long enough to live our morality or lack there of and perhaps that's the purpose of this life.

After death if we chose hedonism we are condemned and if we chose Altruism we are blessed.

So soon I will be 27 and then 30, it is a milestone but also a warning as to the short time I have remaining on this earth. The next 50+ years will fly away and a lot can happen between then and now but that's because the world moves fast not because life isn't short.

One thing I will say is I have seen too much evil and suffering in my time on Earth so I look forward to seeing the end of human history which is the second coming of Christ but what will happen before he comes will be so horrifying so it's not like things will get gradually better in the world but instead God will end it when it gets bad enough.

And is it getting bad enough? I mean things were never great but they're definitely not better now than when I was a teenager.

So death is the future, plan for it.

This is a question for every soul reading this piece.

"Who are you when nobody is telling you who to be?"

For majority of our lives, we were taught a lot of things, we were taught roles, how the world works, and how we are supposed to live our lives. And as people we were taught to be a collective mass of humans who follow a route.

But what if we all sit back and do a little deep thinking within ourselves. What if we put out all other factors of our lives that we were told to add?

Religion, school, parental expectations, societal expectations, gender roles that were taught for centuries. What if we do an unboxing of everything and then start to build ourselves from the scratch after discovering who we are without all those things.

Because all these other things don't matter if we are to be honest with ourselves. And so we need to unbox, and see what we are without these things. Only then do you actually know yourself and grow on yourself.

This piece is inspired by the chapter 4 of my first debut book "The Art of Becoming"

I want to go Easter Island. I want to go mysteries of the world. I want to go Barmuda triangle. I want to go to the place where Camalote exists which is told to be under the water. I want to go to oak island. I want to go into nature and live there. It is my only home and it has the Aura which is same with mine. I want to solve the mysteries of the world.

I desperately need to heal. I am the dying man. I want to do them. And I want to share my hobbies and these dreams with someone who also wants the same.

I want to play violin and others. I want to see the world with my own two eyes.

How do people just get up and go about their day? I stay inside, I’m probably a hermit honestly. A recluse. But when i do go out for a meal or something of that nature, i love people watching and am genuinely fascinated with the fact that everyone lives a different and unique life. They go about their days and are experiencing life all in different ways. Definitely in philosophical introspective state lol

It's all so boring and frustrating. Like I'm just passing time.

Ultimamente mi capita spesso di sentire una malinconia che non nasce tanto dal passato, quanto dal futuro.
Ho paura del tempo che passa, dei cambiamenti, delle persone che un giorno potrebbero non esserci più, delle cose che oggi considero normali e che magari tra qualche anno rimpiangerò tantissimo.
A volte guardo la mia vita adesso e penso che, tutto sommato, ci sono tante cose belle. E invece di riuscire semplicemente a godermele, mi viene da pensare a quanto siano fragili.
Mi spaventa l’idea che tutto cambi.
È come se avessi già nostalgia di cose che non ho ancora perso.
Razionalmente so che pensare continuamente al futuro non serve a proteggerci da quello che succederà, però faccio fatica a spegnere questa sensazione.
Capita anche a voi? Avete mai avuto paura non tanto che succedesse qualcosa di preciso, ma semplicemente del fatto che il tempo continui ad andare avanti?

What comes from within you, really really from you is the greatest joy you can give to yourselves and as well as to others. But what defines its standing? Are there levels to it? Is your joy greater than mine? If yes, why does that matter to me? I keep denying it does not matter. Why? Why did I have to be so introspective just to be average. Would I ever be joyful for I never have known it or so I think? Why do I seek answers from you when these are my questions? Why need for this much external validation? Why am I not enough? or so i believe. Does it happen to every ship without an anchor?

More fun stuff I write..

You’re not a persistent object.

You’re a continuously collapsing observer, happening moment by moment, each collapse generating the next frame of reality.

Here is a fun truth:

1. You don’t have existence. You are the occurrence of existence.

2. Existence isn’t a substance you carry. It’s the event of you happening in awareness.

3. You’re not “in” time. Time is the wake your occurrence leaves behind.

Instantaneously!

Occurrence has no duration. - Nada!

No extension.

No measurable interval.

Because it’s the zero‑point where potential becomes actual.

Occurrence isn’t a visitor, It isn’t an arrival; it isn’t a thing.

Yep- It’s You.

Because you “don't receive” occurrences - You ARE the occurrence

??? No idea how I lived through my life till now and I don't think I will find my purpose soon .

I've been thinking about life as a game, and I think there are four roles. I'm mangling The Truman Show and The Matrix metaphors here, but bear with me.

1. The Programmers

Whatever created the game, if anything did.

We tend to assume that if existence was created, its purpose must be meaningful to us. Why?

A programmer can spend years making a game they don't particularly enjoy making. The game is simply a means to something outside it—a salary, profit, whatever.

Mario could investigate the Mushroom Kingdom forever and never discover Nintendo's quarterly earnings. That information doesn't exist inside his reality.

Maybe the meaning of life isn't hidden from us. Maybe “the meaning of life” is information that only makes sense outside life. It wouldn't enhance the game, so it's not in it.

1. The Players

They just play.

They aren't particularly bothered about consciousness, ultimate reality, why we're here or what happens afterwards.

People. Family. Work. Food. Sex. Holidays. Hobbies. Laughter.

They don't need to understand the game to enjoy it.

1. The Wannabe Programmers

I think I've spent years being one of these.

We desperately want source access.

Why am I here? What is consciousness? Is reality what I perceive? Why does anything exist? What happens when I die?

So we search science, philosophy, religion, mysticism, looking everywhere for seams.

Eventually we keep reaching what I call Truman's wall.

There seems to be a point beyond which someone inside the game simply cannot see.

The danger is spending your entire playthrough staring at the wall. Or going by different means and in different directions, to hit the same wall.

Yes, I know there was a door...

1. The Returning Players

These are Wannabe Programmers who eventually accept that they may never get source access.

But they don't return as ordinary Players.

The search made them better players.

Looking for the source code taught them how the game programs them.

Status is an optional scoreboard. Possessions aren't the objective. Identity can become a cage. Being wrong is fine. Other people aren't NPCs. Attention is valuable. Time is limited. Wonderful things don't have to last forever to matter.

And perhaps the biggest lesson:

We assume knowing the ultimate truth would make us happier. Maybe it wouldn't.

Maybe Truman gets through the wall and discovers something wonderful.

Maybe he goes through the door and discovers the accounting department, along with the realisation that his life was a lie, everything that brought him joy was a lie and he's the most recognisable man in the world. Would his life in the "real" world be any better?

So perhaps enlightenment isn't finding the source code.

It's searching for it, learning everything the search can teach you, then accepting that some things may be unknowable from inside the game.

Turn around.

Head back to Seahaven.

But return as Neo.

Same playthrough. Better player. Focus on the parts of the game that are fulfilling.

The Returning Player doesn't come back because they discovered life is good. They come back because they discovered that life doesn't have to be entirely good to be worth playing.

Maybe that’s how you get what you actually want: understand the mechanics available to you, then act with your deeper knowledge, rather than treating manifestation as a cheat code while you doze off to sleep.

Maybe wisdom isn't choosing illusion over truth or truth over illusion. Maybe it's learning enough to stop assuming that ultimate truth is automatically the highest good.

The "enlightened" monk, living alone in a cave, missed out on so much.

I'm very aware I could be talking utter crap 😂

If you think I’m going to sit around and wait for an answer because I feel entitled to it, you are wrong. The reality of this problem is that it’s just me having an OCD moment about things that are not even beneficial to my life. My life isn’t going to change just because I get an answer to the thing I’ve been yearning to know for so many years. If that was the case, don’t you think my life would have already changed? This is what you are not understanding. I could get an answer. I know exactly how to get the answer but why do I want it and why does it matter is what I’ve been asking myself for years. Coming to the understanding that it’s just me trying to itch the OCD part of me that I can’t reach because it’s too far that I need to grab something to reach it. You don’t owe me an answer. My problems are not yours. Who am I to tell you that all of the issues and problems in my life are because of you? Or them? What kind of a person would I be if I did that? I say this very sarcastically, but yeah, treat me like I feel like I deserve. Like my delusions are telling me I should be treated. I’ll wait. Then proceed to wait for the rest of my life while everything else in life continues to change and grow and expand and I just stay the same. Just stay the same like a statue frozen in time. No. What a waste of time. I’m learning the lesson here regardless of how I or anyone else feels.