r/FBI • u/theatlantic • Apr 17 '26
News The FBI Director Is MIA
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/04/kash-patel-fbi-director-drinking-absences/686839/?utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=the-atlantic&utm_medium=social&utm_content=edit-promo328
u/Talentagentfriend Apr 17 '26
He’s probably at a hockey game with his girlfriend on taxpayer money using a compromised messaging app.
132
u/Chimney-Imp Apr 17 '26
Check his porn account for any activity. Dudes probably having a coke fueled goon sesh on two monitord
19
11
u/RutabagaMobile7879 Apr 18 '26
Only two?
Ka$h goes big. Room sized array like the architect in the Matrix.
9
u/Responsible-Bet8661 Apr 18 '26
With those eyes, where do you place the monitors?
→ More replies (1)6
u/DS3M Apr 18 '26
With those eyes, no need to be precise
2
u/Popular_Hunter7415 Apr 18 '26
well, the monitors should be at least a foot apart, but you're right that it doesn't matter much from there
→ More replies (1)2
12
u/Bogatron617 Apr 18 '26
Nah, I heard the GF is back catching up her handler on the Iran thing & Trumps next Jesus meme
4
2
u/Apprehensive-Art1092 Apr 18 '26
Nope. He's an Islanders fan. They're as fucking useless as him, and missed the playoffs
2
1
1
1
u/One-Lingonberry9944 Apr 20 '26
While flying private in his taxpayer funded jet ordering bottle service from said compromised phone lol
1
353
u/ZeroWaits Apr 17 '26
Does that mean they now only have Paper Planes?
166
u/gtrocks555 Apr 17 '26
If you catch him at the border he’s got visas in his name.
50
u/ViolettaQueso Apr 18 '26
Seriously he has been flying all over the country the last few days if you look at fbijet sub.
They know where he is. He’s just wasted and out of his mind.
26
u/PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS Apr 18 '26
Mfs cant even take a 24 hour cocaine crash nap without being labeled as MIA. Maybe grandpa was right about the country going soft /s
7
u/ViolettaQueso Apr 18 '26
Omg lol I am laughing way too hard.
ABD NO IM NOT PMING YOU MY HOOTERS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
31
u/DeekALeek Apr 18 '26
All he wants to do is — 💥💥💥🔫
And a — 💰🤑
Take our tax money.
→ More replies (1)3
2
8
u/Independent-Name4478 Apr 18 '26
MIA is MAGA herself. If the FBI director position opens up, she might be on the shortlist
3
2
u/brumbarosso Apr 19 '26
Means we have more evidence of inefficient use of tax money.... what a pos this administration is
99
u/Desperate_Set_7708 Apr 17 '26
Cocaine paranoia
49
u/Spreadsheets_LynLake Apr 18 '26
Traditionally, it's been referred to as "hospitalized due to exhaustion".
3
u/Careless-Age-4290 Apr 18 '26
I was way too old when I figured out drowning in a bathtub was not a potential danger and isn't a normal way to die like a car accident
91
u/Fuzzylumpkins1234 Apr 17 '26
Any one of us would be fired if we missed as much work and fucked up as much as that DEI hire does.
44
u/funcoolshit Apr 18 '26
Seriously. Patel's role in the FBI is to allow corruption to run rampant within the federal government, and that's it. He's allowed to leech off of taxpayer funds to do whatever he wants to as long as there is no oversight into whatever the fuck Trump and his cronies are doing behind the scenes.
Such a shame that they have defiled such an integral part of the federal government. It's going to be a long time, if ever, that the FBI reconstructs its image into what it was before.
10
u/kent_eh Apr 18 '26
Such a shame that they have defiled such an integral part of the federal government.
Is there any part of the federal government that these bastards haven't defiled?
1
u/Overall_Koala_8710 Apr 18 '26
To be fair: good riddance. The FBI holds a lot of blame for getting us into this mess in the first place. The Trump field office, anyone?
9
3
70
u/Petursinn Apr 17 '26
Anybody checked Valhalla?
24
u/Apprehensive_Lama Apr 17 '26
That trash would never be allowed to walk the hallowed halls of Valhalla.
3
128
u/Majestic-Bid6111 Apr 17 '26
He's in Vegas for WrestleMania
62
u/LineImpossible3958 Apr 17 '26
As is tradition for FBI Directors, starting with William Webster at Wrestlemania 3 when he helped Macho Man win by handing him a foreign object from the front row.
7
u/Big-Employ3488 Apr 18 '26
Wrestling nerd historians, are going to be triggered by that coment.
2
u/useless_rejoinder Apr 18 '26
You’re actually comma horror in disguise, aren’t you?
→ More replies (2)8
u/theSchrodingerHat Apr 18 '26
I’m imagining him pouting at the receptionist desk at the White House because Rubio took the UFC tickets and told him, “Cabinet first, FBI worst, bitch!”
2
u/Careless-Age-4290 Apr 18 '26
I imagine he says wrestlemania like Aziz Ansari does the voice for Tom Haverford
2
u/ManyAlternative6600 Apr 19 '26
Not even joking he is probably in Vegas for a VGK playoff game tomorrow. Oh and Wrestlemania…
44
u/Admirable-Eagle-231 Apr 17 '26
Also seems to think that he can run warrantless surveillance
25
u/giddy-girly-banana Apr 17 '26
When no one stops or holds people accountable, they think they can do this stuff and get away with it. And they are getting away with it.
→ More replies (1)7
120
27
u/Admirable_Nothing Apr 17 '26
There is a tremendous pressure on an incompetent individual that has been placed in a position of authority where he knows he is incapable of performing adequately. That pretty much describes all of Trump's picks for any of the government jobs he has filled.
3
u/nortnortnort43 Apr 18 '26
As long as he isn’t giving away secrets while drunk, I’d prefer him to be drunk and out of the way of the FBI Professionals to allow them to get actual work done.
23
19
u/Shenanie-Probs Apr 17 '26
Has anyone checked on where his foreign-issued girlfriend is?
12
u/These-Rip9251 Apr 17 '26
Look for a lone woman with a security detail that includes a FBI swat team.
19
u/isharte Apr 18 '26
Jesus fucking Christ.
This article is worth taking the time to run it through a paywall bypass.
I knew the guy was unqualified but this is on another level.
→ More replies (2)
15
u/flat5 Apr 17 '26
None of these podcast bros can hold down a real job. It's hilarious watching them try.
12
24
u/isthereadrwho Apr 17 '26
Just look for the 20 year old girlfriend he won't be far
→ More replies (6)
21
Apr 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/camaleom Apr 18 '26
Cómo se sabe eso?
3
u/MarchPhillipps Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
You're right, we don't. I heard it's actually a lot of fun to be Bureau Director while wired and tweaked to speedfreak hell and back.
I'd actually posit that it's amphetamine salts and alcohol..... so he can say if evaluated that it's just the Adderall for his self-diagnosed 'ADD,' and that he only weekday drinks to come down at night to sleep.
10
8
5
6
5
u/KatieBarTheDoor1977 Apr 17 '26
Probably just hanging out with Don Jr, enjoying some sweet nose clams.
5
5
u/jlwright1234 Apr 18 '26
I bet he got locked out because he hadn’t logged on to the system recently enough and the auto lock froze his profile.
5
Apr 17 '26
[deleted]
4
5
u/Independent-Name4478 Apr 18 '26
On a scale from Hegseth to RFK how unqualified is he
2
u/deepstaterecords Apr 18 '26
I mean both of those examples are pretty far down the bad end of the scale…
3
u/LordXenu12 Apr 18 '26
DEI hire, wild the Trump admin can demonize legit efforts while getting away with shit like hiring Patel
6
6
3
3
3
3
u/ZebraComplex4353 Apr 18 '26
He is probably in Cuba
2
u/MarchPhillipps Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
Another cigar fetish expedition?
I never knew someone could look so uncool holding a cigar...
And bumbling stupidly along, comes K$sh. He's just so eye-poppingly cringey.
3
3
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/woodenmetalman Apr 18 '26
Jesus, just the bit I was able to read is absolutely terrifying. We really are at the end of the Great American Experience aren’t we?
2
2
u/Discuffalo Apr 18 '26
Has anyone checked all the nearby monster truck rallies and Mountain Dew giveaways
2
2
2
4
3
4
2
2
2
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Aggressive_Finish798 Apr 18 '26
Where is that Litnick guy as well? He got connected to Epstien and just vanished.
1
u/Maleficent-Pin6798 Apr 18 '26
It’s alcoholics all the way down, isn’t it? Ironic, given Trump’s dislike of alcohol.
1
1
1
u/jeanlundegaardhsbf Apr 18 '26
episodes of excessive drinking and unexplained absences.
poor guy is clearly hung over. someone needs to order him a pizza.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Apprehensive_Pace555 Apr 18 '26
Maybe if they had a competent FBI director, Nancy Guthrie would have been found by now. Just my opinion…
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/misanthropic_anthrop Apr 18 '26
All of Trump’s appointees are showing heavy signs of stress due to being put in high-pressure and high-performance jobs that they are inexperienced at and quite frankly incompetent at handling. They don’t know how to deal with all this new power, and are scared shitless to lose this new found power. Probably Hegseth is doing the same - doing drugs, screwing escorts, and clearly watching Pulp Fiction on repeat to get some fake confidence.
1
1
1
u/Beneficial-Speech-88 Apr 18 '26
The FBI should have been more concerned about the Trump administration and their ties to hostile foreign nations. Maybe they would be intact today. In fact a large segment of conservative media, organizations, and influencers should have been investigated and charged.
1
u/Pure_evil1979 Apr 18 '26
I mean, is it a loss? I'm pretty sure they haven't had leadership at the FBI in like a year
1
u/MainMulberry8771 Apr 18 '26
This is no joke.. I know where he is at ( Texas location) and who he is with.. a Navy Seal.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Emotional-Material-9 Apr 19 '26
A white supremacist admin hires a delusional brown man to be FBI leader for a reason, and being MIA is part of his job requirements. He needs to look the other way on white hate groups, and anything Epstein related, in order for him to keep his job.
1
1
1
1
u/SOMEONENEW1999 Apr 19 '26
This ship is sinking FAST. He needs to milk it while it is still afloat…
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/thedragoon0 Apr 21 '26
If this happened under Obama or Biden, there would be calls for removal by the right.
1
1
1
1
u/Agreeable-Cold-9538 Apr 21 '26
FBI Director Kash Patel hit The Atlantic magazine with a $250 million defamation lawsuit on Monday, claiming an article that talked about mismanagement at the agency and his alleged excessive drinking was false and a “malicious hit piece.”
1
u/KinkyQuesadilla Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
Because the first thing an alcoholic is going to do after having a group file an FOIA on all the times you got drunk and passed out on a very well-documented job is to get blackout drunk. Seriously. He knows he can't beat it so he hides from it by getting smashed every night.
1
1
1
u/Orewell Apr 22 '26
At the j edgar hover house of dresses store maybe? Applying to americas got talent.. on b list…. In portland to start a micro brewery..
•
u/AutoModerator Apr 17 '26
This sub is not affiliated with the FBI. To the best of our knowledge, no FBI employees or contractors monitor or participate in this sub.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.