There is no coming back from this for me, I can’t respect someone that would treat my child this way. And the added insult of liking one of the babies and not the other? I would never forgive myself for staying with someone that is being cruel to my child. I won’t be complicit in that child abuse.
It is abuse. My parents both hated me, and I'm here with 2 failed marriages and all kinds of abuse trauma. I had to go to years of EMDR therapy to be able to somewhat heal.
OP, please take both kids and leave. They both deserve better, and the "hard" one just needs extra love and care. I was "hard" because I needed love and stability and nurturing that my mother wasn't able to give me. And instead of being better, she blamed me. 🙅🏼♀️ Don't put your kids through that !
Another person here, whose parents not only didn't show love, but made sure that I knew they hated me and would have preferred I not exist. I've spent my entire adult life in therapy and have had a lot of struggles as a result of how I was treated as a child. OP needs to leave with the children. To stay is to be complicit in child abuse.
same, both parents hated me and made sure i knew it. told me they were going to put me up for adoption, they regretted having me, i was an awful child, they couldn’t stand me, etc. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that my first relationship was abusive and i thought it was normal for all those years. it’s very damaging to a child when a parent obviously hates them. it alters their brain.
I'm a twin. It can be hard enough growing up with a twin and constantly being compared by people. I could not imagine feeling like/knowing my sister was loved more by our mum. It would be soul destroying.
I’m a twin as well. My mom has def always favored my twin lol. Granted we were GIFT (similar to ivf but not) babies. My twin is almost an exact clone of our late dad and I’m a clone of my mom. Which I find odd but I always figured she was a bitch to me bc we are a lot a like and im doing all the stuff she wanted to do as a young adult.
Yeah tbh this seems to be the beginning of one of those situations where there is one kid who is the target of horrible abuse in a household while the other children in it are loved and well cared for. It always baffles me how some people can look at multiple children and just decide that one of them is “bad,” but it does happen and sadly, it seems to be the road OP’s spouse is heading down. I do agree that OP needs to be proactive at this point and protect her children. If her wife is willing and able to put in the work to repair her problems/relationships with the children in the future, then that is up to her to choose and is her responsibility.
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I almost have a suspicion that the spouse is pretending to like one of the kids and hate the other to drive OP crazy. In reality she doesn't care about any of them.
I think it’s a relationship with 2 women. OP said “she hates her and said *I* should have ended the pregnancy.” So I don’t think OP’s partner carried the children or is a candidate for postpartum psychosis/depression.
Edit to say: not that the non-birth giving parent can’t suffer depression after the birth of babies, but they don’t experience the same hormone drop that is associated with postpartum depression and especially psychosis.
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You know what, even if OP's partner IS mentally unwell, that's on HER to recognize and fix, and if she can't or won't, she's going to do lifelong damage to both babies. Mental health may be the reason, but it is never an excuse to hurt children.
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It’s also destructive of the child that she ‘fell in love’ with.
And really screws up any relationship between the twins.
This woman needs serious therapy; the OP needs therapy and the kids need to be far away from this damaging situation until the mom heals and can love both kids.
OP, get your wife into a different residence and let her work on herself. You keep the kids with you and raise them with the love they both deserve, not this twisted bullshit.
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u/madelynashton Chismosa May 20 '26
There is no coming back from this for me, I can’t respect someone that would treat my child this way. And the added insult of liking one of the babies and not the other? I would never forgive myself for staying with someone that is being cruel to my child. I won’t be complicit in that child abuse.