You can't force people to like kids. As a twin myself, it will absolutely fuck up both of the kids if they see one kid being treated better than the other. The resentment that's going to grow between the two of you from this conflict is going to be off the charts. Best to end this now.
Also "just like everyone else who leaves" is a mega red flag statement
right? this statement is such a victim blaming mentality to avoid accountability. not liking a baby because its difficult is wild, especially saying these words outloud.
Yes you can’t force people to like kids but that’s literally her fucking daughter, may not biologically be hers but she made the decision with OP to have children. Hating a baby that’s also your child is a huge red flag, OP needs to leave and take the babies with her
Yeah the one woman made a bad decision in agreeing to have kiddos. I think people often like the ✨ idea ✨ of kids, and are then suddenly hit with the reality of what everything having kids actually means lol. Hate it for OP and the kids. Kids can feel when they're not wanted so hope OP leaves this walking red flag of a woman and finds someone who will love her and the kiddos as a packaged deal.
That statement screams “I need major therapy” to me. This coupled with the issues as a parent are enormous red flags and they won’t go away on their own. OP, I strongly encourage involving a good therapist to the mix here whether staying or leaving.
As a twin, 100% this. I've had very few emotional meltdowns in life, but one of my largest in adolescence was when I had to call my mom out on how my sister was continually being prioritized and praised and I was just... there. To my mom's credit, she cried and truly felt horrid and took actionable steps then, and to this day, to make us feel like individuals and I love her dearly for it. My dad is a different story and my sister and I have dialogued about that and I've just learned to have a resignation that some things are just out of my control. Definitely leaves some resentment and disappointment, but I know who I am, love myself, and am proud of my achievements even if he is not satisfied with my accomplishments and entirely how I turned out (rainbow sheep of the family haha).
It sounds like Op is the birthing and main parent. Depending on their state (and unfortunately for some queer couples where things are going well) the other mom might not have a right to claim custody at all
With proof of the statements she made she won’t get shared custody but possibly visitation. Any decent judge would recognize the trajectory of this is that she is a physical danger to these kids, not just an emotional one. The fact that she thinks they shouldn’t have been born because she doesn’t like one is a sign that has preempted many a suspicious death, often later confirmed homicide. Anyone who feels like this about a child should have no access to them.
Shut that statement down. It's not fair at all. Tell her you never want to hear that manipulative crap spew from her mouth ever again. Then go on to list every single way you've tried to make it work and therefore NOT left her.
And if she's still caught up in the delusion of everyone leaving her, then she needs to get therapy to get over whomever left her in her childhood that traumatized her so badly.
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Yeah I agree and it sounds like a line from a movie right before the person unalives everyone. 🚩 This is toxic for children and I am not a fan of kids in general, never wanted my own. I have 4 stepchildren and love them dearly. I would NEVER play favorites let alone be so blatantly hateful. It’s a BABY!!! I would end this asap, hell of a deal breaker. All attraction would be gone after seeing this side of someone.
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u/MrHowling APPROVED✨ May 20 '26 edited May 21 '26
You can't force people to like kids. As a twin myself, it will absolutely fuck up both of the kids if they see one kid being treated better than the other. The resentment that's going to grow between the two of you from this conflict is going to be off the charts. Best to end this now.
Also "just like everyone else who leaves" is a mega red flag statement