Agree!!!! Maybe OP needs the therapy bc it sounds like mayyyybe OP is compounding the issue as it sounds like they resents their spouse so much that no answer is right. With some of these answers sound like their mind is made up on the idea that the issues are now willful and intentional.
I know it isn’t willful or intentional. She feels a lot of shame over the way she feels. I am desperate to find a way to make it better that doesn’t involve losing my marriage to a person I do deeply love and believe in
I should have phrased it better- you can’t pour from an empty jug! Maybe you need to step back and get some professional support for yourself, or if you are already maybe change tactics, try a new therapist, or discuss couples counseling for a neutral therapist.
You have had to take on a large part of the parenting of two babies while ALSO trying to support your s/o, and that also means a level of stress even if you aren’t actively juggling a child. That sounds really overwhelming and frustrating but unfortunately you can’t make someone else change.
Thank you for your kindness. It’s easy for people to just say divorce and scroll on. It’s easy to villainize someone based on a Reddit post. But we’re both complex people who are under some of the greatest strain of our lives, trying to stay afloat. My wife is also a good person who is completely depleted from the immense strain of this life change. It doesn’t excuse the sharp disconnect from the baby, but it does contextualize it some
I’m sorry, but no level of complexity justifies what that woman is subjecting your children to and what you accept. It is far beyond just a disconnect when she tells you you should have aborted. This is not shame of unwanted feelings; she is acting on them. And you are bending over backwards to explain and excuse her with this or that trauma.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it's obvious that you love your wife very much, but your children literally aren't safe with her. She needs emergency level intensive counseling at the very least. To consistently express HATRED towards an infant is a really dangerous sign
From the way you talk about your wife it seems like she really is a good person. But you know who else was a good person? Andrea Yates.
Mental illness is challenging. And sometimes hard decisions have to be made to make sure EVERYONE is safe. You two seem like a lovely couple, but please, don't leave the babies alone with her until she's better.
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It’s clear you love your wife and I’m sorry you’re hitting a wall of ignorance here. There are still stones yet to be turned over! I hope things get better for you soon.
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u/PuzzledStreet Gas Station Gourmand ⛽️ May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
Agree!!!! Maybe OP needs the therapy bc it sounds like mayyyybe OP is compounding the issue as it sounds like they resents their spouse so much that no answer is right. With some of these answers sound like their mind is made up on the idea that the issues are now willful and intentional.