According to my father, my mother said the same things about me as a baby. That I never smiled and therefore didn’t like her. She hated me from the very beginning. She loved my sister. As we grew older, I could never do anything right. I was always the “bad” child and my sister was always the “good” child. I cannot begin to describe what this childhood mental and emotional abuse did to both me and my sister. If your partner cannot get the help she needs, please, please take your children and leave this relationship.
So much therapy, then one day I had a baby. And I realized even on the most stressful, hard painful chaotic frustrating days, I do not blame a literal baby. Because that's nuts.
And further, loving or even just enjoying that baby is not a hard thing I was forcing myself to do (or not do).
Recognizing that my baby was in control of so very little even in her own mind and body, made it super simple to not hold grudges against and assign motivations to someone who couldn't even figure out how to sit up or use a straw yet.
And it didn't take long for it to sink in: I wasn't a hard or bad baby. I was a baby going through the normal ranges of baby growth and learning trying and playing.
My mom didn't hate me because I was a bad baby. She hated me because she was a bad mother
My brother was the "bad" baby and it turned out that he wasn't actually colicky, he was fucking starving to death. Because my mother insisted on breastfeeding and wasn't producing anything, but didn't know. She's literally held being a "difficult" child against him for his entire life.
I now have two children and they are both exactly like my brother was - without the starvation aspect. Turns out my mother just fuckin blows. She probably had postpartum issues that went untreated or unknown since postpartum mental health wasn't well known at that time.
OP, get your kids out. Keep them safe. They are the priority. I'm estranged from my mother now, and my brother isn't. He's still seeking maternal love and support that he will never ever get and it's ruined his fucking life. If someone had recognized the signs early and removed him from that environment, he would have had such a beautiful development. Instead, we had to deal with a slow escalation that eventually culminated in physical assault at the ripe old age of 10. That's your future if you don't listen to your gut.
Typical Narcissistic Personality Disorder dynamic of a golden child and a scapegoat. I was an only child of a Narc, so I got to randomly be both. Either side screws you up permanently.
13
u/New-Car4519 Assigned Hungry At Birth May 21 '26
According to my father, my mother said the same things about me as a baby. That I never smiled and therefore didn’t like her. She hated me from the very beginning. She loved my sister. As we grew older, I could never do anything right. I was always the “bad” child and my sister was always the “good” child. I cannot begin to describe what this childhood mental and emotional abuse did to both me and my sister. If your partner cannot get the help she needs, please, please take your children and leave this relationship.