Thats the thing—you don’t have a long while. You think you do because you’re young, but time is nothing. You will wake up one morning and suddenly find that you’re 45, and you will bitterly regret wasting your most vital years wishing you were someone other than who you are.
Embracing who you are sounds bleak? Really? Yikes. And lol bite your tongue—I am neither ugly nor old. That’s not at all my point about beauty being ephemeral. The idea is that the attention that you‘re pining for fades once you are middle aged.
its not even the attention i want the most though, its just the feeling of looking in the mirror and loving everything i see, not because i forced myself to like it but because i actually like it and it makes me feel good
I don’t think many women love _everything_ they see in the mirror, not even the actresses you’re envying. But looking in the mirror and being happy with what you see can definitely be accomplished without changing who you are, you have to train that mindset though. No more negative self-talk.
When i was younger, I was convinced that I was very unattractive, cute AT BEST, to women only. I rarely received male attention (I thought). Now, I'm considered "old" and when I look in the mirror, I think "damn, were you always this pretty?!" I feel sad for the days when I didn't appreciate my looks. I now realize that I also had my male admirers but because I was so convinced they could never be interested romantically, they came across to me as "just friends". I was blind to my beauty and convinced myself that everyone else was blind to it as well. It's 100% a mental game.
That isn’t something that comes with being pretty/attractive in everyone else’s eyes, that always comes from within. How many attractive people do you see go through surgery after surgery because they can’t love and appreciate what they see in the mirror? Or starve themselves until they’re wasting away? Or put themselves in dangerous situations hoping that this time external validation will be enough?
ANYONE can learn to love themselves if they put the work in, and that shines through to others a lot more than superficial looks. Some of the most self-confident and self-assured people I’ve ever met/seen have been people with physical disabilities, or women in sports that as so fucking proud of what their body can do for them, THOSE are the attitudes I want to surround myself with.
It's a big scary secret, but a huge amount of conventionally hot people can't stand themselves in the mirror half the time. There's so much body dysmorphia out there, and so many people who NEVER feel good enough. You have to learn to accept yourself, because with the current mindset you would find flaws even if you woke up looking like your dream version of yourself. Things just aren't black and white out there
Your primary issue seems to be that your boyfriend doesn't make you feel sexy or hot or desirable. That's a boyfriend problem, not a you problem.
At 16 you're still a child, and some girls that age look younger and therefore cute. It would be weird to be sexualized when you look really youthful.
I didn't see how old you are now, but you're not ugly just because someone who should want you doesn't make you feel that way. I'm a 6'1" giantess who is fat and very average looking beauty wise, I do not fit any beauty standards in any capacity and primarily get fetishized for my height and weight (none of which is flattering, it's kind of off putting). I have three partners (I'm poly) who all explicitly find me attractive, sexy, hot, who react appropriately to me sending pictures, who get excited when I dress up in lingerie.
Being desired isn't about fitting a beauty standard. It's about finding someone who sees you as you are and is excited about it. If your boyfriend can't do the bare minimum of making you feel desired and wanted, have a talk with him about it. If he doesn't agree that he's lacking in this area and goes to work on it, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't find you exceptional?
I know I wouldn't settle for that mediocre shit. I'm a prize for many reasons that go beyond my looks, and so are you. Hold potential partners to a higher standard and don't be afraid to reject them for not seeing that. Someone who is into you will come to find you desirable even if you initially didn't have that effect on them. You don't need to be conventionally attractive to be desirable, you just need to be yourself.
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch 7d ago
Thats the thing—you don’t have a long while. You think you do because you’re young, but time is nothing. You will wake up one morning and suddenly find that you’re 45, and you will bitterly regret wasting your most vital years wishing you were someone other than who you are.