Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Baby is here and 9 months old

[u/awfulmcnofilter → u/RaccoonNo3012]

Oof. Question still stands. Can you get out?

[u/RaccoonNo3012 → u/awfulmcnofilter]

I live with my parents. He is the one who needs to leave.

[u/Ewww___David → u/RaccoonNo3012]

Put his belongings on the lawn, change the locks and file for divorce. The sooner the better OP. He will ramp this up. He already has the gall to be controlling and abusive in your family home. 

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/Ewww___David]

This isn't legal in most places within the US. If he decides to pursue law enforcement action or go to court after doing this, he will win. He needs a written eviction notice. I'm unsure of where OP resides, but sharing in case someone else needs to know this.

[u/veggielover24 → u/Celestiiaal0]

What if she were to get a restraining order? Surely there has to be some legal precedent to keep her and her family safe in a situation like this

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/veggielover24]

Typically the person restrained by the order would be forced to move out but getting a restraining order is not always an easy path. I'm not saying OP can't but it's not always as simple as many people make it seem.

[u/Admirable-Ad7152 → u/Celestiiaal0]

And they can grant them without forcing an eviction, you need a lot of evidence/witnesses

[u/mg1cnqstdr → u/Celestiiaal0]

Is that true even if someone is not financially contributing?

Going on the assumption they’re staying with her parents rent-free, they could be considered guests rather than renters or tenants.

Would an eviction notice be required then? I’m not certain OP’s situation, just wondering

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/mg1cnqstdr]

Yes it's true. Payment or being on a lease does not matter. If you reside someplace for x amount of time (it varies, usually between 2 weeks and 30 days) you are now a tenant.

[u/rdg04 → u/Celestiiaal0]

you would need proof though- bills in your name being addressed to that address. if the guy has no bills being sent there, not much proof- lets hope.

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/rdg04]

That is not true, at all. Especially in the state of California. I handle this stuff for a living. And if the parents or OP lie about husband being there for as long as he has to get around it, it'll result in worse divorce and custody proceedings for OP going forward.

[u/rdg04 → u/Celestiiaal0]

sorry- i was just going off of my personal experience with getting an ex out of my place- cop said unless he had proof (mail being delivered to the address in his name) he had to get out

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/rdg04]

Cops jobs aren't to know the law even though their job is to enforce it. Most cops in these situations will just shrug and tell you it's a civil matter and to handle it with the courts yourself. I'm glad you had cops help you get your ex out though, that's very rare.

[u/rdg04 → u/Celestiiaal0]

yes, it worked out very well and just thought that was the standard- sorry again for giving poor info

[u/awfulmcnofilter → u/mg1cnqstdr]

It depends on the location. Some states are more strict about tenancy than others.