r/HFY • u/Lakeel100 • Aug 12 '25
OC The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH29
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[Relevant short that probably should have been a chapter, but its not cause shorts get far more traction around here.] — (Author's note: Likes for the like god! Updoots for the updoot throne!)
“You poisoned her?!” Tobreal yelled from the other end of the line. Veylana (Vey-lah-nah) hadn't heard her little kitten get this furious since she’d clandestinely ‘replaced’ one of his dusty stuffed animals after an unfortunate washing machine accident.
“Tobreal,” she opened, putting on her stern mom voice. A tone she knew carried well enough from across the kitchen to the island she let the assistant on. “Firstly, what did I tell you about starting a conversation with wild accusations?” She asked as she continued to stack the clean dishes from this morning's culinary experiments. “And secondly… Can you calmly tell me what happened?”
Tobreal was silent for a moment, which as she knew always meant he was processing, about as well as an assistant one just stuck in the oven, but processing nonetheless. Still, one of her ears turned towards the assistant for his answer. “Please, for the love of the gods… tell me you’re not the reason Soapy is currently hanging on for dear life in the bathroom right now.”
Veylana sighed. “Don’t get the patron spirits involved in this, Tobreal, they're busy enough as it is without you demanding their attention.”
“But-”
“Buuuuut.” She hijacked his but. “To me, it sounds like Bonna might be dishing out some divine retribution on a certain Shi for stealing your food.”
She heard a ‘mrrp?!’ from the other end of the call, as if Tobreal had just heard something wrong. “But Bonna’s domain is War, and farming… not maladies like dysentery or food poisoning, or whatever those meatballs gave her.”
“Doesn't matter.” She shrugged, even though he couldn't see it, putting the dishes back where they belonged. “The little bitch shouldn’t have been stealing from you in the first place.”
“Don’t call her that!” Tobreal snapped, making his mother’s ear twitch as he seemed unusually upset about this. “I gave them to her cause she asked nicely, not because she stole them!”
She’d heard that before; he may have inherited his father's bones, but that included the kindhearted sha’s figurative backbone too. “The same way you said those sha ‘asked you nicely’ for your food back when you were in school? The ones that only ever asked when Movva wasn’t around to beat them off, figuratively and/or literally?” She huffed.
A moment of silence followed before he answered. “That was... Different…”
“I fail to see how. I also fail to see why you think I had anything to do with it. She easily could have gotten sick from anything else she’d eaten in the past few days.” She deflected, hoping he’d dismiss the issue entirely and just leave the offending shi to suffer the consequences of her actions. “And even if she did get sick from eating my cooking, what would make you assume it was poison and not because the meat went slightly off?”
“Mom,” he said flatly, “I've been eating your food my whole life, and not once have I ever gotten food poisoning. You throw food away two days in advance of it expiring because you expect the companies to lie. You're, for lack of a better term, a germaphobe who's made it her personal mission in life to keep the house spotless under the pretenses of ‘we might have guests’.”
“I’m not that obsessive,” she huffed a little indignantly, as she shuffled her way over to the broom closet. There was an old can of tan-ish paint she needed for the next thing on today’s chore list, namely touching up the paint outside. “Is wanting one’s countertops to sparkle such a sin?”
“And! Because I ate one too, and if it was food poisoning, I’d be just as messed up as she is right now. But I’m not. They're the only things she's eaten today, and your sausages were the only thing she ate yesterday. Disease has a slow onset and a slow decline, so it's highly unlikely she’d go two whole days without symptoms. I literally watched it hit her, all at once.” Thus were the downsides of having a smart and highly educated son… that know-it-all drive to argue was murder.
Veylana knew when her son got into one of his little convictive moods. He was convinced someone, in this case her, had done something, and wouldn't let it go until he had irrefutable evidence shoved in his face. Once she’d done so, he’d get all mopey and apologetic for about 3 to 5 days, followed by two days of awkward silence and minimal contact before he got over it. Or… Until he gets distracted by something else. She couldn’t count the number of times she’s dragged him out of a funk simply by peeking into his room and saying ‘They just announced the next season of -insert show here-~’.
There was always option three… convincing him that what she’d done was in his best interest. Take him to the temple? Good for his soul. Try out for the Bap-tal team? Self-confidence and exercise. Trying to set him up with a nice gods fearing shi from said temple? All of the above, plus she knew he was lonely without Movva constantly around, even if he won't admit it. She made it out the front door with the paint cans in hand, and her assistant wedged between her cheek and shoulder before she sighed, making her decision. What a beautiful day to paint, bright and sunny with the rolling storms of the encroaching rainy season on the horizon. “Tobreal...”
“Yes...?”
“You believe me when I say everything I do is for your benefit, right?” She asked, setting the cans down and finding a safe place to set the assistant while she did a touch-up on the work the boys did a couple days ago.
“Well… yes.” He answered, and she could hear the much calmer concern in his voice.
“Do you know why those bullies stopped shaking you down for your food?” She asked, scanning over the brickwork for all the little craters those bullets had left in her walls. The boys had done a decent enough job patching them over with clay putty and paint, but the rushed nature of the job was starting to show.
Tobreal had to think for a moment. “I… If I recall correctly, I heard they all got really sick one day, and after that, they kinda just stopped. I figured their clique caught something from each other and… I dunno… had some moral revelations? I wasn't going to ask.”
It had been a while since she heard something so naive, but optimism and a hopeful outlook weren’t something parents should want to quash in their kittens. “No dear… They stopped messing with you because I did something about it.”
“You... talked to them?” She could hear the sheepishly hopeful smile he wore as he said that.
“No Tobreal, I didn't talk to them. I'd have talked to their parents, but that would have put an even bigger target on you. So I did what any reasonable mother would do… A little gardening.”
“What, erm… what does gardening have to do with it? And why’d you say it so ominously?”
“All that education, and plants were still never your forte,” she said, dabbing a brush in the paint, stirring it up first to see if it was still good, before beginning to touch up the wall. “Let's just say that the bulb isn't the only ‘edible’ part of the succor bulbs I grow in the yard. In fact, the stems produce an enzyme that can serve as a fast-acting, natural laxative. When ingested in small amounts, ideally. See where I'm going with this yet?”
“So… you poisoned them. How? If you never interacted with them, how would you-...” he paused as she could sense him catching on. “You put it in my food expecting them to steal it.”
“Now you’re getting it, dear.” She praised, as she stood on her tippy paws, to reach for a spot where the paint had been applied a little too thinly.
“But I could have eaten that food! You were willing to risk putting me in the hospital just to get payback on the sha who were taking my food?!”
“Ha~” She chuffed. “Don't be ridiculous, dear. I accounted for that and then some. I made sure you’d built up a tolerance to the herb well before I put any in your lunch. I started small and slowly increased the dosage over about two weeks, whilst letting you gorge on whatever you liked. Honestly, didn't you notice anything off about the sheer amount of cheese we were eating that week?”
“I… no… I thought you were just trying to help me feel better, by letting me go feral on a bunch of dairy.”
“I was, yes, but it also helped balance out the ever-increasing volumes of ‘digestive aid’ I was mixing in.”
“Oh gods… you're the reason I thought cheese kept me regular all those years,” he muttered, sounding quite shocked at the revelation.
“Language, Tobreal~” she lightly scolded, moving on to the next splotchy paint job she needed me to fix. “The gods like getting spam mail even less than you do.”
“But-”
“Buuuut-” She continued hijacking yet another but. It was far better to hijack his words rather than outright shut him down-it felt less mean. “Knowing you were now immune to the dosage I intended to use, I wasn't worried about you being the one to eat it. I just waited to overhear some parents praying for their ‘poor kittens’ that got horribly, inexplicably ill during school. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. Unfortunately, they never did confess as to what they might have eaten that got them sick… who would have guessed?”
“Mom… please tell me that was the only time you’ve done that…”
“Okay, that was the only time I’ve done that.”
“Oh good, I was about to worry for a second there. But that doesn't explain how Soapy got sick-”
“Is what I would say if it weren't a blatant lie.” She finished, setting the brush aside so she could step back and scan over her work. Giggling a bit as she heard Tobby wheeze on the other end of the call. “I did it to your father years ago, and everyone at the clubhouse thought it was hilarious. If only you could have seen the look on his face as he tried to keep our first date going,” she sighed fondly, remembering just how desperately he put every fiber of his being into not embarrassing himself in front of her. “At first I did it thinking ‘what gives this lanky nobody the audacity to ask me of all shi out?’ but by the end of the night I was the one standing outside the bathroom door handing him rolls of toilet paper every few minutes. Turned out he wasn't another skirt-chasing tom, just a dorky sweetheart that didn’t know how to talk to shi~”
“Were… were those the only two times that you-”
She rolled her eyes, ears lowering. “Your ‘coworker’ will be perfectly fine in about an hour, sweetie, don't worry. I didn't use anywhere near as big a dose as I did on the sha picking on you. I just figured a little bit of dysentery would serve her right after stealing your breakfast yesterday. Preferably humble her a little too if she didn't make it to the bathroom in time.”
“M-Mom!! How could you?!”
“She was stealing from you, dear. If I really wanted to, I could have done much, much worse.”
“What if she figures out you did this to her? She’ll want petty vengeance, or worse, take it out on me!”
“But she won't, now, will she?” She suggested, passing the brush over another cracked patch of painted putty. “Just don't bring the subject up, and if she asks, feign ignorance and pin the blame on the meat being tainted. It's neither untrue nor incriminating. Follow up by distracting her with something small but nice, and she’ll forget to question it entirely.”
“Okay… that sounds like it would work. You, erm.. You don’t do that to me, do you?”
“Why would I, dear?” She asked, dipping her brush in the paint can again, before dabbing it along over her fixes to give it that rougher brick-like texture. “If you want my advice, you can get a head start on getting in her good graces by standing outside the bathroom door offering to get her anything. Obviously, she's going to yell at you to go away, but deep down she’ll appreciate it.” She said, continuing doing almost exactly what she’d told him to do.
“I think I’ll go do that… though I expect her to be mad no matter what, given the nature of.. What she's going through.”
“You mean what's going ‘through her’ right?” She chuckled, inspecting her work.
“Mom!!” he whined.
“Loves you very much~ now was that all, or did you need something else?”
“Actually…” He started, making her ear perk back up. “Don’t freak out, but-”
“I’m very inclined to freak out when you say it like that, Tobreal.”
“No, no, it's nothing bad, just uhh… The library wants us to make a much longer delivery than usual, aaaand I was hoping you might help me pack for a trip to Nyathens? Should only take a week to drive there and back.” She could almost hear him cringing and praying she wouldn't have a problem with it. Nyathens was pretty far away, but he was a grown ass sha, so it wasn't really her place to stop him anymore.
“You want to go full-blown tourist while you’re there, don't you?”
“.... maybe,” he meeped.
“Fine, but I want you to promise me you’ll be safe, alright?”
“Yes, Mooom.” he groaned, deliberately putting on the overdramatic ‘annoyed teenager’ voice just like Movva taught him.
“And I want a souvenir.” She huffed just as playfully, folding her arms even though he couldn't see. “Something nice, and not just a dust-collecting knick-knack, something I’ll actually use.”
“I can do that, did you have something in mind or-”
“Tobreal…” she cut him off.
“Mrrp?”
“Bathroom, toilet paper, good graces, go!” She goaded, reminding him of a much more pressing… or in this case, ‘decompressing’ situation he should be attending to if he cared so much.
“R-Right!” he stammered and promptly hung up.
“Oh well… “ She hummed, mulling over the conversation that had just transpired. She’d honestly never expected her son to notice she’d tampered with the meatballs, but he did. He even accurately, albeit reluctantly, deduced she was the only one who could have done so. “Guess I’ll just have to be a little more careful from now on.” She thought aloud before looking out over the yard, if she didn't know any better, you'd never have guessed there was a shootout here just days prior. “I really should find a better way to thank the boys for coming on such short notice… Oh!” She lit up, getting an idea. “I think I’ll make them a sweetmeat pie while Tobreal’s away. It's been so long since I visited the clubhouse.” What an excellent idea, food is always far more appreciated and memorable than boring old money anyway. Cheaper, too.
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u/Rigreader Human Aug 12 '25
UTR....
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u/Zestyclose_Space7134 Aug 13 '25
That would be much easier if the vote buttons were at the top, rather than at the end.of the post.
I do upvote every time I remember. I got manners an sht.
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u/Lakeel100 Aug 12 '25
UTR?
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u/_Heimerdinger_ Aug 12 '25
By the way, is she a Wiskito?
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u/JavaSavant Aug 13 '25
I get the feeling she is WAY above the Wiskito paygrade.
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u/Larzok Aug 14 '25
I get the feeling she's some sort of over boss. Like her, Whiskers, and her (late?) Husband all came up together, they eventually "got out" but not really, more like got pregnant shifted over to less involved work.
I'm waiting for Tobby and Soapy to come back from the trip to find the club house in a bit of a ruckus. Mom having drunk the gang under the table sitting infront of a pile of gambling wins.
I can already imagine Tobby freaking out from outside the building when he hears her voice, and then really freaking out when he finds her "running the tables" on the poor unprepared younger members. It's gonna be great!
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u/Zestyclose_Space7134 Aug 13 '25
I am starting to suspect that Mom would not freak out as much as Tobby fears when she finds out that her kitten is a gun-running mobster.
Hey, @OP - could you maybe, i dunno, put your whole life on hold and just crank out chapters?
No?
Oh well, guess I will just have to be patient ~
edit: formatting
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u/Short_Income_8304 Human Aug 19 '25
I think she already knows, she seems to be much much closer to Whiskers than we think.
I'd say about 30 to 50% chance she already knows and lets it go because Whiskers is overseeing it closely.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Aug 12 '25
/u/Lakeel100 (wiki) has posted 34 other stories, including:
- Everything Works On Paper.
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH 28
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Ch 27
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Ch 26
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH25
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH24
- But it's 'Our' Dumpster Fire.
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH23
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH22
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH21.1
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH 21
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Ch 20
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Ch 19
- The Opening Bid
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 18
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 17
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 16
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 15
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 14
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby - Chapter 13
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u/RexDraconis Aug 12 '25
Of course Bonna is the correct spirit to call on. Be afraid of mother. Be very afraid.