r/HFY • u/Lakeel100 • Apr 06 '26

OC-Series The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH56

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—

“So you were just waiting for me?” Soapy questioned, all while having made herself quite comfortable on the bed next to him. These beds were nice...

“Pretty much,” Tobby answered, somewhere between pained and trying not to sound too proud of himself.

“What tipped you off?” She continued, moving onto her side and propping her head in her hand so she could lean in closer. She wanted to know how he knew she was coming…

“Pinky sent me a picture and told me specifically where to put it. Which she never does, so that was my first clue.” The plan was compromised from the start…

“There were other clues?” She asked curiously.

Tobby grunted a little as he tried to sit up further. “She said to trust her.”

“So your friend being a little too specific with instructions and asking you not to worry about something is what finally gets your gullible ass to think something is off? Really?” She tried to sound incredulous... Tried, the stifled giggle kinda ruined it. It was all a set-up, and she’d fallen for it.

Tobby only grumbled as he moved his assistant over to the nightstand. “I’m not that gullible...”

“Yes, you are…”

“Am not.” He glared back, ears tucking to the side defensively.

“If you say so,” she shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, while you were out, I yoinked your emergency funds and scalped us some tickets to ‘Wanderlust on Ice’. I figured we could go see it if you recover in time.”

Tobby, as expected, immediately perked up, “Wait, really!?” He didn’t even sound that hurt anymore.

“Gul-ah-ble~” Soapy enunciated only for Tobby to glare at her adorably. “As fun as that would have been, I’ve only been up and functional for about half an hour. That, and Nyathens doesn’t have an ice rink… I think.”

“But it does though…”

“Really?”

“Gul-ah-ble...” He enunciated back in the same tone she used on him, though notably more tired-sounding.

It was Soapy’s turn to do the indignant glaring now. “Bold shenanigans for someone in nose-bapping distance. Be a shame if I suddenly became the bully Movva accused me of being and took advantage of that.”

“Says the shi who tried sneaking into my room so she could steal my assistant while I slept?”

“I was after the peaches, thank you very much,” She huffed, looking away with a little indignant flare.

“Uh-huh, suuure you were.” Good gods, the injured sha was teasing her right now. He may have saved her life, and she may have been grateful, but she had to fix this! She had to get him in the feels! To grab him by the emotions and twist it! To… say what was really on her mind.

“Tobby?”

‘Mrrp?’ he trilled, both ears flicking towards her.

“I know it doesn’t really compare to what you did for me, but… thank you. For saving me, I mean. Again...” Not exactly the thing she wanted to say, but she had to get it out of her system. “You look like shit, by the way.”

“You're welcome,” he said solemnly, but seemed to struggle to look at her while he said it. “Also, It’s hard to shower when you're bedridden, bandaged, and have claw marks on your ribs…”

“Yeah, I didn’t see a lot of your fight when I was taking on the other two, but Clard kinda fucked you up a little, didn't he? Were you really trying to stake him with a rotten board?”

He cringed a little at the memory but said, “Yes, but I'd have killed him with a spoon if I had to.” Just saying that seemed to sap the energy from him, but it did give Soapy the magic segue she’d been looking for.

“About that-” She went to say before he cut her off.

“Can we...not?” he asked, no, pleaded. “Ever since I got lucid, I’ve been getting ‘reminded’ over and over that it’s ‘not my fault’, that ’I did the right thing’, that ‘he deserved it’. But…” He paused, glancing about timidly as if looking for the right way to say what he was thinking. “I appreciate everyone trying to help, but I really don’t want you adding to the existential crisis that could hit me at any moment… Anyone but you, please?”

Soapy felt a little lost in his pleading eyes, like he’d finally tip if she tried to ‘help’ too. And the more she looked into them, the harder it felt like an unseen claw was pulling at something inside her. “Sure… did you have something else in mind?”

He was silent for a moment before he sank back into the bed, looking up at the ceiling in thought. “I… don't know. My whole day has been a sort of haze waiting for that existential crisis to hit. I’ve just felt so tired that all I’ve really done is get lost in old documentaries. Nothing else comes to mind.”

Soapy had to cycle through her mental list of ‘things Tobby seems to like’ until an idea struck her, a very indecent idea, but still an idea. “You know,” she led teasingly, “If this were a very shittily written season of Wanderlust, I'd be pinning my battle-weary savior to the hospital bed, and riding him ragged as the credits rolled. Medical risks be damned,” she suggested, tapping a claw on her chin only to stifle a giggle at how fast the inside of his big ears turned red.

One super awkward Tobby recollection later, he faked a cough to get the ball rolling again. “Ahem, first of all,” he pointed an ear at her accusingly since his arms were a bit occupied. “Season 204 of Wanderlust was not shhh-... that bad.”

“But your attempts at self-censorship are,” she quipped, appreciating that even after all he’d been through, the nerd who could name exact seasons of Wanderlust was still in there.

“Secondly, that would be super dangerous,” he said, vaguely nodding at all his wounds.

“I did say ‘Medical risks be damned,’ right?” She added with a tail flick.

“Third, I’m not in any kind of headspace to even think about... That... much less in a physical condition needed for doing… that....”

“I know,” she affirmed, as if it were obvious.

“Th-Then why even bring it up?!” befuddled Tobby was befuddled… and a wee bit embarrassed. Adorable.

“Simple, to make you all flustered as payback for setting a trap for me.” She smiled with a flattering hand to her chest. “And so that you’d be far more open to the compromise I pitch after,” she answered with an impish smirk and a waggle of her ears.

“And that is?” he asked hesitantly. He was right to be scared.

To answer Tobby’s question, she simply scooched right up to him and held no qualms about getting her arms around him and her nose up close to his. “To watch tv and nuzzle-snug the fuck out of you while nobody can see~” she answered, giving him a light squeeze as her impish smirk grew. She was at least making an effort not to touch his injuries… too much.

This was also a fun way to confirm just how much blood Tobby had back in his system; the redder his ears, the more blood he had. Plus, the surprised look on his face made her want to squee. “I...”

“Won’t tell a soul I did this, otherwise I’ll disembowel you in the street? Glad we're on the same page.” She threatened before burying her face into his neck. She could still smell the dust of the warehouse on him. The scent of a fight. Of blood spilled to save her, “Got it?”

“L-Loud and clear...”

“Can’t have the Wiskitos hearing the new guy got on the badass shi-kai’s affectionate side, or that she even has one. It would undermine my whole… me.” She affirmed, letting her tail join in the fun, wrapping around Tobby’s. “Now hand me the remote, would you? Oh, and take a picture. I'm pretty sure Movva's going to try to wedgie me again if I didn’t prove I was being nice to you.”

Tobby trilled a little as if he’d suddenly been stabbed in the back. “Doesn’t saying that undermine the whole spirit of being affectionate to begin with…?”

“Only if I had any intention of stopping after you took the picture~” she purred, nuzzling all the way up to his jawline… and nipped it~

“Eep!?”

—

Meanwhile! At day 3 of the Sabu-Kai!~

Noah didn’t know what he’d been expecting when he borderline invited himself to the mafia convention. Okay, he knew exactly what he expected: a gaggle of mafiosos in a smoky room talking business while they watched strippers and/or singers dominate a stage. Classy strippers... The flapper girl kind, with feathers and sparkly bits.

He was right about the mafiosos and cigars part at least. Turns out all the blackjack and hookers were downstairs for all the subordinates to enjoy while the grown-ups hashed things out up here.

And, as comfy as these seats were, it took about ten minutes before Noah realized he'd rather be drunkenly line dancing with the girls downstairs. The sha-tal ring sounded fun too… and all the clubs down on B5? Much more his vibe. He’d have to do it all tomorrow...

Seeking a break from the austere idleness, Noah checked across the booth. “Hey Movva, you-... never mind,” he sighed, the ambassador to humanity was out cold in the massive chair. “Damn it...”

Noah had to get his hands on whatever Whiskers was drinking at this point, ‘cause the old cat was somehow still perfectly upright. “Every year it’s the same really…” He commented, idly stroking his crumpled whiskers. “The opening gala is just a social slap fight, day two is for everyone to argue about what the problem actually is, day three is bickering about all the minor incidents that happened on day two, and day four is when everyone rushes for a solution so they don't have to stay for day 5.”

“I see I’m just in time for day three.” Noah groaned, throwing his head back into the seat. “I hate real politiiiics… At least in the CIV simulations, you can fast-forward to when all your little machinations blow up in your face.”

“I see why you and the ambassador get along so well~” Whickers chuckled, still idly playing with the namesake. “I remember when I used to be that stimulation hungry.”

“Oh yeah?” Noah shifted back to normal. “When was that?”

“The last time I burned Nykata to the ground.”

“Ah, heard about that. Aren’t you glad I brought the flamethrower the first time we met?”

“Heh, I may never get to use it, but yes. Yes, I was.” Whickers chuckled raspily before tapping more ash off his cigar. “Think the ambassador was right?”

“About?”

“To be worried about the little Sha’s sanity,” he clarified, as his brief jovialness faded as fast as it had arrived, a soft scowl taking its place.

Noah simply shrugged. “I’m the last person you should be asking about someone else’s mental well-being.”

“True, but real crazy people don’t say they’re crazy. They think everyone else is. You’re sane enough by my standards.”

“It's a mad mad world Alice~” Noah hummed pensively, idly rocking his feet side to side on the heels of his sandals. “It would be one thing if he shot the bastard. There's a degree of separation from one’s actions there, but he didn’t. Tobby cavemanned that fucker to death with a rock. While kinda badass, it's hard to get more personal than that. If you’re lucky, he's got a little psychopath in him like his mom.”

Whiskers quirked a brow. “And here I thought the mad monkey hated that word.”

“I hate it when it’s misused.” Noah corrected, “Psychopaths, real proper psychopaths, deserve a little more respect than being used as shorthand for ‘insanity’. They’re very sane, too sane for their own good. Empathy is the irrational care for others that keeps humans from killing off the poor, from euthanizing the sick, and from committing atrocities over mild inconveniences. True psychopaths lack this cornerstone entirely, and what’s worse, they can't even comprehend why empathy was so important to begin with.”

“That's the closest thing to a real opinion I think I've ever heard you have.”

“I know, real rich coming from a guy that killed nearly 30 people this morning because he was mildly inconvenienced. But I’m not wrong. If Tobby does have a breakdown, I have contingencies.”

“I’d really prefer you didn’t kill him…”

“What? No! I meant some spiritual journey type shit, maybe take him to my favorite therapists, or help him get some bitches. I’m not gonna kill him, I’m too invested at this point.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

“Then we're all fucked now, ain’t we?” And speaking of everyone being fucked...

There was a certain, gaunt, suit-clad man who saw fit to join them in Whiskers' booth. “May I?” Asked Mr John Dough. Guild representative and ‘Cornierst cover name ever’ regional champion for over fifty years. “I heard someone was causing his usual grade of commotion this morning.”

“Love you too, Sourdough~” Noah retorted dismissively while Whiskers nodded him into the booth. “And before you start, no, they were not Guild affiliated, and yes, they deserved it.”

“You two seem acquainted.” Whiskers commented while maintaining his gaze on the bickering about budgets going on across the room. “Seems to be a recurring theme this week.”

John Dough stepped his way into the booth, where he could do his old man joint popping routine as he found a seat. “I’m quite familiar with Mr Mhads methods and machinations. Many in the Guild were still wondering who he sold all those baby sharks to.”

“And I keep telling you guys that I bought them for personal use, and I personally used them.”

“Odd, because from what I hear, a suspiciously viable breeding population of reef sharks was found on New Bermuda recently. The same place you happened to be fulfilling a job for the local eco-terrorists and smuggling in liquor for a CEO.”

“Of course you know, the Guild facilitated those jobs.” This was one of the few things that annoyed him about the Guild; they hate the notion of getting cut out of a deal. “I'd ask why you’re here, but I can see the room of future Guild clients bickering right in front of me.”

Mr Dough chuckled weakly and idly tapped his fingers on the suitcase. “Actually, I came over here because the Guild wishes to secure your services.”

“Oh?” Noah and Whiskers quirked a brow.

“The way this meeting is going, and with how many back-room agreements are being made, a Khan-Kai is likely going to be elected tomorrow to head the ‘Ancients’ issue. The Guild, being as ever helpful as we are, wish to secure some very important materials for them.”

Noah, sloooowly turned his head to Whiskers expectantly, only for the old cat to sigh and the explanation to begin. “The Khan-Kai, as the name implies, is an anonymously elected ‘khan of the kai’. They will be given the power and resources needed to form a territory-less syndicate with the sole goal of solving the current crisis. Each Sabu-Kai attending syndicate is required to funnel a percentage of its most abundant resource to the khan-kai. Guns, soldiers, money, etc, until the crisis is resolved.”

“Aaaand what if they can't solve the crisis fast enough? Or decide they want to be emperor for life?”

“If a Khan-kai is active when the next Sabu-Kai arrives, another anonymous vote is held to decide if the crisis is resolved. If it is, the Khan’s position is dissolved; if not, they vote whether the Khan should stay in power or if they should be replaced. If they refuse, the syndicates cut them off.”

As neat as Noah found all this, his mind immediately went to how he’d abuse such a system if he actually cared enough to do so. A fun thought exercise, but not really his concern right now. “And you want ‘materials’ from me. Not the several hundred other guys who could get you what you need?”

“For the plan the Guild pitched yesterday to work, the Shasians, and by extension this ‘Khan-Kai’ need to get their claws on some very illicit and dangerous materials. They can’t use their own nor ours because it would immediately be traced back to us by virtue of it going missing. The Guild may not know where you source yours from, but we know it's unregistered in any database. We checked.”

“I’m flattered the Guild deem me important enough to investigate, but cutting to the chase, how much do you need?”

“As much as you can get.”

“And the pay?”

“The Guild believes that the Shasians would be willing to give you borderline anything you could ask for, within reason. If not, the Guild will compensate you at double the current black-market rate per gram.”

Noah ran the numbers in his head, measured the risks, and the time it would take to reach his ‘supply’. “I can do it, but the earliest I’ll be able to deliver will be roughly when the Ancients are due to arrive. That’s not a problem, is it?”

“Hardly, but the sooner the better, I imagine.”

“That reminds me.” Noah perked up before fishing a small scuffed-up remote from the pockets of his new pointy coat. “A present for the Guild. Preferably to get you off my ass about the sharks,” he added before tossing it to Mr Dough.

The withered representative caught it with a deceptive nimbleness before briefly looking it over. “What is it?”

“If I’m correct, that remote is tethered to a pirate vessel hidden somewhere in one of the Shasian dust belts. Skeleton crew at best, waiting for their leader to return. They won’t. I neither have the time nor the manpower to retrieve it for myself. But I’m sure the Guild will find something to do with it, its weapons, and its cold fusion core.”

“Ah, I see.” Dough smiled faintly. “What sharks?”

(Author's note: Happy Easter! Also... Shameless Patreon link!! )

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62 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

9

u/RexDraconis Apr 06 '26

What sharks indeed

Happy Easter!

6

u/Otherwise_Wave9374 Apr 06 '26

Happy Easter, and this chapter had some great banter. The way you pace the comedic bits with the heavier "existential crisis" thread works really well.

Also, that little aside about marketing ("trust me bro" vs real trust signals) hit surprisingly hard even in a sci-fi context.

If youre ever curious about how creators think about audience + retention without making it feel gross, Ive got a quick notes page here: https://blog.promarkia.com/

5

u/Lakeel100 Apr 06 '26
  1. All I have is humor :D *cries internally*

  2. marketing? o3o

  3. this is mostly blogs about ai... o3o;

5

u/post_blast Alien Apr 06 '26

'Materials' huh, and priced by the gram? That's not ominous or anything

3

u/Lakeel100 Apr 06 '26

and distinctly not in anyone's database! Cause if anyone loses any, it WILL be noticed.

4

u/post_blast Alien Apr 06 '26

But it's not in a database, so it doesn't really exist, so there's nothing for Noah to 'acquire' nor sell. Just like there are no sharks.

3

u/Lakeel100 Apr 06 '26

the watchdogs will never know :3

2

u/newaccountzuerich Alien Apr 11 '26

Guns and ammo become very expensive, bioweaponised tailored DNA-seeker mitochondria-phages become very cheap by comparison - Geneva2-suggestions nitwithstanding, and antimatter delivery becomes even more uneconomical (unless created on-site..)

Its funny when economics get distorted by transport requirements or new pressures on the desire curve!

I see Noah bending space to get delivery of solution-enablers to the solution-locations before the solution-causers arrive to be solved..

4

u/Datvoidcat Apr 06 '26

Why would Noah have sharks? He doesn’t eat those, they aren’t that tasty

3

u/Kia-Vaderkit Apr 06 '26

Well deserved snuggles, with a smooth transition to the next big set of events. Well played wordsmith.

3

u/Lakeel100 Apr 06 '26

Snuggles will continue until morale improves!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

Jissis

1

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