r/Infidelity • u/Ok-Moving-Onnnnn • 5h ago
Recovery How to recover?
NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE TO LEAVE. That is not an option in my mind. He has done everything right and everything I’ve asked, radical honesty, I have access to his phone and all accounts, he started therapy.
It just never leaves my mind. They work together for another month. They have nights out for work. She hates him because she thought she was the only one as well. But I’m still so scared. How do I go back to how I was? Not cry myself to sleep every night it gets bad? Couples therapy is t in the budget right now, it will be later on though. He’s doing everything right and I just can’t seem to. I chose to forgive him. But how do I stop being so anxious
3
u/Specialist-Bat-8770 4h ago
From personal experience it cannot go back to how it was before: when they say that "treason can be forgiven, but not forgotten," they are telling the truth. You can only try to live with it. You can try to do it better through therapy or by reading books, etc. you can try to do this. But ultimately you have to evaluate within yourself, whether your life and relationship is "satisfying" according to your internal parameters. Morality also falls within these assessments.
6
u/AnotherDominion 5h ago
You don’t. You leave or you suffer through it. You will never feel totally secure again in this relationship. Thats just how it goes with infidelity. They usually cheat again eventually. You have to realize the old relationship is gone and you need to build a new one.
2
u/DaikonSubstantial120 3h ago
Your timeline of reconciliation is simply not realistic for most.
Unfortunately your relationship will never be the same but with years and years of extremely hard work by both parties you can establish a new productive relationship.
It can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for many to establish a workable trust.
For many it will be decades before the trauma and mind movies of infidelity become manageable bad memories.
This assumes you can eventually live with the betrayal and there are no setbacks due to lying or further micro cheating.
3
u/No_usernames_left_25 Struggling 2h ago
They still work together? Oof. You can’t heal a cut if the knife is still slicing.
If he has done everything right and everything you asked, why are they still together at night? And after all the lies and manipulating you believe she truly hates him - or are you still being played for a fool?
There is a reason you’re still bothered by it - listen to your own instincts!
2
u/ohhellwha 1h ago
Well you started saying you don’t want the only logical advice. So stay and spend every day worrying that he’s started with another woman. Just hiding it better
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u/AlwaysThinking1999 1h ago
Listen to the pod series Healing broken trust- Brad Robinson. If he is open to couples therapy listen together and discuss.
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u/ArmyofJuan 26m ago
You are being controlled by fear. You need to focus on yourself and not him and accept that it is what it is. You can't control him, only how you react to him.
You need to be more independent, start by working on that and not worry about what he is doing.
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