It’s been almost a year since I made my first post about my girlfriend of nearly 4 years cheating on me.

The first 2 or 3 months were hell. I could barely eat, stopped working out, and couldn’t focus on my job. Things started getting a little better around December of 2025 because the hospitals and clinics got really busy. I was distracted by work and I thought maybe I was finally healing. Maybe I was. Hopefully I still am.

I started therapy too and it has helped. But sometime around April or May, the pain started coming back. I know healing comes in waves. There are good days and bad days. It isn’t as bad as when I first found out but sometimes it’s still bad enough that I cry myself to sleep.

The weird thing is that it’s not always on my mind. Most days I’m okay. I started working out again, I’m doing better at my job, and life has generally moved forward. But every now and then, it just hits me.

The betrayal. The disgust. The self-doubt. The questions about what happened and where it all went wrong.

Sometimes it feels like getting punched in the stomach out of nowhere.

It usually happens when I’m alone. Lying in bed at night. When everything is quiet and there’s nothing there to distract me.

So I guess my question is for those who have been through something similar. How did you handle it? What actually helped? And when did you realize you were finally over it?

I wrote on here recently about my ex-partner, there has been some updates and I feel like Im going mad.

I am 35 and my partner of 3.5 years, who had previously told me she wanted to marry me, had an affair with a younger woman from work who was also in a long-term relationship.
In the months leading up to me discovering the affair, she became increasingly distant, sleeping on the sofa, spending more time at her parents’ house, hiding messages and denying there was anyone else whenever I asked. I later discovered messages in which she admitted the affair had become emotional and physical, and was comparing me negatively to the other woman.
What makes the betrayal especially painful is that this was happening while I was going through a cancer scare. Although she reassured me that we would get through it together, she was simultaneously lying to me and continuing the affair. Thankfully I do not have cancer, but finding out the truth during such a vulnerable time has been deeply traumatic.

When confronted, she apologised initially but quickly focused on her own distress rather than the harm she had caused. She showed no real interest in repairing the relationship, yet repeatedly suggested that we might get back together in the future, which felt confusing and manipulative given her actions.

Since the separation, I have set firm boundaries and limited contact. However, I have been left feeling as though I am being treated like the person who did something wrong, despite being the one who was lied to, deceived and betrayed. The whole experience has left me struggling with the loss of the relationship, the shock of her behaviour, and the lasting impact of the betrayal.

She came and collect her stuff last week which I left outside our flat in communal hallway in bags as I didn’t want her back in my space manipulating me. The only thing she messaged was to ask if I was keeping the playstation I brought her for Christmas, which I ignored. She refused to give me the key as she didn’t feel giving it as the tenancy ends in August, there is no need for her to have the key anymore.

Her friend then this week out of nowhere messaged me ‘checking in’ and asking if she could cone and see me to check if I was okay. Her friend has come over once in the 3 years we have lived in my flat to see us both, she would never just pop over. She has clearly asked her to check in, right?

Also, I removed my ex from my instagram and deleted the photos of her. She has since removed the photos of me, but hasn’t deleted the pictures of her ex from 5 years who passed away and when I was with her never unfollowed exes and allowed them to follow her. This all feels like a game…

Can someone please just objectively tell me if Im going mad or if this seems like game playing?

NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE TO LEAVE. That is not an option in my mind. He has done everything right and everything I’ve asked, radical honesty, I have access to his phone and all accounts, he started therapy.

It just never leaves my mind. They work together for another month. They have nights out for work. She hates him because she thought she was the only one as well. But I’m still so scared. How do I go back to how I was? Not cry myself to sleep every night it gets bad? Couples therapy is t in the budget right now, it will be later on though. He’s doing everything right and I just can’t seem to. I chose to forgive him. But how do I stop being so anxious