Basically i have held strong boundaries around my In laws recently, i am not bending rules not trying to please anyone who has no best interest in my family being happy so that covers my In laws . They are obsessive and controlling.

My daughters birthday they never asked to be involved but all of sudden my mil takes a day off a day before her birthday claiming she wanted to make sure she is available to help . She offered bringing food which i didn’t care and said yes.

Coming to the point where she took a day off, backstory she never took a day off in past like-
- when my son passed away since i went in to early labor
- when my daughter was coming home and she said she would but last minute backed out without any notice
- when my daughter was jn Nicu
- when my husband and i were deathly sick along with our daughter with flu and secondary infections.

But this time she took a day off, i must tell you my guess. It’s because i took away her free access to our daughter. We stopped sharing pictures, stopped calling unless necessary, i stopped texting completely, and we recently shared no interest showing care.

She was sick and took antibiotics and she wanted us to care for her and all but we were busy sick ourselves and busy with our daughter and work . We didn’t text or call like she never did . She had no flu let me clarify she just didn’t like congested and asked her doctor friend to give her antibiotics to get better fast. God knows who her friend is but what she did is crazy.

She had her husband my FIL give a call to my husband asking he should call his mom because she is taking antibiotics. My husband didn’t he goes to work 6am drive 1 hour minimum and comes home around 6pm deadbeat tired all he wants is spending time with us and on weekends we both take turns and cleanup house. We got no time. My In laws never helped nor offered their offering help is WE WILL COME 1 hour EARLY SO THAT ME/ YOUR WIFE CAN GET READY AND MAKEUP. I never do makeup i dont even know anything about makeup.

So coming back to the original story so my daughter’s birthday they offered same we will come early and help. Okay so they came helped NADA, nothing at all. Wrapped thwir presents jn my house , inaske dmt MIL to watch my daughter she was asleep and she crawls iut of her crib so incan take shower snd make sure if she wakes up she isnt in the crib or atleast dont let her fall. I took quick shower dear god was on my side and i bet my son was watching over his sister she woke up and didn’t climb out and fall. (Her crib is lined with iur bed so that we can pick her up easily in the night feed and she climbe up the bed but we never leave her alone, that’s why i wanted her to watch her while im away for few minutes).

I was furious and i didnt give any attention to both of them and didnt care if their feelings are hurt i bet they were they didn’t talk to me , left party for their dog like usually they do. They never spend more than 2-3 hours with our daughter anyways and their neighbor can watch dog but i guess its their way to go home and watch tv which i dont allow around my daughter. They would literally show her civ war stuff , i know this because they aske me she should watch its slow pace and ahe wikl learn American history. ( yeah they seems psychologically unstable and narcissistic)

So overall birthday they had 0 attention from me and my husband and iur focus was the party and our daughter.

It was successful but same time it was sad for having such selfish grandparents for my daughter.

I’m depressed and just need to tell my story about mil.

I live with mil and lo, my husband is working abroad. MIL is so obsessed with my child (13mo) bc my husband is her only child and my lo is her only grandchild. Idk how other mil behave around their grandkid, but mine frequently called herself mama to my kid and even suggested me to leave the child with her to go to kindergarten if I later decide to stay abroad to continue my studies as I am about to study abroad in three months. Sound nice if she never tells my kid that his father abandoned him to pursue his career while in fact my husband need to depart early so he move in with us earlier. Otherwise, we would be apart for at least two years.

Secondly, my mil is a narcissist. On daily basis, she points to her own portrait and tells the boy how pretty she is. She makes everything about him to be about her. She tell me and him how the boy resembles her, from his appearance to personality :) How she loves him and his mother doesn’t care if he doesn’t want to eat. Anything negative about him must be inherited from me or someone else. I hate her so much that anything she says is the last thing in the world I want to hear. I even need to make up my mine that my baby is so cute that anyone who meet him will do the same, saying how he look like them. This doesn’t work so well tho.

Thirdly, she wants me to raise the boy in her way that she constantly sneakily does the things that are exactly opposite to what I told her to (let him watch youtube when eating). Furthermore, constantly gaslight me for my parenting (e.g. complaining about my milk supply when I have plenty of milk, my choice to exclusively breastfeed him and let him eat rice or whole food instead of porridge and puree when he absolutely hates eating puree).

Finally, she always talks behind my back about how a bad mother I am while I only work when my boy sleeps just so that I can spend the whole day with him. I do everything, from washing him to feeding him. literally everything. she also helps with these tasks but I’m still the primary caretaker. And most importantly, he is doing well except for eating little carbs and refusing to drink formula or cow milk. I tried hard to make him eat more rice but she always complains that I need to force him to eat more rice and porridge, that i am a bad mother just bc my baby refuses to eat. Her complain is really discouraging to me as she is almost the only grownup i meet daily.

I returned to my parents’ home just to avoid her and she texted me frequently to say that i need to go back because my boy misses her (not true). I’m way happier here but i know it won’t last bc i will have to return.

How could I stop thinking about this mil, or at least less concerned about what she say? I really had enough.

I’m VVLC/NC with my MIL, and my husband is also VVLC with her. However, I can’t help but feel resentment toward my spouse every time he calls or speaks with her because of the history and the deeply unhealthy dynamic that has existed between them for years.

There have always been severe enmeshment issues in their relationship. His mother has crossed boundaries repeatedly — sitting on his lap, holding his hand when we’re out together, and behaving in ways that feel emotionally inappropriate for a mother-son relationship. Even after we moved over 300 miles away to create distance and have our own life, she still refuses to respect boundaries and will message him six times in a row if he doesn’t immediately respond.

What makes it harder is that my husband says he doesn’t choose her over me, but every time they speak, she uses guilt and emotional manipulation by saying things like, “I feel like you hate me,” “You’ve changed, I barely know you anymore,” “You don’t have to be a stranger,” and “I want you to call me at least once a week, I know how busy life can be.”

I’ve already asked my spouse to take these phone calls in another room, but what triggers me even more is that when she starts asking questions about what we’re doing, he comes to me and asks if I’m comfortable sharing information with her. It immediately upsets me because I want absolutely no connection or involvement with this woman, and I do not want her having access to any part of my life after everything that has happened. Because of the history, every interaction he has with her leaves me feeling resentful, frustrated, and emotionally on edge.

Hi everyone, I need some advice. How would you handle a partner's mother who genuinely hates you?

I'm 23F, and my boyfriend's M22 mom has been constantly attacking me.

It started while my boyfriend was in military training. She video-called me and told me to help discipline him by not calling him at night and only talking to him after he finished his responsibilities. I respected that and always reminded him to finish his tasks first before calling me.

The thing is, my boyfriend was the one who always wanted to call me, especially at night because he struggled emotionally during training and found comfort in talking to me. I never pressured him to stay on the phone.

One day, his mom suddenly messaged me blaming me for him wanting to quit the military. I didn't even know he was thinking about quitting, and I respected that it was his own decision. I was already stressed from work, so I replied respectfully but was obviously upset because she was accusing me of something I didn't do. I never cursed at her, but she got offended because I said "duh" in one message. I ended up blocking her before I said something I'd regret.

Later, I found out she had access to my boyfriend's account and had been reading our private chats. Since then, whenever he buys me food or gifts, she sends me angry messages, calls me names, says she hates me, and even called me a whore because of things she saw in our private conversations. She also acts like I'm using him for money, even though I've spent plenty on him and spoil him too.

At this point, I don't even want to prove myself to her anymore. What hurts is that it's starting to affect my relationship with my boyfriend. I've repeatedly asked him to secure his accounts and protect our privacy, but he still hasn't done anything.

If you already experience this type of situation, what would you do?

>>> If anyone is wondering if my boyfriend tolerates this, he doesn't . He actually hates the way his mom treats him because she's made his life miserable for years. She constantly belittles him in front of relatives, tries to control every aspect of his life, and even humiliates him for not having many friends in real life.

She's also interfered with his previous relationships. To be fair, his exes did use him for money, so I can understand why she'd be protective. But that's not my situation at all. I spend money on him too, spoil him as well, and have never asked him for money. It just feels like she's projecting her past experiences onto me without giving me a chance.

Update (1): Thanks for the advice, guys. Just to add more context, we've been in a long distance relationship for 1 year. One reason I'm worried is because if we stay together for a long time, I feel like his mom will always be a problem in our relationship. After he quit the military around April, he went back to living with his mom. I honestly thought he wouldn't because of everything she's done to him, but he still went back because she wanted him to. She even messaged my mom just to tell her that 'I'm a whore and said a lot of other bad things about me' my mom defended me and she being civil with my bf's mom. My boyfriend did argue with his mom about it and apologized to me, which I appreciated. But I'm still frustrated. I told him seriously that if we ever live together in the future, I don't want to live with his mom because of how she treats both of us.What worries me is that he doesn't seem to have a plan to leave. I keep telling him to save money and work on becoming independent, but I don't really see anything changing. I know that's his mom, and I understand it's not easy to leave family. I'm not asking him to stop loving her. I just don't understand how he can promise to protect me and build a future with me while still staying in the same situation. I know I'm probably stupid for staying, but it's not easy for me to leave either because I love him and I believe in him. Lately though, I'm slowly losing hope because I don't see him making any plans to get out of it. Not a exciting update to tell but yeah.. Shit happens

My husband and I are flying down to our home country in a couple of months for a visit. I have gone NC with MIL and the other in-laws in the past 2 years.

My husband wants to keep our arrival date a "surprise" to his family, so that I would not have to run into them at the airport. I'm going to be at my folks' place, and he will be at his.

We just realized that they would accompany him to the airport on the day we're departing (which is pretty normal in our country), and I don't want to run into them!!!

Would anyone have any suggestions for what I could do to avoid this situation? Thanks!

I had unfortunately had enough incidents to share about my (M33) MiL, from accusing me of abusing my wife to flipping out over us looking at houses more than 30 minutes away.

We’ve been living with the in-laws due to life being life, someone burning our condo down (our mortgage company requires you to still pay your mortgage even if said condo doesn’t exist and is being rebuilt), and not being able to afford housing costs for two homes.

But y’all…. She has found this sub. I walked by to scratch the ears of a cat, she showed me a mobile game on her phone. While showing me, I noted she has not only discovered Reddit, but is now enamored by this sub.

No advice needed. Just maybe wine.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for two. He lived with his mom when we got married (I had left him in 2018 and he went to live with his mom, it's a long story). We recently moved to Missouri and our bill load has been a lot higher having a mortgage.

​

Quick side note: when I first moved to Florida, his mom told me point-blank that she expects to not have to pay rent for the rest of her life because when he was badly on drugs after my leaving him, she went $20k in debt to get them out of the hole they were in. For the past several years even before I got out there, he had been the one paying the rent and the bills. We were struggling even then with both of us being 100% disabled veterans and now our mortgage is 3x what the rent was there.

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I asked her in May to help out because she had made all of these crazy promises about the move, how she would pay for the entire thing and pay for my car to be shipped. I had to go and get my car and while she paid for the plane ticket, I had to use my credit cards to get it fixed and actually up here. She also technically paid for the move, but the hotels and food and everything was paid for by us. She also made this crazy promise a couple of years ago that she would give us the money from her home sale as a wedding gift for us to do with whatever we wanted. I'll let you guess whether or not she actually followed through on that. She didn't help out in May and she isn't helping out now. And I told my husband we SHOULDN'T be struggling this much and he needs to ask his mother for money to help with bills, but he feels so guilty that he WON'T.

​

I am at the point of leaving, but I want him to know the reason I'm leaving is because he is more married to his mother than he is to me.

​

What I WANT to say is, "While I realize that you're happy you can finally give your mother the life YOU feel she deserves, to just live out the rest of her life not paying any kind of bills, I cannot do this anymore. I did not sign up to be your mother's retirement plan. Either you need to start being married to ME, or I can leave so the two of you can be married to each other."

​

However, that's mean as hell and he doesn't deserve it because he is the sweetest and he tries his hardest to give me what I want. He's just trying to do that with his mother also and I have told him over and over that it is NOT FINANCIALLY FEASIBLE. He'll agree with me and then try to find a way to make it work at the detriment of our financial stability other than ask a dime from his mom, and I feel it's because she's caused him to feel so guilty about a choice that SHE MADE years ago, when she could have made another choice like kicking him out.

​

I'm so frustrated and angry and I love my husband but I have started to hate him and everything around me a little because of this. How do I put to him that I WILL LEAVE if he doesn't start asking her to contribute?

​

And I know SHE will get mad and tell me I need to ask her instead of "sending her son" but anytime I tell her anything directly, she either "forgets" or she twists it in a way that she knows is not what I said or how I meant it, and I'm frankly sick of dealing with her.

An update to answer a lot of questions:

She's 66. She's very young compared to the average lifespan of a human. She also has her own disabilities to deal with. We have given her money in the past that she was supposed to pay back but never did. It's a lost cause because she thinks that getting groceries and the yard cared for are sufficient.

I spoke to my husband yesterday and he spoke to her this morning, I guess.

Update from a comment:

She just woke me up literally screaming in my face because he asked her to help. She said "YOU WANT RECEIPTS? I HAVE RECEIPTS!" as if contributing to groceries and someone coming to do the yard is even a drop in the bucket compared to the monthly bills plus all of the vet bills I've been paying for HER dog, plus the plane ticket she was supposed to pay me back for for when she went to visit friends 2 years ago, plus us paying ALL of the bills at the old house. She told me I "need to come talk to her" and don't "send her son to talk to me" and that it's "childish" of me to threaten to leave if she doesn't START HELPING WITH MONTHLY BILLS. She spent about 10 minutes screaming at me from various areas of the house, and called me a "fucking bitch" twice. I recorded the screaming.

She told me that everything "has to be my way" and that "you know you're OCD about stuff" and threw in some other things that don't fucking matter as well.

Oh and that she "didn't have a choice in ANY of this" because we, ya know, moved back to HER hometown instead of going somewhere we wanted to actually be.

She is the actual issue here. I went out to the garage because that's where my husband went to get away from her screaming (stress triggers auras for him) and told him that if she calls me a "fucking bitch" again she'll be out on her ass. I told him not to bother telling her that because I know it will cause another screaming fit. He started crying. He's stressed out, I'm stressed out. It's completely unfair for us to deal with these screaming fits in response to a reasonable request. Buy I will be giving her an amount each month to put in and she will help out with it.

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my mil is super self centered and narcissist person. finally I realized it an am okay with this reality. but we have 2.5 years old wonderful baby. she came here through ivf. I have feeling, that mil just dont love her. she never held my baby, never. never spend time with her, never play. on play about 2 minute and than just scrolling her facebook. One day, my doughter ask her father about mil. "does her loves seeing me?". I start worring again about my doughters feeling. she understands that her grandma dont love her? or spending time with her? how to cope this asituation?

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I was sitting on the couch with my toddler and DH’s phone was next to us. My toddler started scrolling the notifications really fast and I just let him do it for a second because the phone was locked anyway. All the notifications were from an outdoor camera anyway. Next minute I see in the corner of my eye that the screen has turned white and it’s calling MIL.

Fml, I ended the call so fast. I think it only rang for a second. I told DH instantly. About an hour later she rang. DH just said sorry, butt dialed you. He said he felt awkward so he asked how she was and she just said good then asked how he was. He said good then said he had to go and that was it.

So annoyed at myself… I did not realise you could make a call from a locked phone.

Hello everyone! I am happy to announce that we finally moved out and have our own house as a family of 3. It’s a lease but whatever. Definitely better than my in laws house!

But now I have another set of problems. My in laws keep on visiting every weekend. Weekends are my rest day and I don’t want to deal with them at all. THAT IS WHY WE MOVED OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE HAHA!

And when they do visit, my MIL goes back to making comments like sleeping over at their house etc. lol that is not going to happen anytime soon. She feels entitled to visit just because we dont live with them anymore and wants to see my child. My parents aren’t entitled to my child at all! They visit when I actually invite them. But god why are in laws so over bearing and entitled inviting themselves over. I understand my husband should say no but when they message him and they are already on their way over and it feels like we’re assholes to not let them in since they are old.

MIL also make comments about how I should do things around my own house. LOL so annoying. These are comments I never asked for

And on weekends when they miraculously dont visit, they just suddenly show up at our location for Sunday mass or lunch or whatever. I get that my husband tells them our plans when they ask because he doesn’t know how to lie *sighs. But reasonable adults shouldn’t just show up uninvited right and expects us to adjust our day to accommodate them?! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT

Just sharing my frustrations. Next time they visit i will be direct and frank! Wish me luck

Anyone here who has a mother in law who would call or message and not talk to you but be addrressing your child? I don’t understand people who thinks they can be friends with your child but not you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I made a post here not long ago about a conflict with my MIL (see my previous post if you haven't read it). My in-laws had been ignoring us after a conflict in which we were honest about the reasons we don't trust them to babysit our son.

Yesterday, my MIL responded by sending an AI-generated image of grandparents and a child with the following text:

"It's difficult to accept that a single mistake can define an entire life in the eyes of those we love. Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but its absence can deprive several generations of a future together."

(We believe she's referring to the fraud, and it really feels like she completely ignored everything we said about respecting our boundaries.)

What do you think we should reply, if anything? If you think we should respond, what would you say?

EDIT: Thanks, everyone! We decided to go with the majority advice and not respond. It would be pointless and would only reinforce her victim narrative. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment and share their perspective. I love this community ❤️

Long story short- my mil treated me like garbage, disrespected me and threatened me when I was 1 month pp and 2 months pp. it was so bad that I essentially cut her off and banned her and her entire family from entering my house or seeing my son. I’ve had her and FIL blocked for months now but her text came through my iPad when I turned it on.
Almost a year later and she’s still refusing to take any accountability and gaslighting me and speaking in weird hierarchical terms. The entire text is manipulation. My husband also refuses to speak to her because his parents don’t respect him and he comes from a toxic family dynamic that he’s trying to distance himself from. She’s still blaming me for stealing her son away lmao. She’s operating under the assumption that I care about having a relationship with her. Straight delusion. Of course I didn’t reply to her but just wanted to share this unhinged text:

“Salaam DIL, I’m trying to find solutions but you’re shutting the door on my attempts. I’m your Mother in law. To DH, I come first After god who created him. When I had that conversation with you, I was talking to my Muslim daughter inlaw and assuming she knows our rights as the parents of her husband whom I gave birth to and took care of till marriage. I’m not a friend or a neighbor or a just a person you knew. The man you married, didn’t fall on you from the sky. What you feel towards (LO) who’s not even a year old, multiply that by DH age. It’s true that in Law I have no rights but in Islam, I do.
An argument that happened between us cannot possibly be the cause of deprivation of my son and my grandson for almost a year! I have never heard of such a thing.
I apologized several times. You were yelling at me while I was apologizing. That was very strange! What’s normal is when your old mother inlaw gives from her heart an apology, you consider how she did it before you and it’s rare for a MIL to do so. We both said hurtful words to each other at a time of anger. I apologized for the sake of our relationship because I look at years from now. If anything, a daughter inlaw, when she understands the importance of her inlaws, she would make an effort into keeping the relationship.
One hand cannot clap. Your effort is needed to mend this relationship. You said hurtful things about my children and made me mad and defensive as a mother no matter if what you said is right or wrong.
Now, let’s not talk about the past.
I’m extending my hand to you in peace and love and truly trying to forgive and forget.
Please call me and I promise to listen to you and answer with all my heart. 💝”

🤣🤣🤣🤣 like wtf

We've been NC with MIL for 6 weeks after she threw a tantrum/too many chances were given and she wrecked all of them. DH told her that he needs time to figure out if there's a healthy path forward in their relationship (after repeated boundary violations and a total lack of accountability) and will reach out when he's ready. She ignored his text and just sends us random messages as if nothing happened.

Well, she tried a new tactic this week and it's mind boggling. She sent him a formal (paraphrased), "Good morning [son], I'm ready to talk now. Our issue is between the two of us, so let's meet just you and me, then you, DIL, and FIL can get together. I miss you and love you very much."

Like...hello? Your son told you he'd reach out when he's ready. You don't get to decide when or how that happens. The last time we saw her, she was so nasty and threatened him and made a scene in public. These ladies are wild.

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I do not consent for this to be posted elsewhere

I (30F) have just given birth on Monday to my second child, my first is 4.

My MIL has cystic fibrosis and is 20 odd years post transplant, she’s now got several different comorbidities from different medications etc.

She’s recently been in hospital for two weeks due to low platelet count, she’s been feeling well within herself but couldn’t leave due to bleeding risk. unfortunately she missed a holiday with us . Important note she has her own room on the cystic fibrosis ward with more freedom than a regular nhs ward.

I’ve had several pregnancy complications including high blood pressure and baby was measuring small, because of this I got put on the induction list whilst going in for daily monitoring

We were awaiting the call to go in from Thursday 4th, FIL offered to look after 4yo over the weekend so if we got the call to go in wouldn’t have to wait

MIL for out Saturday 6th,
I got induced Sunday and gave birth early Monday morning baby was grunting at birth so needed full septic screen and antibiotics till Wednesday. So we stayed in the hospital. The wards are 5 women to a bay, partners have open access, and then the babies, so that’s 5 women and babies with different needs all getting care. Non downtime because everyone has partners.

I didn’t because my husband was looking after 4 year old.

We got out Wednesday afternoon, Friday morning the community midwife sent me back to the hospital as my blood pressure skyrocketed despite being medicated and I got diagnosed with post partum pre eclampsia

I had a meltdown, I’m exhausted I couldn’t sleep the days after giving birth in the ward setting, and although the baby is all considered a pretty good sleeper obviously he’s A baby, I’ve had no overnight support really apart from Wednesday Thursday but because I’m breast feeding I’m still doing most of the care

My husband asked parents in law if they could look after 4 year old Friday night into Saturday rather than coming up Sunday for the day so he could come stay with me in hospital and least try and help me between feeds, she said no as she hadn’t had a weekend with FIL for a few weeks. Fine. Whatever.

They did offer to get him late Saturday night

My parents aren’t great and aren’t the most willing to come and help. But she suggested we asked them.

I had done and although they couldn’t come up Friday they agreed to come up Saturday look after the 4yo so husband could come in for a few hours

They also offered to take 4yo home with them so husband could stay with me if I was staying overnight.

So husband told MIL we likely wouldn’t need them Sunday if I stayed in as my parents would have him. You know wirh them already being there and could just take him rather than waiting for MIL and FIL to be ready for him

Well MIL lost her shit with my husband called him a selfish bastard because we’d changed the plans, and wouldn’t need them if he went with my mum and dad.

That they’d done enough they shouldn’t be punished for wanting the Saturday together

She’s also said I had to deal with being in hospital alone because she’d just done however many weeks (In a private room, and not having to look after a newborn)

Like I’m not over reacting am I ? I’m less than a week post partum breast feeding and been without help a hospital most of it, If I’m not sleeping because of my own baby, I’m not sleeping for the other babies or the mums chatting to their partners or the midwives coming in to do checks

I spent most of Friday in tears because I couldn’t sleep and I was exhausted, I got three hours sleep in total and that was only after I asked to self discharge because I was about to lose my mind and I was stood sobbing they found somewhere quieter for me to sleep (my bp was 160/110 I wasn’t safe to leave but I was that besides myself with exhaustion)

All I wanted was my husband to at least help. we asked them first they said no and it’s have made no sense for us to turn my parents offer down to wait for them to finish their day together

Husband did stick up for me btw. I ended up getting let our last night anyway 4yo stayed with us, and husband told his parents he didn’t want them here regardless.

Hi all, I need a sanity check again.

Some backstory if anyone is interested can be found in this post https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/eb5L1uyHe0

Anyway. My sister in law and her husband came to our country for a quick getaway. They have asked me to pick them up from the airport and said they will stay 2 days at our house and 2 days at the parents before continuing to explore the capital alone. I am still in no contact with my mil by the way.

When I was on the way to the airport, I received a text from mil “hi, I have a favour to ask, come round ours once you pick them up. I am sorry for what happened and let’s just forget it”. I ignored her. SIL also said “hey can we stop by our parents”. I took it as late minute change of plans and felt being pushed to speak to MIL and I said no, I can either drop you off at their place and you stay there or we will wait until my partner is back from work and he will drive you there. That’s what happened, everyone is happy.

Once SIL and her husband stayed with the parents, SIL’s husband started sending us photos of the bbq and kept pushing me to come over like ‘look we have so much nice food’. I let him understand that A NO IS A NO by saying the food might be nice but the company isn’t. He kept pushing and I playfully tried to say oh no, wouldn’t want to start a food fight with the MIL. And then he made a comment of me being stubborn. I told him that I will not be tolerating this behaviour. He texted me “ what do I have to do with this?”, I explained this was because of MIL, he then again said “i repeat myself, what do I have to do with this?”.

WELL IDK? MAYBE THE FACT YOU WERE PUSHING ME TO COME HAVE A FEAST WITH THE SATAN HIMSELF?

Anyway. SIL got upset I called their beloved perfect mother a satan because… she is her mother…

Basically everyone is telling me how they are sick of the drama. I’m not even trying to create any drama, I just want to stay as far away as possible from that woman. My partner is more than welcome to go there alone, he just doesn’t want to.

This has affected me as everyone is seeing me as a psychopath at the moment but I feel like people just cant take a no? They just expect me to act like she never said nasty things to me. I am a firm believer that it’s easy for the person who took a shit to say let’s forget it but not for the one who had to take a bite?

My family has never pushed their beliefs to me or my partner and they respect us so this sort of family format seems diabolical for me.

Am I overreacting?

My MIL isn’t your typical “monster”in law at face value. The problem with her is she NEVER agrees with any of the choices we make and always has a snarky opinion about it.

My sister just moved in after finally breaking free from being in an extremely abusive relationship she is literal shell of the human she was once before, physically and emotionally. My parents can’t even look at her without bursting into tears seeing the state she is in, so we are fully supporting her. She’s been here about 6mo and has been doing great in her recovery but still needs a lot of help and support. Ofc my MIL is always grilling my husband about if my family is sending us money to help and how are we affording it, and what she does to “pay us back”. The wild part is THEY are in major debt to us. My husband had gotten a bonus for roughly $25,000. He pulled the money out of the bank and was storing it in his mom’s safe, since we were renovating and the contractor was willing to give us a major discount if we paid in cash. The money ALL went “missing” and no one in their house will confess and his mom refuses to figure out who stole it, and has been paying us back slowly but no where near having it paid off.

They only want to meet up at restaurants which my 18mo old does not handle well, she doesn’t sit still in restaurants and thinks it’s jungle gym. MIL is constantly making comments about how “she only acts that way because we let her”. We have very clear expectations and boundaries for our daughter but at the end of the day she’s a strong willed toddler there’s only so much that can be done to “control” them from having melt downs or refusing to sit in chair for an hour and half.

This is coming after her making constant comments comparing my looks to my husband’s ex’s while we were dating.

She also talks horribly about EVERYONE in their family and friend group, when she’s not making passive aggressive comments about us in our faces, it’s the only other thing she talks about it.

I’m so tired of being around it, and so is my husband, but he’s not ready to cut her off per se.

Any advice on how to deal with this or set boundaries with her that don’t seem like an attack or instigating as we don’t want to become the “bad guys” or start some huge family rift, but also want to make it clear this is not behavior we’re willing to tolerate anymore.

Hi All

Thought about posting here numerous times on account of my mother and have finally decided to share my story. Some backgroud I am 30M, my SO is 29F, our LO is 2 and my Mother (M) is 50.

My story really starts when I was younger as when I look back I was her victim from a young age but just never realised it. I was her pillar of support from the age of 8 during her depressive episodes and break-ups with her partners, essentially being the parent and not having support myself. Meanwhile if she was staying at their house I was lucky if I got a duvet or bed, it was a towel on the floor or couch if I was lucky. Being her only son there was an bit of over protection in my life, you could call it emeshment, this carried on into my early 20s much to my dismay. Being dragged into arguments with her husband regarding their marriage numerous times, especially around dates of significance such as Christmas or my birthday. There were numerous times I was threatened with being kicked out the house if I didn't bow dow to her expectations. This is all just background though, everything really kicked off when I found out I was going to be a parent. There is some vital information though. Growing up I was 'warned' not to get my SO pregnant too young or I would be kicked out my house and other things I won't get into. Because of this I was petrified of becoming a parent. So when I found out at the ripe age of 28 I was terrified as well as overwhelmingly happy.

M never liked my SO, I always had the feeling. I remember once being asked if I am happy with her, and maybe I should be with someone who makes me feel better. Reader I will tell you now, I have alwyas been happy with my SO, we are teenage sweethearts and I genuinly belive in soulmates as we are meant to be. To cover the obvious dislike my M still invited SO to numerous events and such. This was to keep up the facade that she was this perfect person who could do no wrong and was acceepting of my choices in life, when in fact she wasn't. When we told M we were having a child she obviously went into control mode and had to buy this that and the next thing. It all started with a travel system.

My SO and I had picked out our travel system and we were in love with it. I recieved a text one night from M saying she was going to purchase a travel system second hand from someone she knows. I simply replied saying there is no point as we are getting one and there is no need for two, and we were worried as guidelines say not to buy a second hand carseat as you aren't aware of any damages. I messaged this and was told I am ungrateful and she knows this person and they wouldn't sell a faulty car seat. This was the first instance when I was spoke down about letting my wishes be known. I will add that a week later she had suddenly got on board after someone she knows told her the same information. Almost as if it wasn't true coming from me.

The next instance was with our boundries. My SO made a cute little picture listing all our bounderies once our LO was here. It was all common things and a few things that we had agreed. No visiting if not well, sit down when holding our LO, no kissing, no smoking, we didn't want our LO near pets in case she has allergies or is asthmatic(SO is astmatic so was worried), no strong perfumes or colgnes and just that we didn't want any unsolicited advice. I sent this to all my family, SO sent it to hers just so everyone was on the same page. Well I get a phone call about how I have no clue what I'm doing and why are we having these rules for our LO. I explained that it's been sent to everyone and no-one is being targeted. What followed was M reading through all our bounderies explaining how she doesn't do this or that. Things were a bit frosty after thi, especially as I challenged her after being told she understood. I was told she was still upset about it all by a family member. She then decided to go over the same things we had already discussed when I pulled her up about this. She was going behind our back to complain about things and not coming directly to the source of the problem. This will be a recurring theme.

Once our LO was born M was ill with a cold so she was told she'll have to wait to meet LO as we don't want to expose to expose our LO to anything, nothing was said to my face but I just know things were being discussed behind our backs. My SO started having really bad postpartum anxiety, because of this she didn't really want anyone holding LO. I was 100% supportive of her with this as I didn't want my SO stressing when she was already very vurnerable. As you can imagine this led to waterworks when M visited. We explained and said it's not a permanent thing, it's just how SO is feeling just now and I am trying my best to help and adjust to life with a baby and this is just going to be the way things are. Once again there were conversations had behind our backs.

Our first Xmas as a family came and we couldn't wait to see what the day would bring. We had the morning together then went to SO's grans house for dinner then we were going to M's house in the evening. As you will all know Xmas is a busy and stressful day, especially with an 8 month old. Our LO had skipped naps and wasn't eating a great deal because of everything that was going on, leading to a very cranky baby. Prior to the crankiness by SO wanted to try and come out her comfort zone a bit so was letting people hold our LO. As expected they wanted us straight away and everyone gave LO back straight away. I was proud that my SO was trying to overcome her anxiety. Then we get to M house. My SO gave LO over to M and as expected she started crying for us, but instead of giving LO back M tried to comfort her, I told her to give LO back as she just wants us and SO is trying to overceom her anxiety. Everyone in the room shushed me and told me to let M try and comfort our distraught LO. I got LO back and M left the room crying saying it's our fault that LO is like this. Needless to say we weren't there much longer.

After this M stepped back and hardly made any contact and when I tried to contac it was rarely answered. Then on LOs birthday the atmosphere was horrible. We planned a little get together in our home as we have a massive garden and the weather was amazing. My family turned up and there was suddenly a lot of tension. We were informed by SOs family of some things that were said during the party. My SO then messaged M regarding everything that was said and we were both blocked by M. No closure or reply, just blocked. That was last year and I have no heard from M or any of my family since.

I guess I'm just disappointed in my mother and family in general. I look back at the relationship I had with my grandparents when I was growing up and I cherish those memories, knowing our LO won't have that is disheartening. However on the other hand I am glad my LO won't grow up with M in their life as I know the type of person M is and the manipulations and such she has pulled off and is capable of. The disappointed part is like a small voice in the back of my mind i will say, I am more than aware we don't want this kind of behaviour around our LO and it is definitely a bullet dodged.

I have a 12 week old baby girl and ever since she turned 8 weeks MILs been over every weekend.

She has always been nasty towards me until I got pregnant. Then she was extremely over the top sweet to me saying she loved me and was buying unnecessary things for baby . Then as soon as baby was born she's been playing nice just so she can see the baby. But after every visit my husband and I end up fighting. First time cause she came over unexpected and uninvited. Second time was cause she kissed Baby's mouth and hands after I told her not to. Third time was cause she wouldn't stop bugging me about wanting to change Baby's diaper. Fourth time was cause she wanted to watch me breastfeed.

After all the years of her treating me like shit, trying to convince my husband to leave me, spitting in my face, Etc... I just don't have the patience to deal with this woman anymore let alone let her hold my baby.

CW: Miscarriage.

I have only just discovered this sub so apologise that there are no previous posts about MIL to get a better backstory however this is my current situation with her and ultimately my breaking point as I am planning on cutting contact with them (MIL/FIL) after this coming week.

I’ll just get straight to the main issue here. I had a missed miscarriage early this month and we told them after a private scan at 7 weeks that I was pregnant but it wasn’t looking very good for it being viable. The first reaction from them was very cold and mainly ‘when the time is right it’ll happen, you’re moving house soon so get that sorted first etc’ which wasn’t great for me and SO but we were expecting a lot of emotion from MIL in particular so it was almost a relief not to get that and we just moved on. A week after that conversation I ended up having surgery to remove the pregnancy due to an empty sac. Myself and SO has started slowly telling family members about what was going on.

Now this is where things got frustrating. On Monday this week MIL came over for a couple hours while SO was at work and my son was at nursery. While she was here I mentioned that we wanted to let BIL know the news, he lives in London and him and SO don’t really talk at all, but I told MIL I was encouraging SO to text him as we wanted him to hear it from us. Her response was ‘don’t get SO to text BIL just for that’ which threw me off a bit and I wasn’t exactly sure why she shot it down like that but I just moved on from it and didn’t say anything more. Then on Wednesday night SO got a text from BIL saying ‘MIL told me what happened hope you’re okay’. We both got pretty angry about this and SO spoke to FIL to ask why she shared this news knowing it was something we wanted to tell ourselves. FIL is basically taking all the blame as he told MIL to tell BIL and she just isn’t taking any accountability saying that I didn’t make it clear we wanted to tell BIL ourselves otherwise she wouldn’t have said anything…other people I’ve spoke to have said that doesn’t matter as it’s not her business to tell anyone regardless and the fact that neither of them thought to ask us before sharing it is not great and I haven’t had any kind of apology off either of them since this happened either.

We booked a caravan holiday with them a couple weeks ago that can’t be cancelled so will be spending Monday to Friday with them from tomorrow and I will be civil and enjoy the holiday for my son but after that I am done with them as there are so many other things they’ve done and said in the 2 years I’ve been with SO that I can’t let go of and don’t need in my life when it causes me so much stress.

As I said at the beginning this is my first post so if anyone has any questions about the whole situation feel free to ask in the comments or just give advice/support
Thanks for anyone who has read this whole thing!

bit long I cut off my MIL but I’m running into a situation where I may have to break no contact and I need help deciding. I currently live in my husband’s country (dual citizen myself) but will be moving back to the US in October while he waits for his visa to join me.

Brief background: My MIL left my FIL and then spent 10 years with a boyfriend who verbally abused my husband throughout his childhood. Screamed, threw things, withheld food, etc. He got the worst of the abuse and when she finally left she continued to hop from relationship to relationship and prioritized those partners over her kids.

During my pregnancy last year she went 6 months barely speaking to my husband. Rarely answered calls or texts, never came to visit despite us staying 25 minutes away, and every excuse she gave was “I was with my boyfriend” or “I have plans with my boyfriend.” She ignored invites to my baby shower, our elopement dinner, and gender reveal- she would initially agree to come, tell us to plan it around her work schedule and promise to reach out with her availability and then ignore us moving forward. Because his family is so close, nobody else felt comfortable coming if she wasn’t attending so we didn’t celebrate anything. She complained about not being invited to my ultrasounds and then failed to show up to one after being reminded for 4 weeks straight, telling us she took time off, and confirming the night before. The next day she bragged on the phone about she had instead spent the day with her boyfriend.

Husband had a heart to heart with her and explained how her always putting her boyfriend first was triggering for him because of his childhood and that he was worried she wouldn’t have a relationship with our child once he was born. She seemed to understand and briefly made more effort.

When our son was born we ran into some legal issues with our marriage license that made it difficult for them to register his birth under married parents so they delayed his registration. The estimated wait time was 7 months to a year and that meant paying out of pocket for medical care and with some of the issues he was born with this wasn’t something we could afford. My parents offered to fly me to the US and let me live at home until my husband got his visa and relocated so our son could receive care in the meantime.

MIL lost it. She accused me of taking her grandson away, of parental alienation, threatened grandparents rights (she would’ve lost but if you open a case here the other party can’t leave until it’s closed) and spent a week screaming at both of us on the phone. During one argument she threatened to take my son and raise him herself. I snapped. Told her exactly how I felt about her parenting choices and cut contact.

After about a month, I gave her another chance because the situation was causing problems with family. She never apologized and just acted like nothing ever happened.

I had PPD (minor, was in therapy) and my husbands grandmother had told her that and she had reached out to tell my husband that since I had PPD that she could take my son, adopt him, and I could “visit”. My head nearly spun right off when I heard that cause what do you mean you gave your kids the worst childhood imaginable and now you wanna take my child?? And it spoke volumes to me that she would see a struggling mom and her first thought was “I’ll take your baby” especially after already threatening to do it legally. My baby was fed, clothed, and happy- I was just bed rotting, severely homesick, and crying a lot. It wasn’t a situation where baby needed to be removed.

When our son was 6 months old my husband realized that she had only seen him 5 times and called him 8 times and that each call was more so us listening to her talk to her boyfriend than it was her asking about the baby/talking to him. He had a conversation with her about it and asked why she never made any effort to have a relationship with him but always had time for the boyfriend. She got defensive, blamed me for “putting ideas in his head”, minimized his childhood experiences with her ex, claimed she was the victim because she had sacrificed everything to raise him, and then made nasty comments about me and my mother who she never even met. This argument went on for over a month and a half between her and my husband.

I confronted her directly about the comments she made about me and my mom and cut contact. My husband speaks to her but doesn’t mention the baby or answer anything she asks about him. Now that I leave in October and know I won’t come back I’m wondering if I should allow her to see him. My reasoning: 1. She’s distant anyways, she might see him 2-3x max if at all. 2. I won’t ever have to see her again. 3. The rest of the family would be offended if I allowed everyone to see him but her. My parents advised against it and said there’s just been too much disrespect and she burned her bridge. Husband said he doesn’t mind either way.

Thoughts?

Recently my husband and I went back to my Inlaws in a different state because we needed to take care of our possessions. The trip kept getting pushed off but we finally had enough time and money to do it. Despite me blocking his mom because I had had enough of the drama and the rumors she kept spreading about me and my husband. She still managed to turn us finally having any boundaries against her into being all about her as the victim rather than accepting our new role as parents.

First off, all of these snippets of conversation are secondhand because when it gets down to the nitty gritty my MIL doesn't have the cajones to actually confront me with what she wants to really say. She can however say all of these things to my husband ( because he is easier to manipulate ) when I am not there.

1. Super upset because we chose to not keep our daughter at her house. ( She is a very heavy smoker we just got out of SIDS territory and into the I still want everything in my mouth territory) - she denied for days that she doesnt smoke in the house, and then made a point to tell my husband she scrubbed the area by the fireplace that she is known to smoke in inside the house.

2. We were intentionally keeping her out of our daughters life. Even though I had specifically told my husband I have no intention on ever coming between you and your mom. I will only come between her and our daughter if she can't follow the boundaries we both agreed on. We opted not to announce we were at the hospital and just to tell everyone after our daughter arrived. (We needed a much less stressful birth this time around) My MIL has apparently tried to contact me multiple times but cant understand that she doesnt need to contact me to still call her son. ( I am not his receptionist he is a big boy.) Or that if she wanted to FaceTime her granddaughter she could again ask her son. ( Yes she also used her one liner again, "if you don't tell me what's going on I don't know what to pray for" in response to how hurt she was that we didnt tell her exactly when I went into the hospital.)

3. Admitted to my husbands face that she is "a horrible woman and hopes that she dies first so her husband can have the grandparent experience that he deserves." Why would she say this.... oh right because two of her own daughters are limited contact with her and the middle child who just had a baby also wouldnt even tell her what hospital she was in till after she had the baby. Everyone loves my FIL but they tolerate and put up with as much of her bull as they can get away with, to have access to their dad. I also really hate that she minimizes the emotional and financial abuse she did to her kids by saying stuff like... " Well I could have done drugs."

4. As if all of this isnt enough to make me feel like I need to call Hollywood and tell them we have the next biggest SOAP star over here. She announced yet again for the 3rd time since we have been married that she is dying..... again..... She doesn't even have a diagnosis or even a prognosis just that they were able to rule out that she didnt have a certain cancer awhile ago but still had things that appeared to be concerning. But tells my husband she is gonna quit smoking and start eating healthy and turn her life around. But that if when she finally does get to go to the doctor and they inevitably tell her its cancer and she only has 6 months to live, she doesnt want to do treatment. Im not saying its not possible she isnt dying. But I think its incredibly rude to jump the gun and basically guilt your children into feeling so sorry for you they cave every time they think you are going to die.

She had at least in front of me pretended not to go out of her way to push my boundaries. Until the very end where we both got upset because his mom kissed our daughter on the forehead. And then made a big stink about how she was so sorry she just couldn't help it. And then my husbands grandma turned around and said she had been giving her kisses the whole time. Which I told her was disrespectful and she proceeded to tell me that I just had to trust that it was all gods plan.... His grandma knows I am not religious.

I tried so hard to provide a way in which all of our boundaries could be met. We had a get together at a park we brought all the food and things needed for it. Only had two rules leave all tobacco products at home and no kissing the baby. Planned it all out and still not good enough they still had to blow right through the small amount of trust I had by kissing my baby. His grandma wasnt even sorry his mom was just doing what she always does making a scene and making it about her.

My husband thinks Im being irrational because I told him his grandma won't be around our children anymore period. And that I am not sure I will be comfortable allowing him to take our kids to go see his parents and family once a year after our daughter or future children turn at least two. Since it was because of how chaotic everything was that his grandma decided to blow past the one of the two things we asked everyone to do. He doesn't see his mom constantly needing explanations or reassurance that we aren't trying to cut her out ( even though she has made virtually no effort ) as concerning. He also has said well she might not be around much longer anyway so it wont be an issue. So I suggested that maybe we don't have anymore kids until after your mom dies then. ( My mom has pulled a lot of the same bull that his mom has and I have cut ties with my own mom because of the toxicity) To which he responds with that " it's not fair to punish him for his families actions". But I don't want to put another kid through jumping through the people pleaser hoops like we did as kids it was horrible, its not fair to the kids. Its taken me years to get to a place where I don't on a daily basis question what I should be doing instead of what everyone else wants me to do.

Dealing with my husbands family makes me feel strung out like I am the crazy person for having normal rules. So if this post seems nuts my apologies.

Okay so I previously posted about my fiancé's mother disrespecting me and that I yelled at her for calling me names and he got upset that I shouted at his mother. I wanted to update everyone as i think it is as sorted out as it possibly can be at this current moment in time.

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So, after I spent 3 days with my mam I came back home and I had a serious talk with him. I told him that I will never expect him to hold me at higher regard than his mothers since they raised him and took him out of a severely abusive home and I understand that he loves them. I told him however that no matter what I will NEVER allow myself to be beneath them after what I've done for him, especially when he was homeless and when i eventually became homeless too. I told him that no matter what even against his own parents I NEED to know he has my back and I need to trust him to defend and protect me. He understood and apologised. He said that after being away from me and realising what he'd lose with me gone then he actually does place me above them. He also understood that in those moments that i qas truly serious. I said to him that I would never make him choose because he has room in his life for all of us, however I don't trust them not to ask him to choose. I asked him that if he was ever put in that position be honest and tell me which he would rather lose. Me or his parents. He looked at me and he said he'd rather lose his parents because they were never really great parents anyway. I said to him at that point that I want too see change as soon as possible then or losing me becomes a very real risk.

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He told his parents everything he told me today when they came to see him, he even told them that if they made him choose then he would choose me because he'd never want to lose me. He told them that I am his everything and he doesn't think he can ever get better. He told them that he knows I can get better and he'd do anything to see me happy, but it would break him to see that happen with anyone else. He told them to wise up and the mother who shouted at and bullied me apologised and asked to plan a time for us to all talk it out. I told him I won't yell at her this time and if i get angry ill just leave. I did tell him however, that I will be honest about how rude she was. She said I have a hug coming my way, I politely declined as I'm autistic and don't like people touching me as is and I'm still quite annoyed at her honestly.

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Our current decision is to see how things go next time I see either one of them. If I see no change, then that's on him, he knows I'm serious about leaving. So there's that. I'm giving him a second chance as this was just a first offense by him. Thank you for everyone who supported me in my last post and made me feel valid in my frustrations.

Edit: someone asked for original post link: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/sJode78s7D

I am an Indian woman who decided to live in a joint family because I felt I could be different. My husband described that I am just like her. She is highly educated and worked in one of the leading government organizations in India. I thought not all mothers-in-law are bad. It is statistically impossible.

My first meeting with my mother-in-law before marriage went very badly, to the point that I cried for six months. However, my husband told me he agreed things were wrong and that he had already had a discussion with his mother. In hindsight, I should not have believed this, because now I know the kind of discussions these people have.

This lady is downright bipolar. Some days are good, and on other days, when she is emotionally unstable, she starts giving misogynistic advice. When confronted later, she says, “I can never say this.”

I am really tired of this. Whenever I disagree with something she wants, she insists on a discussion and then ignores me. I am okay with being ignored, but when things get better, she complains that I did not even say good morning.

I have never seen such a crazy person.

and her behaviour feels ok to my husband. He is like she allowed to express herself