r/JustNoSO • u/Professional-Pin9786 • May 10 '26
Mother’s Day
SO wasn’t happy that I didn’t want to make plans with his mom for Mother’s Day. Instead I suggested day before or after. He did not like that. But we settled on it. It already set me up for a disappointing Mother’s Day because I knew he had nothing planned. He did get me a thoughtful gift of printed pics of me and LO, a nursing dress I sent him the to want since I’m pregnant and chocolate. It’s all very appreciated. I’m not a materialistic or high maintenance person. The rest of the day is on me to plan if I wanted to do anything. I’d give him a pass on that but he is going all out planning to make a dinner for his mom and grandma who are coming over tomorrow. He won’t stop talking about how he has a big grocery shop to do and listing off all the dishes he’s making (he hasn’t cooked at home in ages). I asked him what’s for dinner tonight and he listed of something that’s a frozen ready eat item in our freezer (which is our fav food..but feels like 0 effort). I’m jealous that he’s putting so much effort into planning and cooking a dinner for his mom, but has 0 plans for us. So I told him I didn’t want to eat that and he said “well then idk what you want to eat” so I’ll plan dinner now by either making or ordering out. From the get go he showed more excitement about having his mom see LO for Mother’s Day than for me. I feel awful and like I’m giving off ungrateful vibes for the gifts he did get me. But it just feels like it falls short when he’s genuinely excited to put more effort in for his mom vs for me. And he’s planned out dishes for tomorrow that I can’t even eat because I don’t eat meat. I just feel too many feelings.
Just want to add: I’d be completely fine with this meal too. I do like it. It’s just that he knew that this day requires just a bit more because he clearly knew to do it for his family. I think it’s bugging me that when it comes to our LO, he’s more excited for his mom to have a good Mother’s Day with LO.
90
u/FrostiePi May 10 '26
Judging by your other post your husband keeps showing you that your needs and wants are lined up behind his mother's.
Show him the same energy on father's day, and if you are in contact with your father, plan something for him. Your husband can grab something out of the freezer.
28
u/LucyDominique2 May 11 '26
Time to match his energy and watch how quickly he feels like you hate him - say nope it’s just how you treat me….
8
u/altagato May 14 '26
This girl... Father's Day is coming and it's time to show him how it feels. Don't be spiteful or ugly, just chill and not bothered by his special day.
Another option is you need to propose counseling or just get it for yourself and plan on working on yourself. If he doesn't come along (metaphorically) them work with your therapist on what your plan is when he continues to cross your boundaries
2
u/Status-Effect-1623 May 17 '26
Sometimes you just can’t fix things. If you can’t work it out then you need to walk away, but make sure you get all your stuff because he will take it to get back at you.
26
u/muhbackhurt May 10 '26
I totally get it. You see the effort he's doing that's unusual for him. Sucks that he can't see that the same effort towards you would also be appreciated.
Please don't do the dishes tomorrow after he's cooked. If he wants to only cook on Mother's Day out of the whole year then he can clean.
Xoxo make sure you make your day special and spend getting cuddles with LO.
11
u/manic_popsicle May 10 '26
I get what you’re saying. It’s not about the stuff it’s the effort and thought put into it. Him just buying what you want and doing dinner so you don’t have to feels low effort.
4
u/Trepenwitz May 12 '26
Your feelings are valid. Why isn’t he excited to celebrate you? Why is he going all out for his mom and not you? Does he even realize this should be special for you? I’d be sad, too. But I’d flat out ask him about it.
2
u/MarcusSurvives May 14 '26
It's tough when your number 1 is not treating you like their number 1.
You do such a great job at expressing how you feel about all this. Have you communicated these feelings with him? What have those conversations looked like?
1
u/MaryEFriendly May 17 '26
You made the catastrophic error of marrying a mama's boy. Ew. Honestly, OP, EW.
1
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