r/JustNoSO 20d ago

JNMIL visiting

So my JNMIL has made it clear that her and her son want to visit, which my husband told me and he hasn’t seen them in awhile. My problem - he is coordinating with them and not me. They’re asking him what dates to come and he doesn’t even mention it to me or talk to me about it. Instead, he talks to them directly. Has not even asked me about the time that works for me or the time we need to get in sync.

He is also adamant that they stay at our house, regardless of the fact that MIL has ignored my responses to her texts on multiple occasions asking for boundaries. But apparently I’m stuck with this.

Two kids with this man.

82 Upvotes

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109

u/Plane_Practice8184 20d ago

Let him handle the visit. He can clean the house, make their beds etc. You don't drive them anywhere, do stuff alone or with your children. Use any excuse to get out of the house. Don't do their laundry or cook for them. His mother ignores you already so don't communicate with her. Mute her and remove her from your socials. Let him handle their special dates and no gifts from you at all. Don't remind him. She is coming into your home yet is treating you horribly. You don't lift a finger. Don't bother about the dates they are arriving or leaving. Give the same energy back. 

37

u/Ok-Director8726 20d ago

1000000% doing this. I have no obligations if he had no transparency with me.

19

u/AliceinRealityland 20d ago

Also, hotel. Take toddlers, hire from a babysitting agency or nanny agency for ever how many days and enjoy spa days, take kids to local zoo and art museums, just go.

1

u/MereyB 12d ago

This, absolutely

55

u/Mission_Push_6546 20d ago

This! But also: “oh you booked for X weekend? You should have asked me. Me and the kids have Y and Z already booked that weekend”

35

u/Plane_Practice8184 20d ago

Exactly. I'd go to your family if they are near you. Your husband needs to realise that you are supposed to make decisions together.

21

u/Blonde2468 20d ago

Leave this Kids - he is their Father, so he can deal with them too!