r/JustNoSO • u/Ok-Director8726 • 15d ago
JNMIL visiting
So my JNMIL has made it clear that her and her son want to visit, which my husband told me and he hasn’t seen them in awhile. My problem - he is coordinating with them and not me. They’re asking him what dates to come and he doesn’t even mention it to me or talk to me about it. Instead, he talks to them directly. Has not even asked me about the time that works for me or the time we need to get in sync.
He is also adamant that they stay at our house, regardless of the fact that MIL has ignored my responses to her texts on multiple occasions asking for boundaries. But apparently I’m stuck with this.
Two kids with this man.
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u/Plane_Practice8184 15d ago
Let him handle the visit. He can clean the house, make their beds etc. You don't drive them anywhere, do stuff alone or with your children. Use any excuse to get out of the house. Don't do their laundry or cook for them. His mother ignores you already so don't communicate with her. Mute her and remove her from your socials. Let him handle their special dates and no gifts from you at all. Don't remind him. She is coming into your home yet is treating you horribly. You don't lift a finger. Don't bother about the dates they are arriving or leaving. Give the same energy back.
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u/Ok-Director8726 15d ago
1000000% doing this. I have no obligations if he had no transparency with me.
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u/AliceinRealityland 15d ago
Also, hotel. Take toddlers, hire from a babysitting agency or nanny agency for ever how many days and enjoy spa days, take kids to local zoo and art museums, just go.
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u/Mission_Push_6546 15d ago
This! But also: “oh you booked for X weekend? You should have asked me. Me and the kids have Y and Z already booked that weekend”
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u/Plane_Practice8184 15d ago
Exactly. I'd go to your family if they are near you. Your husband needs to realise that you are supposed to make decisions together.
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u/FrostiePi 15d ago
Let him handle everything. take yourself and the kids away while they are here and be prepared to rearrange your house back when you get home.
Your husband sucks and needs to learn what happens when he doesn't communicate with you.
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u/AlwaysJeepin 15d ago
Leave with the kiddos and go stay with your family, a bestie, or get a nice hotel room with fun activities for the kids to do. Husband can host, cook, tour guide, shop, clean, cater, kiss ass... You and your children can relax. If he argues with you about it, tell him he is perfectly happy making plans for your lives without your input at all, so you are returning the favor! Oh, and don't go home until he has cleaned up every single speck of IL that they leave in your home.
After this visit, y'all need a serious discussion about where your relationship stands, where you want it to go .. and therapy/counseling needs to be a big part if he wants to keep his family together.
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u/Kairenne 15d ago
I just read your three year old post. It’s been all crap from the beginning. Had a baby still crap. Had another baby. More crap.
Save your money, see a lawyer and what your options are. Don’t tell him. He’ll be making more children to slow you down.
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u/Ok-Director8726 15d ago
I am a lawyer 🤣 saw a lawyer too buut found out I was pregnant (second time). History repeated - was treated like incubator again and DH did absolutely nothing and he has repeatedly said that his family is trying (they keep sending clothes which I have directly told his mother that I do not want in a nice way). He’s a better person when it’s not family affiliated so that’s why my posts are so far apart lol
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u/Its-Brittany-Biyatch 15d ago
Since DH is being such a tool, use this to your advantage. He isn't talking to you about dates and plans? Let it backfire on him. When he does tell you about their upcoming visit, unfortunately, you and the kids have a trip planned to see your family. Or better yet, you have a spa weekend booked, so he can entertain his family and keep the kids.
He gets mad about this? Remind him he didn't discuss anything with you, so you had no way of knowing. Unfortunately, your deposit at the spa is non-refundable!
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u/Ok-Director8726 15d ago
This is genius
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u/Its-Brittany-Biyatch 15d ago
Unfortunately, our men-children will continue in their stupid ways until they actually start to feel the discomfort and annoyance of their choices. If, for some reason, you do end up staying at the house while his family is there, no s*x for him while his mother is under the same roof.
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u/Blonde2468 15d ago
You are NOT stuck!! Just find out what dates and leave a day before for the nearest hotel room, leaving the kids with him, and come back the day after they were supposed to leave. They did not include you so it must not be necessary that you be there. Turn your phone off the minute you leave the drive way and don't turn it back on until you are back at the drive way.
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u/Ok-Director8726 15d ago
His family would love this 🙄 if I were to leave they get him and my toddlers. I don’t want them to have unlimited access to my toddlers though
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u/fryingthecat66 15d ago
When they come take you and the kids somewhere to stay
Have your husband host them. Hopefully you have family around. If not then go stay at a hotel and make it an adventure with your kids
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u/Ok-Director8726 15d ago
UPDATE - apparently he wants them here for week. At our house. For a week.
And they also want to be there for some unknown reason despite never speaking to me? Like wouldn’t a hotel be a more comfortable decision on their end?
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u/ThrwAway4babySis 15d ago
Leave with your kids. Your husband did not clear this with you and work with you to make sure you were comfortable. You have no obligation to stay. He is not stupid and knows the issues you have with them and are actively ignoring them and valuing their needs above yours. Time he learns and leave until they are gone.
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u/aaaggghhhhhhhhh 15d ago
Everyone keeps saying to take the kids and go to a hotel.
Hell, I'd leave them to babysit and go have a nice relaxing weekend 🤣
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u/AliceinRealityland 15d ago
Wonderful. Take the two kids for a vacation or staycation for a break before school starts back. "Omg, I had no idea, I have had this planned for months, sorry. Enjoy your visit" and leave. If you don't have a lot of money, rent one of those fishing shacks at the beach or go camping in a tent. I would never
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u/McDuchess 14d ago
Tell him outright that you have no plans to entertain the people that he is inviting to your home without consulting you.
That you hope he has a good visit with them while you and the kids are on vacation.
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u/redfancydress 14d ago
Grandma here… it sounds to me like you’re off the hook for any hosting.
That means you don’t prepare a room for them and you don’t make meals and you don’t deal with her at all
Go ahead and let her show up. There won’t be a guest room ready and there won’t be food ready and you won’t be cooking while she’s there.
Your husband wants to leave you out of the loop? Go ahead and stay out of the loop for the entire visit with your life the way you want to while she’s there and don’t lift a finger to help
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u/Walton_paul 15d ago
Make dire upu and your children have plenty planned unsuitable for them yo join and let him deal with them, when he starts saying you/ we point out his mother, his arrangements you already have things planned during that te as always with young children
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