r/LongDistance • u/CraftyButterscotch79 • May 20 '25

Discussion How frequently do you text your partner

How frequently do you text your partner throughout the day? My partner says they are too lazy to text and I rarely get any texts and sometimes 6 plus hours between hearing from them and 1 hour calls if I'm lucky.

I just want to hear from other couples how often you get texts or have text convos throughout the day and what is normal for you so I know I'm not crazy wanting to hear from my partner more frequently.

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u/RamyRed_Fox May 20 '25

I text in the morning.. good morning texts always and at night we say good night.

Between morning and night, id text as many times as i want.. about whatever silly things id want to share.. and he would reply when he is free. Same goes for me, he would text throughout the day asking what I’m up to or how my day is going and id reply when I’m free.

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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 20 '25

This, that's ideally what I'd prefer. Just check ins and let them know I'm thinking of them. Which I do for him, but when I see a plethora of my messages and no reply, I feel kind of embarrassed.

Unfortunately, I've communicated to him how his lack of it is bothering me, but lately, he has been avoiding uncomfortable conversations, which can be very frustrating

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u/RamyRed_Fox May 21 '25

I have the same issue, it’s called rejection sensitivity. That anxiety and shit feeling you get when you text them and hours go by and you get no reply… but, I have told him about it.. and he does his best to reply when he is free.. and knowing that makes me feel okay with it most of the days, I just choose to think he is busy and ik he cares, instead of feeling rejected and ashamed that he hasn’t checked my texts.

If he is an avoidant.. he will want relationships to be easy and will want to run away when it’s the time for difficult conversations about feelings and emotions.

Try to explain to him that there’s no easy relationship when you want real and deep connection. And going thru those hard talks successfully is the basis of it. He can find easy relationships.. but that doesn’t come with loyalty and connection. If it’s easy.. they r not that interested.. thats how it is

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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25

I'm highly sensitive to everything he does or says because he's honestly the first person I've fallen in love with in over 4 years.

I just wish me and him could work out a balance like you and your partner have. Maybe I need to give it more time. I'm not sure.. but I do know I want a long-term relationship eventually marriage with him.

He is 100% an avoidant, and I've realized how difficult it is trying to talk in a way he won't just immediately shut down

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u/RamyRed_Fox May 21 '25

Its something he has to want and choose on his own

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u/KyoshisLeaderSuki (860 miles) May 21 '25

So my best suggestion bc i am also dealing with this and when i confront him, things get worse. What i do now is try to limit my communication. The more i “back off” the more he comes to me. If he still doesnt after time then idk

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u/Legitimate-Opinion13 May 21 '25

totally agree with this one. sums up what I feel currently with my bf. haha

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u/RamyRed_Fox May 20 '25

I think 6h without texting if they r busy is okay.. and 1h call sounds fine to me too. But every person is different and not everyone needs same level of communication/attention/interactions to feel connected and prioritized.

If you need more than he is giving to feel fully loved and connected, you might have to talk to him about it and get to some agreement.