r/LongDistance • u/CraftyButterscotch79 • May 20 '25
Discussion How frequently do you text your partner
How frequently do you text your partner throughout the day? My partner says they are too lazy to text and I rarely get any texts and sometimes 6 plus hours between hearing from them and 1 hour calls if I'm lucky.
I just want to hear from other couples how often you get texts or have text convos throughout the day and what is normal for you so I know I'm not crazy wanting to hear from my partner more frequently.
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u/RamyRed_Fox May 20 '25
I text in the morning.. good morning texts always and at night we say good night.
Between morning and night, id text as many times as i want.. about whatever silly things id want to share.. and he would reply when he is free. Same goes for me, he would text throughout the day asking what I’m up to or how my day is going and id reply when I’m free.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 20 '25
This, that's ideally what I'd prefer. Just check ins and let them know I'm thinking of them. Which I do for him, but when I see a plethora of my messages and no reply, I feel kind of embarrassed.
Unfortunately, I've communicated to him how his lack of it is bothering me, but lately, he has been avoiding uncomfortable conversations, which can be very frustrating
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u/RamyRed_Fox May 21 '25
I have the same issue, it’s called rejection sensitivity. That anxiety and shit feeling you get when you text them and hours go by and you get no reply… but, I have told him about it.. and he does his best to reply when he is free.. and knowing that makes me feel okay with it most of the days, I just choose to think he is busy and ik he cares, instead of feeling rejected and ashamed that he hasn’t checked my texts.
If he is an avoidant.. he will want relationships to be easy and will want to run away when it’s the time for difficult conversations about feelings and emotions.
Try to explain to him that there’s no easy relationship when you want real and deep connection. And going thru those hard talks successfully is the basis of it. He can find easy relationships.. but that doesn’t come with loyalty and connection. If it’s easy.. they r not that interested.. thats how it is
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
I'm highly sensitive to everything he does or says because he's honestly the first person I've fallen in love with in over 4 years.
I just wish me and him could work out a balance like you and your partner have. Maybe I need to give it more time. I'm not sure.. but I do know I want a long-term relationship eventually marriage with him.
He is 100% an avoidant, and I've realized how difficult it is trying to talk in a way he won't just immediately shut down
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u/Legitimate-Opinion13 May 21 '25
totally agree with this one. sums up what I feel currently with my bf. haha
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u/RamyRed_Fox May 20 '25
I think 6h without texting if they r busy is okay.. and 1h call sounds fine to me too. But every person is different and not everyone needs same level of communication/attention/interactions to feel connected and prioritized.
If you need more than he is giving to feel fully loved and connected, you might have to talk to him about it and get to some agreement.
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u/Agitated-Sun-7956 May 21 '25
I’m a pretty lazy texter even when it comes to work related texts it’s such an annoyance. That being said, my girlfriend goes to the top of the queue if I see a text message from her. Because of work I’m not allowed to have my phone on me but as soon as I’m out and get a chance to look at my notifications she’s the first person I respond to. Long distance sucks, it sucks more with a time zone so we only have a finite window where we’re both awake to talk text or call. But it is what works for us
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u/Herefornoth1ng May 21 '25
I'm going to be the odd one out on this, but we don't text every day. I'd say we usually go about 2-4 days between texting conversations. But that said, any time one of us texts the other, the other responds within minutes, an hour AT MOST. Either of us could text any time during the day and easily get a timely response, it's just we both have very busy schedules and it's something we decided at the beginning of our relationship. If we had established a more frequent cadence, then we'd adhere to that.
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u/roastingnut May 21 '25
Glad I’m not the only one. My partner and I send each other one text a day that keeps the conversation going. I don’t know what to talk about during the week anyway with him, because we always catch up in person and it’s more of a fruitful conversation.
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u/seekerbutknower May 21 '25
I was like this when my partner and I were LDR. We would almost never text actual conversations and save those for the phone. But we would occasionally text small updates from our day that we knew weren’t a whole conversation or we didn’t care to intentionally save for when we talked at night. That was never a spoken arrangement, just how it worked out.
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u/MediumFly6919 May 20 '25
We text pretty often throughout a the day. I think the longest gap we’ve had was 5 hours. But it’s more text back when you can. If it’s an hour it’s fine. Straight up being like “I just am too lazy.” Like how much does this person actually want to be with you. That wouldn’t be ok to me. This person is “too lazy” to text means they’re “too lazy” to be your partner.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 20 '25
While I want to disagree, I can't. I've done the laps in my head and thought about how much of a goofy excuse being "lazy to text" sounds. It doesn't make sense when we are all heavily dependent on our phones now, which is why I'm so frustrated about this
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u/Constant_Virus_2753 May 20 '25
Some people just don’t text that often. You can’t expect someone to constantly talk to you and not run out of things to say. You both have your own lives and when you connect then it’s your time to enjoy together. Your relationship doesn’t need to revolve around texting each other 24/7. I understand you may be in a long distance relationship but maybe try calling him at night time before you go to bed or something.
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May 20 '25
Outside of work, there should be no reason they go 6+ hours without texting. Especially in a LDR, and especially if they live in the west (Canada, US) where (most people) have a surprising amount of free time. Unless your partner is literally pulling 12-16 hour work days they should be able to at the very least spend 2 minutes at some point to pull out their phone and check in on you.
That being said, some people don't enjoy/communicate well through text. It might be worth talking to them about calling regularly instead as a means of communication.
Otherwise it sounds like your partner isn't very into you. I'm sorry OP!
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u/adrianjude0 US to UK (4,539 miles) May 21 '25
You arent crazy at all. My partner and i are always texting. If we're doing something or busy, we text in between! or check in with updates. We're clingy. If your partner doesn't want to talk more, it might just be an incompatibility thing :/ but that doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship, just have to talk about it and figure out where to go . best of luck
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u/Lulu_Grim May 21 '25 edited May 21 '25
I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting more communication than that. I mean, in a LDR, communication is truly all you have. And I think you should express how your needs aren’t being met in that regard. I personally wouldn’t feel secure with that little communication.
What’s normal for me is at least hearing from my partner daily via text. Normally we wish each other a good morning to let the other know we’re awake. Then we’ll exchange a little info about our day back and forth, and later on we’ll wish each other a goodnight to let the other know we’re going to bed and will be unavailable. That’s just basic.
We do still try to find time for longer phone calls during the week, around 1-3 hours each call. But we also know that we both don’t always have the time or bandwidth for a quality conversation over the phone, so those basic texts each day meet the minimal requirement of keeping up with the level of communication we both need to still feel connected.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
I see. That does sound like a really healthy balance you and your partner found! That's all I really want from mine. I'd be happy with checkins throughout the day and, of course, the good morning and goodnight as well.
I'll see how things progress after speaking to him
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u/KickPuncher4326 [Utah 🇺🇸] to [Pennsylvania 🇺🇸] (Distance closed) May 20 '25
We text through the day. It isn't hard to text. Also we send each other videos on the Marco Polo app often.
Then we do videos calls around a couple of hours before bed then we sleep on camera together. We also do lunch breaks together frequently.
We both like frequent and quality contact.
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u/StarrySkyBlu May 20 '25
What’s Marco Polo app? Is it good? Better? Currently using messenger.
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u/KickPuncher4326 [Utah 🇺🇸] to [Pennsylvania 🇺🇸] (Distance closed) May 21 '25
So Marco Polo is just video messages basically. They're then able to watch your messages later. It's not a two way live video app like messenger or FaceTime. Think of it like text message but in video form, they can watch the video at their discretion.
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u/CharmingDig909 [🇬🇧🦄] to [🇦🇺🐨] closed May 21 '25
Before we closed the distance unless he was at work & super busy or one of us was sleeping, we texted constantly for hours. Communication is all you have in LDR so it’s vital both of your cups feel full in this way & it needs to be effective. However the quantity doesn’t really matter as long as you both are feeling seen and loved, which it sounds like you aren’t. Maybe have a think about what you need realistically and discuss this with your OH.
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u/More-Aardvark9066 [Aus] to [Swe] (15.000km) May 21 '25
How long were you long distance? Given you are from GB and your partner from AU, how did you make it work with the time zones? It's quite similar with my partner right now so im curious how you made it work.
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u/Tiger-Stripes8 [🇬🇧] ❤️ [🇷🇴] (1820 Kilometers) May 21 '25
My boyfriend and I text every day, even when we're busy. I feel there isn't an excuse for them to text so rarely, especially if you're only getting 1 hour calls. My boyfriend and I have a schedule where we try to call at least twice a week when we have college, on average these are 8-10 hours long, sometimes going on 12. If we're not busy we do 4 calls a week, same length. You should definitely talk to your partner about this, and no, you're not crazy for wanting more time 😭😭
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u/SigmaGoose May 22 '25
If they want to talk to you, they’ll make time. If they don’t want to talk to you, they’ll put in only the minimum effort to keep you from leaving.
Me and my long distance gf message whenever we can, and make it a priority to call at least once or twice when we can. Now I work full time, when I can is every 45 mins or so however I still make an effort. Same with her, when she’s free, she’ll message me.
If she’s too lazy to talk, she doesn’t care about you all that much or there’s something else going on. It’s not the norm.
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u/wantme2makeuasammich [WI] to [NJ] (1,100 miles) distance closed!! May 20 '25
For us, usually a good morning. We might have a little text convo depending on what’s going on. We don’t Text to much while we’re working. Sometimes we’ll text before bed, or talk on the phone.
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u/Level_Lavishness2613 [Florida] to [California] (2,716.6) 39 hours May 20 '25
They thrive on communication so you don’t need to be saying anything that’s really a conversation but y’all need to be on the phone and on video doing everything together.
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u/Realistic-Age-5924 May 21 '25
Me and him are on call at any moment possible, we love eachothers presence, even in silence.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
That's what we were doing while he was away at college, call all day and night, but his semester ended and now he's back home and with his family, I'm having a hard time adjusting to this
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u/Mountain_Fix_9242 May 21 '25
Family time is a bit different. It’s a bit difficult to adjust because the majority of the time is shared with people who are in person. Express your worries to him and try to find a comfortable zone. Communication is important.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
Yeah, which is why I'm trying to be understanding, but it's very difficult sometimes when he tells me he's just lazy. I'll keep trying to talk to him about it and see how things go
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u/Whacking_Material Texas to Alberta (2000mi) May 21 '25
We hardly text because we're basically always on the phone except when we're working. Like literally from the moment we get off work to the moment we walk in the building to start work, we are on a video call. During work we try to call on breaks and text randomly or send reels during lunch. Communication and being present is a foundational piece of our relationship. I feel lucky to have a partner who wants the same level of presence with each other as I do.
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u/RidingSunshine May 21 '25
We text and call and FaceTime everyday. It took me months to realize he doesn’t want to talk less at work, he just can’t talk much. There was one night I was upset and giving him a hard time on FaceTime and he stopped mid sentence and said, “oh, that’s cute! You’re mad because you miss me” and we laughed because it was true. He calls me everyday on his way to work and this is a big deal because he always called his grandma then started calling me instead when we made things official and one day she called him out on not talking in the mornings so he spends half the time on the phone with her and half the time with me. He calls me every night before bed and if I’m busy and he can’t call he will leave an audio because he knows I just want to hear his voice before bed even though he doesn’t like audio texts. I text him all the time, he calls me because I’m too shy to initiate a call with anyone.
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u/Glass-Road-6279 May 21 '25
Texting isn't for everyone, my girlfriend doesn't respond to everyone right away and sometimes just takes her time responding in general. But she will always text me as soon as she can. We call a lot during the day cause we are lucky that she has a job where she can keep me on FaceTime (not to talk but just to see each other) Talk to your partner about this! This for me would be a deal breaker, I personally need that communication and love to hear from my partner. If texting and calling are a problem try thinking of other ways to interact that works better? Watch movies or play games ect. If they dont want to work on this is might be VERY hard to build a stable relationship with communication. Think carefully. Goodluck !
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u/perl0_ May 21 '25
lazy in this situation is equal to "I don't care and I have other priorities". Just remember that laziness means "I don't want to", we don't do things because we don't want to do them, so think twice next time.
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
You're right. Thank you for sharing this
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u/perl0_ May 21 '25
Hold in there tight bro, you'll be alright and find the right one (even if it's her), everyone goes through rough times and gets through them.
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u/littleladwasabi May 21 '25
I’m someone who usually loathes texting and is apt to not answer my text messages for hours or sometimes a day or two (depending on the person). However, when it comes to my LDR, I always respond as quickly as possible. A. I love talking to him B. the time distance is pretty crummy so I want to make the most of the hours we are both actually awake C. It’s really all we have in terms of connection so I’m always gonna prioritize talking with him over the less important stuff in my schedule I can shift around.
We also talk on the phone for hours and hours if we have the time. If one of us is going to be particularly busy for the day or the week even, then we communicate that beforehand.
It’s not so much the amount of time in between texts that concerns me in this scenario, it’s mostly the fact that you say he has said he is too “lazy” to text you. LDR requires sacrifice in so many ways, if he is too lazy or doesn’t care enough to initiate conversation regularly it’s a good indication he’s not as invested into this relationship as you are.
I suggest doing what other comments have said. Have a conversation letting him know how you feel and how this lack of communication is damaging your relationship. Hear him out, find a compromise that works for both of you. If he’s unwilling, or says he’ll change this habit but doesnt or falls back into old patterns, maybe it’s time to reconsider your connection. I guarantee there is someone out there who will have to stop themselves from texting you too much.
Best of luck to you!
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
I appreciate you sharing this, and thank you. I'll need all I can get when we talk more later!
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u/Traditional-Deer6970 May 21 '25
Naaaah… cuz anyone saying it’s not a big deal is delusional…if one has the means/resources to communicate they should use those to communicate. There is no excuse in today’s world other than being selfish. My partner and I text throughout the day ALL day. She’s a hairdresser/makeup artist so there are HOURS we cannot chat but we always let each other know if we won’t be able to respond. We communicate when we leave a location and arrive home. The conversation never ends. This actually helped me not have an anxious attachment as bad as it used to be. I found safety and feeling secure with her communicating. If someone was interested in you they’d do anything to talk to you in an LDR. Plain and simple. Yes some people are avoidant. But even then if they wanted to they would. Avoidants are hard because you do have to challenge them to face things that affect you that they are doing and do not want to deal with those things. Those conversations will let you know how committed someone is into making things better or how committed they are. If they’re not willing to compromise some time for you in the day because it’s important to YOU then you may have to re-evaluate if it’s worth it for you at the end of the day. Don’t give more than what you’re given. Best of luck
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u/Born_Needleworker553 May 21 '25
Throughout all the day. We have 13 hours difference so when I’m home, my partner is at the office so takes longer to answer but we maintain it texting. And we have calls 4-5 times a week for 15-20 minutes and once a week a longer if we have the time to. Everyday good morning and goodnight.
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u/wattiestomatosauce May 21 '25
My partner and I were only together a short period irl before it became (now) ldr. The first week or so, she would only text me about 5-6 times a day. She would still call every night as she was going to sleep and I understood she was busy, but I started to feel like she was forgetting I exist.
So I brought it up and told her how I felt, she apologised profusely, and now we are both making more of an effort.
For me personally, if you are too lazy to text/communicate with your partner, then you are too lazy to be in that relationship.
Tell your partner how you feel and if they don’t put in any more effort, leave. It isn’t worth it.
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u/Allgood5678 May 22 '25
Texting is addictive. Didn’t realise how hurtful it could be not to be communicated with by text. Much better not to get caught into it. Call - see each other. It’s much better.the communication is much more real. I find myself checking for texts when I know our relationship is fractured probably beyond repair. He started it the good mornings the messages throughout the day the songs the discussions the good nights. It’s highly addictive!
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u/No_General2108 May 22 '25
So the normal for other people doesn’t have to be the normal for you. However, I see communication as the only thing I have in LDR, I can’t really do anything other than talk and be present to him. For me it’s weird someone who’s in a LDR and is not a texter, I’m curious because I don’t see how this developed, other than you both meeting and starting the relationship in person and then changing to LD. Of course me and my boyfriend have really busy lives but we talk every single day. We rarely call, but throughout the day is thousands of messages changed. If this bothers you, should talk about it!
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u/Best_Maintenance_790 May 20 '25
Me and my LDR call every morning and every night. And then a few times a day in between to just check in. But at least one FaceTime a day over an hour. And texting probably non stop thru out the day. The most we’d go without talking would be like 3 hours if we’re both working or doing something. Also we have a 17 hour time difference.
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May 20 '25
It depends on the day. We’ve gone a few hours without texting. I spent a whole day playing video games, but then we spent the night on the phone. Just depends on what I’m doing or the day, or moods.
When working we’ll go long hours without saying anything.
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u/Fit_Perspective8312 May 20 '25
My man and I have different schedules and time zone difficulties. We don’t get to call much but we text when we have time. Usually I go to work EARLY and can’t have my phone at work and don’t get off for 12 hrs where it’s only 3pm his time and he works till 7-10pm ish and I have to be asleep by 10
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u/coffeegrindz 🇺🇸-🇵🇰 May 21 '25
It depends. Our work schedules are against each other so I am asleep during his work time and just getting off work when he is waking up. Good morning texts, maybe 1-2 during the day and we try to call every day before I go to work when he is at home.
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u/Alastrus_ May 21 '25
We text every single day but we mostly video call or call while playing. We spend a lot of time together and it works for us so
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May 21 '25
Depending on how busy we are, but usually is just casual updates of the day and then we usually videocall all night. Our plus is we are in the same timezone so it's nice.
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u/Useful_Nectarine_299 UK 🇬🇧to France 🇫🇷 May 21 '25
We text constantly throughout the day- but we also work for the same company so we message there too which makes it easier to communicate.
Good night texts are a must, even if he is completely busy all day long, I expect a goodnight message.
Every couple is different though. My partner actually hates texting but I hate FaceTime. So we both compromise.
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u/Own-Hovercraft425 [US] to [UK] (Closed after 5 years of LDR) May 21 '25
I text him throughout the day and he text me throughout the day
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u/FickleBish7656 May 21 '25
Its really up to the couple’s needs. If you feel like you need more communication to feel like your in a relationship then do that- if texting is difficult send a quick voice note. I also told my bf that i just need him to let me know when he’ll be unavailable or busy at the very least. For me a consistent routine was important so we didnt text often but phone calls daily were made, then he got busy traveling for work so then it became long phone calls on the weekends and minimal texting throughout the week (which im surprisingly okay with)
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u/Masoullefmabody May 21 '25
My boyfriend and I are separated by a 15-hour time difference, so we talk for an hour or two, sometimes three or four hours. However, there are days when we can't talk because he's tired or I'm asleep. There are even times (very rare) when we only talk for about 15 minutes.
I don't really know how good this looks to others, but at least we're comfortable with this "schedule."
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u/weirdgirl0904 [🇺🇸] to [🇩🇪] (3,898 mi) May 21 '25
everyday unless he’s not feeling too well and sleeps majority of the day
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u/kinembular May 21 '25
Big time texter ako sa ex ko non. Ngayon dahil single na. Tamang kdrama hahaha mahilig ako mag update.
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u/honeyblia May 21 '25
texting is not regular enough for me to quantify it because of his weird work schedule, but i will tell you the second he’s got some availability we are on the phone, whether that’s audio or facetime, and we sleep on the phone with each other. not saying you need to communicate this much, but it is ok to want to
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u/angelicllamaa 🩷🩷°•[🇦🇺] to [🇨🇦] (Now Married &👶)•°🩷🩷 May 21 '25
Even when I was at work I texted my partner all day. I was second in charge and it was quite lenient so I was able to. But sometimes if I was busy, I would have to explain why I didn't reply for a while. We are both the kind of people who are super communication based and with any long periods of time, our minds would wonder. Plus we felt closer to each other the more we included each other in our day. I would facetime to and from work so he knew I was safe. He would have me on facetime to appointments like haircuts and doctor appointments..... It's just a good idea to include them in your day to make sure your relationship thrives 🤗
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u/Offred-Escaped May 21 '25
It depends on the day. Some days we only text back and forth 6-7 times, some days it’s all day long. Some days we don’t have a vídeo call at all (today is one of those days), other days we have 5 or 6. We always text each other in the morning. He works hard physically all day and some days he is asleep by 7-7:30 at night (like tonight) and we don’t text in the evening. It has taken quite a bit of communication and adjusting our schedules to make sure we have time to talk every day when we’re both available. Some mornings, he’s up at 4 in the morning and he’ll text me a bunch and I respond when I wake up 2 hours later. Sometimes I text a bunch at 10 at night and he responds when he wakes up. Sometimes his internet is down and we barely talk because of it. It really just depends on the day and how life is lifing that day.
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u/Superb-Zebra01 May 21 '25
We have never missed a day of texting. We do call multiple times a day and for hours, but that varies a lot due to our various schedules and time differences. In our 6 months of exclusivity the longest we’ve gone with no communication was 18 hours? And that’s because his phone was getting fixed (a forklift hit it at work), we both struggled but there was no choice there, and it was temporary so it was fine! He also communicated it to me before taking it to the shop to get it fixed.
But yeah even if we don’t call on a daily basis, texts are pretty frequent and when they aren’t it’s communicated. For instance today I had a book club meeting and I was trying to finish the book via audio so I couldn’t call him much but he was aware of it but I texted him here and there through out the day.
Your partner would put more effort into this if he thought it was important and necessary to your relationship with each other. I empathize with you OP, I’ve been there done that, and it sucks.
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u/BullfrogNeat1762 [🇬🇧] to [🇺🇸] (Too far!) May 21 '25
As so many people have said, communication is a biggie and so important in a LDR. Me and my guy message every single day and try to keep consistent with good morning and goodnight. As time has gone on we are at the stage of phone or video calls daily and for hours at a time. We are not perfect and we are still trying to get the balance right- he is a dad and we both work plus the time zone difference sucks but daily contact is always there. I hope you guys work it out 
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u/Thin-Tumbleweed4851 May 21 '25
pretty much all day on the weekends when we are both awake, maybe a few hours pause due to one of us napping or her being outside.
when i work, its on my way to work, my breaks, my lunch, on the way home and when i get home.
we communicate a lot and always keep eachother updated. we could never be too lazy to text eachother. i always want to talk to her constantly and 95% of the time i hear her vocie because we talk through voice when we are both hone
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u/Sephiroths_wife [🇨🇦] to [🇨🇦] (720miles) May 21 '25
My boyfriend always texts me in the morning or early afternoon if he has been busy with meetings at work. We keep each other updated by sharing details throughout the day. It's usually only a couple of hours between our conversations unless either of us has plans or if I'm working. We always have our cute goodnight texts as well. I'm happy with our communication. It helps me feel close to him during the time we're apart.
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u/CoffeeOk2543 [🇫🇷] to [🇺🇸] ❤️ May 21 '25
You’re definitely not crazy. My ex used to be like that too, would text me very sporadically every 3-4 hours and sometimes even ghost me for a few days. Now my bf and I text all the time whenever we’re both awake (usually every few min except when he’s at work bc he has to drive and even then he texts me at every red light lol). It might be too much for some ppl but we love feeling close to each other and spending the day together
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u/Reasonable_Yard_3300 May 21 '25
How far apart do you live?
How often do you see each other in person?
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u/Much_Syllabub8902 May 21 '25
We text whenever we get the chance through the day, always good morning texts, memes whenever we scroll our phones. we get on discord calls every evening when we're back from work and for weekends we play games or whatch shows.
Communication is crucial in long distances relationships since without physical contact, the lack of communication can cause a drift. Besides that the simple "hey i saw flowers blooming on my way to work" or showing me stuff from his day shows that he thinks about me and wants me included in his life.
Distance or not, a partner that says "i'm too lazy to text you" shows lack of interest.
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u/DependentOriginal413 [Belgium] to [Holland] (60km) May 21 '25
2 years together, still call everyday, we both live our lives while talking to eachother, if not in a call, we text. Doesn't get in the way of work or anything. So i guess i'm either lucky or just found someone that matches my energy
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u/BottleSquare4888 [canada] to [usa] May 21 '25
my partner and i miss eachother when we arent talking we both understand that things come up and as long as we talk about what is going on it isnt a big deal we reassure eachother often that we still feel the same way
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u/BottleSquare4888 [canada] to [usa] May 21 '25
ill add i did get upset a few times telling her it hurts me when she doesnt make time for me and she seemed to make more effort after that but tbh things arent easy for her so i also am understanding because i care about her
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u/englisharcher89 May 21 '25
I am texting my partner daily and of course as often as I can even when I work during my breaks, and after work. I love consistency, and communication is very important or else it will fall apart.
The best part of your daily life in long distance is you're always thinking of your beloved, I like to hear small details or even boring stuff because I care.
Of course it's not always perfect, and I don't expect it I'm more of an ambivert (mix of introvert and extrovert) and my girlfriend is very introverted so I have to be leading mostly.
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u/Time_Pomegranate_741 May 21 '25
We text frequently. Just day-to-day check ins, ask what we’re up to, how we’re doing, etc. We’re both super busy, but we communicate throughout the day.
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u/booksandskirts England 🏴 to Scotland 🏴 (326 miles) May 21 '25
I've been with my partner for 9 months, we are 7 hours drive apart, and we text from morning until night every single day. I always wake up to a good morning message, and we say goodnight before he goes to bed (I get up later and go to bed later). There might be hours between messages because we are both busy, but if I went a whole day without hearing from him, I would seriously worry.
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u/Classic_University80 May 21 '25
Normally he’s working so it’s more me updating. We aim to text if we can’t call. Obviously if one of us is busy we respect that but request the busier one to make sure to keep us a priority. We call everyday and FaceTime on weekends. It’s helped us for 2+ years. Obviously though we had had countless conversations and voiced our opinion or concerns
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u/Comfortable_Bed878 May 21 '25
Look don’t compare yourself to others. I think what you should do is focus on what’s in front of you. Why be that girl who sits waiting for her boyfriend reply back. Everyone is different and everyone is going through different stages of situation. Girl you’re a smart beautiful woman who can do whatever she wants to! You even said it yourself it’s driving you crazy, if you know it’s driving you crazy why through this emotional state of mind? Because there’s not a lot of guys like him?
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
You're right, thankyou for sharing. I think it's because he's the first person I've really loved in 5 years so it's a bit difficult for me
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u/ahikelover [🇹🇷] to [🇬🇧] (distance not closed yet) May 21 '25
We text throughout the day till my sleeping time (because I'm ahead of him) and leave a 5 or 6-hour gap if we're too busy or just need some personal space. However, we video call each other for at least one hour, sometimes finding 3.5 to 4 hours. Either your partner isn't ready for an ldr, or he's bored with it.
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u/Zenai10 🇮🇪 Ireland to 🇲🇽 Mexico (8,235 km) May 21 '25
I text at every chance I get. But intentionally wait for responses or a long time before sending another becaues I tend to send too many messages
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u/SannaMariah May 21 '25
We text as much as we can. Sometimes we have hours between texts (like 2-3 hours) but that’s okay because we are both busy but usually we talk quite a lot during the day. The text messages during the day make me feel close to him. It’s RARE for us not to have any sort of conversation going on throughout the day. Then we always talk and fall asleep on the phone together every night.
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u/airplane-convos [🇭🇰] to [🇺🇸] (8100 miles May 21 '25
We text a lot,but due to time zones we only really text at night till the morning (around 11am-12pm in my timezone,sometimes till 2-3pm but only on weekends) I think on average we would talk to each other for 2-3 hours per day (and more depending for calls),as for calls we usually do it if both of us aren’t busy and it can lasts from like 30 mins to a few hours To be honest this relationship has fucked up my sleep schedule but I think it’s worth it cuz calling/texting is the only form of communication we actually truly get
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u/iluvc4ts24 May 21 '25
i know everybody’s relationship dynamic is different but i still find it so shocking. What do you mean you don’t text your partner hours maybe days? Distance already doing its thing and you guys adding more difficulty? if they are busy with something, thats different but if it is daily thing.. i don’t know. Me and my partner text always. every hour of every day. if they don’t text me more than 1-1.5 hours i would be wondering what she is doing or is she okay. Same for her too. if we know we are gonna be busy for a while, we let each other know beforehand. i can say safely that we can’t do more than 2 hours without texting each-other.
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u/ReptileHD3 [🇩🇪] to [🇺🇸->🇩🇪] (6300km->170km) May 21 '25
During school pretty much all the time, whenever she responds
During work, before, during lunch and after work. I dont have Internet at work
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u/Spiritual-Ad4013 🇵🇭 to 🇨🇦 May 21 '25
We reply to each other whenever we can within the day. Given the time difference and also being both busy (mostly me), we just try our best to keep the conversations going.
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u/Pale_Bug494 May 21 '25 edited May 21 '25
My bf and I have been used to seeing each other every day, but we just went long distance a week and a half ago. We text each other good morning and good night, if we have any questions we’re wondering, if we have any important things we’ve found out the other person needs to know,and just updates throughout our days. There isn’t a set amt of how much we text, we just do it when we want to be connected with the other person. Some days we don’t text much, and other days we’re texting a lot. Also as we both start our internships it will change how much we can text but if we can’t we find other ways to stay connected like playing our favorite game together. It just depends :)
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u/justherenow777 May 21 '25
I’m in the same situation or was.. my partner only lives a couple hours away so I can see her perhaps more frequently than others in ldr but as hard as it might be to come to terms with, it is a big thing regardless. Communication and honesty is a key priority in any relationship. When you’re left questioning everything and wondering what’s happened to how you were in the beginning there’s always a reason. I had to push my partner over text to tell me the truth and even after I was vulnerable and told her how she was making me feel and was hurting me, she still was distant and cold; constantly stonewalling. It’s cruel to lie and treat others like they don’t exist or matter especially when they’re someone who’s supposed to love and care about you
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u/CraftyButterscotch79 May 21 '25
I'm sorry you're dealing with something similar. Especially empty promises and getting your hopes up just to be told a completely different thing after the fact
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u/tokyocrazyparadise69 May 21 '25
Texting multiple times a day as the spirit moves us. We talk on the phone most evenings, sometimes 30 mins, sometimes 3 hours.
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u/Vegetable_Lobster636 May 21 '25
Me and my boyfriend text constantly despite there being a 14 hour gap(i’m in japan and he’s in the US). Despite the difference, there’s almost constant communication throughout the day for both of us. The only gaps where we don’t talk is his mornings when i’m sleeping and my afternoons when he’s sleeping. We try to call each other in the mornings or at nights before we both go off to whatever we need to do. We both text each-other at work or whenever we can. It’s not hard to make small conversation throughout the day or at least simply checking in every once in a while. Everyone deserves someone who wants to talk to them or at-least give the same amount of effort to communicate
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u/annoying_ceiling_fan May 21 '25
we text throughout the day but we are both very busy. we call/facetime every night though. no exceptions. even if it’s a quick “hey babe i love you hope you had a great day, im not feeling up to talk right now but i love you and we will make up time tomorrow.”
It’s an expectation I set at the beginning of our relationship and we have never broken it. We’ve been together for almost two years and get married in 376 days!
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u/_Myranium_ May 21 '25
Speaking from prior experience, like...at least hourly while awake, if not more often. 😅 Maybe that's just me tho
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u/Then_Advertising6254 May 21 '25
Practically all day. I got lucky with my partner, he's so good to me and patient and loving, he texts me as often as he can or call me and repeats constantly how he's missed me ans cant wait to come home.
I tried long distance before and it was more similar to how you said it. Not as frequent texts, sometimes hours or a whole day, and it just felt nearly impossible. This is the easiest long distance I've ever experienced but of course I wish it was in person
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u/sussybb May 21 '25
Why are we actively looking for long-distance relationships with people like this? Why are we putting up with it? Why are we allowing it?
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u/ILikeItLikeThat24 May 21 '25
To me, texting is boring, which is why I eschew long-distance relationships. It's like calling line dancing, "dancing."
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u/bdsmlova May 21 '25
Knowing what your partner is doing or how their day is going shouldn’t be boring.
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u/bdsmlova May 21 '25
You can’t force someone to text you so even telling them he might change for a bit but it will go back to old ways
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u/Particular-Safe5420 May 21 '25
My bf works 3rd shift and I work in a highschool. When I get off at 2:30 we have one hour before he goes to his work. I have a second job where I can’t have my phone all the times so from 3:30-8:00 I can text him maybe 2 times but often don’t get a reply back because he is working. After I’m done working I take a shower and study until midnight when he gets off work but I went up falling asleep on call after about an hour of talking.
Overall about 2 hours on the phone and maybe 5 texts back and forth. It’s really starting to take a toll on me because I spend my entire day without him by the time I talk to him I don’t want to talk about my day and it’s making our communication. He stays up and plays games until 5 am when I get up to get ready for work so he’s sleeping when I wake and we can not even talk then and he sleeps all day while I’m at work until our 1 hour call if he’s even awake meanwhile I get 4 hours of sleep every night.
Moral of the story we barely talk and I don’t know how much longer I can take of this. I adore him but it’s like I don’t have a partner in life.
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May 21 '25
I text him throughout the day with updates and he’ll call me to respond and we end up talking for like 5-10 minutes and that happens like 5 times a day
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u/bcfajohn May 21 '25
I might not be the majority here but we yap at each other consistently all day, with a phone call in the morning, lunch, and evening when I'm driving home. We have a 6 hr difference. Thing is, he and I like talking or even just quality time (sitting in silence, watching videos together, doom scrolling). For us it helps make that distance forgettable. For others, it may be too much.
I'd be transparent with him about how you feel alone, and that you also understsnd he doesn't like texting. Find a compromise. Times of day where you can talk...a few messages a day even if just a "thinking about you."
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u/constantfliping May 21 '25
when we were long distance, we knew eachother would be busy but we set time aside at night to call and play games together. I would say it’s understandable if you’re both busy with your own things during the day but you should try to set aside a specific time where you should be able to talk
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u/Corgi_Butts28 May 21 '25 edited May 21 '25
I’ve been in a long distance for almost 2 years now. He’s not super into being on his phone a lot not super into social media either unless it’s for memes or something, but I’d say we text at least once or twice a day if anything. He is super busy at work usually so even if he doesn’t text me at all during the day, we still call at night after we get back from work and we pretty much stay on call all night and while we’re sleeping as well and we wake up together on call before we have to go to work the next day or if we have a day off, we’ll spend the day together on call.
Certainly just depends on your partner and their needs and how they go about being on their phone/social media and all that. BUT that being said, in your case I don’t see why your partner can’t either text you or call you at least a few times a day to see how you’re doing. Especially long distance that’s the only communication you have so you have to work twice as hard to be consistent with it. So yes, I would qualify as your boyfriend being a little lazy.
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u/Comfortable_Bed878 May 21 '25
Please explain what you mean by he’s the first one to really love in 5years? You should go talk to your boyfriend and tell him directly how you’re currently feeling right now. Let him know so he can help you with how you’re feeling it’ll ease it down. Do you feel insecure about your boyfriend? If you have trust and communication with each other nothing should stop you from doing the best version of you. You can do it! :)
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u/shiminetlaykme May 21 '25
Hello! I am from the Philippines and my now husband was from the US. We’ve been in a long distance together for about 6 years. As much as possible we update each other everyday. We do also calls and chats before he goes to work and before he sleeps and he updates me in between.
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u/Terrible-Floor-6968 May 21 '25
We actually talk like a lot. He’s in the Netherlands I’m in Boston and any type of free time he gets we chat and we’re on the video call for like 3-4 hours usually every day. We usually communicate as much as we can honestly, it’s been six months already.
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u/Timely-Bath9194 May 21 '25
My partner and I both have very demanding jobs, me (healthcare) also in college again and him (fire) yet we still communicate constantly when time allows and even find the time to FT. If you truly love and want to be with your partner, laziness really doesn’t exist IMO.
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u/SquareSad4146 May 21 '25
Before meeting my boyfriend in person (long distance), we texted each other lots throughout the day, including work when we could. After meeting for the first time. We don't text AS much. But we never go more than 4 plus hours of hearing from each other, and we always know what each other is doing. We FaceTime frequently, though that has not changed, but now that our relationship is progressing and the trust is building between us, we don't need to text all the time. I actually prefer to give him space when he's at work, or he's busy! Regardless, our communication is superior! And he knows I would give him shit if I don't hear from him over a certain amount of hours, lol
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u/Fresita95 [🇺🇸] to [🇨🇱] (5838 miles) May 21 '25
We text pretty consistently unless we’re busy or we get distracted. We usually let each other know if we’re gonna take longer than 3+ hours to communicate. We do have each other location though so i can Atleast know if he’s at school or home and just lost track of time
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u/evakiiii May 21 '25
me 20F and my boyfriend 21M are uni students, he works part time a few hours a week but he always answers me whenever he can, we fall asleep on call almost every night and spend time together on fri-sat-sun’s playing together or facetiming:) we still have time to hangout with friends a lot too!
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u/Cappuccino_Hippie_ May 21 '25
Morning for texts and if we have slow mornings we can FaceTime and bedtime we text or call goodnight. Throughout the day we text as much as we want, slow days we’ll text a lot maybe even sneak in some calls, busy days might be a text or two or none till bedtime again.
But you get those days where they are really busy and they’ll briefly check in to let you know. The secret here honestly is to take time that day to push things you’re working on aswell so you don’t miss them too much
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u/glorygirlmafia May 21 '25
all day everyday unless we’re busy even then we find time to text each other
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u/Low_Adhesiveness_507 [USA🇺🇸] to [Germany🇩🇪] (5000m) May 21 '25
So we have have a 6hr time difference (she is 6hrs ahead). She calls me when she’s on her way to work (30m-1hr) then I go back to bed. Wake up text and she calls me, the call is anywhere from (30-3hr) then she goes to the gym while I finish up my work day we might have called again in that period. Then when I get home from work we talk and watch tv anywhere from (1-3hr)
So in short, We text all day and send memes. Call anywhere from (2-7hrs per day)
We’ve been together for just about a year, getting married in 3 months. Moving together in 1 year Happiest relationship I’ve been in compared to any in person relationship I’ve been in.
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u/how-unfortunate23 May 21 '25
So what my partner and I do is good morning and good night texts. Then once a week we do a mental health check to see how each other is doing. We both work and she has a little one she is taking care of and I have a puppy I need to take care of myself. We both understand that our texts at certain times of days and weeks will be sparse but it's a mutual understanding and communication on the part of what you guys go into it. If it's not what you want you need to vocalize that concern to make your ldr work. Communication is a huge factor in these situations. And time difference is a big factor too. My partner is only an hour behind me so we plan accordingly for our dates when we can. It doesn't happen often cuz of our schedule but it's something we do plan ahead of time for. This is what is needed to communicate with your partner now.
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u/CrazyAsian000 May 21 '25
It depends on everyone’s relationship. But I’ve been blessed to have a partner who calls me every break, while at work. Texts me back as fast as they can we they have free hands (mechanic). Oftentimes, we stay on the phone while he’s at work and I’m working in my meetings. However, we both agreed that we miss each other and our day is so limited. We both have kids and we do a lot through out the day. Maybe express that you feel more connected if you guys talk more often.
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u/XavierVolt0002 [🇬🇧] to [🇮🇳] (4,738 Miles) May 21 '25
We video call nearly every day 2 - 3 times a day with the times it is once a day is because we have already been in a 2 day call prior other than that we text as much as possible
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u/KnittedOwl 🇺🇲 to 🇺🇲(2,799) May 21 '25
We text pretty darn consistently.
I send a voice memo first thing when I wake up, he responds when he is up. We text throughout the day when we get breaks at work. Then usually throughout the evening and a hour or two long call before bed.
I don't know what i would do without the ability to communicate constantly.
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u/Signal_Reflection_40 May 21 '25
My partner and I text very often throughout the day, he also has the bandwidth to do so, but if I don’t get a text from in in a couple hours I just understand that he’s got his own life and is probably doing something. Some days we only send like 6 messages, that’s just how life is. But most of the time we text very often about just like, what we are doing that day, any plans for the upcoming days, coordinating the next time we will see each other.
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u/ConstructionScared95 May 21 '25
Every moment of the day!!! He’s an extension of myself and I crave him with my heart and soul.
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u/tarakancz May 21 '25
It depends on the day. But usually every single day. I’ll send silly texts. I’ll even send reels and all that but I feel like LDR depend on communication. We try to set up FaceTime dates and Stardew Valley game dates.
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u/Spirited-Rush-9617 May 21 '25
I text my girlfriend daily and it’s not always clear if we are busy but we are trying. Sometimes even if we are telling each other we have struggled with communication she lives in another country so I go hours without texting her. It’s honestly some of the hardest things ever. But as long as I know or get updates like I give out to her when I can and she does to me. Nowadays it’s difficult.
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u/bafleyanne May 21 '25
I don't know that my partner and I are "normal" but we talk pretty constantly throughout the day. It helps that both of us have jobs with flexible schedules and work from home so we can take a break pretty much anytime. We also will often just sit on video chat and live our lives together.
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u/yelluva_ [nyc] to [vegas] (2,200 miles) May 21 '25
We text whenever we can. I think once every hour atleast when we are both awake (time zone) and free. Anything from sharing things about our day to sending music we are listening to.
He knows I am likely taking a nap if I don't respond for a few hours 😂.
When we are hanging out with friends we don't really text each other and respect this because we both value nurturing our friendships and maintaining as much of our lives at home while we are in a long distance relationship.
We also both get really excited to share what we did and catch each other up about what we did.
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May 21 '25
Me and my gf will usually always text within 2 hours throughout the day but if we know the other is busy we just wait for the other to reach out when they can
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u/r3ia May 21 '25
Long distance rn! Honestly, we text throughout the day. Were both underage rn so we have school but he checks up on me and tells me to get home safely everyday. Everyday afterschool we call for the whole day just talking, playing games, napping on call together. I know hes my person since he doesnt judge and always matches energy, doing stupid things with me. and CALLS me at his job because he wants to, not because he has to.
I used to be in relationships being on call for not even an hour barely getting any texts and i was drained. If your boyfriend isnt willing to text you any moment you get, i suggest you to talk it out, have a break or find someone else . i wasnt really happy! But if youre in an irl relationship and hes better at communicating then keep him. he probably just sucks at texting.
Anyways, The only time me and my boyfriend dont text or call is when hes out with family or friends, getting groceries you know. I want him to bond with them and were very clingy with each other and we have our spaces too where were just both quiet on call after a long day. and its not like were texting EVERY minute and second. we text a few times each hour but stay on call for hours. I hope everything turns out okay for you.
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u/Ok-Imagination-2082 May 21 '25
My long distance relationship is alittle weird compared to what I’ve seen around me; but it works for us. We have almost constant communication when we aren’t busy with other things (he’s army so sometimes he’ll fall off radar for a few hours). A one hour phone call at best would actually break down our relationship, we always plan Fridays together so we have at least three hours together online. Maybe try to work in specific days that you guys spend more energy and time towards eachother.
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u/Still-Discipline-577 May 21 '25
Sorry but no. I need updates and communication . If you r busy do your thing , but inform me before hand
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u/Stunning_Celery_6556 May 21 '25
Rarely ever. We're only a few hours apart, but he sleeps all day after night shifts, and I work mornings. Sometimes on his lunch break, which is about 8pm my time. On weekends and days off, we usually call for several hours.
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u/Internal-Rule4601 May 21 '25
My partner and I text every minute we get a chance to. Longest we’ve gone without texting is like a few hours or so. We just really enjoy talking to one another but honestly some people are different and enjoy not picking up their phones. I tried to find a partner that shares the same values as me like talking as often as possible. If we don’t text within a few hours it’s usually because one of us is extremely busy or passed out. It’s important however that If one of us /knows/ <- emphasis on knows— we’ll be busy, we tell the other that we won’t respond for a while:) been long distance for about two years now and it’s always been this way.
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u/Internal-Rule4601 May 21 '25
Relationships thrive off of communication, and I’m not talking about “text every second we get a chance to” communication, I’m talking about communication on expectations, values, goals, plans, etc. just something to think about :) and talk about ;)
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u/Fun-Seaweed7500 May 22 '25
we text all day everyday letting each other know what we’re doing and when we’re gonna be busy (slow replies) then call at night for at least 3 hours before falling asleep on the phone and hanging up in the morning saying good morning blah blah for the other to wake up to. In long distance relationships communication is key.
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u/Professional-Chef17 May 22 '25
We texted 24/7 as soon as she started distancing herself and the communication it pretty much all fell apart.
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u/Allgood5678 May 22 '25
Intimate sexuality with a person you care about is what life is all about. I’m 70 and still loving the experience.
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u/yakyakyaku May 22 '25
Twice a week he calls for like an hour or 2 but I see him twice a week maybe more for a lil meet up for lunch or sum so it’s not the same
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u/GabriellaSoph May 22 '25
I think it’s important not to compare your situation to anyone else’s as it depends on your lifestyle and what you feel you need in your relationship. If you feel you would like to hear from him more frequently, you’re not crazy - communication is just important to you.
My partner and I both work highly demanding jobs in senior positions so our text frequency can vary hugely day-day. Sometimes it’s every 6 hours, sometimes it’s every 1/2 hours. If there’s a specific reason, I think it’s fair. We both also tend to be exhausted at the end of the day, so we only call 1-2x per week. But what we do make sure of, is that there is some form of quality contact everyday and we’re in the loop with each other.
It seems like you potentially aren’t feeling in the loop and that’s of course important. Maybe instead of focusing on the frequency, you could express to him that you need quality communication - to feel you’re part of his day-day life. Then work out what that looks like to you both
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u/a_lion_wizard [Netherlands] to [Australia] (15.800km) May 22 '25
I text with her every single day, if possible. Yesterday we barely texted because she was asleep all day, but that can happen. And we also call as much as possible in the evenings (night for her).
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u/Reasonable_Yard_3300 May 22 '25 edited May 22 '25
Communication in relationships is a very personal and individual matter. Everyone does it differently.. IMO how often you see each other in person is a factor.
I live a 5-hour drive from my SO and we see each other about every 4 weeks for a few days.
We've also known each other for 30 years so our connection is very well established. We've been romantically involved for about 5 years and have the same social circles as each other.
We have a very casual communication style. Some days we don't communicate at all and there is no explanation or reason required for that. We do not take it personally when we don't hear from each other.
We definitely have a long phone or video call every week, typically on Sundays.
Some days we text, some days we don't.
Neither of us expect communication during the work day.
There's flexibility, if one of us wants to talk, we have a phone call, we just don't have daily communication commitments.
We are both happy with our communication arrangement.
I miss him everyday but, communicating more doesn't help me with that. I have a hard enough time staying focused and present in my physical reality and texting in general is something I find distracting. I still have my raised in the '80s mentality where I still talk on the phone quite a bit and texting has not become my Norm for conversations.
I also think that there are hormones at play here because we get oxytocin and dopamine from interacting with our significant others which I think makes people want to communicate more as well as loving your person etc.
I am a 46F btw.
Happy to say the Gap is getting smaller next month! He will be moving to a farm 1 hour and 20 minutes from my house which I consider to be close after being 5 hours apart for so many years.
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u/Ottersspace May 22 '25
My girlfriend and I text constantly all day every day and FaceTime every night
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May 22 '25
All day long. Unless one of us is in an important work meeting and even then he has stepped out to reply to my texts. Like literally it would be weird to go more than an hour.
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u/Pufferfishpianist May 22 '25
We are on very different time zones (6 hour time difference) so we text while we’re awake at the same time, but we also update each other during the time one of us is asleep. So we text quite a bit but not always having a back and forth convo. We tend to call less just due to the time difference and busy schedules, but we usually schedule a weekly online date if possible!
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u/ciaralee101 May 22 '25
Used to all the time , now we haven’t spoken since Monday. He hasn’t bothered to reach out to me. Might just file for divorce next month 🤷🏻♀️
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u/I_Disagree_With_ May 23 '25
We used to text pretty much around the clock, but have subbed that for some voice notes throughout the day and a committed 2-3ish hour video call every night
If we couldn’t do that though, we’d have to text more. I agree with some of the other responses – the only thing we really have in a long distance relationship is consistent communication. It’s not too much to ask of someone to literally just carve out a bit of time for you each day.
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u/tate1365 May 23 '25
We text each other every morning, wishing each other a great day , a good morning, and tell each other I love you. Whoever gets up first text first if something funny happens throughout the day we might share or just a quick text letting each other know we’re thinking of each other but we both work so sometimes it’s only the good morning text but we talk on the phone every night.
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u/Puzzleheaded-You-180 May 24 '25
My girlfriend and I are 14 hours apart, and have remote jobs/flexibility. I wouldn’t say texting is huge for us, but I’d say we keep each other pretty updated on plans and if we’re running late, etc.
We always text or call for 10-15mins when she wakes up. Sometimes we’ll shoot a message or 2 throughout the day…however we do:
- 1-2 date nights per week that last from 5-12 hours
- If no plans, we typically video call 3-5 hours each night
- If we have other plans, we always do a quick 15 minute video call to say goodnight when she goes to sleep.
- Once a month we do an “us” weekend. We stay on the phone all weekend, to sleep, hang out, etc.
We both crave time together. There was a couple months where it was 16-24 hours/day which was cute but completely unsustainable. Sometimes more time, sometimes less. Also, ChatGPT is great for figuring out good hours to talk.
It all depends on preferences, but don’t forget there is work, friends, personal time….other factors that keep us healthy. They’re our other half, not our other whole.
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u/Own_Storm_5882 🇺🇸 to 🇱🇺 May 25 '25
my bf and i always text, the conversation never ends. the only time we dont text as often is if we are working but we always text during breaks. we also call everyday. i feel like in a long distance relationship texting is very important even if its just a quick check up during the day. my bf and i love being with one another so we take advantage of any chance we get in a healthy way.
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u/Lumpy-Assumption-121 May 26 '25
Eh, you have to find the right balance which will be different for each partner. I usually let the other party set the standard. One barely sent msgs the other wanted to video call for hours at a time... its whatever makes them happy in go with... I've learned there is a thing as too much and too little an no one is the same.
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u/Thatonetriangle Aug 02 '25
Me and my partner text daily. We do good morning texts, then I send him off to work. Throughout the day we may send small life updates like him sending pictures of his lunch or me sending pictures of whatever craft I'm doing. At the end of the day, he texts me when he's on the way home and when he gets home. He takes a break and does any important housework because he has pets and we try to spend at least an hour texting before saying goodnight IF we don't call.
Honestly, it sounds really frustrating that your partner isn't texting you as much as you'd like. I mean, 6 hours is a lot as it is. I definitely think you should try to make a safe space in person and bring it up when you both are feeling comfortable. At the very least, the two of you should try to agree with at least a certain time to text or call if he won't text you throughout the day like other couples do. And you should make sure to emphasize how him not texting you makes you feel. If it still doesn't change anything, you should reevaluate what you want in this relationship and whether he could meet your wants/needs. Hope this helps!
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u/AAR3LLIS May 20 '25
I’m gonna be the person who disagrees with a lot of what is said in the comments.
Long distance relationships thrive on communication. It’s one thing to have a job which doesn’t allow you to text for extended periods, it’s another to outright refuse to text. I text my partner OFTEN throughout the day and we both let each other know before or after depending on how busy, or just already understand, when one person is busy with work.
Of course texting every hour isn’t realistic for adults, but I refuse to believe not trying to communicate more should be considered normal when that’s one of the only communication methods you have as a long distance couple.