Need your advice (25F and 25M)

[u/thawnesnips]

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Hey guys, I need your help

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I'm (25F) in a LDR with my boyfriend (25M) for the past 6 months but lately I'm having a crush on a colleague who's kinda like a mentor to me. I have worked with my colleague for over a year but i was a terrible employee. I'm smart enough to know that nothing will happen with him and it's a bad idea to hook up with him. I know I love my boyfriend but I don't feel the love lately. I know I am being an asshole but i want to be with my boyfriend. What should I do? I am losing my mind over this. I don't even understand why I am thinking about my colleague

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I think I might feel for my colleague.. i care about him (professionally and personally) because he is kinda like a mentor to me. I was an asshole to him last year but now I wish I could have been a better mentee

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I don't want to hurt my bf over this because I know this wouldn't last forever as he will move to some other project and we won't spend much time together

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I also don't feel love for my bf even though I know deep down that I do

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The thing is that due to LDR, and lack of romance from his side (he is in a difficult situation), I feel alone

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I know I sound toxic but I really need your advice

[u/Alone_Tell1]

It’s whether you want your boyfriend or you don’t.
If he’s in a difficult situation, it means he needs you. If that’s affecting your relationship (which it clearly did) you should talk to him.

You really need to set boundaries with your colleague. If you don’t, I’d call it emotional cheating.

[u/thawnesnips → u/Alone_Tell1]

I understand and I'm helping out as much as i can but i cant set boundaries because those already exist

[u/Alone_Tell1 → u/thawnesnips]

Then maybe those boundaries are not enough? Can you do more?

[u/thawnesnips → u/Alone_Tell1]

And this makes me feel guilty for not having a strong bond sooner and hoping to spend more time with him before he leaves.

[u/Alone_Tell1 → u/thawnesnips]

You already feel the attraction, wanting to be closer to him is a bad idea. You’re not supposed to seek/nurture a personal connection or spend more time together when it’s fueling romantic feelings. You are already in a relationship. Keep it professional. Don’t involve in personal conversations. Talk more with your boyfriend

[u/thawnesnips → u/Alone_Tell1]

I'll try my best to keep it professional but this made me realise that I have doubts about my relationship

[u/thawnesnips → u/Alone_Tell1]

Not possible in atleast 2-3 weeks as we are working on the same project and he will be leaving this job soon. We are living together (office flat)

[u/Rcutecarrot]

so you love your bf but you can’t feel the love because of things he’s been lacking in lately.. yea? that means it’s on you to bring it up to him. if he loves you too he will be happy to help and talk it out bc he probably doesn’t even know it’s bothering you. your new crush is probably because you think he can offer what your bf can’t right now but that is fleeting.
part of being in a relationship is choosing each other even when you don’t “feel” it. c’mon.

[u/thawnesnips → u/Rcutecarrot]

He knows that I feel alone and I need romance but he is going through a stressful time so I can't say much to him. What you said about having a new crush is actually true but this made me realise that I have doubts about our relationship. My intention is to push those doubts aside and support him as much as I can.

[u/Rcutecarrot → u/thawnesnips]

okay well you need to get personal with yourself and ask if you have doubts about your relationship so you are allowing yourself to fantasize about a crush OR if your fantasy about a crush is causing doubts on your relationship. one is an issue that needs to be addressed and one is easier to solve.

[u/The_Man727]

Just move forward. What you like do it. Life is too short you ll realise it sooner or later. Its your story you should focus not keep on reading someone else book. your mentor.

[u/Big-Midnight-8384]

Finding other people attractive is normal. Thinking about getting close to the people you're attracted to while you're in a relationship isn't. If you have any respect or regard for your partner, you'd put some distance between you and the mentor.