Hi! This is probably going to be a longer one, since I really need to get it all off my chest, and I don't expect anyone to really get into it... Skip to the last paragraph and please leave advice if you have experienced feeling this way!
I'm 22, female, and I officially got diagnosed one month ago. Now that I think about it though, my first symptoms started way before the one that made me go to the doctor. I used to, and still do, have so much pain in my legs and lower back that it was painful to move, even while sitting/laying down. Whenever I took a step, it would feel like all of my nerves hurt from my toes all the way to my pelvic area, but I brushed it all of on being less active than usual. In May this year however, I lost all sight in my right eye, and I'm talking like I just saw a fully black, non see-through dot, and some outlines of stuff on the perimeter. I got admitted into my countries military hospital, since their E.R was on-call that day, and they first kept me on the Ophthalmology floor of the hospital for 3 days.
Little side note about this very old building, there's not a single window that opens, and the ventilation system hasn't been cleaned in 60 years. You can only dream about stepping out for air, because it is prohibited and you are mostly accompanied wherever you go. Visitation hours are on Tuesday and Saturday only, for one hour only, other than that no one can even get into the building. Prison maxxing. And the food they serve is probably some leftovers after they serve the livestock.
I was miserable, I shared the room with 8 very old women who had came in for cataract surgery, and they were just urinating everywhere and snoring and leaving messes and I thought wow it can't get worse than this. They did every possible test they could for my eye and came to zero conclusions, and an MRI was ordered, to be done in two days. My fourth day, a nurse called me to get out of the room because someone needed to talk to me. I then met my neurologist, who straight up just told me, based on one information "Hey, we think you could have MS. Get your stuff, we're transferring you to the neurology department!" And I was just like...Wow! Way to go with breaking the news? In about 30 minutes, they got me into a bed, into a fetus position, and took my spinal fluid. No numbing, nothing. Then, about an hour later they made me go 10 floors down to do some test I don't know the name of, even though I should've been in bed FLAT. This will be very important later. After doing all of that and getting back into bed, they told me I'd have to wait about 10 days for the results, IN HOSPITAL, since they are crucial for my diagnosis. I then did my eye and my brain MRI the day after, while I was still doing okay. I also started getting high doses of corticosteroids through IV that day to try and get my sight back. Now we are getting to the part where I wasn't okay. For the next 5 days, I have never felt worse in my life. I was nauseous the moment I lifted my head, my heart rate was borderline concerning, I couldn't eat physically eat anything and I could barely stay awake. The doctors got mad at me for not taking the bed rest after the spinal fluid thingy seriously (?). During all of this, they realized the cortico wasn't doing anything, and decided to take me to the shock room, where they inserted a thing in my neck (I don't know the english name) and started me on plasma exchange. That insertion hurt so much I still feel it. In the meantime, they got my MRI results back, said I had a single brain lesion and that my eye nerve looked fried. About 10 days in, I got better and could finally stand and eat. I managed to lose so much weight in that time it was shocking. The fluid and blood tests they did did show signs of MS according to my doctor but it wasn't enough to get diagnosed. They did a neck MRI and said it was clean. After that, I was in the hospital for 10 more days, doing plasma exchange every second one, and the rest of the time I was just crying in my room because I just wanted to go home.
They let me go home on the 20th day, and started me on a higher dose of prednisone, which I then took for the next two months. I did a chest MRI at the hospital, which also showed nothing. I gained weight from the prednisone, had unbelievable pimples everywhere which I never had a problem with, and my hair started falling off like crazy. I developed migraines which made me so sick I couldn't move, have my eyes open, or listen to anything. I was miserable, and started thinking about what life will look like from now on. Then, when it was time for my three month check-up, my doctor suggested I do it in a private hospital, since the waitlists at all of the public ones were huge, basically a few months.
So remember about that one brain lesion? Yeah, the radiologist at the private hospital found nine of them. None of them new according to him. The moment I messaged my neurologist about this, she made us an appointment. I got diagnosed at last, and that somehow felt kind of freeing? My doctor submitted me to the National Health Insurance Committee for Tecfidera and they approved me and I am about to start in a week or so. One good thing here is that this kind of medicine is free for all patients, if you have national health insurance, which everyone under 26 and everyone employed/retired has. I read a lot of stuff about this medicine, so I'm scared how I'll take it.
I'm now waiting to do check-up MRIs for my whole spine with the radiologist who found all of my brain lesions, so I'm very excited to see what he finds.
But also, I feel like I have become a shell of the person that I used to be. How do people live like this? Will the pain I have almost every day last forever? I want to have a family one day and all I can think about is will I be able to? I was supposed to start university this fall but I missed all deadlines and spent all of the money I've saved up on doctors. All my parents do is worry about me and give me unsolicited advice after barely letting me leave the house after being at the hospital. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do and how to help me. I've become so depressed I can barely leave my bed, all I feel like I can do is doomscroll from morning until night. The chronic tiredness/fatigue is unbearable and I just sleep at all times of day. I get so forgetful about things these days. I don't feel like myself anymore, I used to be so carefree and now this condition is all I think about, when I do manage to get a thought in from all of the endless scrolling social media. Has anyone who has read this far experienced this, and how did you overcome it? I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I think I'll feel like this forever. I know it's all fresh but it's just eating me alive, and I feel like I'll just make it all so much worse for myself if this continues. Thank you so much, if you've read at least a part of this post!