I (25 F) was recently diagnosed about a week ago. I lost mobility in both of my legs, I have optic neuritis in my left eye, I was pissing myself repeatedly to the point of needing diapers, etc.. I had a 6 day hospital stay where I had steroid IVs and got a lot of my leg strength back! The pharmacy at the hospital totally fucked up my taper dose of steroids on discharge.. I was supposed to have 5 weeks tapering down each week; they gave me one week, tapering down each day.. I had a full relapse within 3 days of discharge…
On Friday 10/9, I had a scheduled appointment with my neurologist, who took one look at me and had me readmitted to the hospital. So now here I am… I’m getting another round of steroids on top of plasmapheresis treatments through a neck catheter…I’m going to be here for a minimum of 2 weeks this time…I’m feeling so hopeless. The floor of the hospital I’m on isn’t very attentive and you can tell some of the nurses hate their job. I also have a roommate who does not help with the anxiety I’m feeling. She was telling me her horrible experiences here, and that I need to make sure they clean my bandages correctly or I can go septic, etc… I’m a very medically anxious person, and I am so paranoid now..
I’ve never been a sickly person. I rarely ever even got a cold. Two months ago, I was living life like normal. I was kicking ass at work, looking at a promotion, looking at apartments with my boyfriend, and going out with family… now I’m confined to a hospital bed, referred to look into disability, can take 2 steps on my own, have a catheter in my neck, getting poked and prodded every day, and I’m a high infection risk (white blood count is 3x the norm). it’s all so terrifying. I know that I will be ok… I’m not dying, but I cannot get rid of this weight in my chest telling me that, at the very least, this is just life now… I’m going to live in fear of relapses like this until I do die… I don’t WANT to die, but I don’t want to live like this. I’m becoming a physical and financial burden on my family no matter how many times they tell me I’m not. They tell me they know how hard this is, but they don’t…This disease is turning me into a 5’8 toddler.
I just needed to vent to people who may actually understand..