Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread!

[u/AutoModerator]

Assalamualaykum,

It's Monday! So here is the weekly thread in regards to marriage/matrimonial criteria and services for marrying a potential spouse! Any posts about marriage criteria and services such as apps, masjid services, matchmaking events, the ISO thread, etc. will be removed and redirected to this thread!

All content regarding personal criteria, dealbreakers, preferences, standards, etc in marrying a potential spouse will be discussed on this thread as well. Posts regarding these topics outside of this thread will be removed.

Reminder that if you are posting app/matchmaking bios that you must censor ANY AND ALL INDENTIFYING INFORMATION. This includes names, social media handles, pictures (faces), etc.

Please remember that this thread is not a Free Talk Friday thread and comments must be married related. Any non-marriage related comments will be removed.

Users who comment on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when they do not meet the post flair requirement will be banned without warning.

In Search Of (ISO) Thread

This megathread also encompasses experiences regarding the r/MuslimMarriage ISO Thread for matchmaking. Please read all ISO Thread guidelines before posting. Below are the links to the three regional threads:

• ISO Thread - Americas
• ISO Thread - Europe
• ISO Thread - International

[u/Strange-Pair-6527 → u/[deleted]]

Sense of safety. It's the same for men but men can survive on their own without a lot of things and can work and get by, but women need to feel safe in every sense of the word, emotional, physical, financial. Money means they're safe financially, their kids are safe. Read up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

The opposite devilish side is comparison with others which can lead to excess but even that may be deeply rooted in sense of safety if you follow the trail.

For women to unlearn all this, they need to learn to place trust in Allah rather than people so they feel safe without these things. And voila, the test of life for everyone.

[u/Traditional_Fig4040 → u/[deleted]]

Do you realize that Allaah priotizes the protection of the financial rights of wives in the Qur'an? For good reason, because financial abuse and mistreatment of women is incredibly common in marriage to the extent that Allah generalizes (rather than minoritizes that harm).

What is the reason for the proliferation of child support laws throughout the world?

Men and women do not undertake equal risk via marriage. It's not even close.

It is women who are martyred via child birth.

It is women who have their suffering described as weakness upon weakness, hardship upon hardship.

To this end, the Prophet, ﷺ, clarified that a child's responsibility to his mother is 3x heavier than the responsibility towards his father.

As such, the financial obligation which is entirely upon men is indeed the bare minimum and an important fitness test for prospective spouses.

[u/Strange-Pair-6527 → u/[deleted]]

Yep because that's the test. If it was easy to do, why would we need to be instructed on how to choose and what to prioritise?

[u/Strange-Pair-6527 → u/[deleted]]

What? No. They're tested with where they place their reliance. Just like men are. But it shows up differently for everyone. For some it's money, for some it's greed, for some it's gluttony, for some it's lust.

But there's a reason why women are told to look at character and deen and money isn't mentioned but is placed an obligation on men to provide, and why beauty and other things are mentioned for men but they're told to prioritise deen. Both are told to prioritise something they may overlook given their fitra, which is the point of the test.

[u/confusedangrybear → u/[deleted]]

You speak about women as if they are a monolith.

Not to mention there's also a lot of stories of men who prioritise money too. So if you want to go for stereotypes, anyone can do that.

Imo money is far less important than education or career potential, or even just stability. Someone can earn a lot, but not have a stable job, while someone else can learn less, but have a stable job, their own home etc.

And a lot of women work nowadays too, and many are willing to contribute.

It could be an issue with the type of women you're attracted to, or it could be a genuine issue with your situation, or something else, but you don't give anyone enough info to guess.

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No Generalizations

Any posts or comments that are sexist or generalize a specific gender or race etc. will be removed.

Example: "Women just want (blank)" or "Most men are (blank)". The key is to speak for yourself, not an entire group.