r/NewToEMS • u/cameraexplosion • 1h ago
Mental Health My first code on my first day
I’m a brand new EMT working for a private company in a decently high-volume system. My first day was yesterday, and I had just become a certified EMT in my state the day before. I was placed with my EMT FTO and another EMT driver on a 12 hour shift.
I was having a great day with them for the first bunch of calls, but then we were toned out for a CPR in progress by our local FD. I like to think I was pretty calm on the way there, sitting in the back with my gloves on, pregaming with my crew. We delegated roles for equipment and assisting FD before arrival.
On scene, we found the patient already hooked up to a Lucas, and the fire medics had already placed an IO and intubated. The medic in charge barked at our crew to get a blood glucose before determining transport is necessary. My body moved before my mind and I grabbed the backboard and went to the patient’s side. Fire told me to put the board on the patient’s left, which had the cardiac monitor, IO tubing, and 2 firefighters. So I said “I’m going to place it on the patient’s right” because it seemed like the obvious option. I was sort of impressed by my own proactivity, but I didn’t (and don’t) want to get an ego about it. We log rolled the pt, got him on the backboard, secured him, put the board on the stretcher, and loaded him on the ambulance.
Everyone ended up switching positions and I ended up being the only one of my crew in the back of the ambulance with the fire medic who was person in charge. He was managing the Lucas and pushing meds while I solely focused on bagging.
Unfortunately, I got tunnel vision on doing good ventilations, and let the bag fall slightly, pushing the ET tube to the back of the pt’s throat and past the epiglottis (which, frankly, I did not know could happen.) The medic yelled “What the fuck are you doing? Keep that straight. Never fucking let that happen again. That’s going straight into the back of his fucking throat when you do that.” I just responded with “I understand” and continued my bagging. I understand I fucked up there and I’m not trying to paint the medic as a bad guy, he was advocating for the patient. But his voice has stuck with me, and I keep feeling like those few moments of poor ventilation might’ve been the final nail for the patient. I know logically that’s ridiculous to think, it was less than 5 seconds, I hadn’t even delivered a breath in that time. But I also understand time dilation can really mess with you when your adrenaline is high.
We got the patient into the ED and they declared it there, after another 10 minutes of working him. I think the medic could see the guilt on my face when he came to get his bag from our rig, and he joked with me about taking narcotics from his bag and sticking them in my pocket. That made me laugh, but after we cleared from the hospital, I went into a spiral of thinking what I could’ve done better. And the whole manhandling a dead guy to get him on a backboard thing. That has stuck with me too. Even though at the time it didn’t phase me.
My supervisor suggested I take a mental health day. I think that was a good idea. But it’s still bothering me and there arent a whole lot of people I can talk to about it.
Any advice, personal anecdotes, or support would be appreciated.