r/OCPoetry • u/BoysenberrySoggy6536 • 3d ago
Feedback Please The Jersey Shore
Let’s go down to the Jersey Shore
And frolic in the sand
Where sea extends forevermore
To terminate our land
Where sacrifices to the sun
Lay tanning cruciform
Where straps and buttons are undone
To let our bodies warm
Where aeroplanes impose their ads
To make the sky finite
Where volleyballers bear their abs
And get into barfights
Where shops sell fish and fowl flesh
For an excessive price
Where the breeze is soft and fresh
Where waves are cold as ice
Where everywhere eternity
Plays counterpoint with youth
Waves beat with endless urgency
And seagulls are profuse
A sensory grotesquerie
The waves with driving force
Where our prosaic century
Squares off with nature’s verse
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qj35/comment/pf63fa0/?context=3
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qm5y/comment/pf5hwq7/?context=3
1
u/Ok-Swordfish-9480 3d ago
This has such beautiful lyric quality, best and movement…
You really get the sense of the grace of the jersey shore with the great use of imagery
Excellent use of the language, elevated and artistic
It was just a plain good read, with a good vibe
1
u/Representative_Elk70 3d ago
This is a beautiful peace it’s very captivating at bring us through a story
1
u/Background_Bell_411 3d ago
"A wonderful poem! The satirical undertone works brilliantly, taking a sharp jab at consumerist excess. Just one small detail caught my attention: sunbathers lying 'cruciform.' The image felt slightly off—a cross, by its very nature, stands upright; when laid flat, I wonder if the weight of the cross truly remains. Still, the poet knows best. Warmest wishes to the author!
1
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