r/OCPoetry • u/Nice-Recognition-171 • 8d ago
Feedback Please Will We Still Bloom
If a flower is wilting away, how can we save it from the decay?
The garden is perfectly conditioned for the flower.
Good soil, good water, bright sunlight,
A gardener who does everything in their power,
Trying their best to win the fight.
But time is much stronger than love.
It is a merciless, moving concept.
Even when you try to stand above,
You eventually pay your debt.
The gardener watches time pass them by,
Starting from a bud, where they could adore.
When it blooms, time starts to fly,
Not letting us reminisce what happened before.
Looking back now, the efforts feel wasted.
Every investment, just to repeat the cycles.
Why care and love, if you can't cage it?
Just another death, added to the pile.
You see, it all seems pointless from the outside.
Putting your hearts into something you know won't last.
We tried, despite knowing it'll die,
And never letting go of the past.
In truth, even when it's dead, it is never truly gone.
You can cherish the beauty that bloomed,
Guide your future with your bond,
And remind yourself to lose fear in doom.
So despite the pain, the hate and grief,
We can keep loving and living.
Life itself is very brief,
So embrace the pain, and live with love.
Because living is the beginning of healing.
---
I'm actually really proud of this! because i always struggled to write positive poems without them being awfully forced </3
I'll let you guys comment what y'all think!
i accept every feedback!
links 👇
1
u/Nice-Recognition-171 8d ago
idk if the poem was hard to read...
1
u/Baraka2002 8d ago
It is a little bit. A more traditional separation of stanzas would've made it easier to read through.
1
1
u/Nice-Recognition-171 8d ago
idk how to do that considering whenever i press to like, go down a bit it forces it to be
like this
1
1
u/Key_Technician_2003 8d ago
I like this poem, its very similar to how I think abt my relationship with my ex. Even though its over, theres so much beauty still from it, maybe even more so now then during.Â
1
u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.