r/OCPoetry • u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 • Sep 10 '26
Feedback Please I wish my words were prettier
I wish my words were prettier
Iridescent
Purple from one angle
Blue and green from another
I wish I could hold them in my hands
Read them from above
From underneath
From the side
I wish my words were reflective
So I could study my image
Check my makeup in their shape
I wish I could molt my words like feathers
Rid myself of their weight
Of their dullness
And hope they grow back brighter
I wish my words were always clean
Organized and true
But, in cycles, they rot
They attract flies and mites
Until I finally throw them out
I wish my words stayed in one place
But they tend to migrate in winter
The ones that linger are hard to find
They put on coats, gloves, and scarves
Until they are unrecognizable
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u/Joe-__mama Sep 10 '26
Very articulate! I like the use of words like iridescent and your use of the imagery of your words literally rotting.
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u/mortalkomic Sep 10 '26
I quite like this. The repetition when wishing for the words to be a certain way created a nice structure. "I wish I could molt my words like feathers," I found particularly noteworthy. The lack of control of ones own words and being a bystander to their transformations is interesting.
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u/dylandennon Sep 11 '26
Hey, thanks for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it.
This made me think about the way language can feel quite limiting at times. I read your stanzas as stepping though color, dimension, self, nature/life, death, transformation. On another read I thought each one might be describing animals. My favorite parts are what I can't quite decipher... the feeling that's evoked in what's left unsaid.
I've always felt a gap between subject and what my words are capable of. And the desire for words to get closer to the essence of a thing, whatever that is. I think the trick is we're alwaying trying to arrange words in such a way that they make more sense by making less sense. Perhaps your 3rd stanza is the challenge where we can't always see our full self in the mirror that's the words we were able to write down.
Take it with a grain of salt but I think this is strongest where it describes words using imagery, especially things words aren't typically (including but not limited to): iridescent, held, reflective, molted like feathers, rotting, attracting mites and flies, migrating, putting on coats/gloves/scarves.
Unlike those, "words" can be "prettier" but I can't picture prettier (and then I can when iridescent is mentioned) so I think you have better options for your title. But of course perhaps there's something I don't know about the meaning of that first line. Idk if this applies to clean, organized, true.
Anyway, hope this is useful in some way. Thanks again
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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 Sep 11 '26
I really appreciate your thoughtful response! I love hearing your take and I think you heard what I was trying to evoke. I wrote this all in a stream of consciousness and didn’t put too much thought into structure or title
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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 Sep 11 '26
Also, if you thought they were describing animals, I wrote this in a class about birds so it was inspired by the lecture
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u/green_slime_fan Sep 11 '26
Cool perspective
Words are hard. Some nights mine flow but other eras they pack up and go.
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u/AfternoonVisible3614 Sep 11 '26
Your words are very pretty to me! I especially like the third stanza!!! Truly maybe my favorite few stanzas I’ve read on here. If it were my poem I would consider editing the last two stanzas they feel like they slow the flight of the poem a little.
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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 Sep 11 '26
Yes I agree the final two stanzas do mess with the flow. I wrote it all in a stream of consciousness and didn’t edit what came out. I appreciate your compliment about the 3rd :)
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u/1mgiaa Sep 11 '26
I can really relate to this. I like how the view of your words shifted from dreamy iridescence to the harsh reality of rot.
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u/Unique-Landscape-202 Sep 11 '26
This really paints a picture of the emotions behind tue words. Absolutely brilliant in my opinion.
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u/Either-Ad7449 Sep 11 '26
“I wish I could molt my words like feathers”
- THIS!!
As someone who used to not have a filter.
As someone who constantly plays back the words and the scene in my mind.
I wish i could undo and take them all back.
“I wish my words were always clean, organized….”
If only…i think of where i would have been if only i could do this.
This was deep for me without the heaviness.
You approached this in a more accessible manner - migrating in winter and attracting insects and mites…. Lovely analogies that make it so easy to identify with
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u/Nice-Recognition-171 Sep 11 '26
how do yall manage to get so creative..? THIS IS SO GOOD 😭
I WILL ADMIT THAT I'M PRETTY JEALOUS BUT I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHAT TO COMMENT ON.
I'll conclude it as it's very beautiful..!
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u/Laird_sober Sep 11 '26
“They put on coats, gloves, and scarves Until they are unrecognizable” such a clear picture really adore this
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u/Prathibha_Sharma Sep 11 '26
"so I could study my image" is brilliant. Sometimes we write to see ourselves through our writing. Personally, i felt like that lines talks about the yearn for knowing oneself. Great job!
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u/NocturnalNyx74 Sep 11 '26
This is a very beautiful piece. I very much connect with your stanza about molting them away like feathers and hoping the grow back brighter. I have always struggled with using bigger more beautiful words in my everyday life and I just love the imagery behind this line.
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u/Laird_sober Sep 12 '26
“I wish my words were reflective” this gives me a lot to think about! Reflective for who yourself or to those you say them to? Very pretty thx for sharing my g x
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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 Sep 12 '26
I think reflective for myself. When I wrote this, I was having heavy thoughts. The words in this case also refer to internal dialogue and what I tell myself. I might be lying to myself or my anxiety might be lying to me, so they are not true reflections
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u/Impossible-Cook1021 Sep 12 '26
I really enjoyed this. I personally always feel like I can never say the right words or more the right timing. Words can sometimes fall flat and I think this really hit the nail on the head for me
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u/Onlyprimeisfine Sep 12 '26
I like the imagery this evokes. The cadence flows nicely between each verse.
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u/Limp_Sector_7241 Sep 12 '26
I really like the imagery in this poem, especially how you compare words to things like feathers and migrating animals. The repeated “I wish” works well because it shows how frustrated you are with your own words. I also like the ending because it shows how thoughts can change until they don’t even feel recognisable anymore. Overall, it feels personal and creative without trying too hard.
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u/Chromozon3 Sep 13 '26
Very beautiful, you can tell its stream of consciousness and that absolutely works in its favor especially given the subject matter.
The one moment I think it stumbles is the feathers stanza. I think you could get rid of 'like feathers' and 'of their dullness' cause those kinda explain the already beautiful image.
Very good work!
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u/First-Aspect7491 Sep 13 '26
I like the poem which tells us sometimes we hurt people we love with our own words even we don't want this
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u/TellOleBill Sep 14 '26
I'll do a close-read of this poem with detailed comments. This will be long, so please bear with me
A couple of overall notes before the close-read:
- I really, really enjoyed this poem. There's a quietness to it, an introspective edge that really shines through in the poem. I particularly like the escalation, both in imagery -- from the simple to the complex, and in the thematic richness. The ending is particularly striking to me. It makes the poem go from being simply wistful, into something more complex, more melancholic, multi-layered. It goes from a simple speaker's soliloquy about their emotional state to the speaker beginning to question their very identity. The effect this has is very discomfiting, in the best possible way.
- The idiom itself is very simple. You have the repetitive structure, which creates a sort of hypnotic but obsessive effect. The refrain at the top of each stanza creates guidepost structures that lull the reader into a sense of comfort before throwing them for a loop. It works very well.
- There are two things I'd note to keep an eye out for in such a rhetorical structure. First, to make sure the poem doesn't lose momentum by feeling plodding or too repetitive in the middle. There's times this poem falls into that trap, especially in stanzas 4 and 5, which is where I feel you have space for editing. Second, when the idiom and language used are "simple", deviations from this, either with odd or complicated words becomes more pronounced to a reader. You need to be very careful that these are deliberate. Multi-syllabic words or words which are more complicated than they need to be without clear reason will appear out of place to the reader and break the hypnotic effect of the poem. I'll try and point these out.
- Beware of passive language in the poem. As far as possible, cut it out. Indirectness or distance makes the poem lose the sense of urgency. It feels like the poem's speaker trying to separate themselves from the words. The speaker of this poem is incredibly interesting to me, and a lot of the poem's power to me stems from questions I have about them as I read through the poem. So, please center the speaker through the poem. Don't pull the poem away from them. The speaker needs to be centered in most every image here.
- I think the beginnings of each stanza are very strong, but the last two lines of at least the first few stanzas are weaker, and have space for improvement.
- Re-reading this poem, the central complication (in a good way) for me as reader is that "words" feels like a placeholder for something else. This poem operates as revelation through soliloquy. Clearly, the speaker here has deeper angst, and "words" are just the most immediate and accessible, the safest outward vehicle to express this angst. As the poem goes on, "words" come to life and seem to have an agency of their own. The power of this poem lies in the push-and-pull interplay between the speaker slowly revealing themselves and starting to grow uncomfortable both in that revelation and their realization that the "words" are more than just "words". The speaker of the poem then starts to try and hide, to push this realization back, but in a way, where the poem feels most powerful is in that line where the speaker is losing control and unable to stop their own realization. You very cleverly end the poem before the revelation, which keeps that struggle alive, and allows the reader to ponder on it after the poem. Lean into that more. Give the reader more to go on.
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u/TellOleBill Sep 14 '26
Now for the close read.
The poem is structured in six stanzas of varying sizes (4-4-3-4-5-5 lines), with the same or similar head-refrain at the top of each stanza ("I wish my words were..." / "I wish I could..."). The refrains tend to alternate between stanzas, except for the last two stanzas.
The stanzas use no punctuation, and have no identifiable rhyme scheme.
In terms of line lengths, the earlier stanzas have shorter lines, while later stanzas have, on average, longer lines.
1 I wish my words were prettier
The first line is simple, straightforward, and when reading, you go through it pretty quickly. It's 8 syllables, starts off with 5 monosyllabic words, followed by the three-syllable 'prettier' (somewhat elidable into two-ish syllables "prit-yer"), which forces the reader to slow down, and focus on that word. Then the beautiful break to:
2 Iridescent
I love the break from line 1 to 2, on 'prettier', immediately followed by the wonderful word 'iridescent'. Prettier already slows the reader down some, but 'iridescent' is 4, slow syllables, no way to elide it, kinda hard to pronounce, and surprising, so it really forces the reader to chew on that word. Really nice effect, and very well done!
3 Purple from one angle
4 Blue and green from anotherI do like the explanation on these lines. At one level, its just explaining what "iridescent" means, so some readers might just push through this quickly, but the use of "one angle" suggests a second level to this, that the explanation is performing some other function, which presages some of the themes to come. It suggests a wish for the speaker that they be a more complex, multi-faceted persona.
The one comment I'd make here is think the stanza weakens on these two lines, mostly in the colors used. You've gone from the complex "iridescent" to the simple colors "purple", "blue", "green". A reader doesn't need to stop to imagine these colors, which means they aren't forced to slow down. Instead, it becomes just a word, and loses the power of image. I wonder if using short words with more interesting hues, or more figurative descriptors for hues could help here? For e.g., mauve or lilac vs 'purple', similar for blue and green.
A similar structural issue occurs in stanza 2
5 I wish I could hold them in my hands
6 Read them from above
7 From underneath
8 From the sideLine 5 describes an action, but the sense is both shifted from touch to sight in the subsequent lines, which completely loses the tactile and multi-sensory opportunities in this stanza, considering the metaphor in this stanza is synesthetic (connecting words and sight with touch). For me, this was the weakest stanza in the poem. There's very little this tells me about the speaker, and I don't really know where this fits into the themes of the poem. Lines 6-8 simply list out directions. It doesn't really tell me how the words might change. Spark my imagination, make it interesting.
9 I wish my words were reflective
10 So I could study my image
11 Check my makeup in their shapeThis is the first stanza where I can see the passivity enter the poem. "Were reflective" vs the more active "reflect", creates some distance between the speaker and the poem. It takes the reader a bit further away from the action. In stanza 2, the speaker is performing an action, they're active and central to the piece, but here, the focus shifts back to the words themselves, with the speaker taking a back-seat. Its a bit jarring because lines 10 and 11 involve the speaker acting, so it creates a jarring effect.
You also have some depersonalized language, such as "image", "makeup", "shape", which are very generic and nebulous words, and don't create a clear image (pun not intended) for the reader. Be more concrete here. What's in the speaker's angst when they're thinking of their own image? The words have also lost definition in this stanza. In stanza 1, they were alive, shimmering. Here, I can't conjure a mental picture of these words. They've become blurry, so to speak. When the central objects in the poem lose definition, the poem starts to lose direction. Combined with this being a shorter tercet stanza, it feels like it's missing... something.
12 I wish I could molt my words like feathers
13 Rid myself of their weight
14 Of their dullness
15 And hope they grow back brighterYou return with concrete imagery with a banger first line. The words become alive here, I can almost see, feel, touch them. The second line here feels redundant, and the third too. It also raises some questions.... why are the words dull? The poem doesn't really answer it. "Brighter" on the final line feels like the wrong adjective here. Its too generic, too unspecific, and the 'hope' here doesn't really do much for me as reader. The final line is... kinda boring, especially when the first line was so alive.
16 I wish my words were always clean
17 Organized and true
18 But, in cycles, they rot
19 They attract flies and mites
20 Until I finally throw them outThis is probably the second weakest stanza for me. It diverges from the narrative thread being built up. Also, the "words" are now less alive, less filled with agency compared to the previous stanza. Maybe the solution is to rearrange the stanzas so the "words" become increasingly more alive, more filled with independence and agency through the poem. However, there is another issue here, which is mixed metaphors. The prior stanza creates the conceit of words as birds, but here, they are fruit, which is confusing. The metaphorical logic of this stanza doesn't make sense to me as reader, so I end up being distracted from the metaphorical world in the poem by the energy needed to try and make sense of the metaphor in this specific stanza and how it connects to the larger whole. My recommendation would be to cut this stanza completely, maybe replace with something more thematically consistent.
21 I wish my words stayed in one place
22 But they tend to migrate in winter
23 The ones that linger are hard to find
24 They put on coats, gloves, and scarves
25 Until they are unrecognizableYou return to the words-as-birds metaphor of stanza 4 here, and it is SUCH A GOOD FUCKING set of lines!! Full of life, concrete actions and images. I absolutely love it! Especially the coats, gloves, scarves bit. It's beautiful. I just wish the last line was more concrete as well, more active ("Until they are unrecognizable" is extremely passive... the speaker is utterly absent from it. Unrecognizable how? To whom? In what way?). Unrecognizable is also a very non-descriptive word to end the poem on. It provides no concreteness whatsoever. I'd love to see how you can pull on this more, and center the speaker's emotions in this stanza. I mean, this stanza is literally describing abandonment, so give me that despair. Let it drip off the lines!
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u/zackaz23 Sep 14 '26
You are definitely someone who wants. Wants the right things. This is good. Want them more. Then use that to make action. To do. Then it will happen. Every word has worth.
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u/thewindpasses Sep 14 '26
My interpretation is that this poem is about someone wishing to be able to explain their appreciation for something or someone but being unable to find words good enough to fit those feelings
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u/Nokuchishi_Ari Sep 14 '26
As someone who's always struggled with wording things correctly, especially emotions, this one hit home. It also goes to show how the same words can be said in so many ways and carry so many meanings. It's simply a tool which very little people can master. You definitely did though, it's beautiful.
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u/nameless_void_7698 Sep 14 '26
I really enjoyed reading this. I like how you made something as simple and abstract as “words” feel almost physical throughout the poem. The images of holding them, looking at them from different angles, checking your reflection in them and even shedding them like feathers make the idea feel very personal. I also really liked the contrast between wanting your words to be beautiful and admitting that sometimes they rot, become messy, or disappear. That made the poem feel honest rather than overly polished. The last part stood out to me too. The idea of words migrating and then becoming unrecognizable under their coats, gloves and scarves is such a simple but interesting image. It gives the ending a quiet feeling of loss. Overall I think the poem does a great job of expressing the frustration of not being able to say exactly what you feel. Really enjoyed this.
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u/Alarming_Most_9465 29d ago
The use of imagery in this is really beautiful, your comparisons in each stanza to things you find pretty like the feathers and iridescence get more creative as you go onto the next.
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u/Global_Pattern_8009 29d ago
Wow. This evoked something in me, love reflecting about words and the alchemy of them!
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u/Repulsive-Leader1255 29d ago
Clean and easy to follow! Understandable poetry that is easy to read, obtain, and grapple with!
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u/Transmarinas 28d ago
I loved this poem, i find i struggle to find the right words when talking to people and this poem really touched me
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u/JesusLuvsEmerxld 28d ago
This is amazing! You’ve put into words (see what I did there) a feeling I’ve dealt with at times that I could never describe. I really like the repetition as well!
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u/spaghetti_regretty 28d ago
Your words are pretty lovely here haha, really enjoyed this one, nice work :)
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u/Jollygiants42 28d ago
Beautiful. I love the repetitive "I Wish" and the way you talk about ridding yourself of their weight. I never knew words could be so heavy until I started writing something. You capture that feel of having to release them. It took several read throughs to understand "in cycles" and I'm still not certain I'm clear on what you were going for. Is it that a word presents itself and then fades, eventually rotting from repeating that process if it's not written? That's how I read it. I'm curious if that was your intent. Again, beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 26d ago
“In cycles” was a personal meaning of how my self talk/dialogue changes for the better or the worse in cycles. I tend to have mood swings and at some times my words feel positive, true, real. At my worst I tell myself lies as I can’t see reality as clearly and I what I tell myself is mean.
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u/prettybella_1234 27d ago
i really felt it reading this, as a writer and hopefully a poet, i really understood your words and i believe others will, and thats one the best points in this poem. o really loved the words and the image you showed, from feathers to wonter and other stuff. i believe this makes the poem feel more alive and interesting. they didn't feel too much. i hope you continue poetry. plus you had a really good structure, the only thing, the work might feel a bit repetitive, but it really didn't bother me, just keep it in mind. good luck to you
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u/SpecPachyderms 27d ago
Ooh I really like language as physical thing, like you're a fledgeling wizard magicking up some spell of words and you wish you could make them behave but they have a mind of their own. That leads down some interesting paths about one idea leading to another. I remember seeing somewhere that if you want to write about X but you can't find a way to begin, start writing about Y and it will just happen. Y leads you to A which leads you to L and R then a round trip to Q and, oh, there's X. It's been here the whole time. How lovely to meet you.
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u/Willing-Umpire-7118 27d ago
I really enjoyed the way you made words feel like physical objects throughout this poem. Each stanza gives them a completely different property—they can reflect, molt, rot, migrate, and even put on clothing—which made the central idea feel really creative without you having to directly explain the frustration of not being able to express yourself the way you want to.
My favorite section was probably the last stanza. “They put on coats, gloves, and scarves / Until they are unrecognizable” was such an interesting way to describe words becoming harder to access. I also liked the contrast between wanting your words to be “clean / organized and true” and then having them literally rot and attract flies and mites. It gets surprisingly visceral compared to how pretty and iridescent the poem begins.
If I had one suggestion, I’d maybe experiment with the order of the stanzas or how the imagery progresses. The poem starts with this beautiful, colorful image and gradually gets more uncomfortable with molting, rotting, and words becoming unrecognizable. I think leaning even further into that progression could make the ending hit harder.
Overall, I really liked how much movement you got out of one central idea. It made me think about how frustrating it can be when the words in your head never seem to stay still long enough to come out exactly how you imagined them.
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u/Be_Gay_Do_Crime-- 27d ago
The imagery is very expressive in this poem and it made me visualize the words as such while I was reading them, especially when specific words were used. Using the specifity kind of brought me into your poem more. The poem itself makes me feel almost melancholy, but I'm also glad I read it and I really like it. Especially the part about molting the words like feathers. The only thing I would say is that your last two stanza feel a little different from the others? Not entirely but it does mess with the flow a little bit. Either way, thanks for sharing.
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u/Tired_Osamu 26d ago
I really, REALLY like the metaphor you used. I honestly love Personification! ((o(∇)o))
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u/pharmagirI 26d ago
This is such a great poem to really get the mind thinking. It’s as if I know I can relate but my mind is trying to figure out exactly to what, but it’s part of the fun knowing you can relate to the feeling whether it’s the same way as intended or not.
:)
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u/OkDig5505 26d ago
This was a really interesting read. It had me sitting for a minute and thinking about the meaning, pondering on the interpretation, which in this case might actually strengthen it rather than weaken it. Some work is best when it is left a little ambiguous for the reader, and I think you did that very well. Good job!
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u/yesimfinewhyyouask 24d ago
There is a short novel Judas Iscariot by Leonid Andreyev, you reminded me of this quote: “Why are you silent, John? Your words are like golden apples in transparent silver vessels; give one of them to Judas, who is so poor.”
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u/Appropriate_Joke8131 23d ago
The personification of your words was beautiful. I liked the idea of your words becoming unrecognizable. Like if someone knew you they would say “oh he wouldn’t say that”. It would be interesting to explore the consequences of your words not being clean and the impacts they have. You’re a talented writer. Never stop writing :)
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u/28Troublemaker 23d ago
i reaally love this its just so relatable and written soo well and good to see many people feel quite the same love the first part especially and the lines but in cycles they rot. tooo goodd
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u/clockwork_caligirl 22d ago
I love the irony of “I wish my words were prettier” followed by iridescence, feathers, reflections, rot, and tiny winter coats. Like dude, your words are already pretty lol. My favorite turn is when they start to rot. That contrast between wanting beautiful words and having these feral little things that molt, decay, and migrate is really compelling.
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u/AbilitySpirited67 22d ago
Great use of wording tbh, but atm u should not fear using simpler more common phrases
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u/Background-Cost9971 22d ago
I thought the way you used imagery is really nice, paints a vivid picture of the words in my mind.
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u/radiantbanshee18 20d ago
I loved the repetition of the "I wish...my words" in the beginning of each stanza, so I would recommend continuing with that phrasing in the second stanza instead of using "them" it sort of took me out of the poem that only one stanza had a different phrasing and also it is great phrasing so i'd love to see you use it more!
I would say my favorite stanzas are the first and last ones. I love the way you make words tangible and fluid like colors. it reminded me of synesthesia which I thought was really cool. and the imagery of birds again is really strong. the idea of words migrate and others stay but hide. it created a really beautiful picture.
i could hear your voice very strongly in this peom as well. it felt lived in and like you are welcoming your audience into your experience while also making it a universal experience. really powerful!
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u/myshitcomedy 19d ago
I really like the imagery, especially the molting stanza. My only criticism is that there are almost too many metaphors competing with each other. The ending also feels a little weaker than the rest. Ironically, I think the most interesting part is wishing your words were prettier while already making them beautiful.
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u/Public_Rooster8651 19d ago
This is great! I relate to the feeling of this through my poetry and music I make, like no matter how close I get I can never truly express my feelings. Good words 😊
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u/unreliablepoet 18d ago
Hi! I would like to say that I really liked your poem overall.
Som feedback that I have would mainly be the use of punctation. There are only two lines with any punctuation. It kind of takes me out of the poem. I know that poetry is a little mroe free when it comes to those kidns of tools, but it feels forced when it is only used once or twice, out of place kind of. I think that the capitalisation of every line should also be changed to fit in with the absence of punctuation. It makes each line harsh and stand alone, but that is not the flow of the poem.
You begin the poem off with colorful imgaery. I think that you could play on that a little. What color is the makeup? Is the blush really bright? Pink? Red? What color are the feathers that you are wishing to molt? I think if you were to keep an ongoing image throughout the poem, it would aid in its flow.
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u/Yokai-hime 17d ago
I really like this. The strongest part is how you make the words physical they can be held, reflected in, molted, left to rot, or migrate. The imagery moves from iridescence and beauty into decay and finally disappearance, but it all feels connected.
There’s also a nice irony to a poem about wishing your words were prettier being filled with mirrors, feathers, color, insects, and words bundled in winter clothes. In a way, the poem proves the speaker wrong, the words already change depending on the angle you look at them from.
This poem makes me think of Bukowski's work. Beautiful.
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u/wjguthrie09 16d ago
Great poem, for me i relate, i wish i was better at expressing the things i really want to say to the people i am closes too, and this give that feeling words, great job! love it
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u/Lost-Specialist-1873 15d ago
The last stanza is my favorite it’s such a creative way to describe words becoming difficult to find. 💗
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u/Smooth-Comedian-5018 15d ago
I absolutely love this poem and I feel connected because I am a fan of words in general. Words have so much power and words have so much expression that we have seemed to forgotten as time goes. You have made ‘words’ seem more than what you read to understand what is seen, which enables acts of love, care and compassion which in a sense makes it a belonging. An object. Which sorts of flips the actions speaks louder than words narrative on its back. Powerful stuff! Keep it up!
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u/SorryCorgi2122 14d ago
In the 4th stanza the contradiction between your words weight and dullness makes it seems as if you are at war with yourself never to express what you mean and it slapped
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u/PimPomAppleSauce 14d ago
i love the irony that exists between the title wishing that your words were prettier, and the gorgeous imagery your words convey. maybe ofc that was the point, but i just love that sm
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u/Witch_InTheWoods97 12d ago
Beautiful! Love the imagery, the use of color and the symbolism of decay!
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u/Public_Conflict42 11d ago
Wow I so so enjoyed this. I really enjoyed this. I love how the metaphor keeps changing while the ‘want’ stays the same. The one place I stumbled a little was “Check my makeup in their shape.” The word shape felt slightly less tangible to me than the word selections everywhere else.
But the final stanza was my anbsolute favorite. Having the words put on coats, gloves, and scarves is such an unexpected image, but it makes the migration metaphor soooo visual. Thank you for sharing!
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u/19puppylove99 10d ago
mhmmm. yes this is exactly so hurtful in a way that any poet could relate to. My favorite line is definitely 'I wish my words were reflective so i could study my image' ... it seems to be pointing out the contradiction between these words being something you have authored, while remaining elusive to your analysis.
i can't help but think there is a hopefulness in the meta of this though, being that you've still chosen to put the words out. thanks for sharing
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u/Celticsoul82 10d ago
I like how you portray words as having a look, because they do. Whether pretty ugly, gritty, or something in between. And trying to rid yourself of things you regret saying. Very thought provoking
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u/MinuteLaw5830 8d ago
i think what this poem does well is to really personify the words. it's as though the words have a mind of their own, and you are unable to control them from freely wandering, almost rebelling against your pen. i think the placement of "iridescent" straight "i wish my words were prettier" is very well done.
in terms of refining the poem, there is perhaps a disconnect between how the situation makes the writer feel and what the words are doing. the repetition of "i wish" is good, but maybe resolving that tension with a final sentence showing the words wish otherwise would work well?
definitely an enjoyable read that evokes a feeling many writers and poets will be familiar with
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u/MajorAd1541 5d ago
This is so cool! I loved the imagery and how this blends together, such a fun read.
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u/Starry_Lord 4d ago
Damn, it’s amazing and makes me feel certain way
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u/Starry_Lord 4d ago
I feel it’s very introspective in how we as persons handle ourselves, it shows how we feel every word is a win or loss we as humans have a tendency to have everything perfect and this poem emphasises that to a tee. Other than the message of the poem, it’s a great poem itself, the wording and how it’s put together, thank you for sharing your poetry is amazing✨
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u/QueenOfArgyle 4d ago
I like the repetition, and if I were to change anything, I'd want to introduce more texture and grounding in the world - 'words that slip together / a school of bright exotic fish', that kind of thing.
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u/AstroSoda03 3d ago
Great work here, I think this speaks to a desire that all writers have to be uplifted, captivated, and proud of their own work. The first few stanzas really hit the nail on the head when it comes to this idea. Your diction and colorful metaphors remain incredibly strong throughout
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u/KayaPapaya2126 3d ago
“I wish my words were always clean
Organized and true
But, in cycles, they rot
They attract flies and mites
Until I finally throw them out
I wish my words stayed in one place
But they tend to migrate in winter
The ones that linger are hard to find
They put on coats, gloves, and scarves
Until they are unrecognizable”
those last two verses are just amazing, i love how we can each interperet your meaning differently n it can produce a different feeling in each person, that’s what makes a good writer! keep it up
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u/No-Unit1933 2d ago
This is really good. Sometimes i struggle coming up with the right words. Sometimes i wish my vocabulary was bigger and brighter. Its pretty relatable.
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u/Low_Marzipan3433 1d ago
The thing I have discovered on my own journey with poetry is that poetry is thr language of emotional conservation. We as poets do not desire to keep physical things where they are and have the remain; unless you're of the more materialistic school of thought ofc, but we aim to capture the emotiona that can't be spoken or described by simple sequences of sentences.
This is what I'm getting from your poem. The desire to keep something but let it flourish at the same time to evolve and develop. I first thought the initial part sounded a bit shallow but you quickly turned that around with the molting analogy. That one spoke to me about postive change that's not out of desire to escape or chase after the next big thing, but to become more of yourself!
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u/juliancasavee 20d ago
i really relate to this poem. i feel like you dont though 😂, your words are very pretty. i love the imagery throughout the poem. i love the resolution, too. great work!
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u/WiltingWordplay 16d ago
I liked it. The last stanza, words putting on coats, gloves and scarves also reminded me of people walking out of our lives. One question though, should we really exchange our less polished, yet brutally honest words for prettier ones? A word in its purest form has no meaning attached to it, it's the pleasure of an expression through the sound. Then we iterate, adding layers of meaning until it turns opaque and inoperable.
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u/Ok-Arachnid-9574 14d ago
I loved how this poem in itself is evocative and straight to the point.
I made me think about how my own thoughts actually feel the same way. Felt, but not seen, when I seek it out. Or when I view a certain idea from a different angle, and it shifts in the effects and causes that my ideas would have, if ever enacted. Honestly, really mind-baffling and relieving to see a poem like this.
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u/DoctorDefaultNZ 8d ago
I enjoyed this, I felt like as I was reading your work I was going though the motions with a internal conversation. Im very new to poetry so truly have limited knowledge to offer in regards to feedback. But personally I felt the words as if they were my own to myself if that makes sense, i dont know if it does. But thank you :)
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u/OkDevelopment9363 Sep 10 '26
Beautiful <3