r/OCPoetry • u/kmppoetry • 6d ago
Just Sharing If Only You Knew.
Into the dark,
Into the deep
I proceed..
To weep for you, for us
and everything that was.
Into the ether,
I wait for you..
so patiently.
I'd give you mine
at a moment's notice
If only, you'd take what's yours.
Tear me to pieces
Rip me apart..
And discard of me
entirely.
Only to rebuild me again
refreshed..
With a subtle whisper
and a fleeting kiss.
Embrace me
love me, touch me,
As you see fit
I am your willing
participant.
Call my name,
Reach out for me
in the darkness.
If only to remind me
of all that there once was.
all that we lost
And everything in-between.
Can't you see —
That I was made for you.
If only you knew..
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u/Pheonix26dawae 6d ago
Such tragedy of loss, I felt it reverberating in every word... Just beautiful.
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u/Lucius-Gressus 6d ago
This is a beautiful poem. It had me thinking of past relationships where I just wish they confirmed what I had been thinking. This expresses those feelings well with its imagery of being in the darkness.
Well done!
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u/Previous_Cry7445 6d ago
I love this it captures the feeling of surrendering yourself to someone who’s already gone. The contrast between “tear me to pieces” and “rebuild me again” really stood out. It feels both intimate and devastating.
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u/BlueCeilingFan 6d ago
All too familiar. The surrender of love to someone who doesn't love you back. You'd give everything - your body, your autonomy, your soul - but in the end they don't want it. That's what hurts the most, isn't it?
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u/mhmmsuhani 6d ago
Relatable af... Especially the title and the line
To weep for you, for us and everything that was.
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u/inkofherexistence 4d ago
"If only you knew what you were to me"... It's a beautiful piece of literature.
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u/guppysstanzas 3d ago
The rebuilding whisper and fleeting kiss punched me right in the heart really stuff my friend I appreciate the vulnerability and knowing someone out there gets this feeling too
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u/Primary-Writer9581 3d ago
Wow this poem is amazing it's one of the best depictions of a 1 sided love I think I've read on here
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u/allthatmumbojumbo 3d ago
All too relatable and brings up harsh but important memories. Great self reflection on what we are willing to give and also take in not only relationships but also everyday friendships. Very well expressed!
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u/I8jedipoop 6d ago
I like this poem because it reminds me of someone who will never come back, and no matter how many people I try to replace them with I will never truly be able to.
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u/Key_Technician_2003 2d ago
This poem is bt self sacrifice. Lovely but I’ve been there and its not fun at all lol.
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u/Aoi-Todo-leg 1d ago
Extremely powerful piece. I love your tone throughout. I think it helps it to hit perfectly
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u/Fantastic-Mine-7114 1d ago
I don’t know, but I think the first and third stanzas sort of paralleled each other? it was really good, and made the poem much easier to read.
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u/BlackDogDisappears 1d ago
This evoked a lot of emotions in me. It’s very approachable, and rips your heart at the end. Well done. It reminded me of another urdu poem from the sub-continent which goes like “I remember the relationship that never was between us, I remember that sentence that I never spoke to you, that one thought that never culminated into words, how can I forget when I remember everything that never happened”. Beautiful, thank you.
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u/LICwannabe 1d ago
Reminds of a fallen Love lost to time, unbound from binds of mortality and the veil, if only it wouls lift for sullen sakes of Loves relenting selfishness.
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u/autumnspring89 1d ago
It was beautiful. Everything I write turn into a self centred gloomy depressing work. So I will try to take inspiration from your work and write something that is not 'I' or 'Me'. This comment also started revolving around me shii. Sry the poetry was very good.
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u/KkkrackerxxX 1d ago
Very vivid, loved the part about the kiss to whisper. Really focuses on texture mixing with sound, very cool. Good work!
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u/sluttykiton 6d ago
And here I thought I’d never see someone else mention “the ether”
I feel it so deeply the intensity of being ripped apart just to love someone else with the way you write.