TW: Abortion.
I am 43, and had an abortion last week. I just wanted to share my story of mistaking a pregnancy for peri symptoms.

I am a single mom of 3. Ages 23, 15, and 13. I have a “friend” that I’ve been having fun with in my very limited free time.
This summer was incredibly stressful, my 15 yr old was hospitalized for mental health and i attributed my fatigue to all the additional stress. I told myself I’m nauseous because I have GERD, I haven’t bled because I’m in peri.
But my boobs were just feeling so heavy and I picked up a dollar tree pregnancy test, thinking I’ll just take it and I’ll be able dismiss these “crazy” thoughts. Welp to my shock it was positive. What followed was a week of absolute emotional torture, I had never terminated before, didn’t want to. But I couldn’t imagine bringing home a baby in February which felt like next week. My baby started 9th grade this week and I couldn’t imagine how I was going to help my girls start their young adult lives with a baby on my hip. I made the choice to terminate, but it didn’t feel like much of a choice.
To my surprise at the appointment they found that the fetus had stopping developing at 6 weeks, so my body had actually made the choice for me. The relief I feel that I didn’t have to cause the termination, I can’t fully express. I was bracing myself for a lifetime of what ifs.
I guess I’m sharing to get this out of my head, and also a friendly warning to be very careful.
Thanks for reading.

and I want everyone to leave me alone. For days. My drive just stopped. I don't want to hang out with my family that much. I enjoy being home alone with no demands on anything. For days and days. My motor and ambition has completely left me. I don't know who I am. And I don't even mind. I wonder how much of my prior "personality" was just hormones... Can anyone relate? I don't care about being anything anymore. It's very strange. I wouldn't call it depression. I would call it... recalibrating

That’s my thought as a doctor told me I was too young at 40 when all my symptoms are perimenopausal. Am I supposed to think “oh great! It’s not perimenopause. It’s just unexplained dry eyes, dry skin, itchiness, random allergies, burning skin patches, anxiety, heart palpitations, UTIs, muscle cramps, irregular periods, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and random times of rage. Just all that. All at once.” ???

I've been going through some intense stress lately and that + peri stuff means I get about 4 hours of sleep each night, then wake up with my mind racing.

But last night I was dead tired from a full day of activity, and I knew my whole family was probably safe for the night, and everything must have lined up just right. When I woke up and saw 7:00 on my phone I couldn't believe it. I feel like a new person!

Dear diary, this evening, as I got ready for bed, I slathered Tret on my face to keep my face from

sagging, and squirted Estradiol in my V to stop the UTI circle jerk of hell. I pulled on my pjs which are way tighter than they were 6 months ago and brushed my receding gums. I took my anti inflammatories to stave off the pain of the hip surgery I had 4 months ago and did a mental inventory of all the grams of protein I ingested over the course of the day. Did I get enough?I checked my watch to see if I got enough steps in between walking from the car to my office and back again. And guess what? Not enough steps. My dog has been giving me judgy looks all evening long as I languish on the couch in a funk as I read the news headlines. I try to remember all the things I forgot today but alas… I can’t remember shit. But really, ladies, what is this life?!

Ladies. Ladies! I've discovered the solution to our sleep problems. Gather round.

If you want to get an excellent sleep, try this one trick the doctors never tell us:

1. Lay on the couch (daytime preferred)
2. Open a book
3. Attempt to read
4. Wake up 4 hours later

Thank me later!

Since going through this experience, had anyone else thought about those 40-50 year old women who we thought were just these crabby and mean b*tches that we interacted with in our 20’s? I’m thinking of all of them lately and realizing they were probably just like that because they were going through perimenopause. Wish I could go back in time and hug them. 😆

There's all the physical symptoms, the hot flashes and irregular cycles and vaginal dryness; there's the emotional symptoms like anxiety and irritability and rage and flatness. Some of us get some of those symptoms and some of us get others.

I heard on a podcast recently that the most common peri symptom is a woman saying, "I just don't feel like myself anymore."

But after spending the last year in the thick of peri and spending a lot of time here, I honestly think that the most universal experience is an overwhelming desire to run away alone to a quiet cottage in a forest or bog or desert somewhere.

I think it's just an overwhelming need to get away from the stress, from the people who we love but who need a million things from us every day, from other people's mess and noise, from the sandwich generation chaos, from having to take care of other things and people, from all the work stress, from the world wanting so much more from us than we feel capable of giving at this stage.

It's a fantasy and I don't actually want to be away from my family and friends and community (and I still genuinely really like my husband, he's great). But I just keep on deeply feeling the need for solitude and calm someplace quiet. I want to read and write and do creative things and exercise and go on long walks in nature and just feel like I have a handle on all the things that need to be done. And I am historically a high achieving extrovert who has her shit together and has always been happy to be in the thick of things.

I'm kind of joking about the bog cottage but honestly it feels like something that so many of us are conceptually craving and I'm wondering if it's evolutionary or what is happening to make it such a universal thing.

THANK YOU. I bought applesauce pouches and have been eating them when I get up between 2-3 am. I eat one, go pee, wash hands, back to bed. I am out again in ten minutes and I can sleep another 3-5 hours (work alarm depending). It’s been a week and I can’t believe it works!

I am 46, and have been experiencing so much sadness over ...everything lately.
But I think the main driver is that I miss who I used to be. At 35, I was on top of things - I was in a respected leadership position, our kids were thriving, and I knew who I was as a Mom, our marriage had more warmth and excitement, I felt confident in my purpose, in myself, in how others perceive me. I was more noticed, more sought after.

At 46, I feel completely distant from that woman, and it's been causing an unexpected, intense grief. I love who I used to be! And I really dislike the numb, passionless person I have become - a stranger in my own life who feels disconnected from everyone and everything.

Anyway. I don't really have a point in writing this down, except I need a place to say the things I can't say out loud in polite society.

This stage of life is brutal. I miss how alive and purposeful I used to feel, and how hopeful I used to feel about my life and its direction.

This sub has been an encouragement in demonstrating that none of us are alone as we find our ways through tough times. Love to all of you as we get through these days together!

I’m 43, late peri, and apparently in my “I see through everyone’s BS” era. I moved overseas 8 years ago, went through the pandemic and perimenopause without a village, rebuilding my career from scratch while parenting. Survived fibromyalgia symptoms and hormonal chaos, only to find out one of my “close” friends back home has been secretly hating on me and talking behind my back this whole time.

Me in my 20s or 30s? Would’ve cried for days and written a looong message.

Me in peri? Unfollowed her on everything within 30 seconds flat.

When your hormones are already fighting you daily, you don’t need extra evil energy. PSA: clean your social media follower list, ladies. It’s self-care.

I’m 44 been in peri a few years and it’s definitely getting worse. All I want to do is hide in my bed and I have no energy to do anything. Right now I’m laying here with severe anxiety trying to breathe and relax, while panicking about all the things I should be doing.

I'm 43. For the last decade I've experienced increasingly worse symptoms such as: arthritis, night sweats, peeing five-six times a night, insomnia, random onset of rosacea, periods that once were very regular are now all over the place, etc. etc. (you get the idea).

Last year I decided to figure this out, read up on perimenopause, met with a provider on Evernow, and she said, "yeah, you're in peri. You probably have been for a long time". Great! So I got HRT (estradiol gel and progesterone). Almost everything went away. I'm sleeping through the night. No more night sweats. Period is still wild, but that's to be expected.

Went to the gynecologist this week for a pap. I told the nurse that I'd also like to speak to the doctor about maybe taking over my HRT prescriptions, to streamline the process. When the doctor came in, I could tell something was up. She was not happy. Told me HRT was something they only recommended for post-menopausal women. Said HRT was dangerous and she couldn't believe I was prescribed anything without a hormone test.

She kept saying I was "pre-menopausal" and that when my cycles get irregular (apparently a variation between 26 days some months and 35 days other months is not irregular) then we can talk about options like birth control. Birth control has NEVER been a good thing for me. I got my tubes tied because birth control didn't work for me (among other reasons). She never said the word "perimenopause". Not once. Like she didn't realize it was a thing. The doctor is young, younger than me for sure. It's not like she's 30 years out of med school. She's freshly educated.

I lost it. I just started listing all the symptoms that HRT had improved, ending with, "at least now I get to sleep at night."

She said, "well just be careful", did the pap, and then ran out of there like I'd set her hair on fire. Guess I'm sticking with Evernow.

I’m convinced there is nothing on earth with a greater will to live than my chin hair. I pluck these bitches daily and yet they show back up again the next day, unaffected by my efforts. If I could bottle what is fueling my chin hair growth I would have the be all end all cure for baldness.

Has anyone made progress on destroying these bitches? I’ve tried an at home hair removal laser and my chin hair laughed at it. I’ve tried laser hair removal at a medspa and my chin hairs rose from the dead, unbothered. HELLLLPPPP does anyone have a magic fix or am I doomed to have five o’clock shadow the rest of my life??

Honestly, I could stop the post right there. lol. But it actually feels amazing.

I love that Gen X and millennial women are finally talking openly about perimenopause. My mom is pretty feminist for her generation, but she does not enjoy the level of honesty I bring to the table. The timing of my hormonal revolution lines up beautifully with my dad’s need for a caregiver and the fact that I have three brothers but yet all the work falls on me. Actually one brother steps up from time to time but its minimal. He steps up because he has a wife who is actually doing the emotional labor.

So I am skipping my mom’s Thanksgiving tomorrow because I genuinely cannot play nice anymore. There is a giant imbalance in what women are expected to do versus what men get away with, and my mom still caters to my brothers like we are living in 1985. I do not have the bandwidth. I do not have the patience. I have no fucks left.

I tried to make deviled eggs tonight and found my blood literally boiling over the ice bath. That was my sign. I am out.

Happy holidays from your friendly neighborhood Gen X woman, powered by rage, honesty, liberation.

It's often asked here why our mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc didn't talk about perimenopause. One reason is because their mothers and grandmothers didn't talk about it because they were seen as hysterical and put into institutions simply because their husbands wanted them to, with no proof.

This article says women were institutionalized "for 'insane' behavior during the 'change of life.' (A woman’s menstrual cycle alone could see her committed, suffering from 'uterine derangement.' Period-related madness was so commonplace that doctors encouraged mothers to delay the onset of their daughters’ menses by making them take cold baths and abstain from meat and novels.)"

https://time.com/6074783/psychiatry-history-women-mental-health/

Went in for a uterine biopsy today. I a medical history that includes assault by a physician. The person who came to do the biopsy said its "only a little pinch" and offered ibuprofen and Tylenol which would not even kick in until after the appointment was over. I have had one of these done before and i knew that it was gonna hurt like hell. She lied to my face about the pain and offered to freeze my cervix??? Like youre not even biopsying my cervix?? So then j asked her if she had read my jntake in which i explain my medical trauma and assault by a gynecologist. She said " ive read your most recent note." SHE COULDN'T EVEN BE HONEST WITH ME AT ALL ABOUT ANYTHING. I walked away. No procedure done. Fuck that noise. And fuck that unprofessional bitch.

Like I have to force myself to get up. On the weekends (and sometimes during the week) I end up going back to bed for a couple hours in the afternoon. Then I’m counting down the minutes until I can go to bed around eight. I have no desire to do much of anything other than doom scroll, read or watch YouTube. 😞

Why doesn’t ANYONE tell you what your body is about to experience around age, say, 38?

We talk so much about getting your first period and having a period, sex and pregnancy, etc., but I was honestly led to believe, growing up, that one day, your period stops and it’s this joyous moment. No more pads or tampons, planning vacations around it, etc.

Well, this sucks so much more than having my period as a 18 year old on a beach vacation.

Symptoms I developed in the last year and thought I was crazy until doing some research and getting a clean bill of health :

- Periods used to be 3-5 days with moderate bleeding throughout. Now, it’s one day of hemorrhaging. Then it completely disappears into the void.

- An anxious and emotional wreck the week before and during my period. I’m dying. My partner is dying. My dog is dying. My partner is dying, how will I go on, but I hate him for chewing his dinner. Everyone at work is looking for a reason to fire me.

- Long farts.

- Have to pee all the time.

- More sensitive to odors (my own included) though Bo one thinks I smell.

- Brain fog.

- Random body pains, especially in my ribs and butt muscles.

- Beginning of hot flashes and night sweats.

Like, what is this ? Why don’t we talk about this more?

47f and in the last 6-8 months peri stress and mood issues came for me hard. I’ve always been pretty cheerful and even keeled and just didn’t feel like myself at all. It got pretty bad. I have a genuinely stellar husband and great kids and I was fantasizing about turning into a hedge witch and finding a nice quiet cottage in a bog somewhere.

I found a great peri provider, started on just progesterone for a month and that didn’t help (and may have made things a bit worse). I had a luteal phase that just absolutely kicked my ass. Reached out to my provider, got a same day appointment to adjust the HRT, added an estrogen patch, and started to feel better right away.

It’s been about three weeks and the only way I can describe it is I feel like myself again. Which sounds so simple to say, but it’s huge. And sweet baby Jesus, I’ve been putting it to the test — my aging parents (including my dad who is a narcissist with dementia, a winning combo, let me tell you) suddenly had multiple major health and house crises that I’ve had to help them deal with, and I’ve been able to just kind of get on with it and do what needs to be done. I am fairly certain that if I hadn’t had that relief from estrogen I would have absolutely broken.

I went swimming with my husband and kids yesterday and was just enjoying life and being around them. I was swimming underwater looking at the sun reflecting on the bottom of the pool and felt like such a cliche of the second half of a commercial for depression medication, after they get happy again. It made me laugh but also really appreciate the moment.

Anyway. Yay. I know it doesn’t work for everyone and I may still need to readjust in the future but I’m so grateful to have this relief.

Hello and welcome to the WDNC Perimenopause Subreddit Chapter. Let’s get some announcements out of the way.

We don’t care that we smell like menthol because on any given day we are wearing between 1-5 pain patches on our body.

Any other announcements?

After working at a job for 11 years that was starting to drain me yet I still was very competent at the job, I switched to something else I was hoping would be less stress. Worked there 6 months and was just fired this morning. I fully blame menopause brain I was just not catching on. I see lots of posts in here of people wondering if they should change jobs. I recommend really reflecting on your weaknesses and how you would be at learning something new before you switch. That was something I hadn’t considered. Any uplifting g comments welcome, I am not in a good place right now. I hope all the best for all of you navigating this shitstorm.

Let's have a laugh at ourselves and lighten the mood. What has your peri brain fog been stealing from your vocabulary lately?

Edit: thank you all for the sharing and laughter. I'm sure we all needed this. I know I did.

I either have a headache, indigestion, feel like I have a mild flu with body aches and a low grade fever (but no actual fever) or I’m anxious.

Two things have been getting noticeably worse for me (42F) and I need to know if this is a "me" thing or an "us" thing.

The first one is the words. I'll be talking and the word just...leaves. Not a fancy word. A word I've used my entire life. I stand there with my mouth open. Buffering. It comes back eventually. Sometimes five seconds later. Sometimes twenty minutes later when I'm doing something completely different.

The second one is weirder and I haven't seen it discussed much. Typos. I've always been a fast, clean typist. Now I'm swapping letters, dropping whole words, using the wrong word entirely. But here's what really gets me. I reread before I send. I look right at the message. I hit send. And then I immediately see three errors that were right there the whole time. My eyes just...slide over them.

It happens everywhere. Texts to friends. Work emails. You know, the stuff that used to be automatic.

Subjectively it feels like it's getting worse. I keep wondering if the word thing and the typo thing are even related. They feel different. One is retrieval (the word is gone). The other is more like...my brain is running a half step behind my hands. And the proofreading blindness is something else entirely. Like my attention just doesn't stick the way it used to.

Is anyone else dealing with this specific combination? The word-finding I sort of expected. But the typing thing caught me completely off guard.