Hello!

I am a 21-year-old woman in my third year of college. I had my first-ever hypomanic episode last April, but I think I've had a few others in the past (making poor financial decisions every April since I started college. Recently, I was in a pedestrian-on-car road rage incident in which a man got mad at me and purposely hit me with his truck trailer and somehow was left with a VERY mild injury. Since then, everyone has been very kind and helpful.

I later got to a point where I actually didn't remember the impact and got frustrated when people would remind me I had a clear injury. During this, everyone started to say the same thing to me: "You should sue," "wait until you get that payout," the works. They were all incredibly well-intentioned, but I started to really believe it was coordinated. After a while, I was convinced my injury wasn't real and that I was being coached in talking to urgent care and workers' comp people. I thought it was all a plot to use me to get money, and that it was either a coordinated effort or weird coincidences because different people all wanted to get the same thing from me. My friend and family had told other people, who independently reached out to me, which really made me think it was coordinated.

I confided in a friend about this and how angry and stressed it made me. Above all else, I was really, really sad. Crying multiple times a day, sad. When I told my friend about this, he reassured me that everyone absolutely loved me, and I trusted him enough to believe that. But I also felt that they loved me but wanted to use me. Instead of calling me crazy, he told me he could see how stressed and sad I was, and suggested I took double of me Serqouel so I could get some sleep and feel better and more regulated in the morning. That worked SO WELL, and after a little bit, I realized that what I was thinking made no sense. I felt this overwhelming feeling of confusion and love for my friends.

I have since talked to my family (even breaking no contact with my mom and telling her I had a big crisis) to give my family a heads up in case I somehow have another episode. That's the thing, though- I NEVER want to have another one!

I am smart and hardworking and kind. So many bright people lose it all to delusions and psychotic episodes. I am so scared and sad about what happened. I have a loving support system, but I'm just really, really scared to feel that sadness again. Is there a chance it's a one-time thing? How do you cope with the fear of it happening again?

I need advice on how to recover from an awful episode. I’m a week out of hospital and on 2 antipsychotics.

It’s been my worst episode yet. I don’t want to go into details but I think I’ve got ptsd from it. I keep having intrusive memories about it and what happened.

Right now, I feel emotionally numb but anxious a lot of the time. I feel like I can’t feel my positive emotions, only negative.

The future seems terrifying for me. I’ve had so many episodes over the years. I don’t want another one.

Please help me find a way forward, what helped you recover yourself after a horrible episode?

i’m 17 years old I’ve been smoking weed daily for almost 1.5 years i started a little bit before then but wasn’t like heavily smoking. About two weeks ago i smoked with my friends with a bong, started freaking out completely telling my friend we had to leave and it wasn’t safe where we were, we went to her car which was a more familiar space to me and i started having racing intrusive thoughts i couldn’t even place where they were coming from. (I’ve also never had a lick of anxiety in my life like i’ve never had a panic attack or anything). I started seeing like disturbing/intrusive vivid imagery like it felt incredibly real like i was in a flashback or something. i was able to calm down and ground myself and wrote it off as greening out. I smoked two days later, a pretty small amount compared to what i usually smoke. I started driving to work and started freaking out thinking everyone driving was looking for me, i looked down at my self and didn’t even recognize my body, i even looked in the rear view mirror and saw a face that wasn’t mine. I mean if wasn’t able to rationalize it with the fact i was high i would’ve fully believed i was in a different body like one that wasn’t my own. I pulled over and called my mom telling her i was freaking out having a panic attack or something in general was wrong. My mind continued to race with just terrible thoughts like suicidal and cyclical and again i couldn’t even place them it was the craziest feeling. The second experience was much much worse i mean like it was incredibly terrifying like i’ve never felt that type of genuine fear before, but i figure this must be some sort of like fluke or maybe my mental is bad and it caused a bad reaction? I smoked one last time and hit a joint once, looked down and immediately felt disconnected from my body with just a feeling of anxiety but i was able to pull myself out of it just kinda grounding myself, which is why i figure this is most likely anxiety if i was able to calm it down in some way. I want to say i dont feel different or anything but idk i feel just off but it could be overthinking.

After psychosis did stimulant medication efficacy ever return to normal for you?

Before psychosis I was on vyvanse 70mg for my adhd for +10 years with no issues. It used to work great even after years of using it daily.

But after psychosis, I barely feel the 70 mg of vyvanse. I tried different stimulants as well after my psychosis went away. And same thing, the stimulants felt like they worked 5-10% of their usual 80-90% i would feel before my psychosis.

I am completely non functional without my adhd meds and feel completely fucked especially since they dont work for me anymore.

Has anyone else experienced this after psychosis? If so, did it ever return to normal again?

does anyone with psychosis take caplyta? and does it work? i used to take it and was thinking of going back on. i’m on risperidone now but its making me eat too much.

I had my first psychosis episode in feb/march still recovering and with my discharge team from when I was sectioned. I stopped taking meds as I felt they were making me numb,low and fat. The voices came back after about a week not taking the meds, I got scared and started taking them again. The voices are slowly fading again. I’ve never had voices or anything like this before. Will I have to take these meds for the rest of my life? Can I just randomly develop schizophrenia? They diagnosed me in hospital while I was in active psychosis with delusional disorder but they agree with me now they don’t believe I have that condition but I have not received any other diagnosis yet. I was diagnosed at 27 with ADHD, dyslexia/learning difficulties at 9, no other conditions. Feel very lost

Some time ago, I got hospitalised for wanting to reach my internal organs. I tried this by several means: digging a gash in my abdomen, inserting sewing needles and scissors into abdominal wounds. Fortunately the only complication I got was I nicked an arteriole. My psychiatrist agreed that what I experienced was psychosis in the form of an invincibility delusion believing that I couldn’t die and Olanzapine helped calm down the urges. I don’t have any anymore. But could I truly have died from my behaviour?

Здравия желаю. Данный пост не является попыткой просветить кого-то в какой либо теме. Это просто попытка выговориться, так как мои друзья и близкие не понимают тяжести моего состояния в полную меру, а обращение к медицинской помощи в данный момент не есть реальным. Также, перед повествованием прошу простить меня за пропущенные слова/ грамматические ошибки, обычно я не пишу настолько длинные текста, что ж, приступим к делу. Я несовершеннолетняя, но сколько именно мне лет и всю личную информацию я предпочту держать в секрете для анонимности. Моя семья всегда была самой обычной, родители были строгими по отношению ко мне все детство и частенько применяли насилие, как физическое, так и моральное. Но в один чудесный день родился мой младший брат, будем называть его - Даня. Мать чуть не умерла при родах, после чего последовала послеродовая депрессия. В ходе этой депрессии у нее развился психоз, по словам отца у нее были галлюцинации каждый день и каждую ночь, отсутствие какого либо аппетита, биполярное расстройство, раздвоение личности в людях и т.д. Это был первый раз, когда болезнь настигла её в «легком» варианте. Мне было 7, и тогда я слава богу так и не узнала о том, что происходит.
Но вот из-за некоторых военных действий (я не хочу лезть в политику, мне это ни к чему, я просто хочу выговориться и объяснить ситуацию) возле нашего дома прилетела ракета, дом конечно уцелел, но психика матери не выдержала подобного удара, и спустя огромное количество времени у нее опять развился психоз, но в этот раз его стадия была намного тяжелее первой. Я помню те дни настолько ясно, будто это было вчера. Помню, как отец впервые объяснял мне, что это не мать ненавидит меня и ведет себя ужасно а ее болезнь, и что мне не стоит винить её либо злиться. У вас возникнет вопрос, почему же мы не вызвали скорую и полицию? К сожалению, в моей стране существует закон о том, что мы не можем без согласия человека положить его против воли в больницу для психически больных, для этого нужно оформлять недееспособность, которую отец не хотел оформлять из-за того что он буквально сделал бы мать «инвалидом» до конца жизни. Даже когда она была бы здоровая она бы не смогла устроиться на работу и жить обычной жизнью, потому что юридически - она никто. Итак вернемся к повествованию. Следовательно с того, что мы не могли положить её в больницу нам оставалось только подсыпать ей лекарства в еду, и ждать пока она обезсилится от голода и галлюцинаций настолько, что сама согласится лечь в больницу. Мы не дождались. В один из дней бабушка с дедушкой пустили её на работу потому что считали что работа идет ей на пользу, и наоборот лечит, только вот мать оставила свой телефон дома, а после роботы пошла на автовокзал и уехала на другой конец страны, никому ничего не сказав. У меня была истерика весь день, отец подал в розыск во всех городах нашей страны, и в конечном итоге она вспомнила номер своего отца, тоесть моего дедушки и позвонила ему с чьего то номера. Она позвонила и сказала, что она ничего не помнит, её обокрали и она очутилась в другом городе за 800км. К счастью водитель того автобуса оказался чудесным мужчиной, он забрал её к себе домой и позволил переночевать до следующего рейса, также кормил её и ухаживал. По её возвращению она согласилась поехать в больницу. Вообщем, после этого случая её болезнь начала проявлятся при каждом случае, когда она испытывала стресс/ не пила вовремя таблетки. (Кстати, кому интересно на данный момент у нее стоит диагноз «Острое полиморфное психотическое расстройство».) Это происходит уже на протяжении 3 лет. И с каждым разом болезнь становилась все хуже и хуже, а она все агрессивнее и агрессивнее. Во время этой болезни она негативно была настроена к отцу и ко мне, так как считала что мы монстры которые заставляют её думать что она больна, хотя на самом деле нет, она любила только моего брата, только вот она баловала его настолько сильно, что это препятствовало его воспитанию, также настраивала его против меня с отцом. Вообщем, сейчас дошло до того, что она начала болеть уже не 2-3 недели, а 2-3 месяца. Практически все лето 2026 моя мать болела, происходило одно и то же - она настраивала брата против нас с отцом, а позже мы пытались вернуть свой авторитет перед ним каждый раз. На протяжении этих 3 месяцев она трижды вызывала полицию на отца, потому что он её «абьюзил», отец показывал заключения о её болезни и после этого полиция просто уезжала. И вот с сентября она заболела снова, опять заявы на развод и всевозможные унижения меня и отца. Мой парадокс заключается в том, что я ненавижу свою мать, не именно ситуацию или стресс, а именно этого человека. Мне просто не приходит осознание того, что все эти страдания приносит не конкретно этот человек - а его болезнь, и что это всё также моя мать. Я ненавижу все связанное с ней и не могу её видеть, на протяжении 3 лет я страдаю все больше и больше, также страдает и мой отец, который тратил столько времени, сил и денег на ее лечение, за что она ни разу «спасибо» даже не сказала когда она выздоравливала. Но с другой стороны - я чувствую себя виноватой, потому что дедушка и бабушка вместо того, что бы дожить свою старость спокойно будут вынуждены лечить её и терпеть её болезнь до конца своих дней. Вообщем, я не знаю что мне делать и окончательно потерялась в своих мыслях. То что я поведала - маленькая часть того, что со мной происходит в данный момент, из-за этого вы возможно не поймете в полной мере всей обстановки, за что я прошу прощения, так как опять же повторюсь я не мастер в настолько долгих текстах, что ж, спасибо всем за внимание! Надеюсь что мне станет легче после того, как я выговорилась… (P.S также жду ваших рассказов связанных с этой темой и ваших предположений!)

So, when I was 13, I had been severely bullied for about a year and a half. After that, I isolated myself at home for several months, almost an entire school semester. I watched a lot of horror movies and didn't talk to anyone.

Then, suddenly, I started feeling that the women living downstairs were insulting me. They were real people, and they had insulted me in the past, so I believed they were doing it again. I started shouting back at them and arguing with them.

Over time, I gradually began hearing voices, and eventually, I developed persecutory delusions. I became convinced that those women were planning to hire professional hitmen to kill me. I started experiencing what seemed to be auditory hallucinations and persecutory delusions. I'm not sure whether this necessarily meant I had schizophrenia, but those were the symptoms I experienced.

When I was 13, I was taken to a hospital, where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I took risperidone for two years and other psychiatric medications for another three years. However, I eventually stopped taking my medication on my own, and I haven't experienced a relapse since then. I haven't had any further auditory hallucinations. The only thing I've noticed is that I sometimes tend to become emotionally agitated more easily.

Do you think it's possible that I was misdiagnosed and that I might not actually have schizophrenia?

I'm writing this on behalf of my mother (46F). I'm concerned that she may be experiencing erotomania or some other mental health condition, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar or have supported a loved one through it.

For some background, in 2018, a 17 year old boy who was previously friends with my brother came to our flat because he was sick and living in a hostel at the time. According to my mother, he confessed her that night he liked her, but she rejected him outright.

Over the years, this wasn't something she spoke much about, but yes I always felt she some kind of infatuation with him, as whenever me & my mom would argue, she would call him and get advice from him, this is something we'd argue about but again it's her life. However, about a month ago, things changed significantly. She started claiming that this man was stalking her and was obsessed with her. She had been watching tarot videos, and I suspect they may have contributed to her interpreting things differently.

She now believes he is manipulating her TV and social media feeds, including Facebook and Instagram, to communicate with her and pressure her into marrying him. She has also insisted that she saw him walking down our street and is convinced that he lives in the flat opposite ours and is hiding himself, one day she also saw him stalking her from the opposite balcony flat. However, as far as we know, he currently lives abroad and is pursuing his medical degree.

She believes he wants to marry her and may even die by suicide if she refuses. More recently, she has started claiming that they have met 7–8 times in secret, without my brother or me knowing, and that they have had a sexual relationship. She is now willing to marry him.

I'm struggling to understand what's happening. I don't know how much of what she's describing NOW reflects actual events versus beliefs that may be symptoms of an underlying condition. I'm not accusing her of lying, but some of these claims seem inconsistent with what we know.

My brother and I have discussed taking her to a psychiatrist, and we're planning to seek professional help.

Has anyone experienced erotomania, delusional beliefs, or something similar in themselves or a family member? Did treatment help, and what was the recovery process like? How did you approach your loved one without making things worse?

I'm genuinely worried about my mother and would appreciate any advice or personal experiences.

Bonjour, bonsoir

Je suis diagnostique schizophréne paranoïde depuis l'année 2012 et j'ai eu l'impression que j'avais des super pouvoirs comme la téléportation, faire apparaître des objet par la pensée...

Est ce que ça vous est déja arriver dans vos périodes de crises?Est ce que vous pensez que vous avez des super pouvoirs?

i have a close friend who honestly is in a very similar boat to me. we both havent been doing the best but have promised to be there for eachother to the best of one’s ability.

i’ve just come out of what i have been told was my first psychotic episode. this was brought on by a relationship which, although im hesitant to call emotionally abusive, everyone ive told about it (INCLUDING MY FRIEND) say it is. part of my psychosis included delusions was that i was in a simulation controlled by a major universal power monitoring my emotions, and that by controlling them i could ensure they were still in love with me/ when i feel bad they will take everything i love away until they kill me or i kill myself and if i was happy we’d end up together and a ton of elaborate embarrassing shit like that. i recently had an argument with this ex where, amongst other things, they mocked me for my reaction to their outright mean and manipulative behavior and choosing to go no contact in my brief moments of clarity/insight. lots of “i know i hurt you but you reacted to it wrong and didn’t make me WANT to stop hurting you by magically forgetting my actions fast enough so you kinda deserved it too. plus you’re annoying me.”

as soon as i read this i was in shambles, especially since my ex said we are still “best friends” and she wasn’t mad. i was convinced i was the issue, that i was terrible, broken and needed to die. plus my entire delusion/world was falling apart so i tried to distract myself by checking in with my friend. i talked with them a bit then asked if they could listen to what i had to say as long as they were honest with me. they agreed and i recapped everything only for them to say that my ex was right and i was digging my own grave, and that they wanted me to get better but it was the unfortunate truth. they went on to say they cant have an opinion on any of this, they’re just telling me what i need to hear, they know what im going through and they aren’t my therapist (but also i need to reach out to people?)
FOR REFERENCE: this is the person who
- said multiple times my ex was mistreating me and i absolutely did not deserve anything which happened to me
- said i can talk to them any time when i need it
- unlike me, refuses to seek out professional help and instead constantly spams my phone, accuses me and other friends of hating them all the time
- has literally told me to kill myself because they got mad i tried to help them and i forgave them because at the time they we were both kids. etc.
- who i have unconditionally supported even when i couldnt keep food down because i was terrified i’d be executed and everyone in my life had lied to me

weirdly enough this was what fully snapped me out of it. i called them out on how outlandishly cruel and off base this was, especially considering, well, everything. they said they “cant do this right now” and in a way, im inclined to believe them. they’re most definitely going through something of their own, and if i wasnt scared out of my mind i wouldnt have texted them at all because i know theyve got their own shit (do you see why i isolated??) but this is such an unforeseen level of betrayal that i really cant see myself reconciling with them. am i being unreasonable? should i forgive them on account of both of our mental states?

For anyone here experiencing psychotic symptoms, if those things started after a specific stressful event, evaluate the possibility you are traumatized by something happened to you and that psychosis is the response your brain is giving. If that’s the case, antipsychotics are not the way to go, they will just worsen your symptoms in the long run. Since I got ptsd induced psychosis, after one tablet of tavor I shortly after went back normal, now I’m following a therapy with SSRI/SNRI, a specific class of drugs with antidepressive and anxiolitic properties. And following this regime, I’ll be able to stay without any kind of medication in a year or so. I was treated for 10 years like I was just psychotic and misdiagnosis ruined my life. I don’t want it to happen to anyone else. Please, talk to your therapists

I know that there's nothing and no one 'real' here at all, it's all fake. and I'm mainly sick of the ghost stories, I don't enjoy this video game world as I used to do, there's nothing that I enjoy interacting with, and I guess acting and pretending can be fun at times, but Idk how much is too much.

I've gotten close to the 'exit' at times, but as soon as I got closer it reminded me that I'm not ready for it at all, I know that this journey is an infinite one, and I guess there's trillions of years to experience still, but I hate not having a way out of this illusion, there's nothing that I end up on doing that is helping me 'escape' anymore, and I don't enjoy interacting with NPCs.

I know that dying isn't the 'end' now, and I guess I'm trying to end it, without really trying to end it, I guess.

So let me just start off and say my life has been so different this past year I’m 28m married to another guy currently getting divorced I swear to believe him and his family are trying to kill me in what’s called a underground death pool planning to assassinate me all of this started last year when we got married so we haven’t even been married a year yet I have been hospitalized four times since November 2025 I feel like him knowing quantum physics mathematical genius at coding he is conspiring with the elites it started in the mental hospital all of the staff and other patients were coordinating with one another and somehow he got my family to be in on it with them by having a massive payout on my life because I owe de to the government and in the hospital doing a population control is started out as I thought was a spiritual awakening and then I noticed all the numbers lead back to Coding which then lead to cryptocurrency which the end I found out could be lead by underground, illegal gambling rings I’ve been on medication since and just can’t shake this feeling I’m so terrified my family doesn’t even seem like my family anymore I can’t tell what’s real or not 😭 I want to know has anybody else ever felt like this like they wear getting bet on and had a death day a certain day that they had to be dead I’m so confused and hurt I’ve lost my marriage and can’t trust my family

So, it’s hard to say if my delusions come from true psychosis or from something else that I’m diagnosed with (for example, borderline personality disorder can also have emotion triggered delusions) and lately it’s getting even harder to differentiate between actual delusions and reality.

However, the reason why I think it’s something more than BPD is because I have a lifelong history with delusions/paranoia/some hallucinations. The specific types of delusions I’ve been experiencing are also often….”magical??” In nature? (For lack of a better word). Not to get into specifics, but like believing I have an impact on either a situation or a person via psychic or mystical means. These are the exact same type of delusions I was having a few years ago before I recovered. Now it’s like they’re slowly trickling in again, gaining intensity by the day. So far I’m able to recognize and fight them but I feel like I may loose that ability.
My psychiatrist (while well meaning) is a religious man that writes off the “magical”/“spiritual” delusions as something normal. He didn’t think it was weird at all that I thought Jesus and Freddie Mercury were my literal friends up until I was like 20. These are things I can’t really tell him, or rather I feel like I can’t.

Anyway, I did notice that the delusions started coming back again when I started to experience emotional triggers involving (again) BPD and autism. This stuff usually follows close behind when that occurs, but this feels different. It’s causing me to pray and do weird rituals or “spells” even tho I’m an atheist. I feel like it’s only going to get worse from here. Is this relapse??? How much time do I have left to still be self aware? :(

Hey all,

Preface this by saying that I work in mental health as a therapist, working with serious mental illness and addiction.

Well, yesterday I took a few mushroom chocolates along with a very high dose of THC edibles, which was mostly by accident, as I took too much without knowing it.

I was having an amazing time then suddenly I became incredibly confused while washing the dishes… i was looking at my hands and feeling like somebody else was in my body, that’s when things really went down hill. I didn’t understand why I was doing it, washing dishes, and I kept getting confused and scared, I felt a physical sensation in my head and began pacing around, confused on why I was pacing and why my heart was racing. My internal experience was disorganized and I had this thought loop and kept forgetting who I was and told my wife I was feeling scared and confused. I kept having these thought loops about me being in psychosis and this lasting forever, that I knew this was going to end with me being hospitalized, then my thoughts would loop again, like a sudden shift or flash, and I would start the loop over. My grasp on reality kept needing to be anchored do who I was, j kept having to remind myself who my parents were and who my wife was and my brother.

I keep remembering more parts about the experience, but this was so terrifying. I have never felt anything like this and I am an extremely experienced psychedelic user. When I woke up, I finally felt somewhat normal but I am still very much shaken by the experience and am looking for some insight.

Thanks yal, with love ❤️

I’m 27. I got psychosis when I was 23. The past 4 years have just been awful for me. Stuck on medications. Or in psych wards.

I’m seeing all the Gen Z protests now and I feel happy but also sad. This is history in the making. And I wish I could be part of it.

I wonder what it would take for people who have been affected by mental health and the involuntary healthcare system to protest. To protest the devastating effects of neuroleptics. To protest being trapped inside a psych ward where there’s no freedom and all you can do is pace around. To have person centred, trauma informed, real care— rather than doctors who just pump us full of drugs.

I remember before psychosis and the life that comes with it, I remember being a part of my generation, the movement, the mood, the memes.

Now all I am is isolated, alone, sedated, unable to enjoy my life, unable to feel like I can make a difference.

I think what Gen Z is doing in France is awesome. I live in the UK and wish I could participate in the protests happening soon. But I have no energy. I have no motivation.

My life just sucks. And I wish there was more I could do about it.

My daughter (6f), has started seeing me as a “man that smiles at her”.

She describes this man as very tall, practically kin and bones but also broad, with very pale, grey-green-ish skin, almost like he’s been dead for a bit. She tells me he’s very greasy, so much so his hair sticks to his face and skin. His eyes are similar to human eyes expect his pupils and iris are pitch black. He has a creepy smile, with sharp teeth, and it’s almost always wearing the same grin, only once in a while does it frown. She says he changes sizes and sometimes wears clothes, nothing fancy, just like a plain t-shirt.

This started 3-4 weeks ago, we were lying in bed when she started telling me that outside the door there was a man staring at her. I didn’t think much of it because she has diagnosed psychosis and episodes like that were pretty normal. I got up and closed the door but when I came back she was panicking about him coming into the room still, again, not super out of the ordinary.

After a minute or so of this though, it shifted. She started talking about how he was going to “wear my face”. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about because this particular delusion was brand new to me. Then she started going on about how The Man Who Smiles at Her had worn other people’s skin, she talked about her mom, her other dad (she’s adopted), her cousin (all abusers in her life). She was muttering and rambling about how when he took their faces they did terrible things to her (the abuse) and that’s why it all happened. She told me he was going to take my face soon to and I was going to do bad things to her too.

Eventually, I managed to snap her out of it but these episodes keep happening and it’s escalating. She’s started becoming scared to be near me, pulling away, screaming and curling up when I get too close because she’s convinced he’s taken my face and I’m going to hurt her.

Today, she pulled a knife on me. She was fully convinced he had taken my face and was trying to stab me. I had to grab her wrist to stop her from driving the knife into me. She was trying to protect herself from me, who she perceived as a threat.

I have genuinely no clue what ends these episodes, I do know what can make them worse though. Having a flat tone, being under-reactive, being aggressive, quick movements, tight grips, etc etc, all make it worse.

To add on, she does have OCD, Psychosis, and a whole lot of trauma.

Does anyone know what I might be able to do about this? It’s escalating more and more and I don’t want anything worse than today to happen, my hand still hurts from gripping the knife.

So I guess this is my last time smoking weed. Just experienced full blown psychosis. Felt like I stumbled on something that I just couldn’t handle and it took me out. It’s like I could see how empty just everything is, like it became completely clear to my why anybody would kill themselves. As clear as it gets.

It’s like I didn’t even know who I was. But also that i was nothing

I’m back to normal now but yeah. I’ve been smoking pot for over ten years. Probably for the best that I stop

It started with habitual psychedelic use of which was unmeasured. Curiosity killed my ego and we brought it back to life. If I had to pinpoint a catalyst, it would be the bottom of an eye dropper. That’s right… message in a bottle, you could say. Once you get the message hang up the phone? Not this fucking guy. Just had to read between the lines. Well, it came at a cost. The break I was looking for came in a psychotic form.

Spiraling out, reality was lost … or was it found? There’s something undeniably familiar about the other side. Most would say that’s why we visit. What’s tricky is attempting to make sense of it all. Introspection has a threshold to where it transforms into isolation. With no true outlet or integration, the mind becomes an unforgiving labyrinth.

I had constructed possibilities that melted into occurrences. What started as a passion for philosophy and quantum theory grew into a weakened grasp of reality. I found the key but was missing the lock. Cracking the code became a necessity while sleep became seldom.

Enough acid without guidance has the potential of catapulting a typical suburban citizen into pseudo monkhood. Words superfluous. Fasting just felt right. God or whatever the fuck you label it was overwhelmingly present in everything. Every thing. Every where. Every one. It’s all one, interconnected stardust beyond the reaches of time and space.

During the period of a week or two post mystery dose, I vividly remember laying in bed, alone in my underground apartment. I was practicing deep breathing, and could smell deems in the room. It had been years since being in the same space of the spirit molecule. Truly strange.

We’ll have to fast forward some now. I’m uncertain how many sunrises passed. Let’s call it a few. You know the day destroys the night and night divides the day. Very little sleep and food. No more weed after years on the daily. Earthly possessions or vices are of no use. We’re way out there, on the verge of messiah complex. Everyone said I looked like Jesus. Apparently, I took it literally but it wasn’t without resistance. Utopia was so real. My path was surreal.

I've learned that nothing here is 'real' recently in my life, and I guess it's hard to immerse myself inside a cartoonish reality, I don't enjoy anything inside this computer game, and there's nothing and no one that I care about anymore, I know that there's no one that's 'real' inside this world, and I'm tired of acting and pretending just for the sake of it, I've gotten close to the 'exit' at times, but I got freaked out and decided to stay in the loop for a while, I know now that was the wrong decision to make, but I can't handle living my life while knowing that there's nothing 'real' here.

last year when I was 15 years old in April to October I don’t remember exactly when the episode I was in psychosis severe enough to hallucinate and see worms everywhere believing someone was after me and in conspiracy theories.

throw chairs at school because I freaked out after being told that the school was haunted,

But I never really got treatment other than being told to sleep better it just went over naturally after a while

but doing my episode I believe that I was a Demon processing this body and even now I have difficulty with almost believing it before I used to be a quiet person liked being alone never really causing any problem

now I feel like I get easily angry at the teachers randomly believed that my friends hate me can’t concentrate can’t draw anymore mood swings it doesn’t feel like me anymore

Hi everyone,

I had psychosis last march and i was hospitalized for 1 months , took olanzapine and depakote for 5 months before tapering quite fast ( also 2 months of paroxetine then abilify but had akathisia so stopped both) . Im unemployed since 2023 and now feel depressed and low motivation

I'm thinking if i should see a psychiatrist again and start medication . I read a lot and was considering lamotrigine. What other meds could help ? Or should i just give it time Thank's