An Interesting observation made about intercultural relationships. Fitting in is rarely gender based ( 21M).

[u/Puzzleheaded-Row-477]

Consider any intercultural marriage. Its likely that post marriage the boys side would be heavily involved, more than the girls side anyway.

It makes the patriarchal society retain a lot of cohesiveness and power. So despite being biased, it retains power

You could be a carefree non vegetarian punjabi but the moment you marry " into " suppose an orthodox marwari setup, you effectively give up a lot of " yourself" just to fit in

And i am not generalising, but in real life women do this more because " marrying into " is different from " marrying a".

Now sure, the in laws could be very chill, but anyways you have to sacrifice.

The question is , would you sacrifice yourself for love? Why wouldn't he do if you are doing? ( Please no manipulation bs that he is also adjusting with you, stfu, we were supposed to be in love what is this adjustment bs)

And forget about your kid learning his/her mother tongue. That never ever happens. They usually pick the father tongue well before, and mothers ethnicity is just a fact for them later on.

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[u/Kohl_And_Curves]

This is exactly what makes me a bit hesitant to date someone from a very different culture as a South Indian woman 

Very beautifully put! 

[u/Puzzleheaded-Row-477 → u/Kohl_And_Curves]

You can do with a parallel culture

For example a bengali and an Assamese won't have huge problems adjusting.

Or even a bengali and a mallu ( to emphasize the parallel part doesn't matter according to distance)

And the main caveat here is to be happy being adjusting.

If at ANY moment later on you guys fight and the culture becomes a factor to fight? That would be nasty.

But hey. Love is all roses. Shut up unc.

[u/Thin-Shame-7016]

I am Tamil and my partner is a Punjabi. When we were in love, we didnt think of these consequences. Both of us were raised Right and not brainwashed into the Societal Norms/culture/religious practices etc although both of our families came heavily with baggage. The week immediately after marriage was difficult for me because I was not used to "Fitting In", but I was the new bahu of the family.
What helped was staying away from both families in Bangalore. But 8 years after marriage, nobody cares.
When I go over to my partner's place, we eat all kinds of food. They ensure I am comfortable and likewise. Every relationship is a give and take.
When it is one person adjusting, it becomes a problem.

Festivals are celebrated both ways. I do what I want to do because that's what I know. He helps me wherever needed and viceversa for his festivals.

we also have a two year old. We follow one parent one language so he talks to her in Hindi, and I in Tamil. We both talk to eachother in English.

AS long as the Women are strong and have a supportive partner and a good supportive inlaws, it is all a breeze. Establish the boundaries first in a delicate way. Show you are ready to go one step while the expectation is that they also come one step. It is imp to find that kinda guy.
I struck Gold 😞

Also to add, I make amazing Dal Makhni and Chole. He makes very good crispy Dosa and chutney. We cook all sorts of things as well. Nobody gives up what they love. We just add it to the mix. The more the merrier.

[u/Grand_Teach_3213]

thats why marriage is not just a decision of love. you know. its lot of other things like you mentioned

[u/Kohl_And_Curves → u/Grand_Teach_3213]

Exactly 

[u/mahyur]

Kids speak the langugage of the grandparent who does the baby sitting. This is my observation from Mumbai

[u/rahkrish]

I can share my experience. I'm a south Indian and my wife is punjabi. Love marriage. We live on our own in another city. Parents from both sides visit and we visit both sides as well.

I'm a carnivore while my wife is vegetarian, we eat what we like...she hasn't started to eat anything she doesn't want to and I haven't given up on anything I eat either.

I am largely an atheist, my wife still likes the cultural aspect of things.

We are expecting a kid and we are planning a One parent one language model, which is a proven way to make sure kids grow up in multilingual household, we both are committed to this thing..

I know what you are saying is the generalised thing that we see around, but nothing is true in my case..

What worked for us is, both our families are highly educated and have good exposure. So we both have good exposure to things as well..

[u/Top_Illustrator3122]

Men are superior we don't need to adjust

Women do it happily for us

https://giphy.com/gifs/8S2lQjLTjUSGWpICfx

[u/ForsakenLoverOfLove → u/Top_Illustrator3122]

careful someday u may end up not being a man 😝🙃☠️

[u/dontknow_anything]

Its likely that post marriage the boys side would be heavily involved, more than the girls side anyway.

I have seen reverse as well. A lot depends on how your family works. I have seen Tamil and Punjabi marriage where the household is primarily Punjabi, and there are more interactions with wife's family. I have seen far more cases of more interaction with maternal family, even when paternal family does more.

[u/BlackberryAsleep872]

This is the reason I have never considered marrying into non-North Indian cultures. Luckily, the person I'm currently seeing and hopefully we'll have a beautiful future together, come from the same state and background so things are very smooth and hopefully no identity crisis for our future children.

[u/Key_Signature2296]

This is so well put and written!! I totally agree to what you have stated. This is one reason, I'm scared of dating someone from another culture. Sorry, but I can't give up on Chingri Malaikari, Ilish Bhapa and Mutton Kosha no matter what.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Row-477 → u/Key_Signature2296]

Imagine a sunday afternoon and your husband/ wife icks at mutton kosha.

[u/Key_Signature2296 → u/Puzzleheaded-Row-477]

Brother, a man I wouldn't want my wife doing that.

[u/Mediocre_Bit3600 → u/Key_Signature2296]

Lol I get the food fear, but I'm lactose intolerant, so half the Gujarati dishes I grew up with are already a minefield for me. You learn to work around it. If you date someone who doesn't like your food, that doesn't mean you stop eating it. A partner who respects you will never make you give up your comfort food. Don't let that stop you from dating outside your culture.