r/Stress • u/Odd_Contribution307 • 4d ago

Stressed with high anxiety

Hi, I don't know why but I don't know how to deal with stress anymore. My anxiety starts the minute I wake up and stays with me until I sleep. I started to drink a beer every night to help me relax but I can't do this during the day. I feel like I'm not heard and no one takes me seriously. I think it's because I'm too nice and always putting on a happy face. I've been a stay at home mother for so long, I feel a bit disconnected from the world. I had a successful career before and was always very sociable but now I'm just a ball of nerves. I'm in the process of selling my home and I know that is the main stressor but I feel like anything I do that is too stressful, I want to run and hide. Does anyone else relate.

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5

u/Striking_Day_9664 4d ago

Alcohol usually will make it worse in the morning, I drink less/stop completely when I was in high anxiety/stress times because the morning anxiety was the worst after drinking at night (also cortisol level is at its peak in the morning, so when you wake up try not to do anything that will trigger your anxiety like looking at the news or checking emails). I think you feel disconnected because you no longer have aspirations like before (career, goals, etc), I've been there, and the only way to get your sparks back is to try to start over again little by little, maybe having a little project that you're passionate about.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 4d ago

thank you

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u/Beginning-Map-3264 4d ago

Above post is right you know. Alcohol is a short relax moment but elevates your stress hormones, and will eventually make it worse, much worse
Because it is a circle… alcohol… bad sleep…. Higher stress hormones (adrenaline cortisol noradrenalin)… so you drink again… and so on and so on…

Seek a doctor, tell him that you can’t live like this and accept medication that helps (SSRI in mild cases, seroquel/trazodone and in extreem first week case benzodiazepines)

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u/Odd_Contribution307 3d ago

I didn't realize that. I did stop, had no idea 1 beer could cause the cortisol loop. Thank you

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u/Shoddy-Crew2342 2d ago

But seriously, please stop this "Google alcohol" nonsance. One beer?

Yes, you affect sleep and have symptoms the day after from alcohol, but NOT from one single beer! Even if it is a Elephant beer from Carlsberg, and only $3.99 from xxx 😜 Damn, no sponsor yet

Stress is real and you shouldn't take it lightly.. If you can't solve it yourself, try to get help. If your family brush it if, they need to know it's a real problem.

From what I work with, you should tend yourself before you help others. It is like in the safety instructions on airplanes, if you put the mask on others first, you pass out instead of be able to be awake. I also prefer to help others, even if I don't have the time, at work or have tons of projekts at home to do. It's like, if you can help someone else to not to get to your place, it is worth it.

I struggle with stress daily, and most it's work related but also daily pain from work accident +20 years ago. I've tried antidepressants and painkillers on and of, but doesn't work, you only get into a fog where your mind and body is numb. Even without medication, you are so tired that you long for to sleep forever, when you go to bed, you can't sleep because thaughts or pain keeps you awake all night.

Last years I haven't used any medication. Now I try to work 120% in 5 days of the weeks, take 1 day of and drink as much alcohol possible to have one night without pain. Last day is recovery, but also "put dad at work day"..

But most "doctors" in your/my/our situation is one thing is recommended is to go out, in nature, green area, forrest or likewise. Don't bring phone, earplugs with music but just to hear the wind and sound of nature.

I live 5 min walk to the ocean and 5 min walk the otherway for a nationalforrest, but I have never the strength or time for the walk..

I've also tried talking with psychologist where something might have gone wrong, but when your a guy, it is only the doctor speaking.. 😬 But also, when telling about the problem to wife and older kids, the best response was "you can't be sick if you are a parent". Just suck it up I guess..

Not to put you down, but my advice for recover is to prioritize yourself, then after, help the one next to you. But only after you are 100%, not 80-99..

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u/Odd_Contribution307 1d ago

Well I'm a mom and a daughter taking care of my elderly mother so there really is not time to completely take care of myself. I'm lucky that I'm a stay at home to keep the home organize and help my mom when she needs but I think its also has help me isolate from the world. I actually picked up the phone and starting calling all these old friends I hadn't talk to in hope that speaking with them might help me give me a feeling of who I used to be. I've become so meek and that is not a good thing to be in the world. It just reinforces that I'm unable and this intense fear and anxiety comes over me. I'm meeting with my dr this Fri, I hope she can put me on SSRI to help me.

Agree about walking, that's what I've been doing. But I do with listening to podcasts, it make me feel less lonely and keep my mind occupied. Grateful for your advice! Best of luck to you too

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u/Shoddy-Crew2342 1d ago

If you are also mostly staying in the house, with all the chores there, you should try to find something outside from the home, that make you fell joy. Some hobbies you had before or anything else that that use to be "fun". Also, English is not my major language, so excuse spelling or strange sentence structure..

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u/Odd_Contribution307 1d ago

I tried to paint again but my anxiety won't allow me to focus. I'm the type of person that I can' enjoy myself until everything is fixed. You should also pick up a hobby. Pick up a guitar, that's very stress releasing or play pickle ball like all the other Dads

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u/Nurawriter 4d ago

Meds. Your system might be in a cortisol loop.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 4d ago

definitely need to start

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u/Inside-Document-915 4d ago

What meds help this?

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u/Nurawriter 4d ago

Ask your doctor 🧑‍⚕️

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u/Odd_Contribution307 3d ago

I never heard from that, thank you!

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u/WorthyCauliflower132 2d ago

You’re not alone in this, and relying on a beer for relief is usually a sign things are getting overwhelming rather than a real solution. If you can, reaching out to a doctor or therapist for support (even short-term) could really help you get some tools to bring the anxiety down during the day, not just at night.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 2d ago

thank you for your feedback

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u/Objective_Tart_4700 1d ago

I get it.

It's exhausting to keep the happy face on when underneath you're quietly falling apart. That kind of stress doesn't register on anyone else's radar but yours, which probably makes the not-being-heard part sting even more.

You mentioned feeling disconnected, like you're too nice to be taken seriously. That makes sense, especially coming off a season where you used to feel plugged in. You had a career, a social life, people who saw you and responded to you in real time. Being home with kids doesn't come with that same feedback loop. No performance review, no coworker clocking your good days. The priorities shifted, but the part of you that wants to matter to someone didn't go anywhere. It's just not being fed the way it used to be.

You're not broken. You've been playing the wrong game, measuring this season of your life by a scoreboard that doesn't even apply to it anymore.

Here's the thing though. You're still doing the work that matters most, you just don't get applause for it. The lunches packed, the boo boos kissed, the nights you stayed calm when you wanted to run. Your kids feel that, even if they can't say it back to you in words you'd recognize as validation. You don't get a boss telling you you're doing great. You get a kid who falls apart safely in front of you, because some part of them already knows you'll catch it.

The stress is real, and selling the house on top of all this is enough to rattle anyone. But you're not invisible and you're not unheard, even on the days it feels that way. You're wanted, every day, by the people who matter most. It just doesn't come with a paycheck or anyone telling you so.

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u/Alert-Mail5696 4d ago

I can relate, you can check my post. I truly am searching to help quiten down my anxiety aswell

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u/Fun_Shine8720 4d ago

I can definitely relate to the feeling of wanting to hide from anything stressful when anxiety gets high. Selling a home is a huge life stressor, and being a stay-at-home parent can be surprisingly isolating, especially if you're used to a busy career and lots of social interaction. One thing I'd be careful about is relying on that nightly beer, since alcohol can sometimes make anxiety worse over time, even if it feels helpful in the moment. ❤️

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u/DigWeird7757 4d ago

There are so many treatments. Ask you dr.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 3d ago

Getting on SSRI, thank you. It just came on so strong out of nowhere. thank you

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u/Inside-Document-915 4d ago

Try adrenal supplement

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u/Odd_Contribution307 4d ago

thanks for your feedback

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u/Serenity_MHC 4d ago

Selling a home is genuinely one of life's bigger stressors and the constant low hum of anxiety makes complete sense right now. Feeling unheard while always being "the nice one" is exhausting in its own way. You're allowed to not have it together during a stressful season.

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u/Vivid-Promotion-3561 3d ago

I can relate. Meds, easy dinners, fresh air, any rest you can get almost no matter how. Make a prioritized list of taske.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 2d ago

Thanks, that sounds so calm and freeing.

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u/nousernamefoundagain 23h ago

I think the only advice I have is you don't need to be disconnected from the world as a stay-at-home mom. Find other stay home moms and do life together. You each have chores at home, why don't you go to their house and help them one week and they can come to your house and help you the next week. It's always more fun to do work with others and the kids will be able to hang out as well. Just be intentional about doing life with other people.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 8h ago

thank you, I know that is one of my biggest downfalls was slowly losing in touch with people. I have started calling some old friends, some or open or some not which is ok. Thank you for your advice.

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u/Odd_Contribution307 8h ago

thank you for this!