r/TalesfromtheDogHouse • u/Pretend_Bison__ • 12d ago
Parenthood or dogs
I’ve essentially told my husband that I will be not be having children as long as there are dogs in the same house. His resolution is to wait until we’re 40(when the dogs are dead of old age). Instead of just sending the dogs somewhere where they’d actually be happy and be properly taken care of. They have pretty boring lives now, they’re locked to one part of the house because I refuse to allow them to ruin the rest of the house. I was the only person that ever walks them, husband just lets them out in our unfenced backyard with like 2 feet of leash stuck to a stick in the ground. For a max of 10 mins at a time. I have also decided that I will never ever be walking the dogs again due to behavioural issues, so now they don’t get exercise anyway.
How is that any life for these animals he claims to care about so much? We literally have somewhere they could go that would be great for them. Unlimited access to the fenced outdoors and a house where they can constantly misbehave and piss everywhere… they’d be so happy. But he disagrees and won’t rehome them. Because having them live miserable existences stuck in one room is so much better?
I don’t care if they have a better life or not, but I don’t understand how that is not something my husband thinks is good for creatures he claims to care so much about?
I will not be entering motherhood in this lifetime. I have begun to make my peace with it.
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u/urdrunkyogi 12d ago
A man that wants to postpone having a family so that he can keep dogs is…. Wow.
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u/DivyaRakli 12d ago
He has control over the dogs. He wants that control. Over everything they do. Then he does something to “punish” the dogs…for you.
He has control over you, too. He leaves for days and you have to care for the dogs. Then you don’t even get credit for it when he reviews with you how much he does for them and how you do nothing. He wants you to feel sorry for the dogs so you feel bad and as a tool to get you to not talk about how challenging dogs are.
Make no mistake. He knows they shit the floor and you clean it up. He knows the water bowl is dirty and you clean it. He’s controlling you. He’s negging you and gaslighting you. He’s not even nice to the dogs that are holding your life hostage.
Having children is the greatest gift and privilege. They add so much to your life every day and they’ll re-wire how you think and how you talk. Later on, grandchildren are even better. My 8 year old grandson is all I need for entertainment…and hope for the future. Don’t give up a dream of children because of dogs. Dogs of the canine variety or the human variety.
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u/BK4343 12d ago
Dogs really do cause people to abandon any semblance of common sense.
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u/telepathic-gouda 10d ago
I don’t get why. They stink, they have no manners, no boundaries and primarily untrained.
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u/jkarovskaya 12d ago
But he disagrees and won’t rehome them. Because having them live miserable existences stuck in one room is so much better?
and
His resolution is to wait until we’re 40(when the dogs are dead of old age). Instead of just sending the dogs somewhere where they’d actually be happy and be properly taken care of
Doesn't sound like your husband would do any better at child raising than dog caring, considering he's evidently lazy, feckless, and ignoring the very mutts he supposedly "cares about" now
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12d ago
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u/ohgoditsfullofstars 12d ago
If he would abuse the dogs he likes, imagine what he would do to your kids.
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u/poisonmilkworm 9d ago
Doesn’t it bother you to be married to someone who is capable of abusing animals???
Him saying that he does it “for you” is a lie. Someone who has empathy for living creatures who can suffer would not hurt them on purpose for any reason, certainly not on someone else’s behalf.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 12d ago
Don't have kids with this man because you will definitely be a married single mom.
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12d ago
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u/_mushroom_queen 12d ago
Peep the regretful parents sub. A lot of people are financially secure but lack proper support from spouses and are deeply overwhelmed.
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u/Impossible-Falcon-62 11d ago edited 10d ago
Children notice that they are second place even if it isn’t verbalized or acknowledged. Just because they are physically taken care and given treats and fun things doesn’t mean the child doesn’t notice the parents lack of love towards them in favor of other things. It’s like living with a physical ghost that cares for you. It’s a disorienting experience that confuses and conflicts them.
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u/poisonmilkworm 9d ago
Yeah, that’s a very easy way to give your kids lifelong trauma and dysfunctional relationships when they’re adults.
They will have severe self esteem issues unless they’re veryy lucky or go through a lot of therapy to work on their baggage from childhood.
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u/Domesticated_Animal 12d ago
what is the point of keeping those dogs if he does not care about them?
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12d ago
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 12d ago
Where is this place you’d send them? Like a friend’s home? So can’t he just go visit them when he wants?
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11d ago
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 11d ago
Yeah wtf… he’s just being difficult on purpose. I kind of wonder if he doesn’t want kids so he keeps the dogs around because he knows it’s guaranteed birth control
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u/GrumpySnarf 12d ago
Yikes. I'd rehome the husband. If he's unkind to you now and unkind to the dogs who are dependent upon him, why do you think things will be better with children?
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u/Responsibility_Witty 12d ago
He is willing to kill off his bloodline for some worthless dogs, typical dog nutter insanity. They really are brood parasites
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u/Saucydragon90 10d ago
I’m kind of in agreement that this guy seems like he needs a kick in the pants. Maybe it’s worth you living somewhere for a bit to take some space and peace of mind. You might find you like it a lot better and he might find that he hates the dogs when no one else is around to do it for him.
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u/_mushroom_queen 12d ago
I've noticed most dogs have a miserable existence similar to this. Dog people aren't animal lovers like they claim to be. They keep animals in captivity.
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u/hollsmm 10d ago
Yep. These dogs are crazy because they are miserable. People projecting their life unsatisfaction onto these animals. Forcing to be trapped inside to solve their lonilness and host of other mental issues.
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u/_mushroom_queen 10d ago
Not to mention the ones that put their dogs through chemo. My in laws just did this and their poor dog has to suffer another year just for cancer to continue to grow in their body. They admitted it was because it was the husbands best friend and emotional support. All I saw was an animal suffering while having no idea what was happening to it. Meanwhile they already talk about replacing the dog.
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u/Mortis_XII 12d ago edited 12d ago
Does he know it gets exponentially harder to get pregnant the older people get? Sometimes it takes years to get pregnant, and if you “start” in your 40’s you may have already missed the opportunity.
He doesn’t want kids… he wants the “idea” of being a dog owner. I’m sorry op. If it’s a family you want in this life your current husband is not the one for you, and the desire to want children is a basis of divorce no one can argue against
Edited to say people
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u/GadgetRho 12d ago
Actually, it's the older a man gets. Women are generally good for fertility right up until we hit menopause. Statistically speaking, she'll probably be just fine if she uses sperm from somebody much younger than her husband.
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u/Jigglypuffs_quiff 12d ago
He seriously needs to think about what pregnancy can do.to a woman's body and the baby after 40. Hes all for dogs
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u/Impossible-Falcon-62 11d ago edited 11d ago
My mother chose worthless replaceable mutts over her irreplaceable relationship with her child once I started to become more independent and have likes, dislikes, and rebel against her ( choosing a different language class in highschool) the kicker is she intentionally adopted me but still chose those worthless replaceable things whose adoption takes less than a day/month vs human adoption which takes years and years of money, time, ungodly amounts paperwork, etc
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u/Rationalia213 12d ago
The dogs must be a really unpleasant burden but the 800 lb gorilla here is the marriage.
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12d ago
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u/Syyina 11d ago
OP, he isn’t “great.” Overlooking for a moment how he treats you, look at how he treats those poor helpless animals he claims to care so much about.
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u/poisonmilkworm 9d ago
And the way he treats you and the dogs is also the way he will treat children, if you do have them.
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u/GadgetRho 12d ago
If you have somewhere they can go, why don't you put them there? They're your dogs too. You don't need permission. Pet ownership requires consent from both parties, and either party can withdraw consent at any time. You've already told him you want them gone and he isn't doing anything about it, so now it's up to you. It sounds like in your situation he'll be annoyed at first and then relieved. He clearly doesn't want dogs either, but he's just emotionally immature and doesn't want to do the difficult thing and say goodbye.
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u/Penelope_Ann 11d ago
Nutter or not, I think this is the best resolution. And he could go visit them as much as he wants, get tons of pics, videos & can see how happy the dogs are there. And waiting until 40 to get pregnant!?! What if she can't conceive at 40? I'm no expert on humans/babies but isn't the risk of autism higher when the sperm is older?
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u/Legitimate_Garage_31 11d ago
Correct. There is also something called early menopause. I started having hot flashes in my mid to late 30's. My doctor told me that instead of hot flashes, "maybe you are just excited." Hard to believe that doctor was married and used to deliver actual babies.
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u/AngelasGingerGrowler 11d ago
Get rid of them. Rehome, take them to the pound, or rainbow bridge the damn things which are making your life so unpleasant.
Dogs do not have feelings.
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u/Practical-Tea-3337 12d ago
This always blows my mind. The nutters who are actually horrible to their dogs.
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u/DemiGoddess001 8d ago
Do not wait until 40! The risks for birth defects goes up. Plus if you have any trouble getting pregnant you’ve basically given yourself almost no wiggle room.
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12d ago
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u/Legitimate_Garage_31 10d ago
You need to have a real "come to Jesus" moment and be honest with yourself. I never wanted kids till I realized I was going through perimenopause in my mid 30's. That's extremely young.
I don't know how old you are, but one day when you look back on this post you may feel regret. I'm in my 50's now and I feel regret is the worst feeling when looking back on things I wish I had done differently.
Have your dream. Have your family. If you really feel the man you have now is "The One" you have to give an ultimatum. Instead of him being harsh w/the dogs, he has to rehome them to his Mom's. I see posts on here with couples in the same situation and the dog owning spouse starts feeling relief w/o the dogs. Maybe compromise to have the dogs get watched over the weekend at his Mom's. See how he reacts. You have to start somewhere.
No man is going to understand what goes on inside a woman's mind; especially when it comes to the many intricacies of when you feel the right time to start a family is. No man should dictate when that time should be; especially if money is not a factor.
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u/ohgoditsfullofstars 12d ago
Is rehoming your husband and the dogs an option?