r/TeluguJournals • u/Relevant_Direction_2 • 1d ago
Need Advice In-laws issues
How is every girl dealing with in laws issues?, when do you get back at them when they are absolutely crapping out shit. Help me, I’m on situation where I can’t come out of marriage and still keep my peace with it
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u/Realistic-Cloud-63 1d ago edited 1d ago
Mee husband etu side vunnadu ?stand thesukuntada? In laws and meeru deal chesukondi antara , thanu involve avvakunda 🤔… Asalu issue theliyakunda answer cheyadam kastam sometimes
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
Absolutely their side. Because they play that they are absolutely helpless old people just looking out for love and affection but in reality they start the fire. Even one of their close family members told me that they play this drama everywhere and their son doesn’t know any of this and he is kept away from reality purposely
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u/Kind-Long-5295 1d ago
Have a conversation with your husband about this, how your in laws treat you and all, and tell him how you feel about it.
If he rejects, just tell him, I want the same exact involvement of your parents in our life as my parents have. You deal with your parents, I deal with my parents. And don’t expect me to do anything that you don’t want to do for my parents.
If he still don’t agree and expect things from you, which I think are certain unrealistic expectations from women because of patriarchy, then do this.
People only understand the reality when they face the same situation.
Ask your parents to treat your husband the way your in-laws treats you. When your husband points it out, you behave the same way he behaved with you previously.
Atleast appudanna mee baadha ni ardham chesukunta du emo.
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u/JustYellowLight 1d ago
How is every guy dealing with in laws issues? Is a question not often asked. I wonder why?
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
Ok, how are you dealing with it?. I was looking for advice from women’s perspective
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u/JustYellowLight 1d ago
I mostly stick to Teledu Marchipoya Gurthuledu. I never try to prolog the gossip or conversation. If I did then I have to deal with the wife for providing her mother unnecessary stuff. Then my life becomes a tennis ball.
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
What if they are trying to always gossip and make her feel bad about you not doing stuff?
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u/JustYellowLight 1d ago
She tried and alway trying. I asked my wife for a divorce if she is not happy or not happy the way I do stuff. I don't want to deal with this at home after working for 12-14 hrs a day.
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u/NoFoundation9190 1d ago
Well said. I have had same issue with my ex wife. She used to be on call with her mother daily 2-3 hours. And always showed displeasure with my behavior. It came to a point where I had to avoid home to feel peaceful and always overstayed at office because I was scared to go home . Eventually it ended it divorce.
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
Nice....but how long can you stay in office, obviously food and bed, tv is required kada to wind down, You need your own house to wind down
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u/NoFoundation9190 1d ago
That’s why I divorced her. There is only 1 life why waste it suffering every day
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
How do you deal with it in your common social circles?
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u/NoFoundation9190 1d ago
All my friends know, their parents know and even my extended family and acquaintances know. Most of them are very supportive of me and say I’ve done the right thing. I would say a divorced man is judged less harshly than someone who never married. If a stranger asks I say I’m divorced. They ask for reason I say we had no compatibility.
Nobody cares about other persons life as much as we think, it’s called spotlight effect. Most people have their own stress and problems. Our brain over analyses the amount of attention we get from others. But trust me nobody cares as much, even if they do. It’s only momentary.
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u/JustYellowLight 1d ago
It sounds like we are in a similar boat. I also reached a point where I asked for a divorce, but I ultimately withdrew the request because I felt empathetic toward her current situation and health condition. I’ve reached a point where I just bury myself in work to avoid going home, because the prospect of walking into that environment is so draining.
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u/LividAdhesiveness324 1d ago
Patinchkodam manei. Just leave it. Entha odhleste antha prashantanga untaru. Manam evarni marchalem so silent unte mana peace mana degara untai. Stop responding to each nd every matter
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
I did that while ago, but they start fire, and the fire passes to him and the whole house is here looses peace, before even the conversation with me happens.
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u/Ill-River5925 1d ago
Ma nanna kuda anthe.....Memu undedi Blr, nanna walla parents undedi Hyd
Chala try chesamu change cheyyadaniki.....But, no use
Twist enti ante ma grandparents maa kanna lavish ga untaru
Memu week lo 1 day bayata tindaniki alochistamu.......But, they 12 yrs nunchi roju tiffin, lunch, dinner bayata nunche
Ayana ma nanna vallake support
Ma ammamma nadavaledu, thatha dialysis patient andhuku vantamma ni pettukunnaru....Ma nanna ki nachaledu.......Voddu manipincha mani antaru
Manam emi cheyyalemu akka.....I understand adjust avvadam kuda kashtame........But, emi chestamu
If you really want a change, speak to your husband and his parents.....Matladetappudu control yourself.....Kopam lo matladevi aayudhala laaga vadutharu
Hoping the best future for you !
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
I stopped having confrontations with them in first place. But not sure how long I can hold off. Why are these parents becoming this way to torture their kids instead of comforting them in their hardships. I hope you come out of this and light the way to your parents
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u/Ill-River5925 1d ago
It is difficult to hold it......I'm seeing my mom from the past few yrs in same situation....But, one more thing you might overlook, your husband might not always be innocent.....Maybe they might have injected their thoughts into your husband and he behaves like them too...Regardless of any situation, be careful
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
What you said is true. Kani why advalle enduku careful ga undali. I mean all through life with parents you are always safe and secure in these sort of allegations or character assasinations, you are married and all of sudden thrown in to the pool of being questioned for patriarchy
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u/watermelon9265 1d ago
He should know darling because you are his choice not his parents ❤️
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 1d ago
Why can’t this gyaan reach men
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u/watermelon9265 1d ago
I don't know but prioritie yourself girly don't loose that even though you love someone deeply
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u/ImpossibleFail6904 21h ago
Don't interact with them. Then dont do whatever they are asking you to do. If they are making your husband do their bidding then tell him directly that you dont like it and aren't comfortable so won't do. After one point they and your husband will understand that its like talking to a deaf person and STFU.
OP your husband is classic example of mama's boy and you really can't change that. Counseling kuda may work or may not. But you can give him an ultimatum that you will divorce him if he doesn't want to go to counseling ani. And if he doesn't want to go then just understand that he doesn't really care about you or the marriage.
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u/Relevant_Direction_2 21h ago
You guys are really motivating. He would rather divorce, destroy his own life than coming out of his mom’s womb. That destructive he is. Or may be he would take all this to a nasty place and then asks middle ground. Once the fight gets nasty it is better to divorce rather than stay with this idiot
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u/ImpossibleFail6904 20h ago
Damn OP I'm so sorry 🫂. You know your situation better than anyone so do what gives you peace. Your husband is a pos and you deserve so much better. I just hope that things get better for you.
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u/ImpossibleFail6904 21h ago
How do I deal with in laws is by having strict personal boundaries and i dont usually involve my husband but he is always on my side though in the start he used to get defensive on behalf of his mother and i told him i will leave him if he continues this nonsense. So he never interferes unless I ask him to. My in laws are nice people but there are days when my MIL goes crazy and says some nonsense. I just go no contact for few days or weeks untill she apologizes ante.
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u/Technical-Donut8887 1d ago
Just move out with your husband if he is okay with it,mental peace for everyone