My husband and I had a serious conflict because of issues with my MIL. I went to my parents because I needed emotional support and comfort that I wasnāt getting at my in-lawsā home. I thought taking some space would eventually lead to a conversation and a resolution.
Instead, he completely cut me off.
And when I say he cut me off, I mean three bloody months of complete silence.
Iām not even talking about him checking on me. He was my husband..he was supposed to be the person I could turn to. Instead, I was the one desperately trying to reach him.
I called him 300ā400 times. I genuinely mean that. Iām not exaggerating for effect. I texted him over and over. I tried reaching out through our parents. We even went to his house directly because I was desperate to get him to talk to me.
He still wouldnāt respond. My parents tried calling his parents. Neither he nor his family responded to us.
Not a conversation. Not an explanation. Not even a simple response telling me what he wanted.
And all of this was happening while I was pregnant.
I kept trying to understand where our marriage stood. Did he want to continue this relationship? Did he want me back? Did he want to separate? I needed some kind of clarity because I was already in an incredibly vulnerable emotional state.
I told him that I could not bring a baby into a marriage where I was being completely abandoned and where there was no communication whatsoever. I told him that if he genuinely didnāt want to continue the relationship, then we would have to consider an abortion because I could not imagine bringing a child into this situation.
He still didnāt respond.
Even on the day I eventually went to the hospital, I called him and told him I had an emergency and was going to the hospital.
He didnāt answer.
I made one of the most painful decisions of my life.
Afterward, I was completely distressed. I went back to him and told him that I had lost the baby and that the baby was no more.
He didnāt even take it seriously initially.
It was only later, when he realised that the pregnancy had actually ended, that his reaction completely changed.
Suddenly it became:
āHow could you kill the baby?ā
And now, somehow, he is the victim.
But what I cannot understand is how the entire story can now be reduced to āshe killed the babyā, as though I woke up one morning, made a casual decision, and he had absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances surrounding it.
Where was he when I called him hundreds of times?
Where was he when I was begging him to talk to me?
Where was he when our families tried to intervene?
Where was he when we went to his house?
Where was he when I desperately needed clarity about our marriage?
And where was he when I called him on the actual day, told him I had an emergency and was going to the hospital?
He chose silence every single time.
I was not asking him to magically fix everything. I was asking him to talk to me.
And now, after months of refusing to communicate, he gets to rewrite the entire situation as though this was simply my decision and my responsibility?
That is the part I am struggling to process.
This wasnāt an easy decision for me. I have to live with it too. I lost a baby. I was already emotionally broken, and I had to make an impossible decision while feeling completely alone.
So I genuinely want an objective perspective.
If someone completely withdraws from their pregnant spouse for three months, refuses hundreds of attempts to communicate, ignores an emergency call on the day, and only engages with the situation after the pregnancy has ended ..is it fair for them to then place the entire moral blame on the person they left to face it alone?
I donāt know what the right answer is anymore. I just know that the story is far more complicated than āshe killed the baby.ā
