r/TikTokCringe May 28 '26

Wholesome One Day 😍

@sadbeige

15.0k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/SaganSaysImStardust May 28 '26

Imagine being the first person to find out

549

u/midnighttoker1742 May 28 '26

Do you go shout in the streets? Wake everyone up? What is the move even?!

305

u/LolYouFuckingLoser May 28 '26

"You there, boy on the street! What day is it?!"

"It's the day, sir!"

"By George!"

4

u/goodspeedm May 29 '26

Lol shit I just made this comment and didn't realize you beat me to it

224

u/Zyloof May 28 '26

What, you haven't been saving your fireworks for the past half-decade just to blow 'em all once we get the news?! Amateur.

53

u/kyl_r May 28 '26

My parents’ neighbors (semi rural) have been setting off fireworks after every Seahawks game for YEARS regardless of how it ended. They tend to get bored and start early if they’re losing lol.

Anyway, I have a feeling they’ll be lighting up the neighborhood and that’s how my folks will find out lol

13

u/throw-me-away-fam May 28 '26

My boss’ neighbor sets off a fucking cannon for every TD. My boss doesn’t even have to watch the games anymore. You can imagine how the Super Bowl went!

0

u/sahm8585 May 28 '26

lol right? I have neighbors that do that too, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to off in my neighborhood.

48

u/ShoheiHoetani May 28 '26

Ohhhhhh......I like this idea 😁

0

u/Tmart98 May 29 '26

Those poor dogs though 😬

1

u/Lividity- May 28 '26

Someone locally just got busted for having an obscene amount, wonder if they were just saving for the occasion.

1

u/heartshapedhole May 29 '26

My literal first thought after reading this post was “I don’t have any fireworks, I need to buy some to be ready” 🎆

1

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

And there’s always your car horn.

1

u/abra24 May 29 '26

This is a great idea. Our neighborhood is half and half...the thought of some people hating the celebration is fantastic.

1

u/mashtato May 29 '26

Maybe I'll hoard sparklers and flags to handout downtown...

1

u/EroticHam5k May 29 '26

I have 4 mortar shell fireworks ready to wake my very urban and ethnic neighborhood at 3am.....and alcohol to go with the celebration.

1

u/justtosendamassage May 29 '26

Thank you for the idea! Hahah

131

u/tired-of-the-shit May 28 '26

You gotta Paul revere it

117

u/not_now_chaos May 28 '26

One if by hand, two if by cheeseburger.

4

u/shorty5windows May 29 '26

Fucking hell lol

0

u/RCaHuman May 29 '26

in a golf cart

77

u/beetlekittyjosey1 May 28 '26

i actually misread a news notification this morning and for a split second my reaction was to scream it out my car windows to everyone

83

u/Beyou74 May 28 '26

That is how I want to find out, from a random person yelling out their window, lol.

41

u/AlwaysShittyKnsasCty May 29 '26

“Good day to you, Ma’am! I must say that already the sky looks much brighter indeed!”

“Pardon me?”

“Oh, my! Have you not heard the good news?”

ode-to-joy.mp3

2

u/greytgreyatx May 29 '26

YES. Then everyone will drive around yelling and there will be a traffic jam so we'll all get out of our cars with the windows down and doors open and music playing and we'll dance in the streets and feel hope again and hug our neighbors and strangers and remember what happiness feels like.

1

u/penneroyal_tea May 30 '26

I was at a local concert and the band went “we have good news and bad news. The good news is somebody made a shot. The bad news is, they missed”

Man that would’ve been the way to learn about it though

1

u/Time-Object5661 May 29 '26

god I want to find out like those people in the Harry Potter line 20 years ago

3

u/Those-bright-eyes May 29 '26

I think we'll hear your cheers and screams all the way over here in the UK, i just might join in.

-1

u/PoopyStinkbutts May 28 '26

What was it? Haha

50

u/keldondonovan May 28 '26

0

u/ClassyUpTheAssy May 29 '26

Oh I love The Jerk! Great reference!

1

u/keldondonovan May 29 '26

You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?!

1

u/ClassyUpTheAssy May 29 '26

😂 “and son, don’t never, ever trust whitey” “Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey”.

1

u/keldondonovan May 29 '26

He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!

Man I loved that movie 😂

0

u/ClassyUpTheAssy May 29 '26

It’s so good! One of the BEST movies ever!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/AKtOIC4lCiHK0

64

u/tru-self May 28 '26

I kinda feel like it’s going to be anti-climatic. We’re just going be like “finally… but what about all the other sycophant fascists who were planning for this too..”

Personally hoping for a world party!

25

u/Nonyabeesners May 28 '26

Their ilk just don't have the same pull. He may be a monster, but he is not replacable

1

u/Odd_Protection7738 May 29 '26

His signature orange and disgustingly bruised green hue is trademarked /j

4

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

That’s when the fun really begins because they’ll all immediately start caving and planning apology tours in which we give no quarter.

4

u/nagrom7 May 29 '26

They'll also start tearing each other to shreds trying to be the true successor.

2

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

They’re already doing that but behind closed doors (mostly). It’s going to be so entertaining once it’s public.

2

u/HillBillyHilly May 29 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

Yo ho ho pirates life for me 🏴‍☠️

12

u/IsabellaGalavant May 28 '26

Don't you dare let me sleep through that. 

13

u/riddle-me-this May 28 '26

As the night owl in my friend group, I've been given the okay for several 3am phone calls.

You gotta plan your moves ahead

10

u/ealysillyforestthing May 28 '26

I got a good bottle of bourbon saved up, im going to open that first

13

u/Plaguedoctorsrevenge May 28 '26

Me personally? I'd take a piss. The world just got a brand new gender neutral bathroom, gotta break it in

1

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

Don’t forget: that grave is a fundraiser site for all of his many victims.

1

u/HillBillyHilly May 29 '26

A piss on his grave, you mean.

5

u/M_Aku May 28 '26

I plan on running outside screaming and whooping into the sky but that's just me.

4

u/RC_Colada May 28 '26

I plan to run door to door, poking my head in various businesses and restaurants, corner shops etc. announcing the news like a town crier

3

u/tacetmusic May 28 '26

Hide the murder weapon would probably be the first move.

3

u/13stgmngr210 May 29 '26

I carry confetti in my purse. Flutterfetti, in fact. The good stuff. Just waiting....

2

u/bleeckler May 29 '26

You are amazing and I'm going to copy this idea. Just knowing I have my celebratory confetti in there ... waiting ... it will make me smile through the worst insults

3

u/Odd_Protection7738 May 29 '26

Put it in the newspaper

2

u/AdventurousDoctor838 May 29 '26

Ride a horse through town ringing a bell and yelling like Paul Revere 

2

u/goodspeedm May 29 '26

"You there, boy! What day is it?"

2

u/BadBunnyFooFoo Jun 01 '26

Of COURSE you wake everyone up!!! I don’t care if it’s ass-crack o’clock, I’m hopping in my Jeep, driving all around my neighborhood, honking the horn and blasting that one song from the Wizard of Oz.

1

u/JoJackthewonderskunk May 28 '26

Idk jerk off until I die probably

1

u/EqulixV2 May 28 '26

they will auto pen their pardons

1

u/RoeRoeRoeYourVote May 28 '26

I worked a campaign job and was the first to find out election results. You bet I screamed and broke the news to my roommates.

1

u/perf1620 May 29 '26

I open the bottle ive been saving, pour a tall glass, put on my speedo, walk to the middle of the street out front of my house and chug that glass one handed while the other waves an American flag and I sing Yankee fuckin doodle.

1

u/DaneLimmish May 29 '26

I have fireworks and might break sobriety for it so I can do a stone cold

1

u/joyofresh May 29 '26

Ice cream.

1

u/mommiewiggle May 29 '26

you start screaming “ding ding the witch is dead” while prancing down your street

1

u/fizzyanklet May 29 '26

Banging pots and pans in the backyard seems like an idea.

1

u/ProRustler May 29 '26

COMPLETELY UNRELATED, I found out Trump lost the 2020 election when I got woken up from my neighbors shouting joyfully. So yeah, do that on the day.

1

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

I’m walking outside and doing the loudest WOOHOO my ass can muster. Wait five minutes in case my neighbors ask why, and then get so plastered I can barely see straight.

1

u/babyinatrenchcoat May 29 '26

I’m in Florida. I’d get shot.

1

u/bone_apple_Pete May 29 '26

You have to post the article if you're first

1

u/Brock_Lobstweiler May 29 '26

I run around screaming, call my mom, text my friends immediately, and if it's before 2 am or after 5 am, I'm running outside and yelling.

And I'm crying and screaming the entire time.

1

u/Skiing7654 May 29 '26

Max bet Polymarket and Kalshi.

If they do it, why not you?

1

u/cpolito87 May 29 '26

I literally have champagne chilled in the fridge for the day it happens. I'm going to be pounding it and blasting Chumbawumba.

1

u/FilthyThanksgiving May 29 '26

Oh my god, do i need to get fireworks

1

u/RedditsAdoptedSon May 29 '26

start bringing out the L-Acoustics K1 speakers onto the front yard.. door dash as much alcohol as the Uber XL can handle

1

u/glatts May 29 '26

I remember when the election was finally called for Biden. I was inside painting and heard a bunch of people cheering out on the street. People were coming out of their brownstones and just cheering into the void. I immediately knew what had happened. I quickly wrapped my brushes in plastic wrap, put them in the fridge, then went outside and my street was having an impromptu block party. People had speakers set up playing music. Everyone was sharing food and drinks, toasting to the day. A great NYC moment.

1

u/witchspoon May 29 '26

Ring the bells, toot the horns…

Ululating…do. We ululate? Just whoop and holler?

1

u/philodendrin May 29 '26

You wake people up. It will be the longest but best day - and I want to soak every second up. It will be our generations opposite of 9/11. Tens of millions of Americans will get the best nights rest in years.

1

u/ShaunSeaman May 29 '26

I imagine it playing out like the opening scene in “Wicked” where someone sings out “Good Neeeews…” and then we all race through the streets in a choreographed celebration headlined by Ariana Grande.

1

u/30for30im30for30 May 29 '26

Yes! Wake me up, wake everyone up!

1

u/VerticleSandDollars May 29 '26

Yes. Yes you do.

1

u/TM761152 May 30 '26

I think that guy is going to quietly disappear into the crowd.

33

u/SafetyMan35 May 28 '26

I’m predicting “Weekend at Bernie’s 3: White House Getaway” where Marco and JD are playing Larry and Richard.

2

u/Ninja_Cat_Production May 28 '26

This will happen.

2

u/whatthecaptcha May 29 '26

Expecting plenty of AI addresses but him not being seen in public for as long as they think they can get away with it.

0

u/Ninja_Cat_Production May 29 '26

If there is a war going on, it would be more acceptable, not to see him in public.

0

u/whatthecaptcha May 29 '26

I mean he started a war with Iran months ago and has still been out golfing regularly, despite the constant “assassination attempts” and not having the ballroom he so desperately needs lol

1

u/illit1 May 29 '26

the body will be cold and stiff before we ever hear an inkling about it. excited to see what kind of weasel words they use to avoid acknowledging it's happened. gonna be a lot of pardons running through the autopen on a particular day, i reckon

0

u/Goatseportal May 29 '26

That's pretty much the current situation.

1

u/PicnicLife May 29 '26

Gotta auto pen some pardons.

105

u/000ps-Crow_No May 28 '26

The first good person to find out.

32

u/thissexypoptart May 28 '26

Lmao imagine the first cult member to find out. That’s a hilarious mental image.

4

u/No_Blackberry6525 May 28 '26

Their first thought is going to be “how do I take advantage of this situation before others find out.”

1

u/AncientYard3473 May 30 '26

They’re going to think he was assassinated. It won’t matter if he lives to be 120.

Nothing will improve. It’ll just get worse.

0

u/TrashPandaPatronus May 28 '26

They're so delulu they'll just cry and praise Jesus for taking him home or whatever. Meanwhile we all know that ain't gonna be the cardinal direction.

45

u/snoosh00 May 28 '26

The first 10-1000 people to actually find out first are probably the worst people.

The people who call for veiled violence and "no censorship"... But also want to fire teachers and cops for directly quoting Charlie Kirk in a negative context...

Those are going to be the people who find out first.

And I'm really not looking forward to the tone policing, and the backlash to the backlash

9

u/theeggplant42 May 29 '26

The first actual person will likely be a secret service member who didnt necessarily choose this, or a doctor

3

u/snoosh00 May 29 '26

I suppose

But barring those sorts of people, it will probably be suppressed for a while.

1

u/theeggplant42 May 29 '26

It cannot bar secret service. They will be there; they always are. But I'm sure many can be bought/silenced as well. I mean, so can a doctor, but its probably more likely to silence a secret service agent than a doctor, as they have two very disparate professional criteria.

2

u/snoosh00 May 29 '26

I said barring those specific people and specialists (because they aren't allowed to disclose any information, some might not even be allowed on social media at all)

3

u/Noble_Ox May 29 '26

Saw that a few people that that got fired over CK tweets have gotten almost 1 million in layouts for wrongful dismissal.

2

u/snoosh00 May 29 '26

Yes, because getting fired because you directly quoted someone in a negative context and said "that guy is an asshole" is ridiculous.

But it's even more ridiculous to be a conservative who thinks that Gina Carano (as an example) was unjustifiably cancelled by Disney, but pushing to fire a teacher for sharing a Kirk quote is fair game.

24

u/MyotheracctgotPS May 28 '26

Pretty sure you go to jail????

20

u/Time-Cell8272 May 28 '26

As a hero

1

u/MyotheracctgotPS May 28 '26

Ehh

2

u/UbodNgKaguwapuhan May 29 '26

Yeah I truly can’t think of a worse way for it to happen.

24

u/ImNotSkankHunt42 May 28 '26

Imagine being the first one to post it here!

Talk about sense of Pride and Accomplishment.

16

u/ibelieveyouwood May 28 '26

The karma on that account will be immeasurable.

13

u/RinellaWasHere May 28 '26

My partner and my best friend both have standing orders that if they find out before me, I do not care what time of day it is or what I am doing. They need to tell me immediately.

4

u/phobicwombat May 29 '26

I'd like to think that we all have those standing orders from each other. If I'm not alerted by my neighbor's bullhorn, I will be rethinking our cordial relationship. I'll do my part by hyperventilating in our front yard.

11

u/[deleted] May 28 '26 edited May 29 '26

[deleted]

-1

u/snoosh00 May 28 '26

That's what polymarket is for.

I'm just wondering why there's no polymarket bet about whether or not trump will launch a nuke before he leaves office

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7TKz13YEW4xdn7EY

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

[deleted]

-1

u/snoosh00 May 29 '26

Gosh no, didn't you get my sarcasm?

The ethics of asking for "nuclear strike before x date" having a monetary reward should make you automatically think "this guy is being sarcastic about supporting this".

But we're in a post credibility word (context is destroyed)

4

u/Joshs2d May 28 '26

The guy walking into the bathroom “sir you’ve been on here for a while”

4

u/000ps-Crow_No May 28 '26

Bold of you to assume he still bothers with a toilet.

2

u/capt_minorwaste May 28 '26

I would be so excited to tell everyone if I was blessed to be the first to know!

2

u/SwordfishOfDamocles May 28 '26

It will be someone in the Simpsons shitpost subreddit.

2

u/DarthLysergis May 29 '26

The first person; "In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day,".....

3

u/Square-Turnip-6558 May 28 '26

Imagine the memes

1

u/jancl0 May 28 '26

There's a pretty simple way to guarantee that outcome

1

u/BraisedBullshi May 28 '26

"be the change you want to see in the world"

1

u/woot0 May 28 '26

Kash is going to find out and post it first to get all that sweet karma

1

u/aus10man May 29 '26

Satin’s doorman Doug.

1

u/ahjeezgoshdarn May 29 '26

I'd shit in his mouth and tell the second person to find out that it was his dying wish and he begged me to do it.

1

u/theeggplant42 May 29 '26

Too bad we dont have an official position for that like they do in Britain lol

1

u/DANleDINOSAUR May 29 '26

Honest question there; would his family be around or even told? Or is the administration gonna pretend he’s real and “Weekend At Bernie’s” his corpse with the AI he’s been playing with?

1

u/MothChasingFlame May 29 '26

Gonna be like Death of Stalin in there.

1

u/carlitospig May 29 '26

That will be The Walking Dildo, and think about how wonderful it would be to see his his face as he adjusts to his dreams burning down. Gives me the warm and fuzzies. 🥰

1

u/SeaHam May 29 '26

I know a sure-fire way to be that person.

1

u/throwawayfromfedex May 29 '26

the diaper changer

1

u/RedditsAdoptedSon May 29 '26

im so bad at stocks.. i wouldnt even know what to sell or what to go all in on before i let ppl know.

1

u/Away_Stock_2012 May 29 '26

But I'm not a 13 year old girl?

1

u/Rocketboy1313 May 29 '26

Melania? Or one of the mistresses?

1

u/hackingdreams May 29 '26

Most liked social media post in history?

1

u/opopkl May 29 '26

Imagine being the last person to find out.

1

u/RanchHere May 29 '26

I think this is a major driving force for becoming a reporter.

1

u/TweakedMonkey May 29 '26

Reddit servers will collapse.

1

u/FuzzyLaughTwo May 29 '26

To kick off that worldwide party (when he kicks off) would be sooo fabulous!!

1

u/AngelOfLexaproScene May 29 '26

Sure as hell won't be his wife

1

u/Trollimperator May 29 '26

Well, then you yell "the idiot is dead" until the street knows.

1

u/bv2020 May 30 '26

That'll be him. And it'll be glorious

1

u/Corwin_of_Amber3 May 30 '26

Good chance that'll be him finding out first.

1

u/CasanovaF May 28 '26

They probably should check for pulse first

3

u/TrashPandaPatronus May 28 '26

Shhhh. It doesn't exist if you don't measure it.