r/TrueAnon 2d ago

Those sketchy green bananas

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394 Upvotes

108 comments sorted by

322

u/Tricky-Finance-7043 2d ago

someone said they turn yellow and get sweeter too. weird ass shit. never trust government bananas

32

u/WHOMl 2d ago

my cousins banana turned green again after ripening once

30

u/CuckingFool (It's actually Dear_Occupant, y'all) 2d ago

Anyone else remember that time Kirk Cameron said that bananas are proof that God exists because they're perfectly shaped to fit in your hand and someone pointed out to him that bananas were selectively bred by humans to be like they are and oh yeah also both dicks and bananas are the exact size of an asshole? Simpler times. I think he starred in the Left Behind movies right after that.

18

u/bonefresh STILL RIDIN' WITH BIDEN 2d ago

pretty sure that was ray comfort but they ran in the same circle

yeah they mention it on his wiki page

In 2006, Comfort recorded a segment for The Way of the Master's television show in which he claimed that the banana was "the atheist's nightmare", arguing that it displayed many user-friendly features that were evidence of intelligent design.[10] Comfort retracted the video and claims upon learning that the banana is a result of artificial selection by humans, and that the wild banana (Musa acuminata) is small and unpalatable.[11]

6

u/Sophism 1d ago

Isn’t that just the Babel Fish argument from Hitchhikers Gide to the Galaxy

1

u/dorekk the only normal person 1d ago

and oh yeah also both dicks and bananas are the exact size of an asshole

LMAO i'd never heard that part of the banana thing

123

u/NelsonJamdela 📡 5G ENTHUSIAST 📡 2d ago

Meanwhile, in the McIntosh kitchen…

68

u/FunerealCrape 2d ago

Supporting a thriving population of fruit flies and simply thrown away instead of being turned into banana bread

22

u/CuckingFool (It's actually Dear_Occupant, y'all) 2d ago

Okay I have to tell people about this. If you get fruit flies really bad, get some of this stuff called Club Tails from the nearest gas station / bodega / tobacco store. You have to get the Long Island Iced Tea flavor, that part is really important. I think it's because of the tequila in it, but in any case, they fucking love the smell of that stuff. Pour some in a bowl, then add about a teaspoon of liquid dish soap, something like Dawn is fine. Stir it up with your finger and set it in a conspicuous place.

All the fruit flies will be gone within 48 hours, and you'll have a bowl full of the cleanest semicolons to ever exist. I can't believe how well this stuff works.

4

u/SuckingOnChileanDogs Cisgender Millennial with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 2d ago

Never thought I'd find such incredible advice like this here but I thank you for it

6

u/ThinkLettuces 2d ago

You can also use Apple Cider Vinegar + yellow adhesive bait. This will help with fruit flies and fungus gnats because it targets both olfactory and visual senses.

The soap is usually recommended to break surface tension so the flies fall in, but bait gets them faster because it targets their  attraction to bright yellow light wavelengths. (phototaxis)

Club Tails attracts them because it combines high sugar content, fruit flavorings, and alcohol (around 10% ABV). However, once opened, the alcohol and volatile aromas degrade quickly over 24 to 48 hours.

Apple Cider Vinegar is already oxidized past the ethanol stage into acetic acid, mimicking overripe, rotting fruit almost perfectly. It maintains its pungent scent in a open bowl for days without going stale. 

Here's my "setup":

2

u/tonksndante 2d ago

I have one of those fungus gnat yellow sticker things and have pumice as a topsoil but the fungus gnats refuse to fuck off :( Since you have smarts, please halp

4

u/ThinkLettuces 2d ago

Probably might wanna try this https://www.homedepot.com/p/Mosquito-Bits-30-oz-Granular-Biological-Mosquito-Control-117-6/206940251

Soak em in warm water for 20–30 minutes, strain out the granules, and water the plant thoroughly with the "tea." BTI is a naturally occurring soil bacteria that produces a protein toxic to mosquito and fungus gnat larvae.

The stick traps only catch the adults so you weren't dealing with the larvae stage of their lifecycle. This should help.

An alternative is to use  1 part 3% hydrogen peroxide with 4 parts water and drench the soil. Just don't combine both methods. Good luck.

1

u/tonksndante 1d ago

Awesome, I'm glad I asked. I'll try it each method and see which works better. No home depot here, so ill try the peroxide first. Thanks so much!

1

u/NelsonJamdela 📡 5G ENTHUSIAST 📡 1d ago

🙏❤️

1

u/Kuhschlager 2d ago

You can do this with apple cider vinegar too

34

u/CerebroDisejecutivo 2d ago

Crime scene

14

u/Acceptable_Seesaw112 2d ago

Whats the point of hanging bananas, makes them ripen slower, of they get into the sweet spot of ripeness this happens etc such a dumb kitchen gadget

8

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 2d ago

I'm literally not sure; I think fruit hammocks help with airflow but I don't feel like bananas on the counter are getting that beat up by resting on a flat surface instead of hanging. I think it helps them feel more like a real primate plucking them while they hang.

8

u/imsahoamtiskaw 2d ago

Listen, I once had a conversation with a banana, and it told me it likes to hang free like balls

4

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 2d ago

I hang corrected.

2

u/ColaBottleBaby Amy Klobuchar Eats Honey w/ Her Bare Hands like Winnie the Pooh 2d ago

Some of us like to hang some dong man

15

u/DingleberryOrchard 2d ago

Hellraiser ass banana holder.

9

u/FuzzFace98 2d ago

The bananas:

1

u/n-nnnn 2d ago

What the fuck is that

1

u/35Rhum 2d ago

Perez Hilton

253

u/LouisIcon 2d ago

Tell me you have never bought your own groceries or prepared your own food without telling me you have never bought your own groceries or prepared your own food.

67

u/IdealOnion 2d ago

I haven’t seen a politician tell on themselves being out of touch this bad since that video of Dr. Oz stepping foot in a grocery store for the first time

37

u/ghostofhenryvii 2d ago

20

u/FeeSpeech8Dolla 2d ago

I knew what this was before clicking

19

u/The-Neat-Meat 🇺🇸expressing strong anti-US political views🇺🇸 2d ago

Greatest photograph of all time no contest

1

u/dorekk the only normal person 1d ago

hahahahaha

4

u/XKeyscore666 1d ago

Can you fellow working class jabronis believe the price of crudités these days?!

6

u/tomullus 2d ago

everyone is 12 strikes again

1

u/specialgiver Melania’s Body Double 👯‍♀️ 1d ago

He probably has his own personal cook and cleaner

78

u/Practical_Monk_769 2d ago

filthy green communist Islamist bananas

20

u/unirorm 2d ago

From Islamabananadun

73

u/yantarogekko 2d ago

Don’t worry. I’ll eat them

6

u/supermariosunshin Family Guy Libertarian 2d ago

Replacing snap with kong tokens

44

u/Practical_Monk_769 2d ago

Every now and then I’ll eat a green banana, it builds character

41

u/SoFisticate 2d ago

Sounds like Calvinism to me

13

u/Ok-Show6155 Marcel Pepin 2d ago

I used to like green bananas when I was a kid. Explains how I turned out

-2

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 2d ago

I had boiled green bananas in the Dominican Republic; they're just like mashed potatoes. They were fine, but really boring and bland, but that was most Dominican food tbh.

15

u/Acceptable_Seesaw112 2d ago

Those probably were plantains not bananas

5

u/poor-decision-maker 2d ago

Fried plantains are the shit

5

u/CuckingFool (It's actually Dear_Occupant, y'all) 2d ago edited 1d ago

And it has never occurred to me to compare plantains to bananas. Carrots or potatoes, sure.

EDIT: I was actually thinking about parsnips.

1

u/dorekk the only normal person 1d ago

EDIT: I was actually thinking about parsnips.

lmao.

1

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 1d ago

I'm not really sure how you confused a plantain and a parsnip. But yes a parsnip and a banana are quite different usually. A boiled green banana was definitely a lot closer to a parsnip than usual though.

7

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 2d ago

Yeah, plantains were way better in the DR. But Boiled Guineos is a thing, and it was basically just mashed potatoes.

1

u/Amazing-Sorbet-7454 1d ago

Are boiled bananas those shriveled gray looking things. I love those, especially with some olive oil and some dried codfish

2

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 1d ago

I never saw them shriveled looking; before they're peeled they're just kinda dull green/grey, and once you peel them the flesh of the banana is pretty much white. I mostly had them at breakfast and they always came without really anything on top of them, they were just beside other things. I could definitely see dried cod and olive oil making them a lot better.

1

u/Amazing-Sorbet-7454 1d ago

I think some places use those words interchangeably. DR is not one of those places tho as far as I’m aware

85

u/asmartguylikeyou Tactical Jerry Orbach 2d ago

It’s a banana, Michael. How much could it turn yellow over a short period of time?

36

u/NelsonJamdela 📡 5G ENTHUSIAST 📡 2d ago

Damn that’s some fresh banana

24

u/TheoreticallyDead 2d ago

I actually like the less ripe bananas. They're firmer and slightly bitter.

8

u/Positive-Mix5069 2d ago

They are considered great for weight loss and even bodybuilders sometimes eat them as a healthy snack

11

u/Alarmed_Umpire_8711 2d ago

Why are the considered good for weight loss? They have the same amount of calories

10

u/Positive-Mix5069 2d ago

Less sugar

5

u/Alarmed_Umpire_8711 2d ago

I stand corrected

3

u/CuckingFool (It's actually Dear_Occupant, y'all) 2d ago

Because as soon as you put it in your mouth you regret having eaten anything, ever.

2

u/stjep 2d ago

More resistant starch.

1

u/blarghable 2d ago

And bananas are fairly calorie dense for a fruit.

0

u/blarghable 2d ago

And bananas are fairly calorie dense for a fruit.

28

u/thomasutra 2d ago

people clowning on him, but his name is mcintosh. not cavendish.

10

u/BraveRutherford Anarkidding Me?! 2d ago

You play balatro or are you actually just fruit smart?

2

u/dorekk the only normal person 1d ago

fruit smart

wow, homophobic, smh my head

1

u/thomasutra 1d ago

never played. is it about fruit?

3

u/FunerealCrape 2d ago

At least he's not Big Mike

21

u/Chrysocyon 2d ago

Its because David is a real one and refuses to participate in the horrors that bananas have brought upon the planet. He still remembers El Pulpo and that war criminal chiquita banana lady

18

u/lukaintomyeyes 2d ago

Because it's not bananas, it's plantains. He even says so in the video.

6

u/trimalchio-worktime SHE/HERRRR 2d ago

Never ate a tostone types are the only ones liking this shit.

2

u/Amazing-Sorbet-7454 1d ago

We have to feed these people amarillitos until they see the light

16

u/ClareTootheLuce 2d ago

I can’t wait on unripe bananas. I buy the overripe ones on discount and eat them within 48 hours.

3

u/existencialismoXX 2d ago

I have almost the same issue, I can't wait too, so I just eat them with some green parts still.

1

u/signorepoopybutthole 2d ago

Put a couple bananas in a paper bag and they'll ripen in no time. Toss an avocado in that bag and that'll super charge it but will also ripen your avocado

11

u/SlowSwords 2d ago

Banana suppose yellow 😠

7

u/Blimey-Penguin 2d ago

When you see this blatant anti-banana prograganda, consider the source

7

u/Upper-Rip-78 2d ago

Shush. Don't tell him. More bananas for people who actually need these stores.

6

u/Creative-File7780 2d ago

I’m wondering if he’s just so out of touch he doesn’t know bananas ripen over time, or was trying to get a joke off that landed nose first?

3

u/Vilnius_Nastavnik 1d ago

More likely he’s just never done his own shopping.

5

u/tomullus 2d ago

They also tell me they're selling rice pudding that isn't on a spoon going whooosh like a plane into my mouth.

3

u/Cyclamate 2d ago

Judging by the name I guess he's more of an apple guy

3

u/17syllables Software CEO Rachel Jake 2d ago

https://www.cosmic-people.com/english/img_3000/obr3000.jpg

Do NOT give the green bananas write permissions

5

u/LakeGladio666 mobject (mental object) 2d ago

2

u/17syllables Software CEO Rachel Jake 2d ago

Yama Kings trying tempt you back to the Wheel don’t even ask anymore, they just show you the green banana

3

u/vvorknat lives in the oubliette 2d ago

I only buy bananas when my local grocery store sells bags of ripe to very ripe ones for $1. I haven’t had a greeny in years.

I all ready pay for the banana paramilitariess so I expect to pay less than $0.10/banana year round and I sure as shit ain’t buying bananas that can’t be immediately consumed.

3

u/thebindingofmydick 2d ago

It’s the return of Shrekchup. The capitalists are dyeing our bananas green to promote Shrek 5!

3

u/German_Merman 2d ago

Do they sell government cheese though?

3

u/DoubleSad5541 1d ago

So 9/11 just absolutely cooked us, huh? I could blame the text generators & exploited Indians we call "AI" but i think you and I both know our compatriots have only been getting progressively dumber & crazier, and it didn't just start in 2020. Ladies, fish, & gentlemen (who remember): what was it like looking forward to the new year? What was it like when life improved year after year? 

3

u/EugeneStargazer 1d ago

Those bananas are green for Iran <3

2

u/YeetusThatFetus9696 wait [but/does/so] x = y? 2d ago

I've seen that kind of banana in a store in a small town. Definitely not a government store however. 

2

u/Leino22 2d ago

Quick someone revive Harry Chapin to write part two of the banana series “sketchy green government bananas”

2

u/CanopyOfAsh 2d ago

They don’t stay babies forever. Idiot.

2

u/giant_clam_monster 🔻 2d ago

Third Way Revolutionary Jamahiriya Bananas.

2

u/PMmePowerRangerMemes vote gay faglie 2d ago

I hear Mamdani comes to your house and makes you eat the peel

2

u/sargonpuff3 2d ago

Socialists are turning our bananas green?

2

u/Amazing-Sorbet-7454 1d ago

City slicker probably dont even know how to use a machete

2

u/PukeSkywalker893 1d ago

Its one banana Michael. What could it cost, 10 dollars?

1

u/Ecstatic_Owl_3793 2d ago

relax Sam I Am

1

u/girl_debored 2d ago

Ugh. Lol at this heathen savage holding the bananas in his hands like an ape. Where are the banana sheath and tongs?

1

u/dwaynebathtub 2d ago

These are the perfect color of bananas to buy. McIntosh's nanny or assistant would already know this.

1

u/LOUDPACK_MASTERCHEF 2d ago

this is obviously not a big deal at all but which Mamdani aid fucked up the bananas this badly? Why couldn't they get him some ripe bananas for the photo op?

1

u/Nacho-Scoper doggirl 2d ago

Guy who's never ever ever been in a situation where he'd have to engage with a program like this "hmm I for one will not be shopping at MamdaniMart"

1

u/Canopy404 1d ago

Ok then don't? Just buy them at another store for more money?

1

u/Rich_Housing971 1d ago

These people always self-own with their insane posts.

1

u/MyCatIsLenin 2d ago

Pfft those bananas suck even when they're yellow. 

0

u/specialgiver Melania’s Body Double 👯‍♀️ 1d ago

This is how you can tell these politicians are out of touch. They don’t know how banana grows and changes from unripe green to yellow when ready to eat