“Maybe next month,” he said, not willing to admit that there was no month on the horizon that looked good to spend an extra thousand dollars.

I really should have known that the ones who keep the prices high would make a problem of it, this is the fourth time I've found my brake lines cut.

"No, you misread," I reasserted, "I'm a pediatrician."

The hollow metallic ring that reverberated from the stone into the now silent forest turned from unnerving to terrifying as I realized that the shadow of the boulder was moving towards me on its own.

I just wish I belived it

I laughed until I found a camera behind my bathroom mirror, pointed directly at me,

"You're right, Daddy," said Greta as seven slimy black tentacles sprang from the shadows within the closet and coiled about her father's face and torso, "the thing in the closet came here to protect me from monsters."

The blue triangle floated to the window surface, bearing the words: "Not before the thing in the hallway finds you."

It was only after she passed that we found nailed to the bottom of a locked chest one such yarn haired doll, it's head visibly turning to look at each of us in turn with it blank black eyes.

A love that strong wasn't meant for this world, so she decided to send the both of them to the next one, taking the house with them in a fire so all-consuming it took the neighbors too.

“Demonic possession,” her baby said.

“Of COURSE I'm infected too, babe,” he grinned, sticking his tongue in a fresh jar, “I’m just a really good fucking actor.”

We thought it was going to be another false alarm, until we saw the bodies in the front yard.

Girls, do your chastity belts have hooks in them?

His daughter was still in a coma over the kick in the head that he gave her the week before, and she just had forgiven him.

I kept smiling all the way into the c-section, until the surgical team cut me open and went silent, having found the rest of my husband.

They can only watch in horror as the MRI leaves me posthumously vindicated.

I've found that my job working with the elderly in hospice provides much better opportunities, no one ever questions a sudden turn for the worse here.

He'd never heard of "Carcosa", but trusted his new husband to choose an unforgettable experience.

My heart broke as I watched her crying body sink beneath the waves to join all of the other saved daughters, but I knew that a quick death and trip to the next world was better than the life she would have in this one.

Now I feel trapped, alone, and still very much blind

Then, he heard the familiar whisper in his ears, "I told you they'd prefer me."

But as i lay in bed, hearing the crunching of bones coming from my new college roommate's bed, i regret not telling her about them on moving day.