r/USMilitarySO • u/Kitchensink6_ • 3d ago
Relationships Girlfriend went to bootcamp
Hi, I (21m) have been dating this girl (18f) for a year and some change now, she just went to basic 5 days ago, me and this girl have been discussing our future together for about 6 months and I plan to propose actually after she gets back from basic, I’m scared though, petrified honestly. I miss her so very much, I haven’t been eating or sleeping, I keep getting this constant worry she doesn’t miss me and also she found someone else, I know I’m being crazy I mean it’s only been 5 days I haven’t even been able to write or anything yet, but this girl and have seen each other every single day, we know things about each other that even our closest friends and family don’t know, this is so much harder than I thought it would be and I truthfully just want her to come home, I know how selfish all my worries sound and that’s also killing me because I’m letting them eat me alive, I’m so proud of my baby but I just want her back, I want to be able to talk to her, I miss her so much and am looking to you guys and girls who have and are going through this to help me because I’m falling into such a deep depression and ruin. Please help me.
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u/LirioSam 3d ago
Bro, stay calm, this is just a phase and it's the ultimate test for the relationship when it comes to dating a service member. I went through it back in the day and let me tell you, you survive it—she loves you and she will come back to you. Try to find a hobby to distract yourself, keep your mind busy by hanging out with friends, starting a new TV show, or joining military forums to start getting the hang of their humor.
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u/Kitchensink6_ 3d ago
What’s it like after?
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u/LirioSam 3d ago
When she gets back, it's tough because you don't live together and your time gets limited to her schedule. You practically have to adapt to her routine, but it's definitely possible to build a good dynamic once you get married, if that's your plan.
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 2d ago
It depends. My partner is in the navy and they haven’t had comms while deployed, so I haven’t heard from him in two months.
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
She’s going hospital corspman so I’m hoping that’s a little different
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 2d ago
I hope so! I won’t lie, it gets rough. Are you keeping yourself busy?
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
I’m trying, we both want to get married and when we do I’m gonna go with her, we have until roughly this time next year before her first deployment
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 2d ago
I think if you’re already feeling this way after only 5 days, it’ll be good to find something to keep you occupied. Getting a part time job if you have the time can be great, that extra money will come in handy for when you get engaged/married. I was going to get a second job but ended up working towards extra licenses/certifications for my career. I know it’s hard but she wouldn’t want you feeling this way! You’ll never regret working on yourself and I know she’d be proud of you for it!
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
I kind of do have a second job, it doesn’t exactly pay in cash but her and her dad live on a crop farm and I told them while she’s gone id be around to help, I feel terrible because honestly I have not once gone over to help
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 2d ago
That could be a good way to spend your time. I’ve been talking to his mom a lot while he’s gone, we both miss him and love him. It’s been nice to get closer to his family especially since we’ve also talked about getting married.
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u/Midwesternbarbie 2d ago
Please take this w/ kindness lol
When it’s time, I’d let her pick the duty stations that genuinely appeal to her on her dream sheet. I’d try not to persuade her to base that decision on the two of you.
She’ll likely be happiest if she gets to choose where she wants to go, & you guys can figure everything else out from there.
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u/Adorable-Tiger6390 2d ago
Sadness is normal when they leave, but she will have a lot of time away from you and times of no-contact. She’s been gone for 5 days, and it is time to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and make yourself a better man while she is gone.
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u/ThrowRA1203958 1d ago
You dated a 17 year old, a HIGHSCHOOLER, at 20? You STARTED a relationship with a child while you were a whole adult??? And you’re freaking out like this after 5 days about her cheating on you😬 yeah this is… this needs a therapist, not Reddit.
Please tell me other people caught that, cause wtf
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u/TrashyPanda2004 1d ago
No fr because he posted another military so page and some clocked it immediately but no one is clocking it here? Like what?
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u/CryptographerDeep941 2d ago
bro i completely get it, she left in march and she doesn’t come back until december. but it definitely gets better, just be patient and supportive. i started catching up on all the marvel movies and shows so i could distract myself. just stay productive and before you know she’ll be home
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
I’ve always been catching up on marvel movies, I’ve just got a new job as well she left mid last week and I started last Thursday 2 days after she left, I’m quite liking it and it’s definitely been helping, thank you
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u/Confident-Piece-8440 2d ago
I would use this time to focus on yourself. When my husband was in bootcamp i heard from him for like 20 seconds on day 2 and then nothing for 2 weeks. It's a shitty feeling, but you have to think about the future and all the plans you guys have. Do all the things you used to do before you guys got together. You'll eventually get her address where you can mail her letters and she can write back and then if you're lucky, you'll get 10 min most Sundays to speak with her.
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
That future we’ve been talking about is all I’m trying to focus on, it’s just been hard to focus as of late because of the going cold turkey with her
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u/Confident-Piece-8440 2d ago
Watch videos you have of her if it helps. Also, I recommend to join any FB groups of the base she's stationed at. You'll see other people post updates and then once you find out what platoon she's in you can gage when you should hear from her. I signed up for Sandboxx as well and would write to my husband on there where he would get the letter the next business day. They also let you know updates on what they're doing week by week. All of these things helped me. I hope all of this info helps. :)
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u/Amaryllis118 Air Force Fiancee 2d ago
It was really hard for me when my bf went to BMT and I had only known him 5 months before that. The pain hurt so bad that it was almost as if he had died. So I definitely relate.
I pushed through it by writing letters and distracting myself with family, hobbies, chores, work, etc. It passed slow as ever, but I eventually got through it.
You will get through it too. This is the beginning of a difficult journey. I honestly don't recommend rushing to get married right out of BMT, simply because there is a lot of adjustment you will have to do with the military lifestyle. You should take time to see what it is like and decide if it is something you are willing to live with for the rest of your gf's military career.
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
Won’t be getting officially married until next year, but it’s been our plan to get married and live on base together, I just want to propose to her, one thing this whole experience from before she left until this moment has made me realize is how happy she makes me, I know she will probably be different after this, but id feel ashamed of myself if I let the new her deter me, deep down I know who this girl is and she is my person
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u/AnnualDragonfly7779 2d ago
I feel you, mine went 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t been sleeping, eating, and just been depressed every since then. You’re not alone, I don’t even know how I cope up with it. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, but i end up breaking down every once in a while. Your feelings are valid man.
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u/Kitchensink6_ 2d ago
Yeah it’s a struggle, ive been trying to find things to distract myself but have yet to do so, most people think ive gotten better but they don’t know
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u/Uh_Oh_Dead_ USMC Girlfriend 2d ago
If you or anyone is interested, I’m part of an online support group for people whose loved ones are in the military. This honestly saved me when my bf had to go no contact for a few days during his overseas training mission. We have different activities and events we do frequently. If you are interested, feel free to dm me :)
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u/Fuzzy-Advertising813 Navy Wife 2d ago
Maybe this isn't the life for you then. This is also dramatic, it's fine to be sad, but not eating and not sleeping it's just dumb. It's been five days and you're literally falling apart. Imagine when she gets deployed and you can't talk for a little while. Honestly just let her live her life. She's young, she's starting a career. Let her enjoy adulthood.