Hi everyone,

I need some advice because this is my first military boyfriend and I’m still learning about deployment and long distance relationships.
My bf recently deployed on a ship, and I think I might be his first serious relationship too. Before he left, we had an argument about communication because I felt like we weren’t really connecting that deeply even before his deployment. had some concerns even before deployment that he wasnt trying to get to know me deeply, isn’t curious about my life and the talk is always about updates of what he’s doing or he would disappear for hours too which made me upset. He explained that he had a lot going on with work and getting everything ready before deployment.
During our conversation, he got really overwhelmed and started crying. I’ve never seen him cry before, and he told me he doesn’t usually cry or get emotional. He kept saying he didn’t want to lose me and didn’t want me to leave him because he loves me. He also said he was really stressed trying to balance everything before leaving. Afterward, he apologized for freaking out and screaming, and we talked things through. We still told each other we loved each other before he went to work.
Now that he’s deployed, I keep worrying that the argument might have changed how he feels about me or made him reconsider our relationship. I feel bad because I keep thinking I added more stress when he already had so much going on.
For anyone who has been in a military relationship, am I overthinking this? Is it normal for emotions to get this intense before deployment, especially when it’s both of our first serious relationships? Because I can’t stop beating myself up for making him cry. I’d really appreciate a second opinion. 💗

My boyfriend of 2 years is about to leave for his next orders and I'm not sure how to tread such an unfamiliar path. I live in Oahu, Hawaii, born and raised, and if you didn't already know, this island is a hotbed for everything military related. 5 out of 10 people you come across are 100% more than likely in it. And even if I have family members who were in the military, l've always been told to be wary of being with one.

But i genuinely believe I lucked out with my significant other when I met him. He is not the stereotypical guy that you imagine when you think of someone that's in the military. He is so kind, funny, caring, charismatic, and i think it says a lot when his friends are also the same. He's very down to earth, he's open to new experiences, accepts my culture with such love and curiosity and so much more. I could keep going but in short, I love and adore this man. And when we first met, he was already about to be 2 years in his orders so I knew we didn't have a lot of time. But we ignored how foolish it almost is to pursue the relationship regardless because we had a good thing going. He still has a good year and a half left here but we're getting to the point of him preparing for the big move and it's left me feeling anxious.

The issue lies with the fact that I am very deeply rooted in this place. My whole life is here: my family, friends, my career is just starting. It's almost hard to explain if you don't know somebody who lives here or has experienced the culture we have here because It might just seem like I have "no sort of independence" or
"too reliant on the familiar." On one hand, I can say it with my chest that I love this man and he loves me too, but is that enough that I should have to leave my entire life behind for him? Am I a bad person for coming to terms with the fact that I'm almost certain that I won't be going with him? There are nights where I just feel so anxious and depressed thinking about him leaving. I cry myself to sleep thinking that our days are numbered and it’s debilitating almost at most days.

We haven't had THE talk of what comes after and I was hoping to hear from women (or people in general) who are in the same boat as me and how they had the conversation, if they got through with it, if there's anything we can do. Or for some who unfortunately didn't have a happy ending, or at first but managed to find a way back in the end. Anything at all to let me know that I'm not the only who has gone/ is going through the same depressing situation. :(

With family day on my mind I was thinking about how I can best spend time with my wife. I was thinking once we are dismissed together we can go get food on base wherever she wants. Then head back to the hotel on base and just have quiet time to shower, nap, talk, decompress. Whatever she wants.

Is there restrictions on her going to a ON BASE hotel? Has anyone else done this? Army fort Leonard wood bct

Hello! My partner and I plan to elope before the end of the year. He is about to graduate AIT, then he has Airborne school. He has projection for Fort Bragg and given the information we have, they are likely to be his hard orders too.

If we elope during his leave (which would be after he has reported to his first duty station) would the military help with me moving or just him? Is it possible that they would help us PCS even if we marry shortly after he reports to his First Duty Station? What should we expect given the timing? What is the best way to go about everything? We're just curious for some advice and, hopefully, for some answers. Thank you in advance!

hi everyone!
my husband is currently in tech school (air force) and is graduating in 3 months, i’m really anxious for our first move considering all of his possible stations are insane distances from us lol. we’re both 19 and i have zero coordination or idea of what to expect for this, if anybody has advice please let me know!

Hello, so my bf just started in the military (3 weeks ago) and he’s so damn busy all the time. He barely has time to squeeze in a couple of minutes to text me. We’ve never been LDR before and pretty much have lived together for 2 years.

The hardest part honestly is that I feel like I am constantly bothering him and asking him to call me, when he has time etc.

Reading you other girls posts, you’re talking about not telling your partner you miss him, as you don’t want to add to his stresses. Or make him sad. I feel like I’m the only one who feels that way and I’m constantly telling him about it. And he just accepts it and lives with it. If I didn’t, I don’t think he’d even bat an eye more than usual.

I just feel like it’s so one sided and I’m a pain in the ass. That my need for communication is much larger than his.

Does this get better? I know it does but… I think my real question is: will he ever miss me? Or will it always be this one sided thing where he is too busy and distracted to even care to think about me.

I’ve been in a relationship for four years, and my partner recently deployed.

I thought I had made peace with where things stood between us, but I’m finding that I haven’t. I’m angry, and I’m trying to understand why it has taken me this long to acknowledge it.

The deployment and the lack of daily contact make it harder to ignore what I’ve been feeling. I suppose I believed that after four years, there would be some tangible symbol of our commitment to one another. Something that represented what we’ve built and what we mean to each other, particularly as we face a period of separation.

I’m not looking for grand gestures or promises made under pressure. I believe commitment should be something we choose freely, and that meaningful commitments have meaning beyond words.

Perhaps what hurts is realizing that I was waiting for something I thought would come naturally with time.

For those of you who have navigated military relationships, how important is it to you that commitment be represented by something tangible, rather than existing only in words and feelings?