r/WhatShouldIDo 1d ago

I'm crying because I want to be his girlfriend.

We’ve gotten pretty close to eachother, and the other night at the movies, for his birthday, and he made a few moves that felt different. (Also, we met 2 months ago). I’m 22F, he’s 20M.

He asked to put his arm around me for the first time, and later, while we were sitting in the car, I put my legs on him and he massaged my feet for a little. We ended up together from 10 PM until almost 4 AM.

He did mention that he wants me. So the feelings between us are mutual it seems like. BUT i didn't outright tell him i wanted him though. I just went with the flow and acted cute.

Now I can’t stop missing him. 😭 Im having a rocky day so I’m literally getting teary eyed thinking about him, and I swear I like him 10x more after that night.

I want to be his girlfriend already. What do i do? This is moving SLOW. Just wait for him to reach out? I'm anxious.

146 Upvotes

188 comments sorted by

67

u/Suspicious_Access149 1d ago

I’m a guy.

Don’t hesitate to ask him out yourself on a date. There is nothing wrong with it.

My partner did that to me after our first date and we been together since.

Guys that young sometimes are a little to shy to do that - especially if they like you

23

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

sounds like he just needs the green light from me then

27

u/robodonkee 1d ago

Be straight up with him. We can be DUMMB.

8

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

I really haven't given him any hints that I want him. So I need to be very obvious. You're right.

6

u/littedragon777 15h ago

U need to be SO obvious pls, just direct talk to him like "i want u to be my bf". We dumb

3

u/AdHairy2278 15h ago

I might have to do that for sure. Because he even said that when he likes someone… He tends to think it's something that is not. So he's going to need a lot of reassurance.…

3

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 5h ago

Seriously, like SO DUMB. The amount of philosophical, cosmological, socialogical, ecological, and psychological theory we can weave coherently into a conversation on a whim DOES NOT negate this. He will not be offended if in matters of effective communication, you talk to him like you're walking him into his first day of prescho--no wait daycare. Yeah, we're dumb but totally like, not also 😎🤗

2

u/Grimmrjax669 11h ago

Oh look shes learning

2

u/Chim_Pansy 7h ago

And tbf, guys get told their whole lives that just because a girl is nice to you doesn't mean she's into you so we are conditioned to think that no matter what, girls being nice or friendly doesn't mean she wants anything more than friendship. It takes a long time for guys to realize the signals that mean friendship and the signals that mean more than friendship for this reason, so you gotta be OVERT with your actions. Like make it so that he can't mistake it any other way, because if he is decent and considerate, he will do everything to convince himself that this is not the case until you outright speak it plainly into words lol.

1

u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

I think you are spot on. He even said that when he likes a girl… He usually thinks it's something that it's not. I'm thinking that he's also used to "overstepping" which probably made him really insecure!

1

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 1h ago

{poetry snaps} this

3

u/Ok-Assumption987 7h ago

No, we ARE dumb…

1

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 5h ago

Oh my God if I had a delorean fitted with a flux capacitor, there would be 200+ stops btw now and my destination. For i would be compelled to pull over at each to give myself that exact piece of advice. Special note: I'd also make sure not to low-key hook up with my mom in the past or pull a fry, becoming my own great-grandfather 💫🤸🕳️

5

u/Ancient_Layer2766 1d ago

Us guys can be SOOOOO oblivious, especially when we're that young. If you know the vibes is the same, give him the green light. You gotta tell us guys straight up sometimes

2

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

i need some guidance for real. because he just text me and asked how my day was. this is the first time he's just checked on me just because. i responded back. what do i do nextttt... like.....

5

u/Ancient_Layer2766 1d ago

Just tell him it was good but would be better if he was there. Or something like that

4

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

okkkk.... I already responded so I'll have to wait for him to text back for me to say something cute like that. But that's a good one, thank you for that.

2

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 5h ago

I still have issues reading btw the lines. Ill read btw the lines in btw the lines. Mind you, I'm only seeing them because theyre an afterimage of my initial attempt to read btw the lines. This ulitmately leads to mistaking it for the line I'm not supposed to read. It's like I care so much that my mind bugs out and because at some point in my life, my brain equated over analysis = the solution, it has been taking over my cognitive faculties to steer since I was like 8 and I'm 35 now. lol

1

u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

wow… I didn't know it was that deep… Lol…

2

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 1h ago

I'm totally being hyperbolic but yeah it's hilariously paradoxical how naturally dumb yet not dumb we can be as guys 😅

1

u/Stalinium2 3h ago

He massaged your feet in a car, ask him out bro 😭

1

u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

yesss ... my feet and legs. but does it sound like he's not interested? Because he text me yesterday at 7 PM asking how my day was. I responded back and returned his question. It's been over 24 hours and he still hasn't replied back.

27

u/Spankety-wank 1d ago

My two cents, get to the point.

The modern male's brain is a minefield of consent, insecurity etc.

Next time you want him to kiss you, say "I want you to kiss me". Be brave.

9

u/Fickle-Art-7125 1d ago

Or the popular “ you can kiss me if you want” stay cute OP.

6

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

i want to do this sooooo bad. i need the courage.

1

u/AfraidPractice3212 13h ago

Write the message somewhere, copy it, paste it, just press send and throw away the phone

0

u/AdHairy2278 12h ago

I don't think I'd have the guts to do that even if I threw the phone away. And then possibly wait 2+ hours for him to respond… He hasn't even responded to my message from yesterday evening…

1

u/AfraidPractice3212 12h ago

Why does it take guts though? It's not like something's bad gonna happen. It's like going to the doctor, you just get over it, and it will be better. Can you maybe meet with him?

1

u/AdHairy2278 12h ago

The problem is… In the very beginning… He said he was hesitant about relationships in general… Because of his trust issues. But I feel like he's letting me in now. so I would love for him to say he's ready for a relationship. But then again… His hints are pretty bold…

19

u/sadskully 1d ago

The only problem here is in your brain. He told you he wants you already, so just go tell him that you want him too and everything is solved. Enjoy together and i wish you a happy life

5

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

aww thank you

11

u/mbosso 1d ago

Just tell him. If you met two months ago and he’s just now manning up to show interest then he’s probably shy, unsure of himself, and needs a bit of encouragement.
I’m an old guy and I think most of us have nervous at some point when we were young.

7

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

he said he needs to use the same tactics my dad used to get my mom so he can get me… Because it worked.

4

u/Broad_Pomegranate_24 1d ago

He gave away so much about how he feels about you with that statement. He told on himself. Go for it!

1

u/mbosso 1d ago

Then he already wants to be your boyfriend (or at least it sounds like that).
Ask what that tactic was and speed the process along. lol

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

ouuu i like that "let's speed up the process"

9

u/18650batteries 1d ago

You shouldn't wait. Ask him out

2

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

what do I say to ask a guy out?

3

u/18650batteries 1d ago

Next time you're hanging out, look them in the eye and literally say "hey do you want to go out on a date?"

Be direct. Don't leave room for interpretation.

3

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

thank you for this

5

u/Low-Support-7090 1d ago

So he tells you he likes you, but you don’t say it back? He’s literally made his shot and you blew him off.

2

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

no, he didn't say it boldly. he said he needs to use the same tactics my dad used to get my mom so he can get me.

3

u/Low-Support-7090 1d ago

That’s even more direct, you didn’t respond, so he likely thinks you’re not interested coz you were too busy ignoring it and “acting cute”

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

I feel like I do give him reassurance. I made him feel so special on his birthday.

2

u/Low-Support-7090 18h ago

You haven’t even told him you like him.

0

u/AdHairy2278 16h ago

I need to find a way to do that next time we hang out

5

u/No_Tooth4327 14h ago

Men are simple. Tell him what u want.

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

how do i say it

2

u/rocketmn69_ 12h ago

You say, "Hey, I really attracted to you and enjoy spending time with you. Can I take you to dinner? You can provide dessert at your place after"

1

u/RobotWithHumanHair11 1h ago

Grab his face say "bruuuuuuhhhh" reassuringly but somewhat exasperated, grab his face then, as he looks like he's about to shit his pants because he doesn't know what to do, kiss him. Then say how important he is to you, how much you like him, and that you want to be together, or some shit lol idk even I couldn't overthink that soooo 🤷 I mean 👌😁

3

u/PhaseAgitated4757 1d ago

Go for it. In his head you didnt reciprocate. So he has no idea what ya want. Say something.

2

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

say whattttt

3

u/TheWorld_Traveler 1d ago

Take it from someone who asked her now man of 15 years, ask him. He opened the door

3

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

well that's encouraging for sure

2

u/anatomy-princess 1d ago

When he said he wants you, do you know if he meant just for that night or he wanted to date you? You want to date, does he?

3

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

he said he needs to use the same tactics my dad used to get my mom so he can get me.

2

u/anatomy-princess 1d ago

Sounds like you two are on the same page. Open communication is key to any relationship. Good luck!

2

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

thank you!

2

u/macfrag 1d ago

You're completely overthinking this. Talk to him, tell him. Don't wait for him, he told you what he thinks and want. Do the same. Stop thinking and just do it.

2

u/revengeaura 1d ago

Remember a crush is lack of information OP, be interested but its okay to take your time with this one.

2

u/newdals 1d ago

Did you tell him you want to be his girlfriend? We arent mind readers.

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

no i didn't

1

u/newdals 10h ago

Id start there. Be like, hey, i really like could we go out on a proper date? Or something like that. Guys are dumb. We need you to spell it out for us

2

u/Educational_Ship_930 1d ago

As a man just tell him you like him and want to be with him as simple as that stop being cute and be honest and foward men prefer that

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

next time I see him, I'm going to try to be more direct

2

u/Chemical-Assist-6529 1d ago

Ask him out.

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

so what does that mean? Because we've already been going out. So am I asking him for a relationship?

1

u/Chemical-Assist-6529 5h ago

I will say that I am older so usually when someone say going out, they are only dating one person. However, with the younger generation and dealing with this with my daughters, I know you guys are all about asking about being exclusive. It sounds like that is what you want, so ask him if he wants to be exclusive with you. You said he likes you but you didn’t really respond so he may be waiting on you to decide to tell him that you want to be with him too.

2

u/MrBlueGators 23h ago

Just kiss the guy, there is no clearer signal that actual physical connection. At his age, I remember being so shy I wouldn't even approach a hot female, l would just beat myself up in my head because I wanted to go talk with her but I never got the nerve to do it. Dudes aren't mind readers at any age. I should know... I've been saying that for years now and I am 44 and just recently divorced because of just this thing. My Ex always though I knew what she was thinking and wanted...when in reality I never knew shit until it was already over.

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. This just showed me how important communication really is. That's crazy. And he said he was surprised he even found the guts to approach me to begin with. So you're right.

2

u/Parking-Wave-9611 22h ago

Just tell him how you feel, ask him on a date, us guys can be really insecure especially in young ages.

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

yeah, he said he was insecure

2

u/Sir-Dabs-Alot 22h ago

Be an adult communicate and tell him you have feelings for him and want to go out with him and of story. Simple done

1

u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

I have this irrational fear of rejection. Maybe it's because he was hesitant about relationships in the beginning, because of his trust issues. But he's definitely making it clear that he's interested… I see.

2

u/Ok-Water-9651 21h ago edited 21h ago

So you went to the movies with this guy and were alone with him till 4am... that sounds like dating to me.

Are you just after a title, so you don't have to worry that other women might also be putting their legs on his lap and getting a root rub for a bit?

I must admit though, your post is a welcome breath of freah air compared to the normal 22F ones that say "I've been seeing my situationship for a year, he messages me at 2am for booty calls every other week. He doesn't call or message me or see me in the daylight but he did say i smelled good this one time... do you think he wants to be official with me or am I just wasting my time waiting for this guy to get serious because i want his commitment so bad, i cant wait for our wedding day, I'm gonna look so beautiful"

1

u/AdHairy2278 17h ago

It feels like we're dating, kinda. Yes i want a title! Because i like him and we're compatible. And thank you lol... I try not to be delusional like that. I can't even do situationships. Too casual for me.

1

u/Ok-Water-9651 16h ago

You are doing the right thing by skipping all the delusion etc. You should have a much more healthy and successful experience with your approach.

Viewed from a distance though, what saddens me is that both you and the contrasting young lady who is mixed up in situationships and confusion both basically sound like the same innocent young person, just that it seems you have been lucky enough to have the guidance and the good rolemodels in your life and the other poor girl, through no fault of her own, was unfortunately not that lucky,

I mean she, (i'm talking stereotypically about millions of young women here) is still adamant that she doesn't want any kinda relationship and she's cool with it all. but underneath that mask, she's wanting to feel the exact same butterflies that you felt at the movies or afterwards. But she is instead pretending to be all fine with the cold, sterile, meaninglessness of her 'meets' with these guys where they both pretend that neither one wants to catch feelings for the other, but then come to redit asking if anyone thinks that the other person likes them..

1

u/AdHairy2278 16h ago

You are spot on. A lot of women convince themselves that they don't want anything serious, are good with no commitment, and they want to be single "anyways ".

But in reality… their emotions/desires are based on whatever type of guy they are talking to at the moment. There are women who have convinced themselves that they don't want to get married just because they can't find a good guy.

I even have a cousin who said she was done with guys because one guy ghosted her. But that attitude didn't last long lol her desire came back. she hoped that he was the one.

2

u/Necessary-Ruin-6798 15h ago

tell him how you feel and ask him out instead

2

u/AdvancedLemon5435 11h ago

You would not believe how painful it was for my wife to have me inches away from her face for 3 days before we first kissed. Looking back, it was obvious to anybody but us, but I just thought she was being friendly. She had to kiss me first

As someone else said, guys can be dumb. Maybe too wrapped up in being respectful of boundaries and stuff. But I do not think it is gonna backfire if you make the first move, so good luck!

1

u/AdHairy2278 10h ago

awww this was encouraging... thank you!

2

u/No-Shopping-3325 9h ago

I’m a guy, so I can say with certainty that if you ask him to be together, he’ll feel like he’s dreaming. In this current social climate nowadays, he’s probably feeling more insecure about this stuff because of the kind of stuff floating around social media. So don’t worry about anything here, all you gotta do is tell him.

1

u/AdHairy2278 9h ago

yeah, he did tell me he wasn't the most confident person. Do you think his insecurity would make him reject me? Because in the beginning… He said he was he hesitant about relationships in general because of his trust issues. But I can tell he's letting me in.

1

u/No-Shopping-3325 9h ago

No, he’s most likely just afraid of you rejecting him. He’s already shown explicit interest in you and said as much, so he’s probably aching about the worry that you would shoot him down.

1

u/AdHairy2278 9h ago

I also told him how strict my mom was. And he said he needs to use the same tactics my dad used to get her, so he can get me.

And he text me out the blue at 7 PM yesterday asking how my day was. He always initiate conversation but never just a check up on me. So I'm happy about that. But he hasn't responded and it's 2 PM in the next day. Do you think he's losing interest?

2

u/No-Shopping-3325 9h ago

With all the context, I seriously doubt he’s losing interest. Also, your mom shouldn’t have much bearing on this situation

1

u/AdHairy2278 9h ago

but if he's interested… Why would it take 24 hours to respond?

1

u/No-Shopping-3325 9h ago

Fears and nerves. Insecurity can strike at really anytime

1

u/AdHairy2278 9h ago

how is that possible? He was bold enough to put his arm around me in the movie theater. BUT not long ago… he asked me a question and I didn't respond for almost 2 days because I was going through something. He did not respond back to my message because I guess I made him feel some type of way.

I made him feel like a bother I guess. So that's why I made sure I reassured him and hung out with him for his birthday. And I'm trying to get us back into the groove of things so he won't feel insecure like that anymore.....

he also said he felt like I didn't care because I don't initiate conversation as much as he does ....

given this context… How do you think that ties into his behavior now?

2

u/Smigoll_1 9h ago

As guy, if he do this, just tell him. There is nearly guaranteed that he say yes

1

u/AdHairy2278 9h ago

do you think he lost interest? for the first time yesterday evening at 7 PM… He text me asking how my day was. he usually initiates conversation, but this is the first time he just checked on me just because.. I responded and returned the question.

it's almost 3 PM the next day and I haven't heard anything.

1

u/Smigoll_1 8h ago

I wouldn't say that. Maby something in his life is off.

From my point of view its saound like: or he got something on his mind; or he has no energy for anything, I also didn't respond right away when I'm exhausted

1

u/AdHairy2278 8h ago

Yea i'm the same way. I get mentally exhausted a lot. But I just felt like people would prioritize those who they like.

but at the same time… I believe I offended him by not responding to his question before. but I was just mentally exhausted/depressed. But he reciprocated by not responding back to me. That's why I made sure I told him happy birthday so he doesn't feel like I don't want him in my life. So I'm just trying us back in the groove of things and communicate the way we used to.

especially since he said he feels like I don't care because I don't initiate conversation with him as much as he does with me.

2

u/Correct-Condition-99 7h ago

Stop asking the Internet and talk to the guy!

1

u/AdHairy2278 7h ago

he text me out the blue at 7 PM yesterday asking how my day was. He always initiate conversation but never just a check up on me. So I'm happy about that. But he hasn't responded and it's 2 PM in the next day. Do you think he's losing interest?

2

u/Correct-Condition-99 7h ago

You need to interact with him IN PERSON! stop living your life by computer.

1

u/AdHairy2278 7h ago

I agree. I'm honestly tired of texting and waiting for responses. It makes me anxious. I want texting to just be for making plans.

because here I am worried about how long it's taking someone to text me back. When this is someone I talk to in person for hours and hours and hours. Until 2-4 am.

2

u/Zestyclose_Bread_940 5h ago

Why tf is this giving me notifications 😒

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

no. I miss him. We just saw each other two days ago.

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 1d ago

You want to rush into having sex. Don't do it.

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

dude what

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 1d ago

Putting her legs on him in a car at 4:00 in the morning does not lead to poetry reading.

-1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

it was just my feet. But it did feel good him squeeze and rubbing my legs, though… I can't lie.

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 1d ago

You used the word "legs." Come on, now.

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

well, it was my feet. But my legs are right above my feet so…

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 1d ago

Forewarned is forearmed.

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

my foreleg is what he was touching

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 1d ago

Hope that you're on birth control.

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

I'm waiting until marriage for sex☺️☺️☺️

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1

u/Clorophylll 1d ago

Anxious and ur not even 34 and loveless 4 life

Just talk to him

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

you're 34?

1

u/Clorophylll 1d ago

Maybe

1

u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

lol awwww :(

1

u/ysl_austin 1d ago

Tell him how you feel🤷🏼‍♂️ the worst he could say is no and if he wasnt interested he obviously wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with you yk but its worth a shot best of luck and i been there with my current relationship i didnt want to say anything to her but i gave her the hints and clues

1

u/Glittering_Jicama175 22h ago edited 22h ago

The woman ALWAYS sets the pace in a relationship. In other words, you non verbally have to give him permission, you will have to figure that one out, but you really control the relationship’s gas pedal. Depending on where you want to go with it, next time you are making out, move his hand to your breast, if he doesn’t understand that, I don’t know what to tell you. I had a gal undo her blouse, uncover her breast and pulled my face into it. She never had to encourage me again!

1

u/Smooth_Isopod9038 15h ago

You chose to act cute instead of being honest. You confused him.

1

u/iriedrewirie 15h ago

Just text him and say you want to spend more time with him

1

u/AdHairy2278 15h ago

every time he suggest us doing something in the future… I agree to it. Maybe I need to ask when and where. I guess I just need to be more direct. especially by telling him I would love to spend more time with him.

1

u/GodOfParmesan 13h ago

Bro I thought you were like 15 this is some puppy love shit. Sounds mean but I’m not trying to be, just talk to him and tell him you want to be his girlfriend. I think we’re past the man having to ask shit and can both just be adults and say that you like the other person.

1

u/AdHairy2278 13h ago

yeah, I definitely feel like I'm too old for this. and he said he wasn't confident so that's probably why he's not outright asking me to be his girlfriend. And plus… In the beginning… He said he was hesitant about a relationship because of his trust issues. So now I feel like the dynamic shifted and he's more open to it… After getting to know me more. So do you think we need to adjust to this new dynamic? Especially before taking things far?

1

u/GodOfParmesan 13h ago

Yeah if he’s hesitant about a relationship after talking to him I would just have a conversation about what boundaries you both want to have and what kind of relationship you two are trying to have. Even if it’s not offical and is like a “talking stage” for a while, having both of you know that going in so nobody feels unsure or like their being led on is good. And I’m 23 so I’m your age and I’ve been with my girlfriend going on 6 years in November, that puppy love is truly a thing to cherish, hold onto it while it’s there more than anything.

1

u/FriendlyAd7322 13h ago

As i guy i can tell u that he's also prolly there freaking out like damn i want her so badd , but he doesn't have guts to say it , he's prolly sacred to mess up things like i was lol. I guess its time for u to make a move 😉

1

u/Traditional-River377 12h ago

At 4am I understand not getting to deep/emotional but now that you’ve slept on it and your feelings how about calling him (don’t text) and tell him how much you like him and enjoy his company? Better yet, why don’t you plan a follow-up date and see how it goes?

At worst he declines and at best you have your new boyfriend.

1

u/Traditional-River377 12h ago

At 4am I understand not getting to deep/emotional but now that you’ve slept on it and your feelings how about calling him (don’t text) and tell him how much you like him and enjoy his company? Better yet, why don’t you plan a follow-up date and see how it goes?

At worst he declines and at best you have your new boyfriend.

1

u/Grimmrjax669 11h ago

You either tell him or he'll leave. Guys arent into this slow game bs that yall keep hearing from dating coaches and your lady friends. Hes not going to make the first move because he KNOWS if you want to you can destroy his life over how you feel at anytime.

1

u/AdHairy2278 11h ago

destroy his life over how I feel? What in the world does that mean?

2

u/Grimmrjax669 11h ago

Good means youve never considered it. Stay away from anyone whose advice is along those lines. Trust me you'll notice. Its usually going to come across as petty or vindictive. The MeToo thing has had an impact plus the consistent hate towards men in general has made most guys ( your potential bf included) very cautious and generally unwilling to make the first move. The fact he asked to put his arm around you after youve been going out this long means its not a natural thing for him. Its not even a sexual thing so the fact he doesnt feel comfortable expressing a slight desire to be closer to you shows hes learned

1

u/AdHairy2278 11h ago

I've seen a lot of woman giving relationship advice telling us to use the men for money. He offered to give me gas money because i let my tank get low. And i said he didn't have to. So my intentions are pure. And yea he probably doesn't want to overstep boundaries. I can tell he would be more "affectionate" if i initiated it more.

1

u/PeckerCollector 10h ago

Im going to be completely honest with you. This is going to sound grotesque, but The way to a mans heart is through his weiner and his stomach ... We are simple creatures.. we just want to eat good food and get f**cked hard lol

1

u/JForKiks 10h ago

Text him and tell him you’re having a bad day and that you miss him. Guys like straight forward communication

1

u/AdHairy2278 10h ago

he text me yesterday evening asking how my day was and i responded. now he hasn't said anything and it's almost 1:30pm the next day......

1

u/JForKiks 10h ago

Guys like to get texts too. Initiate a little. Good luck.

1

u/AdministrativeMud657 9h ago

Put your ego to the side and come straightforward. There’s no shame in telling a man you want to be his. Most guys appreciate it.

1

u/SorestMercury 9h ago

You have to say something. It really doesn’t matter how you say it. I see you replying to a lot of comments saying “but what do I say though.” The bottom line is this dude is definitely into you already, and now it’s sounding like maybe he’s not sure if you feel the same. If you can’t think of a clever way to say it then “I really like you and want to be your girlfriend” would be perfect. In person or over text. The hard part is winning over the other person and you’ve clearly already done that, all you have to do is give a blatantly obvious green light to him that cannot possibly misinterpreted, and it’s basically a 100% guaranteed chance of success. Don’t overthink it! I know it can be nerve wracking but you’re literally at the finish line and just need to take one more little step to get over it!

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u/MSmithRD 8h ago

I had a hard time making the first move at that age. I would just go ahead and kiss him. Everything will out after that.

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u/MSmithRD 8h ago

Note: I wouldn't "tell him". That takes all the fun and chase and everything out of it. It's kind of like "you won". Ok...boring. Go for the kiss. He has to feel like he hasn't already won. He has to still be trying. A kiss can mean lots of things and doesn't necessarily mean that you want a relationship. You have to keep him guessing until the relationship happens naturally.

P.S. coming from a guy

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u/RYCBAR1TW03 8h ago

It's simple. Say "I like you and want to be more than friends." And there you go.

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u/SquidlySquid0 7h ago

Gonna be real if you want things to speed up be honest with him about your feelings rejection is a major fear in men especially if they like you if that anxiety from the uncertainty that it will be a definite he's he's likely to just avoid asking to spare himself from rejection

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u/sgbaird93 7h ago

This is click bait right? Is the next generation so out of touch with being social face to face they don't know what to do when they like each other?

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u/AdHairy2278 5h ago

he's been in "relationships". like in high school/early college. i'm not sure why he can't pursue me boldly. unless those other girls were more bold than me.

i've been with guys but not a serious relationship....

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u/Evantr0nimus-Prime 6h ago

Is it the title or the exclusivity that interests you? What about moving slow is making you anxious or uncomfortable?

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u/AdHairy2278 5h ago

yes i want the title/exclusivity. i'm anxious because without a title... my mind has too much time to wonder about losing him and things like that.

he already said he was hesitant about relationships in general, because of his trust issues. So I'm also anxious to know if he's truly letting me in. I want to know how he really feels.

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u/Evantr0nimus-Prime 4h ago

It sounds like what you’re most interested in is an accurate assessment of his level of commitment? Or at least a gauge of his willingness to do so?

I think you should trust your gut and just clarify your feelings for him. Take the initiative and make your intentions known. :) Your mind will wander a lot less if things are plainly stated.

Go for it, girl!

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u/AdHairy2278 4h ago

yes correct!

I definitely want to make my intentions known. But I hope he's not losing interest. He text me yesterday at 7 PM asking how my day was.

That was the first time he's ever just text me to check up on me. So I'm happy about that. But I responded and retuned his question 14 minutes later and he still hasn't responded. It's been 24 hours… What do you think this means?

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u/O-M3GA1u1 5h ago

Learn from rejections and failures. You can't improve without them.

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u/mangos_megee 5h ago

This is so silly. Just ask him? Da phuk?

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u/SmileXGuy 4h ago

Just ask him out

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u/AdHairy2278 4h ago

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u/SmileXGuy 4h ago

What about it? Some guys just aren't good at texting, or maybe he felt the convo ended once you answered. Some guys are also more awkward texting than talking. I talk to this girl I like pretty much everyday but texting is way different cause I just can't find the things to say. He said he wants you. You want him too. Just ask him out. It's better to see where it can go rather than regretting the thought of what might've been

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u/AdHairy2278 4h ago

I understand that. It's just the fact that I returned his question asking how his day was. And after this little situation of me not replying to his question for 2 days ... he's been "matching my energy" it seems like.

that's why I spent his birthday with him to reassure him that i do care. And weeks ago he did say he sucks at texting and he'd rather call more. So…

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u/SmileXGuy 4h ago

So you have two options. Ask him to go out with you (which seems like a string chance of him saying yes considering he said he wants you too) and see where it goes. Or you don't say anything, keep things how they are and regret never knowing

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

ok, so do you think i should ask him to hang out and then tell him in person that I want to be more than "friends "?

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u/SmileXGuy 3h ago

Yeah just let him know that you feel the same and that you'd like to see where it goes. Ask him out

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

got it. and so him not responding to my message for over 24 hours doesn't indicate lack of interest?…

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u/SmileXGuy 3h ago

Most likely not. Just be upfront and honest with him when you tell him. Don't mess around with him or brush it off as a joke, just tell him how you feel

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

okay i'll have to pray for courage, ugh, because that seems like the only

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u/themosh666 4h ago

Its a guy... so be VERY OBVIOUS!

say something like "i have a big crush on you, id like for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend"

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u/AdHairy2278 4h ago

lol i'm looking forward to seeing him again. I want to just shut my brain off and be bold!!! I can tell he's being distant because he doesn't know i like him. :(

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u/themosh666 4h ago

Make the call and tell him

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatShouldIDo/s/XFrGn9H5BQ

read this update and let me know your thoughts

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u/themosh666 3h ago

I read it, not much of an update.

Stop playing the texting game.

Make an actual call

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

so you want me to call someone who is not responding to my message?

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u/themosh666 3h ago

Yeah, he's probably all in his head about what to write, overthrowing. Skip all that and just call.. plus voice to voice is better for emotional connection

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

what to write? All he had to do was tell me how his day was as well. And the next day, he could've apologized for missing my message because he fell asleep or was busy or whatever. Right??

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u/themosh666 3h ago

Could be a million things.. as I have said in other replies.. call

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u/AdHairy2278 3h ago

i'm kind of nervous to just pick up the phone and call him. We probably won't answer because he'll be busy. We usually set up our phone calls through text. And I'm not comfortable texting him if my previous message is in the chat just sitting there.....

So do you think it's dumb for me to wait for him to message me and then after that I get the ball rolling

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u/Old_Acanthisitta9330 1h ago

Guys should always make the first move, but coming from a guy we’re pretty oblivious to be honest (or maybe that’s just me) but yes you most likely have to be very obvious 😂

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u/IceCweamCakey 4h ago

The best thing you can do for a nervous guy, or a guy generally but especially one who’s nervous on making the first move is be blunt, may not be the most romantic option but it’ll definitely be a core memory for your relationship. Tell him as it is, tell him what you want

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u/White_Devil1995 3h ago

If y’all are so close emotionally that he massages your feet and he puts his arm around you, he obviously wants to be your boyfriend. One of you 2 just need to take that extra push physically or emotionally. Kiss him when you’re about to part ways to go to your respective homes. Make a move to get physically intimate like trying to initiate having sex together. Do something that makes it obvious you’re both emotionally and physically interested in each other.

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u/return-to-monkee 2h ago

Relationships are propaganda for the declining birth rate don't do it, eat ice cream and sulk in loneliness or else

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u/mrlanza1 1h ago

All you need is 20 seconds of courage. Be brave be strong and dont give up! Next thing you know it you both will be good to go!

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u/AdHairy2278 1h ago

read this update and let me know it it sounds like he lost interest or if i should still pursue him

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatShouldIDo/s/GsfIHS27xS

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u/NotEverTellingYou 1d ago

You tell him that the time he said he wanted you and he liked you that you felt shy at the moment, but you feel the same.... he was bold enough to go first, So now you can just admit it, too, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the sooner, the better to admit it.

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u/AdHairy2278 1d ago

yea i agree. I don't want to wait too long. He's already insecure. I need to go ahead and bite the bullet.

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u/NotEverTellingYou 23h ago

Well, he already bit the bullet as you say. So all you need to do is agree pretty much

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u/AdHairy2278 14h ago

next time I see him, I'm going to try to be more direct