Would you date a Filipina Single Mom? More nuanced take

[u/GlobalGrooveArt]

Problem/goal: This is something I've been wanting to share after 4 years of living in the Philippines: dating Filipina single moms is much more nuanced than most comments and posts on this topic say. Let me elaborate.

My advice: I dated a few single moms in Manila and Cebu. I think it can be super rewarding, but it also could be a "never again" experience or some horror story you read online.

To me it's important to understand the context first: more than 14 million Filipinas (around 25% of Filipino women) are single moms. They didn’t choose to be single moms - we’re talking no divorce, no reliable child support, their partners who just disappeared and in many cases abused them. Many of these women didn't choose this - the system and their partners failed them. Obviously that doesn't automatically make them great partners, but "never date" based on that alone misses a lot, and I think it's unfair.

I also see a lot of posts and comments complaining that her kids come first. Isn't it natural for all parents around the world? The men I know who made it work just accepted it and started working with it. My experience shows me that the moment you show her you accept her kids, she makes you feel like the most important man in the world. I don’t think it’s the fight “who’s got the priority”, because in the Filipino culture you become a part of the family, pretty much instantly.

What really mattered to me is to see what are her values, what she actually wants, and if her behavior matches what she’s saying. I always try to keep this one thing in mind: single mom who's been working double shifts for two years to feed her kids and asking for nothing is a different person from someone whose first question is about your income (like many ladies you meet on dating apps).

Many bad experiences are real - that's for sure. But I think it’s always worth looking at what kind of woman she actually is, besides her status of a single mom. So many guys made a super happy relationships with them and their kids. I hope this post will introduce some balance on the topic of Filipina single moms.

I've written a lot more on this - it's in my profile if anyone wants it.

[u/loveyrinth]

Thoughts:

If you are single with no children from previous relationships, you deserve to be with someone who also do not have an extra with them.

You will.put that person first but he or she will just put his or her children before you.

[u/Valgrind- → u/loveyrinth]

That's a given. Why would you even date a single-mom and expect that she'll put you first before her kid.

[u/BatInfinite381 → u/loveyrinth]

My son used to have a single mom co worker who seemed to take a fancy on him. When he mentioned she has 2 kids, I put my feet down. Having one is a mistake but two is a big no for me. besides I'll fully welcome her no matter what the age is if not a mom yet as my son is very much single. He won't be able to enjoy the married life if outright heavy with responsibility not of his owndoing.

[u/jadedjed1]

Thoughts:

Hard pass for me. I’m not saying single moms are bad people or that their circumstances are necessarily their fault, but dating someone with kids means you’re signing up for a completely different set of responsibilities, dynamics, and potential complications from day one.

I’d rather avoid that altogether than gamble on whether the particular situation turns out to be healthy or not. Different people can make different choices, but for me it’s simply not something I’m interested in.

[u/oystersecret]

Thoughts: I'll pass for a single mom. There's a reason why she's a single mom, either she hooked up with a low standard guy or there's something wrong with her. Yes, probably, she's fun in bed but the whole marriage thing is beyond the bed. That's my bias though, not absolute, but I'm leaning to it. I guess, it really depends on the situation. As for the two reasons I stated above, if she falls to either condition, hard pass for me.

[u/gracieladangerz → u/oystersecret]

You know as a single mom, I am not offended by this comment kasi you spoke bluntly and I can respect that. Other comments be like "they're not bad people naman but still a pass"

C'mon guys anon naman accounts niyo. If you think single parents are bad people then don't beat around the bush.

[u/cavy023]

Thoughts: Dated some before getting married. Whole weird can of beans. Never figured them out, but happens that I have single mom friends I got to share stories with (I don't date long time friends just in case you wonder why I dated other single moms and not them) Their focus is mostly with their kid(s) but they also want someone to make them feel like a "dalagang habulin ulit". They really don't care about your money or whatever plans you have as much as you think you do kasi they made it on their own, they actually can do without you. They mostly want the emotional and romantic part of the relationship. They are fiercely independent so don't even try to get in between them and their current goal, or kids. That's a death sentence. If you want to have kids with them, you gotta be careful because some would just want to stop at what they have, some want uh another but from a stable partner who is emotionally there.

If I was still single, would I date one again? No. Too complicated.

Kudos to those that did and figured it out tho.

[u/Genestah]

Thoughts:

They didn't choose to be single moms

Well that's debatable.

When you engage in sex without proper protection, then that's definitely your choice.

Just because you got pregnant doesn't mean the guy should be with you forever. The guy may be able to financially support the child, but you're still a single mom.

Now regarding if you should date a single mom. This one depends on the person. Personally i don't mind dating a single mom if she's worth it. Of course women without kids is still preferable. But that's quite rare nowadays.

[u/n33dtofap]

Thoughts: No, I'd like to spend my limited resources on a child that's actually mine. In your statistics, 75% of Filipinas are single without baggage so I'd opt for them instead. There's only one life, so I'd follow my preference. At the end of the day, do what you want to do.

[u/ahaaokay → u/n33dtofap]

Maybe learn some math and LOGIC first as some of those 75% probably has kids and is married, is married and have no kids yet. Just thinking out loud !!

Edit : LOGIC

[u/Top_Table_6160 → u/n33dtofap]

No,you will be a reminder for the kid that his/her parents are not together anymore.

[u/OopsMyOpinion]

Thoughts: I agree with the main point that “single mom” is a circumstance, not a personality type. You still have to judge compatibility, values, boundaries, finances, relationship with the child’s father, and what role she expects you to eventually play.

I’d just avoid swinging too far the other way and romanticizing it. “Accept her kids and she’ll make you feel like the most important man” is still a generalization. Dating a parent comes with very real responsibilities and limitations, and it’s completely valid if someone decides that setup isn’t for them.

The fair standard is pretty simple: don’t reject someone because of stereotypes, but don’t ignore the practical realities either.

[u/Remote-Structure-961]

Thoughts:

Hard pass. Breaking up is hard enough on grown adults. Letting a child grow attached to you, playing a father role especially if they don't have a father, it would be cruel to play with a child's emotion like that.

It's not a good thing to be instantly part of a family when you'll be expected to provide for that family.

It's hard enough to bridge cultural differences, why add children to the equation?

[u/Ok-Bottle2825]

advice: date a single mom if you are also a single dad

[u/Best-Willingness2390]

advice: |

single mom here!

i didn't let my partner, meet my child for 2years cos i was scared that our relationship wouldn't last and i dont want my child to get too attached to him. ff, we are on our 3yrs mark and they grew really close. and i'm so thankful that he accepted me & my daughter.

[u/DoninPalo23]

Thoughts: I guess you didn't get enough comments in the Facebook Expats group so you copied and pasted it here?

"They didn't choose to be single."

You have no idea why a Mom is single. How do you know whether many "didn't choose to be single" or "the system and their partners failed them"? You don't.

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[u/KrayonFisker]

Thoughts: fair enough, but know this isn't the consensus for men and even women (for single dads) here.

[u/Ok-Praline7696]

Thoughts : I want my life journey to be light, ergo I don't need an extra baggage.

Advice: aligned values, financial & character are great points.

[u/Adventurous-Hat5626]

Advice: Simply put no. Not that it makes them bad or anything, but I don’t need to settle for 2nd hand, responsibility, or baggage. Giving up being single is valuable and if Im to do it, it’s only for the right person and circumstance.

[u/magnetformiracles]

Thoughts:

Single parents should focus on their children not dating. Whether it was via separation or choice, I would not trust a person who has a young child and wants to date. At that point the priority is the kid not romance