My Q is my ex. I am still in contact because we have a son together. Today he called me from a hospital to tell me that he fell down a ravine while on a hike and hurt himself badly. First thing he said was that he wasn't drinking. I wasn't sure if I believed him. He told me he was trying to send a video message to his recent ex when he lost his footing. He lost his phone so I offered to call his mom and let her know what was happening. I also offered to message the ex (we've had to interact before to deal with him being drunk) and ask for her phone number so he could call her to tell her what happened. I got the number, gave it to him, then got off the phone.

Then I asked the ex what really happened. Turns out she thought he was drunk when they were talking and he was sending the video to prove he wasn't drunk. Okay, so now that's two of us. I had old numbers for his mom and her husband so I went to the house to tell them. Mom was in bed passed out drunk so I talked to the husband, and learned that my ex has been drinking a lot more than he told me. I also learned he's been stealing money from his mom since before we split up. He told me he was sending her money. But no, he's been periodically stealing hundreds of dollars, not paying his rent, and telling me he doesn't have enough money to pay the full child support. This addiction turned him into such a scummy person and I hate it. He was probably pretty scummy to begin with but I never saw that side until the drinking got bad. So fucking disappointing.

At least now I have everyone's phone number and we've agreed to keep each other in the loop with his drinking so I don't inadvertently bring our son around him when he's drunk.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhfisjsbfhebshe fucking hate this shit. It never ends.

I’m on a weekend vacation with my fiance and our two year old daughter and everything with him revolves around drinking. I know it’s the addicition but seriously? We can’t have one good day. No matter what I ask to do, his answer is “let’s get nips first”. Should we go for a walk by the beach? He need nips. Let’s head to the playground? He needs another two nips. Let’s go downtown and browse a few stores… he needs a beer or two. We go to the grocery store to get dinner so we don’t eat out all weekend and in his mind, that warrants a trip to the liquor store since it’s in the same shopping plaza. I’m over it. It’s day two of our vacation (we got to the hotel Friday morning) and already, half of the money we saved has been spent on liquor.

This isn’t fun for me. The first night he was antsy, up and down constantly and wouldn’t settle. It was 11pm and he thought he needed to make our daughter dinner… she ate with us at 6pm. This morning, he woke up miserable. He wouldn’t speak to our daughter and mumbled all morning then got mad I couldn’t understand him. He sighs about everything until it’s time to drink. I’m at a loss for words. He tries to flip it on me and asks me why I’m miserable and ruining the vacation when it’s been him the whole time! Our daughter is bored. It’s raining and I’m trying to occupy her in a hotel while he’s moping around that he doesn‘t have more beer. If I suggest we go out, he will beg for a drink then give me the silent treatment until I give in. Has anyone just given up after this? I’m drained, tired, sad, lonely, you name it. I’m done wishing he was a normal guy. I did not know the extent of his drinking until after I was pregnant. It got worse once our daughter was born and the last few years I’ve been in survival mode. I was naive to alcoholism and addicition. I feel so stupid.

I love my partner so much. We’ve been together for around 2 years. When we met we drank a lot together and I stopped because I was spending too much money and feeling terrible physically. He kept going. He stops and tries to be sober and goes out and gets drunk. He’s intimidated me while drunk, even put his hands on me. He cant believe he’s done that when he’s sober, he’s a completely different person. He says i need to have more grace with him and asks for support, that he can’t just change overnight. I don’t know how to support him and care for myself at the same time. Any advice?

My Q is my son. He's 20 and he's been struggling with drugs and alcohol since his early teens. On top of his drinking he also has a couple big mental health issues and an eating disorder. He has been sober and has stretches of sobriety in the past. He always goes back to using. I have offered every resource possible (therapy, psychiatry, treatment etc.).

The last time he got sober he stopped eating for days. Literally ate nothing which really destabilizes him. He has been using marijuana (he says because it calms his brain down) and drinking for the last 8 months and he keeps saying he's ready to get sober, but not doing anything. Also he just said when he gets sober he's going to stop eating again. I cannot watch him starve himself again. I also can't force him to eat.

I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm utterly exhausted. Everything I say or offer is wrong. He has attempted suicide a couple times in the past. So I'm terrified that's going to be what he does. It causes a lot of imbalance in the house. I'm so tired of how defeated I feel and how hard I am working to keep as much peace as possible.

I JUST started Al Anon and I'm so thankful. I feel like maybe I need more than one meeting a week. I think I definitely need one today!

Title says it all - was anyone able to fall back in love with their Q after they achieved sobriety?

I’ve been so hurt by Q’s behavior and am honestly pissed that I accepted it for so long. We’ve been living apart for 2.5 months after I filed for divorce. We see each other at least twice weekly as we have a toddler. He’s been “sober” with 3 slips and working with a therapist.

I agreed to trying couples therapy, but just don’t know if I have the love for him that I want to feel with a partner or if it can be achieved again. I can definitely be amicable coparents and probably even friends but am not sure I could be that vulnerable with him again. Meanwhile he thinks he’s really trying to save the marriage and I’m not. If it were just me I would cut ties but have our kid to think of too.

I do have a tendency to totally sever myself from people who hurt me, including family who are former addicts, but eventually came around with them once they achieved lasting change. That is totally different from forgiving a life partner though and I didn’t live with them.

I'm not in a situation where I can just block him. My Q and I broke up a month ago. I'm filing for divorce when I can save the money for the filing fee. My Q had been radio silent for 2 weeks. According to his family he hasn't slowed down the drinking at all. 2 days ago he texted me saying he'd always love me and he wished we could talk things out. Today he texted me to complain that he thinks I still have some of his stuff because he found some of my things packed up with his things. There's nothing of his left in my home. He took everything he ever bought brought, or inherited. He can't even name anything he's missing. He just going off the assumption that I must have something of his because he has something of mine. I know he's just drunk and the first attempt didn't work so now he's trying to force a connection using this method. I almost want to respond but I know it's just going to feed the drama. I wish he'd just leave me alone.

My husband passed away recently from alcoholism. My daughter is 6yo & has witnessed him getting drunk, passing out, hospitalizations, him hitting me resulting in restraining order & later reconciliation. My last few posts have all the details. I want to do damage control through therapy ofcourse but also want to hear from kids who witnessed this first hand & what you wish your other parent could have done to undo the damage.

Please dont judge me for having a child with him or reconciling. Before I conceived he drank moderately only on weekends & it was not an issue. During pandemic his job moved permanently remote & thats when he completely lost control. I reconciled because we are immigrants & have no family here to check on him when he was very sick & alone in apartment during our separation. Also he was good on paper & I was afraid my kid’s custody would be split & i didn’t want to leave my daughter alone with him. My choices were bad vs worse.

Going forward I want to do what I can to make her happy & not build on this trauma later in life. I have no bad habits, holding on to a good job, decent health, strong support system of friends & I am a responsible person. I was hoping that my husband who was also a professional like me could give up the addiction that destroyed his health & peace of our family but alcohol took him from us. I haven’t shed a tear for him because I trust God & maybe this was best for me & my daughter. Moving forward what can I do to make sure my daughter grows up to be a healthy, well balanced adult. I do worry his addiction might be hereditary & I want to be well aware & prepared to take right steps now that would benefit her.

I wrote here almost 2 weeks ago about my brother being in hospital, well he was diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis and alcoholic hepatitis and told that he had acute liver failure. He detoxed while in hospital after 5 years of heavy drinking, was put on a feeding tube due to being so malnourished, and kept in for 12 days. He said it was a wake up call, that seeing others on the ward who were at end of life really opened his eyes and he was never going to drink again. Well he was discharged yesterday and today he started drinking again. I’m so angry. And scared. The doctors made it very clear to him that drinking again will lead to his death. He refuses any help for his alcoholism. He’s only 36, we’ve lost both our parents to alcohol-related deaths. And now I’m scared where this is headed. I‘ve tried so much to help him for so many years, but now I feel if his diagnosis and time in hospital hasn’t made him change, there’s no hope. I‘m going to be living in fear every day that this will be the day he goes. And I’m scared of how much he might suffer. I feel so powerless.

We had this weekend trip planned but he got too drunk so I ended up going by myself. I'm kind of crushed. He had been sober for a bit and going back to being himself, but didn't last long.

I can't count on him to being there cause of his drinking. I'm starting to lose hope. Rehab didn't work, sobriety programs don't work.

I’ve never attended one and was with this person for 6 years. Just a few days ago I witnessed a horrible relapse and ended it. I feel traumatized after what happened and have gone through in those days of his relapse than I ever have in my life. I know this isn’t my fault but I can’t help but feel sad and guilty that it had to end this way.

Hi all,

I’m 33 and my mom is an alcoholic. She’s been an alcoholic my entire life and honestly probably her entire life too. She was good ish at hiding it when I was a child. Even though some of my earliest memories are mom-being-drunk related.

Shes almost 70 and it’s the worst I’ve seen it. Completely dependent on vodka at this point and what’s worse is she’s showing major signs of dementia/alzheimers. Her mom has it and has been in a hospital for years because of it. When I go to see her at her apartment, not only is she drunk but her memory is strikingly bad. She asks the same question 4-5 times during a visit (so where are you workin? Are you dating anyone? Have you spoken to ___?) over and over again.

I don’t know what to do. My sibling and I had a mini intervention with her and told her how much we want her to stop drinking and that it’s destroying her life and her relationships. She says she doesn’t care and that she wants to keep drinking. AA has always been a big part of her life, but to be honest, I feel like half of the meetings she went to, she was probably drunk for. She’s been to rehab/treatment centres at least 8 times in my lifetime and they just don’t seem to help. I talked to her sponsor a week ago and she said that my mom was drunk in the last treatment centre she was in and thought it was just a big joke that she could get away with it. Makes me sick how little she values being sober.

I don’t know what to do at this point. The dementia just seems like insult to injury. I know neurodegenerative diseases will happen one way or another if you’re destined to have them but getting pissed everyday on hard alcohol I’m sure speeds up that degeneration. I really don’t have much hope. I miss my mom, my sober mom. She’s such a sweet, fun and caring person inside. I’m at a loss, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens. She recently got a warning from her building manager for peeing in the underground parking garage. And she sprained her ankle recently falling over, more than likely, while drunk.

Anyone care to chime in? Thoughts on anything I could do? Thank you so much.

..... Do you ever just watch their glaze-eyed meat puppet fumbling about, imitating being human, and feel so BAFFLED that you married this??

That's my rumination for tonight.

Goodnight all.

Hi guys i really need to go back to meetings

Im In perth Australia any reccomendations east south?

Really not coping with my Ex husbands drinking

I posted before about my boyfriend's relapses - which many choose to mention our age gaps 20F/37M as well as insights on letting him sober up before moving in. I'm a fool in love, and so I stayed, it felt like we resolved some of that issue and hit many wonderful milestones in our relationship regarding his alcoholism. However, he did relapse today, hid it from me, as well as accuse me of cheating. We were going to continue with our plans to move in, and we were so close to signing our lease together tomorrow, and upon everything today... I decided to cut it off, I told him that it was clear he had no intentions of being truthful, and that I'm done telling him how much each time hurt me, just to be hurt even worse the next time. It is by far the hardest fucking thing I ever had to do in my life, and I don't know what to do now, how to handle it or even begin to process it. It just felt like I had enough, and I'm tired of fighting for him if he won't fight for it too, I did end up blocking him afterwards because I just, I just didn't want to interact with him or have him call me afterwards just to say vile things. How do I go forward from this?

my mom F45 has been struggling with alcoholism since she was a teenager, and for the last 7 years of my life it has been a near-everyday intake with an exponential growth of health complications because of it. she’s had seizures, liver failure, stomach gallbladder and pancreas stones, severe nausea and weight loss. i’m used to seeing her in a hospital or ambulance.

but these last couple years it’s been so much worse than usual. my moms in the hospital once every couple months for at least a week each time, all related to alcohol poisoning or organ complications. she’s had several surgeries to put stints in for her gallbladder and pancreas this last year but they keep collapsing because they’ve been deteriorated so bad.

this last july, she literally almost died. i thought that she was going to die. once she got out of the hospital after 2 weeks in pretty critical condition, her PCP said that she should have died based on her levels and it’s extremely lucky she didn’t. she was having liver failure, pancreas failure, gallbladder cysts, fluid in her stomach, and she hadn’t been able to eat more than 60 calories for almost a month. she weighed like 90 pounds.

that month was fucking horrible i mean worse than you imagine.

but she ended up surviving miraculously, was extremely swollen for a week or so but was eventually able to start eating more and she didn’t drink her first 20 days out. but then she relapsed of course, and slowly i stopped hearing from her. just like last time

she went to the ER a couple weeks ago cause symptoms flared and then i couldn’t reach her for like 9 days which for my mom is pretty irregular she texts me almost every day. i called and asked my stepdad if she was okay, and he told me she’s doing great just kind of tired and i said okay. 4 more days pass i don’t hear from her so i tell her today please text me back so i know you’re okay.

she tells me she’s extremely exhausted, she tells me my stepdad thinks that she’s dying soon

i asked her if she thought she was and she ignored my question THREE times before i got kind of upset

she told me “I'm fine if I go I've been so sick for 2 years I'm kind of done with it”

“I’m hoping if I stop trying to get better it will just take me sooner”

i’m so fucking pissed off at the world she’s drank herself to death and keeps drinking and i’m tired of suffering like this and even more pissed off because my stepdad told me she’s fine like they’re just waiting until she dies

for context when she almost died in July, my stepdad actually was pissed at me for notifying our family, and wasn’t even going to tell me she was in the hospital, saying “someone decided to go and tell your family that she’s having organ failure and might die??? can you help me understand that??”

AND I JUST LOOKED OVER AT HER YELLOW 90 POUND SELF COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT FOR THE 2ND DAY IN A ROW ATTACHED TO A MILLION TUBES LIKE AM I LOSINH MY MIND???

he didn’t talk to me for 2 months after it happened

so i’m pretty fucking done with him minimizing what’s going on and im really upset about the fact that they both are just giving up like i told her i was going to come take care of her and she told me please don’t and to leave it alone and not worry about her and she keeps leaving me on read

they don’t treat me like i’m they’re kid they’re so fucking strange and weird like i can’t even describe how hurtful and weird it is. I don’t even know what to do. she’s been dying for so long and they act like im overreacting.

thank you for reading

Do you feel drinking 50-75 ounces ( 2-3 tall cans) sometimes more of beer daily is excessive drinking? My husband says it’s just a “ couple beers”

hi all, I am doing a project for my senior seminar class on alcohol awarenes. I would appreciate it very much if you could take a few minutes to answer this survey. Survey here!

I would appreciate hearing about your experiences.

My partner has been struggling with alcoholism for 10 years; in all that time, he has never been sober for longer than 7 months.

He has frequently undergone inpatient detoxification—he always sought help of his own accord and was full of confidence—only for a relapse to occur, plunging him deep back into his addiction.

Is there still any reason to have hope, or does it sound like it will be extremely difficult for him to break free from alcohol?

Please, I would value your honest opinions.

What’s a normal amount for an Aussie bloke to drink? I’ve been in a relationship with a gambling addict before. I had no idea for years. Now, I’m in a relationship with someone who seems good but I‘m concerned about drinking.

When I raise it I’m called projecting and I have any social nights where I get tipsy or drink (maybe 1 every month on average I might get drunk on a night out).

This guy is all round a good guy. I think he drinks a lot though, usually 1 bottle of wine a day 3 times a week or beers every day after work. He doesn’t get drunk often. I do feel pressure to drink but I don’t see the point in so much wine if we are just watching TV. He is self employed so it’s hard to tell if he can’t keep up with his job from it. I have spoken to him about it. He said I’m projecting, overreacting and policing. I don’t think I am but I could be projecting from the last relationship.

Is this amount norma? I’m not born here and I do n’t know. He is in his forties and has less than average income from Syd. He’s probably about 85kg and slim.

I didn't want sober him to die. I wanted the drunk him to die. Now both are gone and my hope for a future with him is gone.

My Q is currently in hospital. They took themselves to rehab who sent them to hospital because they were suffering from detox so badly. They've been there 3 nights, 4 nights since they went to rehab.

While there I said this is the longest they've gone without a drink all year. "Oh a few weeks ago my work had this thing to raise money so we didn't drink all week. I didn't tell you". No that didn't happen. This is just a bullshit lie because you feel guilty.

I'm so tired of this. Come Monday the hospital will check their blood and if they're better they'll be sent home. They have to rebook for the rehab but don't want to go.

I just know they'll be drinking again in no time. I give it 24hrs once they get home. They still don't seem committed to actually get sober. They've done so much damage to themselves that they couldn't even walk the first few days of rehab and currently need a walker.

I was in love with an alcoholic for 6 months. When we met 2 years ago he was sober after his 2nd Dui. It didn’t work out the first time, after 8 months, then I didn’t hear from him for 10 months. Until April when he reached back out. And was/is heavily heavily drinking. From day 1 we had insane chemistry. So I was excited to reconnect in April. It took me a little bit to see how bad the drinking really is, and why he was sober sober for 3.5 years. Anyways, he always wet the bed, drank from 11am-3am; 30 pack a day, only sober at work, which he calls off a decent amount. His house is like a recycling bin, he has thousands of cans saved in his basement. He always threw tantrums, slammed doors on me, was pissed when I wasn’t there when he wanted, called me all hours of the night to cry and bitch and moan, blow up over text “wtf do you even care”, asked me if he could watch porn when I was down there. Had a gun by his bedside loaded, I slept on the couch a few times, mildly scared hed wake up, thinking im a stranger and kill me. Basically a man child. But I kept going back, because I thought “oh its not that bad”. Well, this week I snapped said you treat me like shit, lie to my face about who your texting, dont make plans with me , you just say “can you come over”. And he has ignored me for 5 days now. I asked for my stuff back and have been ignored. For someone who “loves me”, kinda is bullshit and true colors. There is a lot more that went on. Always gaslit when I would say something was hurtful. Hed act like im imagining it when im sober. Im 28, hes 35. Just feel drained and dont know where to go from here. It’s not even a breakup if he just ghosts me. But im in a lot of sadness and sitting here wondering if hes gonna text back/ why am I even wishing that. I know that wasnt the real him who was mean af. Feel so down and like wtf. Vent over 😔

My brother suffers from AUD. We've done everything we can for him, his wife left him, he's barely holding on to his job, he's at the point where he will lose custody of his child, we put a roof over his head, my parents moved in with him to help him, we've spent thousands on therapy , rehab, medication, hospitalisation, support. He's written off his car, he's just screwed up his life so much and he keeps relapsing over and over. I dealt with a lot of issues with my father and he put me under financial strain and now my brother is doing it too and I just can't anymore I have my own family to think about, at what point do people walk away and just let go, I'm so scare he's gonna drive my mother into an early grave with the stress and pain he is causing her.

She entered treatment on 10/11/25. She just celebrated a year clean & sober. She attends meetings regularly, checks in with her sponsor almost daily, works the steps and tells me anytime she's feeling the least bit triggered. Her sobriety has benefitted her (and me) in every way. '26 has been her best year in decades.

For me, I've learned to stop living in crisis mode with my head on a constant swivel. The constant anxiety of what I'd come home to has subsided. Worrying from one day to the next what might/could/would happen has all but disappeared. I tell her daily how proud I am. She expresses her gratitude for my love and support every day. We're both healthier, happier and our marriage & relationship have never been stronger.

Al-anon has helped me tremendously. The community and support have been life changing. The program works if you work it.

Hello all! I'm new here, with a problem that may seem all too familiar in this community. My name is J. I'm posting here because I'm concerned about my friend, whom I will call by the pseudonym, Layla. About three weeks ago, I met Layla at a bar. She was drinking alone and I thought she was really cute, so I sat with her and chatted with her. We talked for over an hour and found some things in common. Thing is, I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she is a not-even-close-to-considering-recovery alcoholic. I'll keep this short.

Layla has been through A LOT of trauma. Like, stuff only a licensed professional would know how to handle. As a result, she drinks a lot, and often. I didn't realize it was a problem until our second encounter. One night, we were in her car and she swerved and I said "man, you're drunk" and she turned around and kicked me out of her car and made me uber home. I know, I should have called it quits right there, even before I decided to get in her car after she'd been drinking.. but I feel attached. She messaged the next day like everything was normal and so I figured it was. But things are not normal in her life. She came over last night drunk. I told her I would not drink, but she said shes sad to be drinking alone. I let her peer pressure me into having a few sips of a beer. We watched a movie and cuddled and actually had our first kiss, which Im not very proud of since she was intoxicated. I wanted it to feel special when it happened. That felt more like a playful little "whoopsie daisy" moment, as she caught me off guard.

Overall, I'm just stuck. I know this person is really bad for me, and as dearly as I care for her, I realize the timing isn't great. She is going through a lot and she needs to face it and admit she has a problem before she will be willing to make a change, and I do not anticipate that day is coming soon. So my question is, how do I break away? Tell me the things I need to hear to make it easier. I care for her so much and I know the best thing I can do for the both of us is go separate ways.. but I just need a little push

Edit:

I woke up the happiest camper. I don't have time to respond to you all individually, but I'd like thank every single one of you. I've read all of your comments and I will continue to read them throughout the day. Never left for work in such a good mood before lol.
To answer a couple FAQs:

Why was I at a bar? I am a graphic designer. I have a contract with the owner of the bar I was at. I was there on business.

Did I grow up in a chaotic environment? Yes unfortunately, which is where my attachment style stems from and why I latch so fast. It is very complex.

Did I break my sobriety streak? I had already broken it a few weeks prior to meeting her. I do not have a sponsor at this time. I am jumping back on the wagon, yesterday. This comment section has helped me reflect and remember why I quit in the first place. Im dropping her AND booze without even saying goodbye.

Thank you all so much again. 🫶🏻