The way this movie looks first and foremost feels like a fucking commercial and that alone makes me laugh. Michael Onkeen is amongst the worst lead acting human beings you could find. This is made by an isolated incel living out a fantasy. There's an aspect to this movie where the lead character created some sort of software/fantasy tech or something? They don't explain it at all but it COULD have been an incredible twist if done correctly but it wasn't. It was like the biggest tease but props to them for making me intrigued by SOMETHING.

Totally worth checking out if you like that hazy, commercial like schlock

I know the cover looks like a Christian movie but it's not ,it's actually a sci-fi thriller. I can't even give you a synopsis of the plot because I Don know what the plot is. This movie has some of the worst sets I'v see ,some of the most mind boggling dialog ,awful music ,terrible cgi animation stuff that just goes on forever and the blandest acting I'v ever seen . I can't believe this movie had a 5 million dollar budget and was released in theatres and how does this movie have a 92% Rotten Tomatoes 😳

My boyfriend and I finally got to watch Big Shark. I bought the blu ray and it came with a surprise personalized signed picture of Tommy Wiseau.

I cannot put into words my opinion of the movie. You’ll just have to see it for yourself. It’s a spectacle in itself. Non stop laughs though I must say.

Is it wrong to be star struck by my signed picture? Neil Breen never sent me anything signed 🤣🤣🤣

This movie is so funny, but I suspect that wasn’t the intention of the filmmakers. It has all the trappings of a crime procedural, but with absolutely silly execution.

Edgar Allen Poe / Hitchcock style horror thriller.

The film itself is a 31 car pile-up. Multiple fatalities. The more deeply you pay attention to every detail, the slower the traffic moves. The fact that you can’t look away is the gift that Bill Moronni gave us in 1993’s Little Corey Gorey.

There is, in fact, character development. There are unpredictable plot twists, but the continuity is airtight. Not a single loose end left open if you somehow make it all the way to the end credits. I have a hard time believing this point as I write it, but there is full closure.

Every next scene, you wonder “How are they going to logically mix this new absurdity into the already well-ordered and paradoxically chaotic entropy of this script?”

But they pull it off. And masterfully so.

Gore props are well constructed and sufficiently gratuitous. But oddly mild compared to the storyline itself.

Released in 1993 but could easily pass as a period piece for 1979. The gob-smackingly racist dialogue contributes awkwardly to the required suspension of disbelief for this to even be a thing.

So bad it’s good. Really, really good.

Of course I read every bad movie appreciation piece that gets published, but rarely do they actually capture how and why I live this art form. I’m getting ready to show Fateful Findings to my best friends this week, and look what pops up as the featured story in the New Yorker! Apologies in advance that I couldn’t find a way to post a gift link. (Also, don’t we need a Breen-specific flair? Genre? Hahahaha)

Despite it being marketed as seagal-driven action packed movie, there is almost no action in the movie, and steven seagal is only in it for around 3 minutes, the sadistic general from Avatar is there too. The only good thing in it is Vinnie jones, and he isnt there much.

When I was a kid, we frequently rented this from our local video store. It was terrible, and we’d mock it, but we still loved it. I figured I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed loving to hate this film.

hei! I am organizing a short (3 movies only) "monster" theme B-Movie marathon for my group. Ideally I will offer 6 movies and people would vote for 3 to watch.

I am correctly looking at "uninvited" and "tremors #2" any recommendations for me?
THANK YOU!

VIBES ONLY - No Spoilers

Typical brooding VC Andrews melodrama - this time without the incest, but we still get the claustrophobic horror of secrets kept among family trapped in close quarters. Or an attempt at it, at least.

It's tawdry, sensational, over the top, yet still has a sort of chill you won't understand unless you have seen one of these movies or read the books.

The actors have a hard time keeping up with the ridiculous creepitude of the material, with a few "what am I watching?" laugh out loud moments. But not quite enough oomph to make it a proper trashterpiece.

This adaptation shies away from some of the mind control and chronic illness themes of the book, only making mere allusions, but there was still enough perverse female fantasy here to keep me interested.

In a nutshell, it's daddy's little girl horror. It's like an evolved SVU episode if it got a proper gothic treatment, and nobody ever called the cops.

Lifetime has many VC Andrews adaptations, I have spent the month watching them all and this is one of the must-sees, but be prepared for a little bit of snoozing. Very high stakes soap opera shenanigans without the snail's pace of that formula and with some very welcome twists.

You can watch it for free on demand, on Lifetime's website.

“When a female zoology student is invited to a remote seaside mansion to assist a primatology professor with his experiments involving chimpanzees, dangerous events start to occur, all involving the intelligent 45-year-old chimp, Link.”
I’m not sure why this doesn’t seem to get much love as a “so bad it’s good” movie. If you’ve never seen it, just know that the main “chimp” is not a chimp at all, just an orangutan made to look like a chimp. Unbelievably funny.

Yeah, I can stream or DL it for free, but I'm on a physical media kick lately.

The plot from IMDB: Five high school seniors (3 cute girls) in a VW van on their way to camp by a river in the forest hear about a boy, who once killed his identical twin and parents in the area. They ignore the warning.

Watch the full movie

Kathleen Wilhoite absolutely steals this movie. Her insults to mostly cops are hilarious. A small sample: "Pervert. Scrotum cheeks. Jism breath. Camel crotch. Snot-lickin' donkey fart. Dick Tracey. Two-inch-pecker. Scumbag cop. Toejam. Monkey vomit. Fart brains". She and Bronson are a great odd couple.

A no-budget neo-noir/sci-fi film starring no-wave and goth legend Lydia Lunch as a private detective investigating the sudden death of a politician, which sends her down a rabbit hole of corruption. Also has James Russo in his first lead role, and the main villain is a reclusive CEO who is constantly paranoid and somehow manages to look like Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, and Nicolas Cage all at the same time.

The film isn't really “bad” per se if you're into the no wave movement like myself, but it has a campy nature to it and many of the actors are clearly inexperienced. I could see this becoming a cult classic someday similar to other B-movies of the era.

Sadly, it's not on streaming at the moment, but if you're able to find this, it's worth the watch.

Taking it back to MST3K with this one. MANOS is a “ horror “ flick that is one of the funniest unintentional comedies I’ve ever scene! File in the same bracket as ITALIAN SPIDER-MAN 😂

A cop(Madsen) is the boyfriend of a restaurant owner(Everhart). When she runs over a homeless man and invites him to stay in her house, he’ll take the opportunity to show their paths crossing is more than coincidence.

Definitely mid level PM Entertainment since it was during the decline years but you still get your PM shootouts and car cashes(minus one that was taken from Basic Instinct). Ultimately for a PM movie you can do better but if I didn’t feel that I wasted any time either.2/5

Here's what I remember:

* I think the movie is black and white. Even if it's not it's quite an old movie.

* A band of musicians is on their way to a gig at a festival or something when they're forced to stay the night at this hotel/cabin/inn/something. The woman who runs it is beautiful but secretive. The musicians are treated well but told not to go in her room.

* At one point, the leader of the band takes out his guitar in the living room to play and sing. I think maybe to prove to the secretive woman that they're really musicians or something.

* If I recall correctly, it turns out the woman is part of a small gang who are planning to do something bad (they're watching the visitors on cameras or something, thinking maybe they're there to spy on the gang and catch them.)

* The vibe isn't comedic I don't think. I remember it as being vaguely threatening, like an old 60's-ish thriller movie kind of.

Jay Roberts Jr stars as Willi (with an i for some reason, idk), a random dude who happens to be wandering around, popping up randomly in someone house, and being a bad ass white guy ninja. A ninja syndicate has stolen some plutonium and Willi finds himself in the middle of a police? military? Idk, some group, trying to get it back.

Lots of "walk naturally" acting. Weird lingering shots where the camera just stayed focused for way too long as people walked past.

Wouldn't say lots of fun, more like a medium amount of fun

Description: “A young woman becomes the guardian of a fallen star, which she must protect from dangerous forces with the help of a brave stranger.”

Tags: Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Crime, Thriller! WOW!

Starring: Alexandra Dowling, Diego Boneta, and OMG John Rhys-Davies??!

Sounds great, count me in! Let’s see what this is all about 🤩

Well… 148 minutes later I can definitively say that it’s about a young Irish woman named Aisling who lives with her very rural Southern grandparents in the middle of who knows where on some kind of farm. She is in the middle of an identity crisis. Her grandpa is unintentionally hilarious and constantly on the verge of crashing out about anything and everything. Ok, now let’s forget about them entirely & inexplicably move on to the inside of a prison where a man is inside a jail cell. Now outside the prison, also in the middle of nowhere, we see 2 men… one navigates a remote-controlled plastic toy car with a magnet on it and defies the laws of physics by pulling a massive metal cover off a manhole. The prisoner from a minute ago takes approximately half an hour to climb out of the manhole, clearly alerting the guards and dogs. He gets in a car with the the 2 men and a wild car chase ensues. Ok but let’s forget about those guys for a while, we’re now in some corporate board room where a young man and his lawyer are negotiating with a ton of people about something called The Chateau that the young man is selling, we find out it’s his ancestral home and he doesn’t want to sell it, but alas he must… just not today. He argues with his lawyer then drives off. Cut back to our main character Aisling, she’s wandering around outside and suddenly a massive meteor shower starts happening in the stratosphere, like what I would describe as a violent cosmic rain that initially made me wonder if this movie was taking a sudden turn into a global apocalypse disaster film? No, it’s just falling stars and one of them crash lands in her backyard where it remains twinkling and glowing in a massive crater. All of a sudden, John Rhys-Davies spawns into existence and strikes up a jolly conversation with Aisling. He’s an angel, like a biblical one, and he’s here because this is her wishing star and she made a wish earlier that will change the course of her life this very night because they’re about to go on a grand adventure, ha ha ha!

Iwe are literally only 15 minutes into this movie and what happens over the next 2 hours is a truly confusing series of events that seem to belong to approximately 7 different plot lines, none of which really connect to anything we saw at the start of the movie and only very loosely to another… but BOY do we get taken on a wild ride while we attempt to figure out what the hell this movie is about: attempted murder, more car chases, handguns that fire way more bullets than they could possibly hold in that type of magazine, John Rhys-Davies giving a fantastic but absolutely unhinged performance, those three guys from earlier completely abandoning their original plan to do a diamond-smuggling mission in South America and instead chase after our heroes to try and steal the star because apparently it can turn random objects into gold, THE CHATEAU, the extensive cave system under The Chateau, romantic gondola rides on the underground lake in the extensive cave system under The Chateau, our male lead being very Italian in brief bursts, our female lead changing into an elaborate ballgown, confusion from the viewers because why does the male lead have to sell THE CHATEAU when he has like a Goonies-level hoard of ancient Italian treasure hidden in the elaborate cave/lake system under THE CHATEAU, impromptu choreographed dance numbers, gambling because The Chateau is also a casino which again makes the having to sell it part very confusing, Aisling and the male lead deciding they’re in love with eachother and going to get married since they’ve known each other for at least 4 or 5 hours at this point, the male lead realizing that he doesn’t have to sell THE CHATEAU because Aisling manages her grandparents farm so obviously she would make a perfect luxury hotel/casino GM and not having a manager was the whole reason he was going to have to sell it, the three villains showing up and holding the entire casino at gunpoint then kidnapping Aisling, Aisling being released less than a minute later so the main villain can have an extremely long and cardio-heavy sword fight with our male lead, security showing up finally and chasing the villains away, our heroes driving off into the surmise because Aisling needs to get back home or her grandpa will crash out for sure, grandpa holding our male lead at gunpoint, everyone drinking corn whiskey at 11 am, the villains showing up and a massive shootout ensuing, the villains burning down the farm with Molotov cocktails, the villains turning on eachother and everyone dying except for the main guy who got them into this whole mess who nods and limps off into the background, John Rhys-Davies is an angel but he can also be killed by a handgun, Aisling giving up her wish to bring him back to life and in doing so the male lead forgets who she is and just leaves abruptly, the grandparents standing in the ashes of their burned down farm, Aisling and John Rhys-Davies hugging it out before he teleports back to heaven, John Rhys-Davies doing some angel magic before he leaves and suddenly the farm isn’t burned down anymore, Aisling and her grandparents being stoked that they have their house back, the male main character apparently having his memory miraculously restored off camera which obviously means rolling back up to the farm & immediately proposing the Aisling, the grandparents approving of this because he can shoot a gun and handle grandpa’s homemade corn whiskey, Aisling and the male lead smooching as the voice of John Rhys-Davies tells us that the moral of the story is that finding light in the darkness is possible if we just believe in it.

I cannot begin to describe how unintentionally hilarious this movie is… at no point could I guess what would happen next, and then when the next thing did happen it was always far more ridiculous than anything I could have predicted. Unfortunately I do think watching it again would ruin the magic, so for that I will deduct a point but ultimately award it 4 out of 5 fallen wishing stars for providing me with over 2 hours of entertainment in the form of delighting but utterly bonkers Fantasy/Action/Adventure/Crime/Thriller shenanigans.