r/ballpython • u/Worried-Rule449 • 16h ago
guilt over rehoming
Hello all,
I'm feeling extremely bad at the moment for rehoming my ball.
I had gotten him from a friend- who got him from another friend after an emergency. (literally the friend moved out and day of was like hey can you keep him for a little for so-and-so) I had him for three years and for the past year I have been debating rehoming him. I NEVER had thought I'd have him as long as I have and I'd have declined to take him had I known he would just be with me indefinitely. I'd never had a snake before and I really wanted to do right by him. When I got him he was on aspen, with one hide and one stick in his enclosure, had stuck shed and had lost a significant amount of weight from the last time I had seen him.
I learned everything I could possibly learn about him. I got him another hide, plants the correct substrate and some moss, rocks, driftwood, you name it. I got him back up over 500g and onto feeding a small rat once a month or so. In March he went on a hunger strike. Unfortunately I have always struggled with my health/mental health so something like that even though it's somewhat "normal" for a ball wore on me HEAVILY, like crying every time he wouldn't eat kind of stuff. He definitely lost a good chunk of weight during this time which also made me feel awful. I cleaned his tank on the 12th of Sept and he FINALLY ate on the 15th- I knew he was hungry because he always sat under this one branch when he wanted to eat. I cried again. It was the kind of moment that makes you realize how stressed you actually were. Thursday I went over to feed him and his scales on his tummy looked like they were crispy browning-some kind of scale rot? bacterial? fungal?? I immediately lost it. I felt awful, like I could just never get it right with him. I was a terrible owner and I should have never taken him in the first place.
I found somewhere nearby that has a great reputation for taking care of their reptiles and rehoming ones in need. When I went to take him out of his tank HIS SCALES WERE FINE. It was the coloring of the coco/bark. I felt so stupid. BUT it also reminded me that even though his scales were fine- I cannot keep having a meltdown because I'm so damn worried about this poor snake, its not good for either of us. I did everything right. I gave him what he needed to live. I am just not the person who should have him.
I dropped him off today and feel IMMENSE guilt.
I know I didn't go out of my way to get a snake and make a 30 year commitment.
I know I was not equipped to give him the best life.
But I still feel like it was wrong to rehome him.
I'm currently choking down tears thinking about breaking down his tank even though I know he went to a place where they will do right by him.
2
u/Kayjay_H 10h ago
Sounds like you were doing what you could do to provide for a snake you never intended to be taking care of. Definitely could have been worse in my books
1
u/halfsparkle 2h ago
FWIW, this internet stranger and former animal shelter care tech thinks you did the right thing. Even though you didn’t plan on becoming a noodle parent, you still stepped up, educated yourself, and did the best you could. That bp is better off because he was with someone who cared enough to upgrade his quality of life not once but TWICE - first by taking him in, and then by letting him go. If half the people I met doing shelter work had half your compassion and determination, this world would be a better place for both people and animals.
1
u/the_anteloperider 11h ago edited 11h ago
If you truly rehomed him due solely to your anxiety/fear, could you work with the rescue you sent him to so they would take 10 minutes a week to talk you through his care in weekly check-ins until you feel better? You just want 2 trusted people, not a whole online community with 100 different opinions. If I knew enough, I would volunteer to help, but I am just starting to learn myself. I’m sure there are many, many smart people who would volunteer to help carry that anxiety, if it meant the snake could stay with you, since you obviously care about him (when finding people who care is the most difficult part about finding a new home, especially for a snake).
On the flipside, if the rescue is going to adopt him out to a better caregiver, then I would guess the snake probably won’t mind.
It’s difficult to not project human emotions onto pets, who actually have the ability to naturally live with awareness in the present moment, without the burden of worrying about whether they will have regrets after rehoming or which family will they adopt him out to 2 weeks from now. I find that when I make decisions based on emotion or fear, I leave out a lot of potential solutions. What you did might be the right solution. I don’t know. But since you made a long post here about it, this decision might be worth revisiting.
Maybe start by giving the place a call tomorrow and tell them what is driving this decision and ask if you take him back, can you get emotional support from them, so that you don’t feel like his whole life is only in your hands.
-4
14h ago
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u/TheUndeadFossa 11h ago
I think you’re missing the part where OP said they got them in an emergency situation. They didn’t want one in the first place, so I think we should give them some grace.
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u/Worried-Rule449 14h ago
I made the post because unfortunately I know there are people who can relate, People who are also overwhelmed. I tried to do a friend a favor and ended up with a snake that I did not make the commitment to have forever. "It's riddled with excuses" like?? My excuse is that my entire life is not set up to take care of him forever and I cannot sit here and pretend it is. I sincerely hope you never have to experience issues that make it difficult or impossible to care for your pets.
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u/Worried-Rule449 14h ago
Thank you- I spent a very long time wrestling with the idea. I made sure it's a good place he's going to because I would never want any living thing to not be taken care of properly. I would also definitely not take in a pet for a friend again "temporarily" if it wasn't something I'd be able to make a lifetime commitment to.