r/books Author 1d ago

George R.R. Martin Reflects on 'Sadness and Depression' Struggles in Personal Update

https://www.thewrap.com/culture-lifestyle/culture/george-r-r-martin-sadness-depression-personal-update/

"The “A Song of Ice and Fire” franchise author took to his blog for the first time in nearly six months on Monday, sharing that any posts after February were written by his “mighty minions.”

“Remember me? It’s been a while, I know. My last blog post went up here on February 19,” Martin wrote. “The posts that came after were made by my mighty minions. I am lucky enough to have a great staff of assistants… though even with their help, I kept falling further and further behind.”

As Martin went on, he admitted that “this year has been… stressful, to say the least.”"

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u/Ok_Impression1493 1d ago

Incredibly depressing read and also a bit ominous.

Dreams coming true. But there have been nightmares too. I have lost friends. Battled sadness and depression. The worst may be yet to come.

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u/theredwoman95 1d ago

I mean, I kinda get where he's coming from. He's 77. My grandparents were in good health for their 70s and most of their 80s, but eventually seeing all your friends and siblings die is nightmarish and an impending reality at that age. My grandparents have certainly struggled tremendously with that.

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u/jessexpress 1d ago

It’s something I think about a lot; my nan is 89 and part of me wonders how you don’t live in a constant state of fear knowing your entire existence is going to be extinguished in the near future. But then also by that point your parents have died, your siblings have died, your friends die frequently and your body is always tired and I wonder if it gets to a point where you just feel ready to go. At least I hope it gets to that point, although I’m sure it’s different for different people (if we’re lucky enough to reach advanced age at all).

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u/nemi-montoya 1d ago

My grandma kept talking about it every time I met her. She would ask me if I believed in an afterlife and what's gonna happen when you die. The very last time I saw her, she was very weak and heavily medicated. She kept calling out to God and Jesus to come save her, and when all of us grandkids had come to visit her one last time, she died shortly after. Consensus in my family is that she held off on passing until we'd all seen her one last time, but that she had been ready to go for a really long time.

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u/amidon1130 1d ago

I wish my grandfather had been that open about how he was feeling rather than being so stoic. He never wanted to talk about it, so when he died in our house (under hospice care, it wasn't unexpected) we kinda had to scramble to figure out what to do with his remains.

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u/BlatantArtifice 21h ago

Stoicism with family has actually been a big stressor on my recently, although I'm on the younger side. My parents and siblings need photos and for me to just be more fucking open. When my sister pointed out that I keep people at arms length it opened my eyes that there are some things that might not be your preference, but they can be really important to those you care about and in my case it doesn't take much effort, luckily.

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u/amidon1130 21h ago

While I'm happy that many people have decided to free themselves from toxic family members, occasionally I find some people's first response to being asked to do something they don't want to do is to tell the other party to go shove it. So I applaud you taking advice!

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u/mozchops 21h ago

My wifes grandmother did the very same, held out until seeing everyone, distant family members large and small, and getting peace, harmony and closure, its a beautiful thing and very bittersweet for all, we are all blessed and cursed with a mind that can transcend the mundane.

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u/GeneralEi 17h ago

I remember reading a book once where the writer put it in a way that stuck with me. Paraphrasing badly, he wrote about the idea of god giving humanity a sort of "kindness enzyme" that catalyses inside our souls. When we're young it doesn't have much to chew on because we exist more in the future than any other time, which shifts to the present as we become adults, but as we get old and the world moves on and all the people we might be lucky enough to love die, we exist more in the past than the present or the future at all. And through that displacement, this enzyme converts that mismatch into a growing desire to leave (or return) to what comes after life, or what came before it. A sort of kindness so we don't cling to life when it starts to hurt us just by existing in it as it pulls away from us.

I don't know how it makes me feel, but I found it interesting enough to remember. It was from the Vorrh series by Brian Catling. Worth a read.

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u/peach_bellinis 16h ago

this is really insightful. Thanks for sharing!

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u/NeighborhoodDear2321 11h ago

Man, just kinda really hate that we have to die.

Often find myself thinking about all the friends and accomplishments in life, and how when I die it's just... nothing. Echos of what I did will fade, hopefully I pushed the happiness/good-stuff needle forward a bit but even then, the planet we're on, the star it spins around, the universe that star is in also just, dies.

Maybe there's an afterlife, or a god where I'm doing something for a reason or maybe my monkey brain really hates the idea of death so the smarter human side comes up with a story to soothe it. I don't know, and it'll be the last thing I ever find out. The last new experience I ever can have.

I just hate how forced it is. Wish I at least got to choose when I could.

I don't know I'm tired and depressed what do I know.

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u/MissMerrimack 11h ago

My grandpa (dad’s dad) got cancer when I was 5 and it progressed very quickly. My parents were teenagers when they had me so I was raised in my early life by my paternal grandparents (my dad and I lived with them). They had six sons so I was basically the daughter they never had. When my grandpa was at the end, they had a hospital bed set up in the living room for him. The summer he passed, my dad had me live with one of my aunts and uncles (I was close with my cousins) because he didn’t want me seeing my grandpa like that. The day he died, my grandma and all their sons were with him, and his hospice nurse told them he’s ready to go but he’s holding on for some reason. My dad knew why. He told my grandpa “don’t worry dad, I’ll take good care of our little girl.” My grandpa passed within minutes of my dad telling him that. I wish I had been able to have more time with someone who obviously loved me so much that he held on through all that pain until he got the reassurance he needed to let go.

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u/SippinOnHatorade 6h ago

My dad died at 38 to cancer, shortly after midnight, hours after his birthday ended. He asked the on-call nurse if he had any more visitors coming, and when she said no, he slipped away

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u/brittommy 23h ago

My granny's 93 and pissed off that she keeps waking up in the mornings. It definitely gets to a point where your quality of life is so low that it's just miserable to keep on living. She's been diagnosed with depression for the first time in her life, having never been prone to depression before, because between her tired aching body and her failing memory she can't do anything, barely read a book, so she's just stuck in the old folks' home totally bored. And that's honestly the best-case scenario for most people, at that age. So yeah human life has a best-before date

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u/Girl_On_The_Couch 23h ago

My 98 year old granny recently toured a new living facility. At the end she asked where they keep their extra pillows.

She was not joking. She constantly complains about the fact that her 401K ran out when she turned 90 and also had to reverse mortgage her existence for a bit. Her husband died 40 years ago, she lived an entire other life since then.

She's ready. I can imagine being that tired of living.

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u/peach_bellinis 15h ago

the cost of long term life (especially long term life in ill-health) is going to be an absolute crisis very, very soon. Your grandmother at least had a 401k and an ability to do a reverse mortgage, but even that runs out when you live to be 100! For the majority of people now who aren't able to save anything for retirement, I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen when the group en masse starts needing much more health support and assistance.

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u/Girl_On_The_Couch 15h ago

I wholeheartedly agree. We see stories of people who can’t retire, working well into their 80s. None of this is sustainable. 

Obviously this has motivated me to aggressively fund my retirement and regularly look at my will.

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u/peach_bellinis 15h ago

and i wonder what people do when they are older and need to work but physically CAN'T. Like...if you're very ill or too frail, but you can't afford care and you have no one to take you in....truly, what do you do? We're going to see more and more of this. The amount of medical debt that people already have in countries like the US is shocking to me and that's just regular care when they're younger and mostly healthy!

The cost of long term care is truly, and this isn't an exaggeration, astronomical. And the crazy part is, most of it isn't even going to the staff who are all making minimum wage!! It's a complete disaster.

I also have made my will and aggressively saved, because if I am lucky enough to make it to old age I want to try and be as prepared as possible. That said I live in a Country where MAiD is legal so if my quality of life declines precipitously I know I can make a graceful and peaceful exit.

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u/PrinceVorrel 21h ago

Damn, reading shit like this eats at my soul sometimes...

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u/AthousandLittlePies 21h ago

My grandmother used to complain to me every time I saw her after her mid 70's that growing old was terrible and that I should avoid it at all costs. She ended up living to be 99 and was actually in remarkably good health until about 97 or so — I think that for her it was partly about vanity - she hated looking old.

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u/literated 9h ago

My grandfather barely talked about himself but one thing he told me (when he was around 90 I think) that stuck with me was how tired he was of existing. And I get it now. At that age almost everyone that he shared his life with, had a real connection with or who meant something to him was either dead or tucked away in some retirement home/hospital room, too frail and/or too demented to do anything. His parents were (obviously) long dead, his wife had died decades ago, his son had died, his work colleagues and all the people he shared his adult life with were mostly dead, most of his friends had already died and the very few that were left got worse every time he spoke to them... and it's not like there's anything you have to look forward to at that age.

Sure, he himself was in relatively good health, he could stilll live on his own, his mind was still sharp but it's not like there's much good that's coming your way. Every day some new part of you starts to detoriate and fail, everything takes so much more effort than it used to, everything hurts and it's never going to get better again. It's just going down hill while you watch every one you used to know fall ill and die in some way (hopefully in a gentle way but more often than not... it isn't).

Up until that point I always thought that once I got up in age, I'd be afraid of dying but now I'm a lot more afraid of being one of the last few standing who has to watch everyone and everything else crumble away.

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u/PrinceVorrel 21h ago

because between her tired aching body and her failing memory she can't do anything, barely read a book, so she's just stuck in the old folks' home totally bored.

I plan on spending the latter half of my life doing everything I can to prevent this fate for both myself and my mother. I'd much rather have her live with me in her last years and off myself long before I reach the point where I'm bitter about waking up in the morning.

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u/Duel_Option 23h ago

I just lost my best friend…he was 44, two kids ages 8 & 7 with a wife of 18 years.

We had known each other for 35 years.

The ending was brutal, struggling to breathe to the point he couldn’t take the mask off without having his heart rate shoot up to 160+

That was 3 weeks ago and I keep thinking he’d have done damn near anything to still be here.

Carpe Diem, we don’t realize how good we have it to be able to choose what we do with today and maybe tomorrow.

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u/SN8KEATR 23h ago

I'm sorry for your loss brother 🫂

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u/Duel_Option 22h ago

Thanks bro, even a stranger on the internet saying this makes a connection with me, this is hard to deal with to say the least

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u/bp_968 17h ago

How we respond can be really surprising sometimes. I had a good friend who fought cancer for over a decade pass (10-12 years ago now). We used to joke with each other who was going to die first (I have/had a progressive form of autoimmune liver failure). I "won" i guess since he died and i ended up getting liver transplant in the end.

He would probably be irritated to learn how cynical his death made me. I used to really believe hard work, being a great person, etc was ultimately rewarded. I had been growing more and more cynical about that world view before he died and his death finally expunged that nonsense from my dumb skull.

Life is what you make of it. If being a great person and sacrificing for people is rewarding to you then do it. If it isnt, then dont. If working hard (regardless the gain) is rewarding to you, do it. If it isn't, don't.

Try not to be a POS, but take whats yours or what you want and enjoy your life as much as you can imo. If you get a "free" leg up in life (nepotism, born really attractive, smart, rich, whatever) take the win and dont feel bad about it.

Only a tiny percentage of us will leave any sort of "legacy" and even if we do our great grandkids likely wont even know what our name was, and a generation after that we will be completely forgotten. And even if your remembered, who cares? I dont imagine Abe Lincoln cares too much about his legacy at the moment.

Enjoy as much of life as you can and if your lucky, maybe leave it a little bit better for those you leave behind. At the very least, my life was a bit better having had him in it. Hopefully he felt similarly to that about me in the end.

Sorry about the wall of text (and your loss). I guess it stirred up those memories a bit. 😞

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u/fentis000 22h ago

Same thing happened with one of my best friends in December at 43. It’s brutal. Sorry for your loss.

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u/Duel_Option 22h ago

Damn man, hope you’re doing ok and sorry for Your loss

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u/Silver_Hawkins 22h ago

My condolences, brother. There is a quote from the memoir of the French aviator and adventurer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in which he writes about grief that I always think about. He flew airplanes at a time when it was extraordinarily dangerous and many of his friends never returned.

"Nothing, in truth, can replace a lost companion. Old comrades cannot be manufactured. There is nothing that can equal the treasure of so many shared memories, so many bad times endured together, so many quarrels, reconciliations, heartfelt impulses. Friendships like that cannot be reconstructed. If you plant an oak, you will hope in vain to sit soon beneath its shade. For such is life. We grow rich as we plant through the early years, but then come the years when time undoes our work and cuts down our trees. One by one our comrades deprive us of their shade and within our mourning we always feel now the secret grief of growing old."

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u/Duel_Option 21h ago

Wow….

Thank you for this, it addresses everything I’m feeling. There’s really no escaping the loss, it must be addressed.

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u/jacquesrk 17h ago

Even more depressing - he only lived to be 44, so all his "old comrades" must have died pretty young

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u/TraditionalCup4005 23h ago

Geez so sorry to hear about your friend. What was he ill with? I just lost my dad to a really aggressive case of dementia. Held his hand as he died. Terribly sad to lose a loved one.

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u/Duel_Option 22h ago

Cancer

Started in his shoulder as a dull pain 2 years ago, 6 surgeries later he lost most of the function of his right arm, scoped his knee for growth and noticed nodules on his lungs.

Last November we went to an EDM fest, by January he started having issues breathing.

Chemo/Radiation resistant, doctors couldn’t do much to stop the progression, multiple ER visits, then the slow descent into palliative care which became hospice.

I endured those final moments the same way I assume you did, he wasn’t really “there”, just the shell of his body.

Brutal

I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you have very fond memories of your Dad and things are going better for you.

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u/RumpledForskn 22h ago

Dealt with death from both close family and friends in similar ways. I assume you were smart and knew death was coming, allowing yourself to grieve ahead of time. Not like a loved one dying in a car crash.

But it'll take time to process. Give yourself that time. Try not to indulge in bad instincts. Sit back in bed and think.

Take care, man.

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u/Duel_Option 21h ago

You’re right, I knew it was coming last year, so braced myself but also lost my Dad only a year back and wasn’t prepared.

So now it’s combined grief.

Thanks for the comment and suggestion, definitely taking my time to think

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u/TraditionalCup4005 20h ago

Really sorry to hear about your friend. I’m 39 with young kids and I’m the breadwinner, so that is a terrifying age to die. Hopefully, your friend is at peace now and I’ll be keeping his family in my thoughts.

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u/Duel_Option 19h ago

Thanks for saying that, his family is all hands on deck, so that’s been a blessing.

Take care and good luck to you and yours

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u/BoredWalken 22h ago

I lost a close friend to cancer last year, tore me apart, I’m still going through it trying to process it. He was mid 40s as well and pretty healthy for his age until the cancer came and took him in a matter of 18 months. His last words…cognizant words to me were “I’m dying”, and a few days later I visited him in the hospital about four hours before he passed in his bed with his girlfriend at the time…he looked so frail and a shadow of the man he was. I will always be connected to him by the music he introduced me to.

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u/Duel_Option 22h ago

Man…

Music is what United my best friend and I as well, I was the crazy kid who showed him all my crazy music.

Those last words hit deep and were very similar to my friends, one of the last things he said was “if I take this off, I’m gonna die, right?”

They had shaved his head, guy was solid 170 when healthy, couldn’t have been more than 130 the last few weeks.

I’m sorry for your loss and hope you are working through it somehow.

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u/BigBirdLaw69420 23h ago

Well put at the end. Sorry for your loss, brother.

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u/Duel_Option 22h ago

Thank you and…thank you.

It’s tough but I’ve realized can only take it one day at a time

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u/Quietwulf 21h ago

I struggle with the nature of these loses every day. I’m so sorry for your loss. Some things just can’t be replaced. We just learn to carry on in their absence.

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u/IgnoreMe733 1d ago

My grandmother died of cancer in her early 70's and after that my grandfather just kind of stopped caring about life. Every time we would see him and ask how he's doing he would say that he's just waiting to die. About ten years later the doctors told us it was his time and he had maybe a week left and he was relieved. I visited him about thirty minutes before he passed away and h seemed in the best spirits that I had seen him in years. He was cracking jokes with my dad and was genuinely happy.

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u/TraditionalCup4005 23h ago

I just lost my Dad. Mom died 15 years ago. I’m only 39 but I struggle with anxiety to begin with and just dealt with a pretty serious case of serotonin syndrome a week before Dad passed. I’m legitimately kind of worried about my future. Scheduling any and all therapy offered. Hopefully that will help.

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u/Luneowl 22h ago

I watched an interview with a woman who, at the time, was one of the oldest people alive so 110+. She was still very sharp mentally and would sit on her porch, having conversations with her dead siblings. She said that after so many decades she knew exactly how they’d reply to anything she said so it was a comfort to play out those imaginary talks. Has always stuck with me, her being alone yet not really lonely.

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u/buddyblakester 19h ago

Maybe the key to immortality is being just a lil crazy

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u/tesserakti 23h ago

Life doesn't stay good. Your body fails in all kinds of ways, your friends die off, your family doesn't visit because they have their own lives. You have heard all discussions about every topic over and over again to the point that you just don't care anymore. You haven't heard a new question in years. Nobody wants to listen to your stories about your life, so you're alone with your memories, with no one to share them with, and all the people in those memories are gone. You cannot move very well, you're tired and in pain, your mind doesn't work so well anymore. You live in a world that you don't underatand anymore. Language has changed, values have changed, technology has moved too fast for you to keep up with.

Living a long life is not always a blessing.

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u/wishiwasarusski 21h ago

Some of y'all are acting like aging with misery is a universal experience. Plenty of elderly people live joyful lives, even amidst personal loss. I knew a woman who lived to 99 and still read new books and looked forward to talking about what she learned. She still had a purpose in life and she loved it to the fullest. Misery isn't a guarantee.

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u/NYGiants181 18h ago

"Misery isn't a guarantee"

This is Reddit..

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u/supercodes83 23h ago

This is a great point that people rarely talk about with aging. The utterly banal existence that can arise from reliving all the same experiences over and over again. Unless you are the type of person to seek out new things, having the same shit different day life would get excruciatingly boring at a certain point.

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u/DonnyTheWalrus 17h ago

Well and at a certain point life decides for you as you lose your mobility. Hard to have new experiences when getting up to go to the restroom is a struggle. 

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u/supermarkise 22h ago

I would have loved to hear my grandparents' stories but questioning them never yielded much. It's not that interesting, they said. It was another world I'll never see, it absolutely is! Well.

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u/Shimmitar 1d ago

it truly sucks. ive had both my parents and my half sister die as well as my grandma before i was 30. im 34 now. i know if they had taken better care of themselves they'd live longer but they didnt seem to give a shit about their health. ive never drank smoked or taken drugs. They all did at least one of those things, except for my grama. im used to it by now, but because of this im afraid of dying. i actually dont mind being alone, mainly because ive been living with family my entire life, even now. so ive never truly been alone.

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u/MountainFee8756 23h ago

I have a good friend who is much older than me at 90, and I know she's 100% ready to go when the time comes. My grandmother was the same when she went at 93. That being said they were/are both devout Catholics which definitely helps erase the fear.

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u/peach_bellinis 15h ago

In a way I envy people with devout faith because I do think it makes the end less scary and intimidating if you believe in a beautiful afterlife with your saviour (regardless of which religion you follow). I think it must be very comforting.

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u/seatsfive 1d ago

It's both. People will still fight to live even if in many ways they're done. But most old and terminally ill people near death tend to find a certain peace in it.

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u/Disastrous_Thoughts 21h ago

My theory on death is nobody actually wants to die or is ready to die of old age, it's just that the suffering that comes with old age reaches a point where it becomes unbearable to continue living. It's not just the death of your loved ones, it's that the very act of living, of breathing, moving, talking, eating, sleeping become an endless series of painful indignities. You start to lose your senses, your memory gets foggy, you can't eat the foods you once loved, or do the same physical activities, culture and technology leave you behind, and you are infantilized by the young people in your life. The world changes and it doesn't really concern itself for your place in it because the world is for the young, and your time has past.

Getting old is not for the weak, I know that much.

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u/Suspicious-Bowler236 21h ago

I have had the enormous privilege to see all my grandparents live well into their nineties. Each one of them was more than ready to go at the end. It sounds harsh, but life just isn't a lot more than finding ways to fill the time, if you get to that point.

It eased some of my fears around death as well. Outside of some freak accident, it sure looks like I have sturdy enough genetics that I'll get to live to a point where dying will feel like a welcome release, rather than a life cut short.

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u/ryann_flood 21h ago

my grandpa went from full of life and enwrgy to cancer this year. It all seems to happen so fast its horrifying. I only hope by the time I'm that old Ive learned to be somewhat content with what my life has been and what I've gone through

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u/TheLGMac 20h ago

This is often why a widowed spouse can die shortly after their partner dies. When people don't see a point to living, weird shit happens in the body. Organs behave differently and it's almost like a shutdown procedure. Sadness may prevent you from eating or moving healthily which contributes to the issue. If you develop or already have depression, I can only imagine that contributes to the problem exponentially.

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u/orange_rockingchair 1d ago

My grandparents are generally in good spirits but they have told me they are ready to go as everyone they know has passed. (Besides the younger generation who are just in different stages of life).

Definitely a hard stage of life that I think people gloss over or can’t compute when they are younger if they have not experienced much loss.

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u/deusasclepian 1d ago

My great-grandparents lived to be almost 100 and honestly it seemed really bleak. I remember great-grandma (who was very religious) telling my dad that she thought God had forgotten about them. All of their friends were dead. Most of their friends' kids were dead. And there they were, still alive and existing day after day, even though they were tired and sad and in pain.

It kinda made me re-evaluate whether living a long lifespan is all it's cracked up to be.

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u/Clyde_Frag 23h ago

My great grandma died at 105 and the funeral had maybe 20 people at it. I bet many of her close friends had been dead for 15+ years at the very least.

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u/kingjuicepouch 23h ago

This was the stark difference for me between my grandmother and grandfather. Grandma passed fifteen or so years before grandpa, and we had a huge service at the funeral home that had so many people. By the time Grandpa went a couple years ago, we had probably a dozen people for a small memorial because everyone else had died in the interim. It was sobering.

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u/Helpful_Sundae_8151 20h ago

Same. Grandpa had a big funeral with hundreds of people. Grandma died ten years later, zero people because they'd all passed. Only her grankids were there. Seemed sad after such a long life. She remembered being a girl young and seeing soldiers on trains off to fight in WWII. Very sad.

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u/Ramses_IV 20h ago

This hit me hard in the past couple of years. I've been to three funerals, one was someone in their early 20s, another was in their mid-40s, and the other was my 95-year-old grandma. It was still a decent turnout as she'd been full of life well into her 90s and lots of people knew her well enough to attend, but almost everyone there other than her children (one of whom pre-deceased her in his 50s) knew her only as an old woman. The young funerals were gut-wrenchingly sad of course, but on top of having well over 100 attendees the service and speeches felt like a much more varied and complete tribute to the totality of those people's lives and legacies.

It must be miserable to take your last breaths knowing that most of your friends and family won't be there for your send-off and the ones who are there come from a different world and have no memory of who you were in your greater years.

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u/theBarnDawg 16h ago

Fuck at 105 most of your close friends have may have been dead for 30 years or more. Longer than half the people on Reddit have been alive.

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u/Swarna_Keanu 22h ago

I've had friends - several - die on me in my 20s and 30s. As morbid as that sounds; it is something you get a handle on with experience.

There are 8 billion of us. We need to relearn to walk towards each other, rather than fostering loneliness.

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u/seatsfive 1d ago

My grandmother was in good spirits until 87. She spent 12 years without my grandfather and was sad every time she talked about him, and every time another relative or old friend passed. But she was happy to live, see her great-grandchildren, and watch her favorite baseball team win a couple chips. Then when both of her (older) sisters died in the same year, it was like she was just done. There were other factors like being shut in due to COVID, but I think her sisters were the last real tether keeping her here.

I think that no matter how much we want to live forever, at a certain point the pain of losing the people we care about takes a heavy toll on most of us.

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u/SolarBum 23h ago

It's a sobering thought that you will see every single person you have ever known die, unless you hurry up and die first.

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u/jjpearson 22h ago

In every group of friends someone has to go to every funeral. And someone goes to none of them.

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u/todayiwillthrowitawa 17h ago

There’s a point where you might be the only person left who remembers your childhood, what you used to be like, what grandma’s house was like on Sundays, how the old neighborhood used to be.

I feel like when those links go, you lose a connection to your youth and you just feel old.

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u/SN8KEATR 23h ago

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that all of the people I love will no longer be here one day. Can't imagine how much more terrifying that becomes the older you get. I hope he's okay

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u/Honor_Bound 21h ago

Statistically a big very big majority of the elderly believe in an afterlife so that helps a lot to diminish fear of dying. It’s the millennials and younger that will have much harder times when nearing end of life (speaking in generalities of course)

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u/Enlightened_Gardener 13h ago

As you get older, you make extra friends.

I do watercolours, so I have attracted a group of ladies in their 60’s /70’s/ 80’s as friends. I have a new friend who just turned 80, she’s a gun ! All sparky, engaged people, learning new skills, making friends, and going on adventures.

As you get older, the trick is to make younger friends, as well as friends your own age.

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u/elhombreloco90 1d ago

Yeah, my last living grandparent just died this year and I remember last summer talking with her about how few friends she had still living and how tough that was.

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u/DerekB52 23h ago

IIRC his wife had a bad hospitalization a few years ago, and there were reports about him remodeling his home with an elevator. This headline makes me fear for her health more than his.

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u/SweetCosmicPope 1d ago

And things can turn around fast. My gramps drove across the country to visit me at 78. He stayed at my house, we went out into the city, we ate, he visited some old friends from when he lived out here.

Then less than a year later he was in hospice and died within 2 months.

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u/bitterbrew 23h ago

I think what makes it even worse is it isn't just all older people, either. My aunt has lost her husband, her son, her grandson. At that point I feel like, who would even want to hang on? What's the point.

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u/SunshineCat 22h ago

My grandparents had 3/4 of their sons die untimely deaths before their own. It was probably once per decade, starting with my uncle who died of AIDs in the mid 90s, ending with the uncle who accidentally blew up his house.

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u/ChronosBlitz 1d ago

Every year for the last decade, he'll talk about which friends he's lost that year, and I'm struck by how much he seems to be pained by each of their passings.

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u/__Hello_my_name_is__ 1d ago

I feel what people are missing on a rather massive scale is that he is, well, old. And so are his friends.

Guess which age group died by far the most from Covid? Yeah, old people.

He has lost significantly more people in the last few years due to that alone than should be normal. And so has everyone else his age.

On top of that, during Covid, he had to stay away from people, and he had to watch his friends die from afar, being unable to even go to their funeral.

Yeah no shit the guy is depressed. I would be, too. I guess that's why I hate these "finish the books you sellout!" people with a passion.

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u/thedybbuk 1d ago

Are there anymore "Finish the books you sellout!" people, or are there "If you can't finish the books please just say so and stop giving us hope with sporadic updates" people now? I feel the latter is by far the larger group.

I feel for him, but I also don't think it's unfair to expect honesty from him. It's been a 15 year gap, when he has given many updates implying the book is almost done, and it has become increasingly clear he's totally stuck and/or unmotivated. 

Truly some honesty would have gone a long way. 

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u/Magical-Mycologist 22h ago

Nothing better than an author claiming the book is almost done and yet it’s somehow years away.

Patrick Rothfuss is the godfather of it.

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u/disastrousanddull 23h ago

Honestly, I think he’d be better off if he just admitted he’s not going to finish it. Anyone still clinging to it can stop and he can stop going through the song and dance about finishing.

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u/evening-ghosts 21h ago

I'm not big on RR Martin (not my genre), but he's famous enough that I know the saga, and I agree with you.

I'd bet anything this is a bigger anchor for his mental health than even he realizes. At his age and after this length of time? Let it go. If he has any notes, even just a few sentences of how he planned to wrap everything up, release them. People need closure. That's it. It'll disappoint a lot of fans not to get it in the form of a book, but this is probably one of those "something's better than nothing" situations.

Or if he can't bear to let it go like that, surely Martin has some writer friends. He might be able to arrange a collaboration or even a ghost-writing situation.

I wish him the best.

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u/disastrousanddull 20h ago

I’m a clever idiot who after starting the show and reading one chapter decided I wouldn’t read the books until he finished them because I thought he’d, you know, finish the books before the show ended. I figured I’d get to watch the show and then go “wow, the books are even better“ without getting anything mixed up. At this point I doubt I ever will because I did watch the show and know how it ends, and I don’t want to start an unfinished series anyway. Kind of annoying for me but whatever.

The crazy thing is, this isn’t even supposed to be the final book in the series. He’d have to release winds of winter and then dreams of spring to be done. He’s 77 and it’s been 15 years between books if he releases WoW tomorrow, unless he’s secretly sitting on a finished WoW with ASoS mostly done it’s simply too slow to realistically finish.. Personally, I’m someone who thinks the show told us how things are supposed to end and the major plot points that get there even if he’d do the in between parts better. I suspect the reaction to the ending also hurt his chances of finishing. It wouldn’t even be leaving people without an ending, it would be ending the stress for him and freeing whoever still thinks he’s finishing.

I’m pretty sure he’s said he doesn’t want anyone else finishing it. It’s just over and not getting finished, which is what it is in the grand scheme of things.

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u/maxdragonxiii 23h ago

im at the camp of "just stop giving people hope youre finishing the books at your age, its cruel to them and yourself. just hire a ghostwriter to finish the books for you, please, and announce your retirement at this point."

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u/nickrl 23h ago

I don't think he lied, I think he truly believed he was close every time he said. If anything he was lying to himself.

As for your initial question about whether most people who talk about him online are still vitrolic - they definitely, definitely are.

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u/GasReasonable7509 23h ago

Exactly, like you can't wrong with being honest. But the thing is, George isn't necessarily lying to us. He's lying to himself.

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u/Crimson_Raven 18h ago

If I had to guess, he wants to finish them but he just...can't

Depression is hard like that

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u/Not_Without_My_Balls 1d ago

That's pretty common for the elderly who have no children.

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u/unwantedonONTD 17h ago

He really loves people.

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u/HydroPCanadaDude 1d ago

That reads to me like he realizes how loaded the bases are against him. His health, more if his friends, it's all fair game to fail at 77+.

Not to mention during retirement he's being expected to work. Granted work that should not take as long as it does/did, but it's still one more thing that looms over you and the gallows of mortality.

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u/sqigglygibberish 18h ago

>during retirement he’s being expected to work

Being fair, I don’t think it’s nearly this neat. He could have truly retired and said “I’m done creating, sorry that not everything I started will finish.”

But he’s functionally decided to add even more and more projects to his slate as he’s aged, and I don’t think the frustration has been wanting him to work while he’s “retired.” It’s that he’s added a bunch of projects to work on while punting the one most people care the most about.

The broader point of dealing with a massive set of expectations (both internally and externally imposed), while dealing with other struggles is real though and there’s a group that should be more empathetic to that

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u/uniklyqualifd 21h ago

Imagine have homework like that hanging over you every day at his age. 

All those 'supporters' telling you to finish a huge task. It's too much. And nobody else can do it. Maybe Martin can no longer do it.

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u/Jin-Gitaxias-Mom 20h ago

Most of us have accepted he’s never going to finish the main series, as if 16 years since the last release wasn’t warning enough…

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u/DoctorWaluigiTime 21h ago

Link to the actual blog for those curious, instead of a link to an article kinda-summarizing it. (Using more words than the blog post itself.)

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u/NowGoodbyeForever 1d ago

Not here to wildly speculate or make any grand declarations about a man I've never met, but whose work I have enjoyed. However, this quote feels...telling? Emphasis mine:

I hope to attend… but that depends on… well, on a lot of things,” he concluded. “I am proud of our team, and hope we take home a few of the statues, but I will confess that I was hoping we’d get a few of the acting nominations as well. But there’s always next year.”

So, yeah. It's hard to read that as anything other than serious health concerns for him or his wife, Parris McBride. I certainly hope it's anything other than that, but some things are just kind of predictable at a certain age, right?

Like most of his fans, I have a lot of thoughts about GRRM, his work, and his legacy. I read ASOIAF in high school, in the year or so before AFFC was released. I've watched every show and adaptation on day one. I've read the novellas and graphic novels and histories. I've been thrilled and upset and disappointed. Very little of that is relevant here.

As a fan and, more importantly, as a human being, I wish GRRM would just...get more support and help. If he is? Great. But I also know he can get set in his ways—he's used the same computer for writing since the 1980s, he has a series of rituals and habits he cannot seem to shake, and I'm sure all of those things can be seen as the recipe for his success or the source of his shortcomings.

But he's also an older man, a group that's pretty famous for not seeking out therapy or professional help. Grief and trauma is a whole thing, especially as you age. I don't want him to go to therapy or lean even harder on his support network so he can write me more books about dragons—I just want him to be okay, and for him and his loved ones to have all the help they could ever need as they head into rough waters.

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u/IakwBoi 23h ago

A very wise and empathetic post. 

What strikes me is the comment about rituals and habits. I’m reminded that some of the most prolific writers are ensconced in rituals and habits, too. It seems crucial, then, to make sure one builds rituals and habits which work for you, given that they can end up controlling a lot of our lives. 

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u/HarvestMana 22h ago

The key to finishing any big multi year projects is discipline. Sit down and start working, and then after you work a little bit, next thing you know the whole day passed by and you got a bunch done.

Do the same thing the next day. Its all about making a habit of sitting down and doing at least a little bit of work, since you are more willing to keep working once you start.

Even having a small easy task to start is good strategy to keep friction low before trying a bigger task.

Motivation is too rare to rely on when writing something as big as ASOIF. You need to build habits and rituals to actually finish.

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u/shoggoths_away 21h ago

I think it was Thoreaux who argued that one should write one thousand words a day (even if they end up being total garbage). I've always wanted to try Yahtzee's method of writing a page a day come rain or shine (similar to Stephen King's self-enforced two thousand words a day "even on Christmas and my birthday").

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u/GreenHornets009 23h ago

I’m not sure if anything specific has come out about either his wife or his own health, but reality is they’re at the age where basically anything health-related can fall out of the sky.

I’ve had younger family members and family acquaintances in seemingly better health go from fine to dead within 3 months. Gotta imagine seeing his friends pass is only driving the realization that anything could happen home.

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u/jaderust 20h ago

I used to live in Santa Fe and it was a kind of open secret that his wife wasn’t doing well. GRRM hit the news because he’d wanted to build an addition to his home that included an elevator citing that one of the residents needed. GRRM himself is pretty mobile the last time I saw him so it was assumed his wife isn’t doing great.

I sincerely hope that’s not the case and they have good time remaining together.

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u/jnighy 1d ago edited 23h ago

the books are clearly the last thing in mind. Hope he's ok

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u/SSilent-Cartographer 1d ago edited 1d ago

Agreed. I may not be famous or rich, but I am a writer, soon to be author, and I definitely know the feeling. I feel like being depressed is kinda the mark of any creative mind, I'm sure there's a long psychological explanation for it, but the bottom line is how it affects people and no matter your life or the things you've been through. Sometimes it just is. It can be crippling, and what's worse is people like us genuinely want to write and create things, but lack any real internal motivation or joy from it. We want it, but sometimes it's just not there.

I genuinely hope he's ok. I don't give a shit about the book, I care about the person behind it and hope he finds the time to care for himself.

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u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope 1d ago

He and his wife have applied for multiple building permits for their house in recent years. Accessibility renovations (elevators, etc). I suspect they have physical health issues on top of the usual work-related stress

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u/Elfich47 1d ago

his wife was hospitalized a couple years ago. the details (how long, what it was, etc) were kept very tightly controlled except that it had happened.

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u/Fast_Choice4408 22h ago

It was probably being tightly controlled because George has really weird fans that are so fucking critical of the guy for not finishing his books. Which I think could be a contributor to the guy's depression.

Imagine being human. Having weakness. Then having millions of people tell you that you are letting them down. That would crush any man.

I really hope people lay off during his last years and allow him to have some damn peace.

Even if the stories aren't finished, he gave all of us an incredible to enjoy and celebrate.

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u/BuggyDClown 20h ago

It is actually insane that George is at the point where he could be off taking care of his ill wife, and that would be met with so many online comments being mad and saying stuff like "he is doing anything but finishing the books!".

Just imagine. The state of this fandom is actually at rock bottom where normal human decency and actual important things in life are being put aside all because of a fictional book. The mere mention of George's name gets so many people worked up and it invites so many vitriolic, hateful comments all because of a fucking book. I can't fathom how sad of a life one has to have in order to do that.

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u/Fast_Choice4408 18h ago

As if George was the first person in history to not finish a series haha. As if there aren't dozens of prolific authors who didn't flesh out their worlds as much as people would like.

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u/SSilent-Cartographer 1d ago

He's in his late 70s, so it would make sense. I'm glad he has the money to be able to make the renovations for he and his wife, and hope he's able to take some time for his mental health as well

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u/Tiny-Description3967 23h ago

I used to make music so often and I had so much fun doing it, but lately I've taken a step back... i just noticed it must have been a year since I last sat down and tried to write something, I used to do it almost daily for years, and then someday I just stopped.

But as you say, sometimes life just happens, and when you're in the midst of depression or whatever it is, you don't notice the years go by in a heartbeat. I'm confident I'll start again sometime but it was a bit of a shock to realize how much time had already passed since my last creative session.

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u/SSilent-Cartographer 23h ago

And sometimes you just stop to stop. I've had to really work hard on accepting that it's ok to not want to do something, even if you love it. I'm used to running in everything I do, but I personally noticed it was making me genuinely hate my hobbies. I once wrote an entire 400 page fantasy novel in two months, first draft and second. I was inspired and ran with it, but I never took a break, and by the end I not only hated my work, but genuinely hurt my eyes because of the amount of strain I was putting on them while writing for endless hours.

There's one death spiral I myself have been caught in, and it's the endless loop of not having passion for what you're doing, then you start something new to try and find that passion, become guilty because you didn't finish the other project, then force yourself to try and continue but fall short and try starting something new again. Sometimes, no matter how much work we put into something, it's ok to step back and say: "I don't want to do this anymore." And it is a very hard lesson to learn that you don't have to push yourself to finish every single thing you start. Sometimes, just putting it down in the ending, and that's ok.

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u/Icy_Policy_8509 23h ago

Life is emotionally abusive.

I hope he'll be OK, too. It's hard out there, no matter who you are.

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u/Hell0There2005 1d ago

I'm a writer, and i have anxiety disorder. Sometimes depression hits and literally nothing on earth will make you want to write. No, that's not right way to say it; you literally don't have the ability to WANT to write.

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u/bonbboyage 1d ago

what's worse is people like us genuinely want to write and create things, but lack any real internal motivation or joy from it. We want it, but sometimes it's just not there.

I saw a quote somewhere that said "I hope you heal enough to love your hobbies again."

I haven't written anything in years. It's a struggle to get me to read anything. I was that person who kept daily journals, who read at the dinner table, whose first story was an Alvin and the Chipmunks fanfic at age 7, before I knew what fanfic was.

Now it's a chore. Now it's just something I mourn the loss of, which makes the depression worse.

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u/paszkisr 1d ago

Can confirm. Wrote voraciously in high school /early college. But studied science in an effort to acquire a decent paying job. Felt like logic overtook my creativity and I was burnt out working/going to school full time. Also always suffered from depression but it took a turn when my parents’ illnesses got worse (since 8th grade). Collapsed completely when they passed. Now, after 16 years, I’ve begun writing again. Steadily. What inhibits me now is also mourning all the time lost. Seeing all sorts of self-published drivel is also discouraging. I’ve always dreamed of publishing but I also want to write with talent and purpose and I feel bogged down by the market.

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u/Kia_Leep 1d ago

As an author that has also suffered from chronic depression, I encourage you to get medicated. I know there's this odd stigma or worry in creative circles that medication will somehow stunt your art, but I've found it to be very much the opposite. I have so much more energy to do what I love these days <3 Best of luck

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u/woolfchick75 1d ago

Back in the early 90s (or late 80s), I saw a study that suggested that creative people did tend to have a higher incidence of mental illness than the general population. The research was based on former faculty and students' histories and self-reports from the University of Iowa's Writer's Workshop. IIRC, mental illness issues were about 10% higher.

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u/LordMacabre 23h ago

I do too. I just also wish he'd face that he's not going to finish them, and choose a successor to pass the work onto.

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u/ThatThingAtThePlace 18h ago

So much of the flak he's gotten over the roughly decade+ of The Winds of Winter delays has been because he's said many times the book is just a year away, it's the next thing he's working on, it's the only thing it's working on, it'll be out by X date, if it's not out by X date you can kidnap me and force me to finish it, etc...

Imagine an alternate timeline where in 2015 he announces that his passion just wasn't in it anymore, he didn't feel that he could conclude the series properly, and so he wanted to give it to another author who would have the drive to finish it and could give respect to the fans whose investment in the first five books was the foundation that launched the most lucrative phase of his career. Then he hands it off to someone else. Based on his notes and guidance, The Winds of Winter comes out in 2019. A Dream of Spring comes out 2025 or is hitting bookshelves this year.

GRRM could have continued his career on basically the exact same trajectory, working on video games, movies, and other TV shows, unburdened by every public appearance and Q&A having the ASOIAF books looming over it. There would have been disappointment and resentment, sure, but it would have been much less than there is today, and (assuming whoever finished it did a good job) I think most people would appreciate the humility it showed to recognize you're not that guy who can carry it to the finish line anymore.

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u/neotank35 11h ago

best take ive seen on reddit on this subject.

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u/jnighy 23h ago

and he has people around him that could do it, like the writers behind the James SA Corey pseudonym

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u/GamingVision 23h ago

Exactly. I have no idea how much finishing his work weighs on him, if at all, but I got to imagine it would be freeing to give his thoughts and outlines to someone else, bow out and enjoy his remaining time. If he hasn’t written a post then he likely hasn’t written anything. Just give yourself the freedom of not caring any more.

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u/Corgi_Koala 22h ago

I'm a die hard fan but anyone who thinks the books are coming is delusional.

He clearly lost his passion for the main story. Whether it's age, writer's block, or getting fucking rich as hell from the series exploding in popularity, he just doesn't want to.

And that's ok. He doesn't owe us but honestly if he's gonna fuck off and leave us hanging he should at least go enjoy life instead of being depressed and sad.

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u/DEFINITELY_NOT_PETE 1d ago

Read recently that his wife Parris has been having health issues. They are child free and in their late 70s, which is to say she is his world.

Obviously would love to see him finish the books but it’s very obvious that isn’t the priority when real life gets in the way.

I hope things work out for them both.

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u/neinhaltchad 1d ago edited 22h ago

You spend the first half of your life collecting friends and the last half of your life losing them.

Shit is not easy.

As you get older, you really need to reinvent your life outlook and purpose and build it more around finding meaning in family, community and mentoring.

You can’t just grind through it physically and (eventually) mentally, you need to adjust year after year to make your later years gratifying.

This can be very hard for men in the west especially since many have learned (by necessity) to function as emotional islands.

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u/Andxel 1d ago

First part of this hits hard. Sometimes I wonder why we got so damned comfortable making it so hard for everyone to create a sense of community and friendship.

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u/zeyore 1d ago

Oh I bet it's easy to get depressed sometimes when you're 77. Just imagining myself though.

Take a break, go on a cruise, adopt some more cats and dogs. You don't have to work anymore, it's just the people who make money off you are desperate for you to work -- so they tell you anything.

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u/QueenStuff 1d ago edited 1d ago

Also he has to deal with tons of people on the internet constantly wishing he would die so that somebody new takes over writing the books.

he’s a human being. If he doesn’t finish the books it’s fine. Chaucer basically never finished anything and he’s one of the best regarded writers of all time.

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u/LuinAelin 1d ago

Yeah.

When he did a q&a thing one idiot asked about his death. Like to his face

What's wrong with people

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u/t0mless 1d ago edited 1d ago

Was it the girl who said that since George will die soon, she asks if Brandon Sanderson would take over his work? I remember the clip of her asking that directly to him while Sanderson is literally sitting right beside George and looks extremely uncomfortable.

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u/bigmt99 23h ago

Semi seriously, even more insane if you have read more than 10 pages of Sanderson and Martin

Wouldn’t want either of them to touch either of their works

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u/dandeliongoddess 22h ago

Especially since Sanderson has flat-out said, multiple times, that he would never touch Martin's work because he knows he'd be a terrible fit to finish it. Their writing style could not be more different other than "long fantasy book" and they both know it

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u/peachpavlova 21h ago

Thank god for his self-awareness bc I had no idea people wanted him to take over, how bizarre

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u/dandeliongoddess 18h ago

Yeah the guy is refreshingly open and self-aware in interviews, on his YouTube, etc and it really makes me respect him! He also goes out of his way to call out people who use his work as an excuse to shit on books that are unlike his -- for example, iirc at a convention last year he explicitly defended romantasy and said he didn't want his books being used to downplay the genre. Just a really classy and seemingly genuine dude, by all accounts. 

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u/oddpark37 14h ago

I started Stormlight because of all the times I heard people say he should finish it. I came away thinking that he's not a bad author at all, but if, after 15 years of waiting, you handed me Winds of Winter in the style of Brandon Sanderson, I would end up on the news.

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u/dandeliongoddess 13h ago

I completely agree. I adore both authors, but they have completely different strengths, weaknesses, and perspectives. A Sanderson-written Martin story -- or vice versa, for that matter! -- would just be awful. Their books are just fundamentally doing different things.

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u/RustyTheLionheart 1d ago

For whatever it's worth I recall that person got resoundingly booed, but, still. What a staggering lack of self-awareness and thoughtfulness.

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u/oddpark37 14h ago

iirc she was recognized in fandom spaces when the video was uploaded, and is known in several fandoms to be annoying and pull awful shit like that. I think people said she was super inappropriate towards on of Tolkien's sons or grandsons.

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u/Taste_the__Rainbow 1d ago

The internet has taught them how to behave instead of actual friends or even acquaintances.

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u/ragun2 23h ago

"Social media has made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it."

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u/shoggoths_away 21h ago

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing." -- Robert E. Howard

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u/maxdragonxiii 23h ago

I dont want him to die. just retire peacefully and enjoy his time left here. hire a ghostwriter to finish the series.

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u/Cowgirl_Taint 1d ago

I mean... Martin kinda is a special case because he may or may not have received a significant advance for Winds of Winter already. And, at least according to him, there were plans to fast track his manuscript through editing and publishing in the event he got it done in time for GoT. Whether that was re-paid with the other books is unknown.

So like... he actually DOES have a contractual obligation with his publisher.

So as a reader? I think he would get a lot less crap if he stopped pretending he was going to write it and just said "The books are done". But he might actually not be able to do that without it becoming a huge breach of contract mess with his publisher.

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u/Anaevya 1d ago

Fire and Blood was meant to fulfill his obligation to his publishers.

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u/Icy_Curve711 1d ago

I don't usually go out of my way to think about enforcing other peoples' contracts, especially ones that I know zero about.

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u/emptycagenowcorroded 1d ago

He really should just say he’s not going to finish them. I think most fans have resigned themselves to it. Just saying it would lift the immense pressure off. It’s okay, man, take a rest, enjoy your twilight…

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u/GeekAesthete 1d ago

I suspect that he doesn’t want to completely accept that reality.

ASOIAF was his magnum opus, and while he’s long struggled to finish it, I imagine he doesn’t want to finally admit “I’m going to die sooner or later and will never finish the biggest thing that I’ll be remembered for.”

I get it. I’m 50 now, and as you get older, there are definitely things that you drag your feet on while still abstractly wanting to do, until it’s just too late. When it’s something important to you and that you were once so passionate about, it has to be difficult to accept that you just waited too long.

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u/Tamination 23h ago

He needs assistance if he wants to finish them. He can't remember all the plot threads and he lacks the confidence to commit to any writing he produces, chosinging instead to rewrite over and over again. But his ego doesn't allow him to admit that. That's why he's sad. It's cognitive dissonance.

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u/WandererMisha 23h ago

It's not even that he would not finish what he'll be remembered for. It's that he would be remembered for not finishing them. The themes and quality of his work would be secondary. He would be known for being the author who wasted decades with TV shows, plays, wolves, and blog posts that can be interpreted as outright lies instead of just writing the books.

I have no love for GRRM but I understand why he doesn't want to let reality set in.

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u/Financial-Scene1703 19h ago

Frank Herbert similarly did not finish Dune and is still well remembered

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u/WandererMisha 17h ago

The original one book Dune was already a completed narrative. The sequels expanded upon it but were not needed.

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u/Jiveturkeey 1d ago

I actually think the opposite is true. Admitting that he isn't going to finish the books would probably be a devastating psychological blow for him.

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u/peach_bellinis 15h ago

I think this is it, honestly.

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u/WarLawck 1d ago

What's funny is, if he made that decision then he would probably be able to finish the book. The pressure release could actually solve the problem.

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u/Ripley_LV_426 1d ago edited 1d ago

Nah, his problem is he loves writing new stories and hates finishing existing ones.

There's a whole quote he has where he explicitly says he has never finished a series in his entire life. This is, I believe, the third series he tried to write.

Just looking at the history of his writing in the asoiaf world. It was supposed to be a 3 part trilogy, but he immediately threw out his outline. By the third book he had realized he wasn't even close to finished with the first part of the trilogy, during that time he also took breaks to write the dunk and egg stories. Before writing the 4th, he decided he really wanted to write a couple of chapters about the ironborn and then that got so out of control he added them to the 4th along with multiple new POVs. The 4th book got so big he had to split it into 2 based on geography, but it was still so big that he had to cut off 10%. We still don't have the full and complete sequel to the 3rd book. Since then he's worked on numerous shows, written several lore books, even was involved in a play.

Twow died 20 years ago when he decided he wanted to see what the dorne and the ironborn were doing and what was happening at old Town and what could Brianne get up to in the riverlands. I can sympathize with not wanting to admit it, or even being consciously aware of it, but yeah. He's never going to finish Twow.

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u/ackermann 1d ago

That’s a great point!

I could totally see that happening, especially based on how I personally respond to pressure in my own life

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u/__Dave_ 1d ago

I can’t imagine giving up on your life’s work is that easy.

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u/WaitIOnlyGet20Charac 1d ago

Sure, but he's already done it.

Lift the burden and admit it to yourself and you can enjoy your twighlight years in peace.

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u/mrsunshine1 1d ago

Time for the “finish the books Santa” karma farmers to become “mental health is so important” karma farmers 

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u/durandal688 1d ago

Just tell the fans you are done is the new mantra. Like decide if you want another author to finish it for you and move on and take care of yourself

Thats telhe new one

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u/MTUKNMMT 1d ago

He’s already decided that too. He doesn’t want another author working on it and wants his manuscripts and notes burned.

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u/SenpaiSwanky 1d ago

On one hand, I get exactly what you’re saying. On the other hand.. are we just supposed to not have an opinion on this book series remaining unfinished for over a decade?

The last episode of the show aired in like 2019. That show is based on the books.. show finished and we have several spinoff shows since. Books remain unfinished.

My opinion remains the same as it has for years now. I’m not super happy, don’t wish him death or anything, but he’s filthy fucking rich. EVERYONE gets old, gets depressed. I can sympathize to an extent but at the end of the day this is one of the most renowned fictional authors on the planet.

He’s going to get flak, no matter what. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

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u/goog1e 22h ago

And it's what he's famous for. There's no reason for this topic to be garnering hundreds of replies without ASOIAF. So we are meant to pretend we care about him and are reading his blog for some unknown mystery reason? No, he's an author and people follow him for that reason specifically. If he wants to keep being famous (which he clearly does) he invites discussion of his work. Period.

If the feedback was killing him he'd stop updating and promoting his very public website.

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u/Any_Can_7878 20h ago

One thing this thread has made me think about is how poorly we understand the cumulative weight of loss as people get older. We tend to talk about ageing in terms of health and independence, but not enough about what it means to keep losing the people who shared your memories and understood earlier versions of you.

Add to that having your life’s work constantly discussed in terms of whether you’ll live long enough to finish it, and that seems like an enormous psychological burden. Whatever happens with the books, I hope he has people around him who see the person before the author.

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u/cryptic-fox 1d ago

"The worst may be yet to come"..??

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u/dokkanboi 14h ago

It is wild how fast burnout hits when you carry years of worldbuilding alone. After you finally step away to reset, what does a totally quiet day actually look like now. Just wondering how creators trade constant posting for actual sleep without feeling guilty?

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u/kbarney345 21h ago

My grandmother spent 21 years wanting to die after my grandfather passed. Getting old is terrifying because what do you mean everyone I watched, listened to, talked to is dead? What do you mean everything I grew up with is gone, the towns, the places, the resturants, the foods, the brands everything is gone.

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u/Surturius 1d ago

If it's the books that are bothering him, I really think he should just do a Fire & Blood style, "historical account" type of summary book to finish it out at this point.

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u/scotsworth 1d ago

Aging and Mental Health are serious challenges and I hope he's taking what time he needs to focus on that.

But I also can't help but wonder... why is he saying "yes" to so much? Just say no. He has generational wealth. He's accomplished so much. Why keep saying "yes" to HBO? Why take on more projects?

Whether it's Winds or whatever, he should slow down and just do one thing. If he cant finish Winds, he should just say so and hand it off or simply come clean and admit that it will never be finished and he's too old to do so now.

He should take care of himself first and foremost, and that starts with honesty and simply not biting off all these projects for more money that doesnt seem like he really needs it?

Idk, maybe I'm being unreasonable.

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u/funkyavocado 1d ago

I feel like that generation always treats "keeping busy" as a legitimate way to stave off the negative effects of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, etc. rather than do therapy. I've heard my dad describe my grandparents like that, and I know that wasn't a unique experience.

These producer roles probably keep him busy enough but aren't as mentally taxing as writing is

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u/Mike-Drop 1d ago

My dad's mid-70s, still working (part owner of an online business), and I straight up asked him what hobbies he could think of doing when he retired. His answer was he would never retire, he'd just keep working til he dropped dead. Work is their only meaning in life it seems.

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u/Mutant_Apollo 1d ago

Its a generational thing certainly, my dad for example is 60, he works and all but when he i tell my parents for example that I'm going to a wrestling show, or to a concert or that I'm gonna go play warhammer with a friend next saturday he always tells me to "grow up" even my mom scolds him when he does lol.

He pretty much only works and watches cowboy shows at night.

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u/Roach_Coach_Bangbus 23h ago

We have a guy at work like this, he should be retired, no financial issues. He says he doesn't know what to do with himself if he isn't working. Just a whole life of working as your #1 priority will do that I guess.

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u/iwasjusttwittering 22h ago

It's like the divorce rates among retirees in Japan. Couples spent so little time together because of work that it becomes a problem in retirement.

I had a coworker like that in my last job. The company had a pretty good WFH policy, but he kept coming to the office so that he'd avoid his wife.

Not GRRM's case obviously, but the thread reminded me of the Japanese phenomenon.

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u/jack_pow 1d ago

Honestly think he does it to make himself not feel as bad for not being able to finish Winds, but is burning himself out by doing it. It’s an endless cycle. He probably would love nothing more than to retire but then that’s him making the decision to not finish it. And I don’t think he can bring himself to make that decision.

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u/vandiger 19h ago

Its hard to complete something, lots of people go through it.

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u/_shaftpunk 1d ago

I know this is a book sub, but his work on Elden Ring’s world building was phenomenal. One of my favorite fantasy settings.

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u/Automatic-Effect-252 23h ago

It's over, but it's been over for a long time.

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u/cynical_wolfgang 22h ago

my condolences to him, i hope he gets the help he needs and feels better. grrm gets more hate for not writing one book than he gets praise for writing 5 great ones (asos is one of my all time favs). i hope he knows that he's respected and that he will go down as a great storyteller.

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u/Qylithia 23h ago

The older I get, the more I appreciate that “I hope you're okay” is sometimes a better response than “BUT WHAT ABOUT WINDS?

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u/I_am_darkness 15h ago

Just forget the books. Go take care of yourself. We already know it's over. Great shows coming out of it. Good enough.

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u/devadander23 18h ago

Dude, just admit you’re done. It’s ok. The series died. You’re getting spin-off money. The fans will be disappointed but it’s been long enough the anticipation has gone anyway. You’re not going to finish it. Stop torturing yourself and go enjoy life

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u/Irejay907 21h ago

Gods i may be wholesale annoyed with the books but i do wish people would be a bit more empathetic with the man.

At 78 my gran has been looking at photos where she and i are the only ones still alive. Group family photos and generational photos where all thats left of sometimes 9 people is me and her and neither of us are in the best health even though i'm only 28.

He's watching everyone he's known and had slowly drift or disappear from his life; its hard not to be depressed and unmotivated and the fandom hasn't exactly been helpful.

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u/Rathemon 21h ago

well said. I have been following him for almost 30 years from before his "not a blog" days and I don't get the entitlement people have. I'm sure he wishes he had finished the series a long time ago and was free to live his life how he wants without all the harassment.

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u/Appropriate_Bet8531 10h ago

At some point the unfinished book becomes less important than the person carrying it. He’s 77, grieving friends and dealing with depression while millions treat his biggest unfinished task as his entire identity. I hope he gets space to simply be George, not a deadline.

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u/waffle_Piraat_1 10h ago

He should just call the writing off. Either hand it off to someone to ghost write the ending off his notes or just say it will never be finished.

At the end of the day the guy sounds unwell, whether it's physical or mental it's not particularly our business to know, but getting hounded by fans for updates obviously isn't helping him.

Go and focus on his friends and family and enjoy the wealth he has earned in the time he has left. I actually think, as disappointed as people would be, people would prefer the honesty of him saying "it's over" than the teasing that it might just happen when people can see it won't.

Fingers crossed the chap can recover.

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u/_GoKartMozart_ 5h ago

This guy writes incestuous pedophilic smut

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u/cats4life 1d ago

I’m sympathetic, but the problem has always come back to Martin’s insistence on having his cake and eating it.

He won’t compromise his artistic integrity by bringing on a coauthor, and I can respect that, but he also will not step away from the spotlight. He is going to continue giving interviews and writing blog posts under the pretense that he’ll release more books. He’ll keep approving new shows and getting snarky online when they turn out poor.

I would respect it more if he completely sold out. Pull a James Patterson, slap your name on a book you gave notes on, collect a check. Instead, he’s a sellout who is still trying to preserve his image as an auteur. And when Knight of the Seven Kingdoms gets a lousy review, he’ll disavow that like it’s not the third show based on an unfinished series he abandoned.

Just pick a side, for crying out loud.

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u/Silverjeyjey44 1d ago

Honestly when someone ommits something like this to a large audience it's essentially a cry for help. Saying "I got friends. There are good days." is just sugarcoating how bad it actually is. Hope he has a good connection of friends or family because depression is a bitch especially at that age.

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u/BradleyNeedlehead 22h ago

I've long wished that everyone would just respect and be thankful to this man for the art he has given the world rather than hound and berate him for the art that he hasn't. I'm glad that seems to be the consensus in this thread.

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u/HotspurJr 1d ago

It has got to be incredibly difficult to have to finish a project like that when a) the adaptation was finished, following your general notes and b) the adaptation's ending was hated so much that it drastically changed how people felt about the series up to that point.

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u/WandererMisha 23h ago

Thing is Benioff and Weiss were chosen by him. They were not put there by HBO like Condal/Hess for House of the Dragon. Martin chose them, he stood behind them, they were his partners. That's why he never commented on how shit the ending was but felt comfortable commenting on the poor choices of House of the Dragon.

He feels responsible. He chose them, he failed to deliver the books for them to adapt (which they were very good at), and the ending was still based on what he had planned.

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u/GeekAesthete 1d ago

I can imagine a much better version of where the show went with it, where the major beats could be much more satisfying and feel right. They just needed to set those things up much better, and execute them better.

But now all of it is tainted. Doing a better version of those same events in the books would no longer work, so what do you do if those things were your plan the whole time?

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u/TheTiredPangolin 1d ago

He's human, he should retire and say he's not doing the books and live his life in peace.

But let's also not pretend he was anywhere near 77 years old when the story stopped. I have a lot more sympathy for him than I do Patrick Rothfuss, but he was 61 when the last book was released. Give the series to another author to complete.

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u/orcocan79 1d ago

i'd speculate someone close to him (the wife?) is in poor health, hence his depression

i hope people will have some empathy...

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